The Odd Misadventure Of Libby Fernwright
by tateslangdon
Summary: "Quite tall for a Dwarf? Eh, I'd say you're about middling between a midget and a slightly taller Tom Cruise." - Libby somehow finds herself stuck in Middle Earth and forced to join a Hobbit, a Wizard and 13 Dwarves on a quest to kill a dragon. What could possibly go wrong? (On indefinite hiatus.)
1. Aurora Liberty Fernwright

**I should probably put this on the starting chapter because I know I won't bother to put it on any other one. *sigh* All of The Hobbit belongs to J.R.R Tolkien and Libby belongs to my imagination.**

**Onwards with the chapter!**

* * *

This story doesn't start with me dying; well, in a way I guess it does.

But not really.

Honestly, I don't even know what I'm babbling on with this story so if I get off track then I am terribly sorry. Bofur always told me that I always stray away from topics.

My name is Libby Fernwright. I'm nothing special; I was, or I believed I was, a normal, 4'6 (isn't that brilliant?) 18 year old who was studying French Literature. Fat lot of good it did me. I wasn't outstandingly bright nor quiet. Honestly, I was a bit of a klutz at the time.

Still am, or so I'm told.

Psh, they don't know what they're talking about. Losers.

I've seen to have gotten off track. Again. Oops.

I still remember that day; it was the day we buried my dad.

Having gone up to stay at my grandmother's (as in my father's mother) for the week, it was a very long and quiet drive home. She wanted him to be buried in the same cemetery as my grandfather. I don't really remember that day if I'm going to be honest; having decided to come back home we drove for hours on end while, unlike my grieving mother, I wasn't affected.

"After shock," Aunt May told Mom; said I "couldn't handle the pain of losing my father". I liked Aunt May, even if she was a bit of a cow every now and then. I even missed her, among my other, annoying relatives.

I missed everything; the technology, the people, the words, the food, the clothes but, more specifically, the bathroom and the _body hygiene_.

I'll miss having a warm shower.

Anyway, let me continue with my story that I don't know why I'm writing. I think it's because I find it interesting, much like everything else I've grown accustom to.

Maybe I'm just hoping someone will pick it up and be like "Holy shit, she's _awesome_."

Enough of me yapping on like a mad man on red bull, let's start the story shall we?

It began with me being my usual, annoying self.

* * *

"Knock, Knock."

Of course, no one bothers to play along with my pathetic attempt of trying to lighten the mood. I didn't see why everyone was so depressed; I mean, _sure_, my dad is dead and _sure_ my mother is a widow but it isn't like _their_ \- as in my delightful cousins - dad is dead, buried six feet underground.

I'm in the middle of the back seat, my poor and worn messenger bag sitting on my lap with my shoulders being squashed by my chubby, 17 year - old cousin, Daryl, and his snobby 23 year - old sister, Matilda; Matilda was such a nice name meant for nice girls (example A: the Matilda movie) but the one currently jabbing her bony elbow is very _far _from being cute and cuddle - y. No, instead, she is a grade A _bi-_

"Not now, Libby," my mother's croaky voice squeaks from the front passenger seat. But, as per usual, I don't listen to her but continue to push pass a dangerous boundary that might - and probably will - result in everyone in the car yelling at me.

"C'mon, Mom," I groan helplessly, "It's a good one, _I swear_. Actually, I have _lots_ of good ones. It's just you guys who aren't bringing the mood d -"

"Aurora!" My mother shouts, more strong and prominent than she ever has before. I shrink into the squeaky leather of our car as Mom whirls around, facing me with her blood - shot eyes and her Rudolph like nose. I had cringed when she used my full and first name. I bet you're wondering: _Why on Earth do they call her Libby but not Aurora?_

It is simple because, _dear _readers, is that (not because I hate it) it's because it's too much of a mouthful. It was my dad who hated the name, so he elected himself to call me "Libby", a nickname for my middle name that just managed to, well, _stick. _

My mother is, or probably was at a time before me, _obsessed _with Disney but, more specifically, Disney Princesses.

Oh, the _hours _my tiny three - year - old self was painfully forced to squat in front of that dreaded television for hours on end, watching the stupid but pretty princesses always get freakin' rescued by God - dang princes.

I remember crying to my mother one night because of how the Prince gallantly kissed the dead Snow White; that isn't love. That's necrophilia. I had voiced my fears of a man coming in the night to kiss me for he believed I was _dead._

But away from the subject of dead princesses and necrophilia, my name is Aurora Liberty Fernwright. Libby is short for, indeed, Liberty. God, how horrible is it to be stuck with a eight syllable name? I bet my parents were expected proper lady but instead they got stuck with me; the girl who still doesn't understand when to _shut the Hell up _to this day and has the worse sense of humour.

I know I'm different from my family; they're all brown hair with blue eyes, tall and slender. Heck, the only person I think I look like is my great uncle Stan. And he's nearly 91. With my thick blonde hair that was always a bit too long, having hung near past my shoulder blades. After a very bad incident when I was younger in which my hair was cut up to the nape of my neck, I promised never to let another pair of scissors go near my hair ever again

Being very small didn't help me either since every - well, _nearly_ every guy practically turned their nose up at the sight of a girl who was the height of a small child. (I looked _12 _and not 18. It really sucked when I had to show my I.D card when trying to order drinks). I blame my not - so - slender body on my love of food. To this day, I wonder how I am not morbidly obese or nearing it anyway. And for an excuse to my small stature, I still think my mom had the hots for midgets, it's really the only explanation as to why _I AM 4'6_.

It's like I just _stopped _growing the second I reached the age of 8, honestly.

As I stare at my beet - root faced mother I realize, at this moment, I really should have shut up. Eyes wide and unblinking, I stare at the grieving widow who's face slips from it's scowl to something less, well, aggressive.

"Who's there?"

At this moment, I would probably hug the crap out of Daryl who, having sensed the tension, looks down at me with a smile, his double chin showing itself. I send him a smile before I continue the joke, seeing my mother slip into her seat once again. I feel bad as I watch her from peripheral vision; she was the one stuck with a daughter who looks 12 to people, has the maturity of a 10 year old and cannot stand up on her own two feet without falling over.

I continue to speak with my cousin, to try and lighten the strained mood.

"Cows go," I grin, seeing slight confusion in his eyes.

"Cows go who?" he replies, his voice peaking a bit higher at the end, showing the end of his late "blossoming" (as his mother calls it).

I smack one of my palms up against my cheek, "No, silly, cows go moo."

_This is a new low for you, Libby._

Instead of laughing at the _obvious_ hilarity of the joke he, instead, laughs at how horrible (as I later learn) the joke is in taste. From what I know, the worst of jokes are the best of jokes. Plus, it's lightened the mood even by a fraction

I try to engage Matilda in conversation but, like always, she's too obsessed with being a ratty cow and ignoring me delightful self. Instead, I decide turn to my uncle Lucas, a rather short, fat but cheery man, with a smile etching it's way across my face. I shuffle up to the edge seat, having my seat - belt not being in place. Rather dangerous, I know, but honestly what's the worse that can happen?

_Snort_.

"Knock, knock," I pipe as I rest my hand on the shoulder of the seat with my cheek lying against it; I see my uncle's rather impressive moustache twitch. He is much like his son; or rather his son is much like him. They're probably, to this day, the only family members that have never been rude to me in any way. I'm quite fond of them, I must admit, with their warmth and their cheery smile, obviously from my father's dwindling side. I believe that they were the only two living males on that side, with Lucas being the only living member left.

It's sad to see everyone in your family die, I notice, and having to try to be a cheerful man. Still, I respect him as he goes along with my joke like the good man he is.

"Who is it?"

"Arfur," I sneak, almost cackling inside my head. Lucas turns his head ever so slightly so that his eyes meet with mine.

"Arfur who?"

I smile wickedly at uncle dearest. I still believe that this joke is the best one to date. Well, the best one in the 'knock, knock' area. I cough dramatically before speaking, "Arfur g - "

But as I go to finish the joke, _that's_ when it happened.

Since we are on a practically empty lane (save for the three far behind cars that trailed behind us) with us driving at the top. But I fail to notice the gathering grey clouds and the fact we can't see ten feet in front of us without the headlights due to a misty fog settling around the area. None of us would have noticed the oncoming danger in this weather. Until Snobby Matilda lets out a scream.

Uncle Lucas' eyes snap away from my own to turn back to the road just in time to see a truck that has head lights blinking furiously and the wheels screeching so loudly I can hear it from inside the car; my eyes snap forward to discover something that alarms me: _the truck has_ _no driver_.

But it seems I'm the only one to notice this important thing; for my whole family is screaming in my ear as the truck smashes into the front of the vehicle. Instead of collapsing underneath the buckling weight of the truck, like it should have, the car drove on, desperately trying to gain stability. At this point we're swerving.

I don't think I'll ever forget that day; it's the last day I ever spent with my mother (granted she did yell at me and stared at me with so much anger that it made me push our last encounter to the back of my mind) or anyone that I consider now to be _normal. _I listen to their screams split my ears apart as my own shakes my throat, making it raw and sore.

I start to get thrown around the place and that's when I realize: _I'm not wearing a seat - belt._

I clutch my bag to my chest, hoping that it would protect me from death, as I feel something odd happen; the car is tilting.

Cars don't tilt; they _shouldn't _tilt.

The groan of metal was evident as something behind collided with the back bumper of the car. The other cars have caught up with our swerving one. At first, I feel nothing but a slight push, making my head bob forward. Then there is a crash. And my body shoots forward, my limbs much like a rag - doll.

You've probably heard how people say their life flashes before their eyes; well, I can tell you it's true.

And as I watch my life slip before me, like a movie, the only thought that crosses my mind as my back smashes against the glass of the wind shield, _God, I'm boring._

The cuts sting my back, my chest feels as though there is a large block of concrete pressing down on it and I know that there is a formidable sized gash just above my eyes. Still, I watch everything in slow motion, I watch as cars smash into the one that held my family, I watch as the glass whirls around me, nicking my exposed skin.

And then everything speeds up; I'm hurdling towards the ground too fast for my liking and I know that when I hit the hard concrete, I'm dead; my head will smash on the ground and my skull will crack like an egg. So I close my eyes, and wait for the second member of the Fernwright family to die in the space of one week.

Except that doesn't happen.

I feel my ears pop as the cold, harsh whip of air changes direction so that now my hair is falling away from my vision. I don't know _how _it happened but it did happen. I'm still managing to clutch onto my bag as I _feel _the ground come up to meet me.

But instead of hard, rough concrete, it's soft, warm grass that I get a mouth full.

I'm lying in the dirt. And it does not taste as nice as animals make it seem.

_Disgusting._

I roll to my back and spit out the grass and dirt, spitting it onto the ground beside me in an "unladylike" manner, as my mother would snap at me. Well, I wouldn't blame her. I grab my sleeve and drag it across my tongue, but that only result in more soggy dirt to get trapped in my mouth.

"Ew, gross!" I whine as I spit out the dirt one last time and take a look at my surrounding.

I see no grey clouds up ahead, like it should be, nor do I see the crash that happened less than one minute ago. I see a warm blue sky, green grass and the trees that block the burning rays of the sun. From what I see the place is breathtakingly beautiful, nothing like the city I live in. No, it's natural beauty, something that cannot be built but only waited out.

I can feel my breathing pick up and tears prick my eyes. That is when I really and truly _freak the fuck out_. I scramble (actually, try to, I fell over which resulted in me nearly breaking my nose before standing up) to my feet as I begin to hyperventilate. I take a quick moment to place my bag around my head so that the strap nestles nicely between the crook where my neck meets my shoulder, letting it rest on my possibly bruised hip. The only thought that runs through my mind is: _I'm not in Kansas any more._

I clutch at my throat as I whirl around as my eyes dart around the place, feeling a sob claw its way out my already raw throat. I need to keep calm, I need to be rational.

_Don't freak out, don't freak out don't freak -_

I scream.

And when I mean scream, I mean full proper, ear - popping scream. It lasts a brief second before tears well in my eyes. I run both my hands through my messy hair, my breathing very loud. I have to see the logical side of this; either I predicted my death properly and this is the afterlife. The thought makes me squawk loudly. The only other thought is that maybe I did fall on the ground and I was dreaming. Yeah, that _is_ the only _logical _explanation! I couldn't have teleported! I mean what a stupid idea.

I take a deep breath; _if I'm dreaming I should know where I am. But I haven't a _clue _as to what this place is._ _Where am I?_

The single three word sentence swirls in my mind, mingling with all the other bad thought; am I mad? Have I finally gone round the bend? Shouldn't there be, like, I dunno, a sign as to show this is all a dream?

During my inspection of the place, I spy a dirt road and clamber over to it, slipping my bag over my shoulder that bumps at my hip, making the bruises hurt and send sharp tingles of pain through my leg. A road means cars and cars mean people. Maybe if I follow it I'll reach some sort of civilization! If I can just keep go - !

_Oof!_

As I turn a bend in the road, I collide with something, or preferably, some_one_ and I successfully fall backwards, onto my ass, watching as the dust clouds swirl up beside me, making everything seem hazy for a moment. I start to cough as I clench my eyes shut, trying to stop the sneeze that's threatening to blow as my nostrils tingle. I sniff into my sleeve before taking in the pair of feet if feet in front of me. I slowly drag my eyes up, seeing a lot of grey robes.

_What the - ?_

I look up to meet an elderly man who, by the looks of it, is very surprised to see me. His shining eyes twinkle with amusement and curiosity as my mouth gapes open. I instantly seize up.

Now, as a young woman, I have been taught that when you meet an old man on the road, with no one around, and having him look down on you there is only one thought that crossed my mind: Oh, God, a murderer.

_This is it; this is how I die, _I think sullenly as I try to fight another sob, _Mom, I'm so sorry for spilling cranberry juice on Granny's table cloth, I'm sorry for accidentally switching the sugar for the salt the one time you had friends over, also, sorry that Mittens can't seem to crap in her box but can crap everywhere. That's not really my fault but I'm guessing since I bought the stupid cat, it kind of is. I love you, Mom. Don't ever go into my room._

"My, a young lady Hobbit," says the elderly man, breaking me from my mental break down. During my initial freak - out, I have elected to call him Grey Beard because of his, well, grey beard. _Isn't this the part where I should be running for my life? No?_ He's much like everyone else whom I see to meet; he's tall and I have to crane my neck up to meet his wise old eyes, "but you are wearing shoes! Then, defiantly not a Hobbit. Or maybe a Dwarf? Hm, I believe maybe the latter. But you don't look like a lady - Dwarf. Maybe a short woman or perhaps - "

The old man continues to ramble on to himself, his deep and ancient voice sounding like something you'd hear in movies or something. I take a few small steps back, cock an eyebrow, before I hold up a hand to cut him off.

"Er, excuse me, but do you know where I am?" Keep cool, Libby, be polite and be cool as mom always says. Grey beard looks at me with a "_is she serious_" kind of look but I ignore it as I bite my lip in wait for his answer. _What if he insists on bringing me to the nearest town and then abducts me and forces me into a white van?_

What happened to keeping cool?

"Why, you are in The Shire, my Lady," says Grey Beard, his voice full of amusement. I feel my eyebrows twitch together. What the Hell was 'The Shire'? Was I seriously just imagining everything now? Was this the effect of gorging on the sugar my mom keeps locked away because it "rotted my mind"?

"Uh. . . what?" I blank, staring up at him. I notice the funny clothes he wears, or robes maybe? His hat is pointy, reminding me of a witch's or a wizard's.

"The Shire, a place where Hobbits reside," replies Grey Beard, the suspicion in his eyes growing. What the bloody Hell is a Hobbit?

I gaze up at him, hoping to see some joke in his eyes but I only see pure and utter seriousness, the kind that can make me feel my throat closing up with tears welling in my eyes. I whirl around and I can just _tell _something is off. Not even I can imagine up something this cool and beautiful. _No shit, _a voice in my head cackles. It's a dream, Libby, stop thinking it real.

"Oh my God," I yelp. Now, I have watched many upon many hours of Doctor Who to asked "when" are we instead of "where" are we. I turn to Grey Beard and ask with all kinds of seriousness, puffing out my chest in hopes that my voice won't seem as shaky as before. "_When _are we?"

Look at me, being all time - traveller and stuffs. High five for me, please and thank you.

Grey Beard's eye brows twitch up at my question. What? It is a reasonable question! It isn't stupid!

"The year, my Lady, is 2941, also known as the Third Age."

I freeze.

Every muscle, every bone, simultaneously freezes at his answer.

Did he mean as in B.C as in Before Christ?

But his clothes look medieval.

But then nothing here looks like it's from the Middle Ages.

But then again, I don't know anything.

A headache burns into my skull as my lower lip wobbles and my eyes begin to sting.

And then I cry.

I've been transported into the past! Or something like that. Isn't this literally _everyone's _dream?! Oh, God; Oh, God, I can't breathe! What was I supposed to do! I know what they did to woman back then and it usually involved being sold into marriage or whatever!

"What? No! I can't be - I can't be _stuck _here! What about my family?! What about that apartment I was going to get?! What about my cat?! Oh, Mittens!" I sobbed horribly; tears fell down my face as I used my sleeve to wipe up my snotty nose. At this point, I knew Grey Beard felt quite odd at how I was reacting to the news. But, right now, I don't give a shit. I pinch at my already bruised skin and wince at the sharp pain. _Very realistic, _I comment in my mind before another cry erupts from me.

As my mother would once say "for one so small, you're very annoying and terribly loud!" At this, I continue to cry until I felt a sudden thwack on the back of my head, sending me to clutch the back of my head where I know for certain a bump is certain. I glare up at Grey Beard as he clicks his tongue, fed up with my wailing.

I think I quite earned it to cry. I mean, I am friggin' stuck here with him_. _Inside my mind was breaking at this revelation but I tried to seem like it wasn't affecting me.

Didn't really work seeing as I was still crying and sniffing and, every once in a while, letting a sob break free. I probably look a right mess with my eyes being blood shot, my nose is running and my lower bottom lip sticks out, wobbling uncontrollably.

"Calm yourself, young Dwarf," he snapped in a firm but kind voice. _Uh, what did he just call me?_

I let out another sniffle as I feel his eyes stare intently at me, curiosity lit within them. Oh no, was he going to put me into a crazy house? And then do experiments on me? Oh, crap. I bring my sleeves over my hands to wipe away the tears that course down my cheeks as I let out another hiccup.

Grey Beard lets a satisfied smile cross is features as he rests his weight on his weird walking stick with his big bushy eyebrows raised in amusement. "I do not understand most of your jabbering but I may believe I can sort it out - " _What the actually bloody Hell? Does he not see me crying here? _" - so, if you will come with then I shall see what we can do with you."

"Er, what?" I blank again, blinking away whatever tears were left. Grey Beard raises his bushy eyebrows above the hem of his hat, waiting for my answer. But I don't give one. I'm not just going to _go_ with this guy, am I? He can be a murderer or a rapist for all I know! I shudder at the last thought as I hear an impatient sigh escape the old guy. He pushes me aside, making me tumble slightly, before he starts to walk ahead of me and I stare at his very slowly retreating back.

I start to panic; should I risk it and follow or do I stay here in hopes of getting other help? The latter had a few holes in it; it could take days, _weeks _even to see another human being. I shook my head, I was thinking about this all too seriously. But I was so very slowly beginning to realise the aches and pains that was all over my body.

This couldn't be real . . . could it?

Then I heard Grey Beard speak.

"Unless you would very much like to keep wandering the opposite direction of where you could possibly, I do not know, maybe, _die, _but I have a schedule to keep on so either you can come with me or risk the chance," I can hear the amusement and the joking in his voice but I don't have much common sense so, instead, I scramble after him, tripping on the hem of my jeans. Grey Beard takes no notice of this, instead he starts to hum. I don't know the song but I don't really try to listen as my eyes dart around us, watching the sun slowly fall. I make sure to stick close to Grey Beard with my eyes darting up to him every so often.

"Tell me, young Dwarf of your name if I am to help you," grumbles the old man as he brandishes a pipe. I grimace at what he calls me. I _get _it; I'm small but calling me that seemed just messed up. I ponder on whether on not to tell this man my name. A voice in my head begins to warn me, _don't do it Li -_

"Aurora Liberty Fernwright. Or just Libby, thanks," I answer back finally, cringing at the fact I had indeed told him my name. _God, I'm an idiot._

"Please to meet you, Miss Aurora, I am Gandalf the Grey," he looks down at my shaking small form. I raised my eyebrows; his parents must have had the weirdest sense of humor to call their kid that.

"It's just Libby, thanks," I almost snap, but hold my tongue. I see his eyes dart down to me, bemused.

"Tell me, Libby, for you said, if I recall, that you were "_stuck_" here. Judging by your odd accent and your strange clothing, that you are not from here," Gandalf bemuses.

I frown; my Irish accent wasn't that odd. I mean, there must be somewhere here that was close to my accent. _Unless I was in an entirely different country. And that _totally _doesn't make things stressful._

I glance down at my clothes which consisted of a pair of blue denim jeans, converse, a green short sleeved shirt and a thin, long sleeved brown shirt to go under it. I probably look downright weird, what with there being stinging cuts across every piece of exposed skin, the front and left side of me being covered in dirt and tears streaming down my face.

There is one thing I inherited with from my mom and that was the fact I was a very ugly crier.

Scratching the back of my neck, I have an internal battle on whether or not to tell him my story. But then I think; what harm can it do? It's all in my head sure. With a shrug, I begin to speak. Gandalf brandishes a wooden pipe, puffing on it thoughtfully as I talk.

"Well, I was with my Mom and my uncle and my two cousins and we were on the road . . ."

So I told him; of how I had accidentally distracted my uncle which led to our, erm, _moving metal machine _to being up turned and I was flown away from the wreckage. I told him how the last thing I remember was flying through the air before landing on that soft patch of ground. I didn't bother telling him he was a figment of my imagination; I'll leave that for him to deal with.

Instead I tell him how I'm from the future. I almost wish that he would shout "We've got to send you _Back to the Future!"_, but, alas, he doesn't.

Shame.

Gandalf puffs at his pipe; making shapes out of the smoke. It's a stretched silence; one filled with anticipation and anxiety as I stare at him with hope.

And then, in his tired voice, he speaks, "Though it is quite hard to believe, with your odd attire and your damaged body I guess I have nothing left to believe you -" Whoa, it's that easy? I start to smile before he turns to me, eyes full of warning. " - Be careful, though, of whom you tell your tale to. Many others will not be swayed as easily." Did he just call himself gullable?

I gulp at this before he begins walking again. I trail behind him as I wring my fingers together, my heart thumping loudly in my throat. "Where are we going, Gandalf?"

"To a friend of mine whom I believe is quite confused as you are at this moment," he chuckled at his own little joke while I raised my eyebrows at him. "Bilbo is his name. And I believe that he can provide better clothes and food for you."

_Wait, food?_

I instantly feel my mouth pool with saliva at the mention of the word; instantly my feet pick up so I'm side by side with the elderly man. "Food? You sure about that?"

"I am certain. Though, I believe with his company that it may be dwindling," he explains. Then he shoots up, as though he has thought of something brilliant. I can just imagine him shouting 'Eureka'. The thought makes me want to giggle but I swallow my laughter as Gandalf lets out another throaty chuckle. Talk about creepy.

"I have just thought of how to help you, Libby," he all but exclaimed in happiness. I felt relief flood my veins as I slumped over.

"You can send me back," I grin in relief but instead of agreeing Gandalf chuckles. God - dang it all his laughing was creeping me the frick out. Gandalf turns to me, mischief clear in his eyes as he stares into my own.

"Goodness, no, I believe that there might not be a way back - " insert look of horror here that is promptly ignored by the tall man - " - but I have thought of something better. Tell me, Libby, have you ever seen a _dragon_?"

It's official.

He's mental.

* * *

**Hey guys!**

**As you may know – but if you didn't - this story was inspired by The Inconvenient and Unexpected ****Journey Of Millie Fournier.**

**But, anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

**-tateslangdon**


	2. High School Musical

**Hey guys thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites so far!**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

* * *

I blink at Gandalf's words; unless he's talking about Mushu from Mulan (which I doubt) then, no, I haven't actually seen a dragon. He can't _possibly _mean a real dragon, now, can he? I frown as he ignores my blank face and wide eyes. For an old guy, he sure can walk faster than I can.

"Gandalf," I begin wearily, "when you mean a dragon, you mean -"

"By a dragon, I mean a dragon, unless that means something else from where you are from," he challenges. I utter a quick 'no' and he nods, bringing his wooden pipe to his lips to puff at it again.

As we continue to walk for what seems hours, I feel the heel of my shoes beginning to digging into the back of my foot, almost certain that it's bleeding. Everywhere hurts; my arms, my neck, my feet, my legs and my face especially. I had tried to scrub away the dried blood from the gash above my eye with the sleeve of my shirt but I've probably just made it more prone to infection now.

"Gandalf," I say, tripping up to walk beside him, "where exactly are we?"

"The Shire, young Libby," he answers. For every step he takes it is exactly four for me so I'm a little more winded than him for having to fasten my pace. "West of Farthing, home to Hobbits."

What the Hell is a Hobbit?

Before I can touch more on the matter, a sharp ache explodes in my head. I wonder if they have any medicine here for the throbbing headache that is currently pounding in my temples. Rubbing both my index fingers in a circular motion on my temples, I can feel myself slumping as my breathing becomes laboured and loud. I'll never forgive myself for ditching P.E.

"Gandalf," I all but whine nearly five minutes after last speaking. Mom always says I could be a puppy with all the whining I do. She never really made any sense to be honest. "Are we nearly there? I think my stomach is going to cave in on itself and I'm about to die of exhaustion."

At that moment, my stomach growls very loudly to prove a point. _You and I stomach, against the world. _I can hear Gandalf's irritated sigh at my constant whining but, hey, he's the one that decided to help me.

"Don't worry, my dear, for we are soon there then you may eat away at your heart's content," he reassures, amusing clear in his voice. God, was I just so _funny _that everything I did and said was amusing? I hope so. "And we must do something about you clothes; you can't be going around wearing clothing like that. I am certain Bilbo will trade them for more suitable ones."

I feel my brows furrow at this; what's wrong with my own? I look down at the only thing that shows that I'm from, well, where I'm from. Sure, they're torn and one side of my pants is caked in mud and there are specks of dried blood on the shirt, but they remind me of home. _Stop it, Libby, _I chide myself, _you're going to go back. It's _fine.

The sun has settled fully now and so Gandalf and I must walk in the dark. There's something you must know about me, upfront: I get bored really easily. And when I get bored, I talk. _A lot._

"Hey, you know what I was just thinking?" I announce.

"And what is that?" I could just sense the dread in his tone. Hey, I was a delight.

"Why do people associate owls with being smart?" I ponder. "Like, they're _birds_. They only say one word for their whole lives. Granted they can do that weird head thing where they do a full one - eighty turn. I'd like to do that. Imagine I could do that thing the girl did in the Exorcist and freak people out."

Gandalf shoots me a slightly baffled and bemused look which makes me smile brightly up at him. "When we reach our destination and our company, maybe it is best for you not to speak. If they ask you from where you hail just look to me or think of something. Maybe if we're lucky enough we can slip in unnoticed and get you changed into something less -"

"Gandalf!"

The voice that shouts his name out is one that I have never heard before. I can see eight men walk up to use with smile plastered on their faces. As they draw nearer I can feel my eyes widen in shock.

_Holy shit._

When the men approach us, I can see that they are very hairy, with moustaches that would slay my Uncle Lucas', and beards that were (weirdly) braided. Seriously, who the Hell braids their beards?

That's when I notice that they're exactly (well some, a few are a bit taller or smaller than me) my height. This makes me want to squeal out in delight. So, either Gandalf is a freakishly tall guy or they're my height. Considering everything, I safely presume it's the latter. Then, that's when the shyness kicks in (because my God, they scared me. They were all big and burly, reminding me of bikers. Yikes.); I start to worry about the worst; that they would laugh at me for stuttering over my words or turning a bright red. I inch myself so that I hide behind Gandalf, hoping and praying that they won't see me.

"Ah, Bofur," Gandalf greets as the men gather around him. "I see that you've all made it. May I introduce - ?"

I almost want to yell at the old man as he steps aside, leaving me to stand with my back to the group. _Maybe, if I can't see them they can't see me! _I think childishly, running a tongue over my bottom lip, making me wince as I poked at the sensitive flesh. Gandalf's hand grips my shoulder as he whirls me around to meet the group of strangers who are shocked to see me as I them.

"- Miss Aurora Liberty Fernwright."

"Libby," I all but choke as I force myself to not let their stares get to me. Come _on,_ it's not like they've never seen a girl before with the way they're staring at me, eyes unblinking and eyebrows rose. I start to grow uncomfortable at this new found attention. "Uh, Gandalf, why are they staring at me?"

"Female Dwarves are hardly seen this far away from the Blue Mountains, Miss," one of the Dwarves squeaks, "especially one that isn't _hairy_."

My eyes widen in horror with my mouth falling making a 'o'. _Hairy? _I send a bewildered look, spluttering at Gandalf at the words the man said. "What - ?"

"The name's Gloin, Miss," one of them says, stepping forward, taking my hand. I blink at this contact but as he lets go another hand takes his place.

"Oin."

"Bifur."

"Bofur."

"Bombur."

"Nori."

"Dori."

"Ori."

By this time I'm practically being tossed around the group of men. I can't remember half their names as they pass me to the front of the group. I try to splutter a quick hello but I'm passed off to a new person before I could do so.

I'm about to tell them to hold the frick up when the door opens.

For a brief second I see who opened the door; a small man (even smaller than I) who looks very close to losing his shit, eyes wide and full of anger and disbelief. I'm about to smile at him and introduce myself when I fell the entire group of men fall over one another. And I'm at the front so, ouch.

I squeal as I fall face first into the ground, the weight off all the Dwarves piling on top of me. I start to groan and wheeze as they shuffle and grumble under their breath. I would have laughed if I wasn't the one under the weight of eight men. Fun? Hell, no.

I feel one of them kick me in the hip in a struggle to their feet and I growl. I ignore who's ever was yelping "I'm so sorry, Miss" and get to my own feet, using the door for help. Standing to my full height (which still wasn't much) I drop my bag onto the floor near the door before meeting the man's disbelieving eyes at how his home is being treated as I thrust out my hand. He seems a lot more friendlier than the men from before, having soft curly hair, the same height as me and looking adorably cute in his night - gown (if he ever heard me say that about him he'd kill me for sure). "Hi, I'm Aurora Liberty Fernwright, but call me Libby. Pleased to meet you," I smile brightly, more confidence towards the man in front of me than to the ones who stumble to their feet, scratching at the floor. Hesitantly the small man takes my hand.

"Bilbo Baggins," he says, his eyes narrowing. "I am terribly sorry but do I - ?"

"Ah, Bilbo," Gandalf chuckles, ducking his head to get inside the nestled little home. Even inside he has to duck his head.

"Gandalf," Bilbo stresses, grinding his teeth. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up to see Gandalf.

"Why don't you get some food, Libby?"

Even by the end of his sentence I'm off running off to where the most noise was. I practically _sprint_ to find food. In the second I take to examine the home, I realize that it is very homely, almost everything made of a light wood. As I turn a corner I can see the eight Dwarves I have already met and two older men I haven't met yet. I walk into what seems to be a pantry and try to find something that I would know and like. I spy a loaf of bread on one of the shelves and I grab it, biting into it, overpowered with hunger.

I walk out of the pantry, accidentally bumping shoulders with - Bambor? Bumbor? - Bombur who was carrying three very large wheels of cheese. I gape at him as Bilbo asks him if he has a cheese knife.

"Cheese knife? He eats it by the block," one of the other Dwarves (Bofur, I think his name is) jokes and I let out a quick snort. Bilbo glares at me while the Dwarf sends me a wink. I quickly duck into where most of the Dwarves where sitting. I find myself wedged in between Ori (a sweet looking Dwarf with a smooth face) and an empty chair.

I always thought I was bad for eating but these guys just _ate_. They just _didn't stop_. I watch with a mix of fascination and disgust at the same time. Gandalf nudges himself into the small kitchen and sits down next to me. Some of the anxiety leaves me as I find more courage to reach out and grab food. With another loaf of bread, an apple, a 'pitcher of ale' (one of the Dwarves had called it that when he offered one to me. Thank God I hadn't gotten all tongue tied because _hot dang he had a good gene pool_) and a slice of meat on my plate I begin munching away happily at my food and laughing with the men, who are quite baffled as to why I actually look like a woman and don't have a _beard_ or deep voice.

Then they laughed at my shocked expression as I touched my smooth cheeks, even checking to see if my voice wouldn't go all Morgan Freeman on me. I watch as Bofur throws a piece of food towards Bombur, who catches it proudly in his mouth which leads to the whole table to have uproar. The good - looking Dwarf who had given me a drink from before is suddenly walking on the table, making me grab my food so it won't be squished as he ducks the ceiling and food (that's currently being thrown around the place by the Dwarves) as he holds more drinks in his hands, a bright smile on his face.

_Damn._

During this, I'm in full laugh out which consisted of me snorting loudly, wheezing and turning bright red. I'm grateful that no one cares enough to point out I probably look like a dying seal. Calming myself down and wiping my tears away, I look around the table, trying to pin a name to each face. There were four people that I hadn't already met; a very old looking man with a big, grey beard, another man who was almost bald and probably looked to be the tallest out of the company (except for Gandalf of course).

Another face who hasn't a name is the guy who gave me the beer; his hair is a soft blonde (the same shade of my hair) and he has an impressive beard and moustache, braids threading them. What is it with these guys and braiding?

Beside him sat -

_Hello, who's that?_

_Someone call the fire brigade, because I think there's something on fire. _(I have never said something so corny and cringe worthy in my life. I feel like face - palming myself).

His hair is a dark brown, falling past his shoulders and his eyes were also dark. I couldn't actually see their colour but I could just feel my insides melting as I briefly make his eyes. But, unlike his company, he has no beard only dark stubble. He is positively drooling worthy. Even with his mouth full of food and drinking beer, he was still very hot. Yum. I giggle internally at my thoughts about the handsome stranger. Just what would my mother say?

That thought makes me stop laughing; I stare at the drink with sad eyes. I miss my Mom, my angry, home proud, grieving mother. Even though we were never really close and she never really tried to actually act like a mom towards me, I still miss her. Like, a lot. I feel a nudge on my shoulder from Ori, who grabs his ale and I take mine, clanging it with the others.

I bring it to my lips and take a much needed gulp before bringing it down but I notice that the others are still drinking. They don't even come up for air. My mouth opens in disbelief as I watch the beer drip onto their clothing and onto the floor. When they do, however, put it down the burps begin. Gross.

These men are unlike the others I've spent my whole life around; they were actual men. I stare at Ori as he lets out a massive belch that has the whole room silent. And I'm the first one to start laughing.

"There is a _woman_ present!" someone shouts in hope for them to act more "gentlemanly" but I'm too busy to care about that as I continue laughing with tears the tears streaming down my face. My laughter is soon drowned out by all the others and I start feeling all sense of shyness fall away. After sobering myself up, I lean back in my chair, very full and content. I look down and cringe when I see the state of my clothes.

I down the rest of my drink and push away from the table in search of Bilbo and the hope of new clothes. I dodge a tomato as I exit the kitchen, watching with a disgusted expression as it slides to the floor. Gross. I find the small man sitting on a stool, stiff and rigid, his breathing quick and shallow. Anyone could tell he is seething with anger and would leave instead of bothering him.

But I'm me and I never listen to my own advice so, instead, I step into his line of vision with a sheepish smile on my face.

"Uh, hullo," I say, causing his eyes to snap to me, narrowing, "I'm Libby. We met at the door."

"Yes, I quite remember," he sighs sternly, "the She - Dwarf."

I cock an eyebrow at him; is it really that surprising to see a girl who was small? I mean, there is no need to call me that.

"Er, right," I continue on, sheepishly, "So, I was told that you could provide me with clothes. What with the state my own are in."

I gesture to my ratty and dirty clothes and Bilbo lets out another sigh. I could quickly tell he was the sort of man who would sigh at any chance he could get. I feel awkward as the man sits there for another few seconds not moving and not saying a word. I can just imagine the small man's head exploding with anger as he pinches the bridge of his nose between his index finger and thumb.

* * *

Trading my battered and torn jeans for breaches and simply getting all the dried mud off of my top, I step out into the hall where the men were bloody _singing_.

I'm in the process of retrying my shoelaces while hopping on one foot (not a good idea when you're as clumsy as I) when a plate narrowly misses my face. I yelp, scrambling back so that I fall back onto my ass. Trying to glare at anyone and everyone who dares to even laugh at me, I get to my feet, brushing down my newly acquired pants and shirt, grumbling underneath my breath and cursing the Dwarves.

"Blunt the knives and bend the forks," Mr Strange Dark Handsome Guy with No Beardsings in a very good voice.

"Smash the bottles and burn the corks," Good – Looking Blonde Dude joins in as I stare at the both of them as though they have gone mad. What the Hell - ?

"Chip the glasses and crack the plates," the rest of them start to join as plates, cups and everything is starting to be thrown around.

This isn't friggin' High School Musical where you can randomly break out into song! I step in from the hall to get to the kitchen, ducking and dodging. Couldn't they just be _normal _and clean up wordlessly and not make a big show out of it? I start to make out the words, wondering how they knew all the words.

"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

I avoid a fork that's thrown over head by falling to the floor. I feel like I'm trying to dodge lasers and not cups and plates and the cutlery. I try to keep calm as they continue to throw around the plates. Oh God, these people are going to be the death of me.

"Cut the cloth and tread the fat!"

_Because suddenly breaking out into song is perfectly normal._

"Leaves the bones on the bedroom mat!"

_How on Earth are they even keeping in time with the music?_

"Poor the milk on the pantry floor!"

_I'm surprised they haven't skewered someone with a knife._

"Splash the wine on every door!"

I stay close to the wall, my shoulder flush against the curve, as a cup narrowly, by a _hair, _flies pass me. I squawk, placing a hand over my racing heart. I can faintly hear the laughter but I ignore them, trying not to _die_.

"What the bloody Hell?" I all but screech as I duck down from another plate, my knees stinging as I fall to the ground. I look to see Mr Strange Dark Handsome Guy with No Beard laughing at my reaction and I feel my face heat up, both in embarrassment of how I act to how _close_ he was to me, so close, in fact, that I could just see the dark chocolate swirls in his eyes.

"Jerk," I mutter under my breath, standing to my feet (that no longer ached due to pulling my socks on properly).

"Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl!"

_Keep calm, Libby, I'm sure it's some weird tradition cleaning up thing they have here._

"Pound them up with a thumping pole!"

_Is that an _axe_ in Bifur's head?! What the Hell?!_

"And when you're finished, if any are whole!"

I spy Bilbo who looks frightened and close to having a seizure due to the Dwarves throwing around his priceless fine China (well, they looked like fine China anyway since my mother used to keep hers in a drawer safe away from people).

"Send them down the hall to roll!"

By now, Bofur has taken out a flute (where the Hell did that come from?) and playing it while managing to hit a plate perfectly with his elbow. _Jesus Christ, that right there is skill, _I think amusingly as I duck another cup.

"That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

Somehow, without getting hit, I had shuffled my way carefully to Gandalf and watched with hawk eyes as the men sang and not missing a single beat or messing up a single word. But when I notice that most of the throwing is directed in front of Gandalf, I had made sure to keep well out of the way.

By the end of this cluster of weirdness, I began to notice that they are quite insane as they gather all the clean plates and dishes onto the table. I start to laugh, once again, as Bilbo stutters at them, eyes wide; obviously surprised there wasn't a chipped glass or a cracked plate. No, instead, they were all clean and sparkling.

I'm stuck to the side of Bofur who is smoking a pipe, choking on it as he chuckles. Never, in one evening, has a bunch of strangers made me laugh so much. I can practically feel my sides hurting as I bend over.

Everything is merry and the mood is light, something that my mother would have a heart attack at. She hated everything to do with drinking or anything loud or out of order. I don't know how I'm her daughter; I guess I was a little like dad but that's it. I was everything she opposed. I feel my smile slip slightly at this but I force myself not to look or feel so downcast. No, I can't afford to be thinking like this.

My cheeks are starting to hurt from all my smiling but that's when I heard it; a loud knock from the door.

Every Dwarf stops laughing and smiling, turning to the place where the sound was emitted from.

"He is here," Gandalf announces dramatically. It takes everything not to laugh at how everyone here seemed to be dramatic and odd. I glance around the room, eyes lingering on Mr Strange Dark Handsome Guy with No Beard (hot _damn_) before staring at the door. Gandalf stands and makes his way to the door, everyone in the room following him. I start to feel my heart in my throat for no particular reason as I wring my fingers.

"Ah, Libby," Gandalf suddenly remembers my existence, turning around to stare down at me. "Remember: do not speak or make yourself known until I can find a moment to introduce you."

What he means: _shut up and make sure he can't see you_. But I don't argue like I normally would have. Instead I give Gandalf a quick nod and make my way where everyone stood, hiding behind Gloin and Nori. I peek over their shoulders, swallowing roughly, as Gandalf opens the door.

* * *

**Ugh, back to school. But only just four weeks left until summer so I won't have to leave the house! (Yes, I'm an introvert). And I'll be able to update sooner when the holidays start.**

**Please, review, follow and favourite!**

**(p.s sorry for any errors or misspellings, I always seem to have inspirations to write at 12 at night.)**

**A/N (16/05/2014, 17:22: So I added a good three hundred more words to this chapter as I try my hardest to make each chapter around or at least over four thousand words. **

**-tateslangdon**


	3. Postcards

**hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites, once again! **

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

* * *

I'll admit; the new addition to the group scares me. His face is frozen permanently into a scowl, his hair is black and he looks a little younger than some of the group. Like the others, braids thread his beard and he is quite short but second tallest to Dwalin (whose name I had finally learned). And, even though he smiles at Gandalf, I feel even more scared.

"Gandalf," he greets, stepping in from the night cold and into the warm home. I noticed how deep and scratchy his voice was. "I thought you said this place was easy to find," the Dwarf whose name I need to find out says. He rids himself of his cloak before turning to face Gandalf with an almost amused smile. Key word: almost. "I lost my way here - twice. I wouldn't have found it at all if it hadn't been for the mark on the door."

"Mark?" splutters Bilbo, defending his home, "there's no mark on that door! I had it painted not a week ago."

"There is a mark there for I put it there myself," Gandalf explains.

I hide behind Gloin and Nori, peering over their shoulders at the newest member. He practically bleeds importance, standing up straight and an aura of pride around him. And I am being forced to meet him; me. The girl who probably looks down - right horrid with scrapes and scratches on my face, neck and hands and my hair looking like a rats nest. Desperately, I run my fingers through my hair, wincing as I tug at the knots but also keeping an ear on the conversation at hand.

When I heard them speak quickly breach the subject of the mark on Bilbo's door (who, when he had insisted he had just gotten it painted in the last week, reminded me a bit too much of Mom it's quite scary) the look on his face makes me want to bark out a laughter when Gandalf had told him there was a mark on the door for he put it there himself. I'm glad when attention is drawn to Bilbo.

"So," the Mr Scowl Face (a.k.a new Dwarf) begins, linking his hands behind his back as his blue eyes examine the small man who looks like he wants nothing more than the floor to just swallow him up. You and I both, buddy. "This is the hobbit."

What is with this word Hobbit? What such strange names people called each other here. I roll my eyes at this, combing my hair absentmindedly; trying to keep track of what is being said. I don't really know what Mr Scowl Face says but apparently it's enough to make the other Dwarves laugh. I awkwardly chime in lowly before giving up of trying taming my hair. I let out a huff of annoyance when I meet Gandalf's sparkling eyes.

Oh, Hell, no.

I try to run away when Gandalf speaks. "And this - " he motions to the other men in front of me who separate like Moses had parted the Red Sea and (twice in one night) my back is face towards a new stranger. A hand clasps around my shoulder and spins me around (I probably should have known it was Bofur since that little shit has always taken time out of his schedule to embarrass me). I meet the intense blue eyes of the stranger as I try not to have a mental break - down.

"- is Aurora Liberty Fernwright - "

"Libby," I stress through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the embarrassed blush that is creeping up on me due to the fifteen (Gandalf, Bilbo and the thirteen Dwarves) pairs of eyes focused on me.

"Ah, yes, who prefers to be called Libby. Libby, this is Thorin Oakenshield." The way Gandalf says the name has me thinking of whether I should curtsy or fall to my knees, praising him. Thankfully, I save my self the embarrassment and just kind of stare awkwardly at him, hoping he would say something. But, when he did, it wasn't the thing I'm looking for.

"A child," he states bluntly, looking to Gandalf with an eyebrow cocked, evidently saying, without words, '_are you fricking serious?_'. Not really, but you know what I mean. I felt myself frown at how he called me a child; I was 18, that practically made me a legal adult. I cast a look to Gandalf, my eyes gleaming. I turn to Thorin (I hate how it suits Mr Grumpy Face). As I'm about to open my big mouth and probably make Thorin hate me, Gandalf intervenes by slouching forward into my view so that I could only see the Dwarf if I peered around the old man.

"Libby has much to offer for this quest -" Wait, _what_? " - and I am positive that it may help us along our journey to the Lonely Mountain."

I could feel every eye on me as I stare at Gandalf like he had gone around the bend. Is it just me or does everything here seemed to be rushed and yet no one asked for a bloody explanation as to what they were getting themselves into?

Thorin hums slightly at Gandalf before turning away.

Well, it appears so.

* * *

What I learn in the next half hour is that everyone here quite fancies going on a suicide mission apart from Bilbo Baggins, poor soul. 'Course whenever I open my mouth it seems to reach deaf ears. Not surprising.

Turns out when Gandalf had meant dragon when he said dragon. And, no, it wasn't a dragon like Mushu from Mulan. It was a living, breathing, very large, fire breathing, man eating dragon. That made my stomach do multiple backward flips. I have no idea what I have to offer to the quest apart from maybe speaking languages that none of them know, eat their food and annoy them all to no end.

We sit around the same table we were eating at before but instead a stiff tension hangs around the group and I have to bite my tongue in case I say something really inappropriate, and, considering it's me, it'll likely happen. So, I'm wedged between the good - looking blonde Dwarf and the yummy dark haired Dwarf who I peek at through peripheral vision.

Thank God he doesn't pay attention as his eyes are focused solely on Thorin.

_Oh my, he's a yummy gummy bear._

* * *

As the men talk, I keep quiet as I ponder on every single thing they say. Like, all of this is brand new freakin' information that I have no idea what to do with.

"What of the meetings in Ered Luin? Did they all come?" The Dwarf, Balin, asked Thorin.

_Ere - what - ? How the Hell do you even pronounce that?_

"Aye, envoys from all seven kingdoms," Thorin grunts his answer.

_Holy shit, they have _that_ many kingdoms? Jesus Christ, why has Gandalf told me diddly - squat?_

I try to make an effort to listen but I don't understand half the things that come out of their mouths (which, now that I look back on it, was probably how they felt every time I opened my mouth).

"And what do the Dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?" questions Dwalin.

_Wait, who the frick is Dain? Why does everything have such a strange name?_

Glancing quickly around the table, Thorin lets out a sigh. "They will not come." At this, everybody lets out a light groan, obviously disappointed at the news. But I sit, looking around with a confused look on my face.

"Well, shit," I mutter under my breath, thinking no one would hear me. But, unluckily, dark haired hottie shoots me a bewildered look but I brush him off.

"They say this quest is ours and ours alone," Thorin continues with a deathly tone.

"You... you're going on a quest?" Bilbo intervenes; suddenly interested as he steps out from where he stood beside Gandalf. I shoot him an "are - you - actually - serious" look from my seat.

"Well, no shit Sherlock," I snort, a bit louder than my previous statement. Both of the men beside me gaze at me with wide eyes before struggling to hide their laughter. Blonde Guy starts to cough roughly whilst Dark Hair Hottie slaps a palm over his mouth, turning away from Thorin. Though I'm one hundred percent positive they hadn't a clue as to what I said, it stills makes me feel gooey and gloopy inside that I am still as funny as ever.

Plus I made two hot guys laugh so, score!

At Blonde Guy's coughing and Dark Hair Hottie's sudden disinterest in the topic at hand, a few of the Dwarves shoot a few curious looks as I shrug my answer, practically saying: I don't know either.

It feels good to not be the one everyone is wondering what the Hell is going on in my mind that would be so funny.

Though I'm not paying much attention (oops) I can still collect bits of what's being said: reclaiming some mountain that's lonely, defeating the dragon (who's apparently called Smaug. Who knew it'd have a name?) And getting their gold back. At least, that's what reaches my ears.

"Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light," Gandalf smiles wearily at Bilbo, taking everything in his stride. "Far to the East, over ranges and rivers - " Gandalf lays a map down on to the table's flat surface as everyone gathers around it. For crap's sake, how am I supposed to see when I'm this small and it's at the other end of the freakin' table? " - beyond woodlands and wastelands - " Gandalf continues " - lies a solitary peak." Pointing to a place on the mountain, Bilbo leans over his shoulder, eyes squinting as he tries to make out the words.

" _'The Lonely Mountain_'," he reads. So their quest _is_ to this Lonely Mountain? Brownie point to me for finally understanding this shit!

In the middle of my mental happy dance, Oin speaks,"...the reign of the beast will end."

I know it's probably supposed to sound so dramatic but with that God - damn trumpet in his ear, I can't help but bite down on my knuckles to stop the laughter from flowing through and ruining the moment. Bilbo, however, looks alarmed at what he says.

"Beast, what beast?"

"Oh, that would be a reference to Smaug the terrible, chiefest and greatest calamity of our age," Bofur said probably a lot more casual than I would have liked. I mean, sure there was tension, but I felt like it wasn't enough. Maybe if he held a flashlight underneath his chin it'd work better.

"Er, what is he exactly? Smaug, I mean?" I question for the sake of Bilbo who looks to be handling this all very terribly. Believe me, I am too but I'm a master at not letting how I really feel inside show onto my face.

"Airborne fire - breather, teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks. Extremely fond of precious metals." Okay, now he has got to be taking the piss. Bofur has a slight smirk on his face when he sees Bilbo's drained and startled face.

Oh, God, that's it. I'm going to die. I'm going to die a terribly terrible death. I can't believe I've even survived this far. Knowing my luck, I probably would have choked on my food earlier or tripped and fell onto a butter knife. Everyone's voices are drowned out as I swallow myself in myself pity and my unavoidable death.

Until Blonde Guy slams his fist down on the table, making me squeak and jump in my chair, clutching my heart. I realize how Dark Hair Hottie and I are touching shoulders and I have to stop myself from becoming a pile of jelly on the ground. God, I'm getting worked up over him and I don't even know his name. Way to go, Libby.

"We may be few in numbers! But we're fighters!" Blonde Guy exclaims, slamming his fist down on the table again, making jump as I had just calmed my heart down again. Bastard. "To the last one."

_Don't know about that one, mate, I can barely hold a spoon without getting injured somehow._

"Do not forget we have a wizard in our company!" Dark Hair Hottie joins in. _NGH_. "Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time!"

"I doubt it," I snort very quietly as Gandalf begins to stammer slightly, clearly showing how that was not the case at all.

Then an uproar started; everyone got louder and louder, demanding an answer from the old man. A few stood to their feet as they yelled on top of their voices while I sat there awkwardly, my eyes glued to the grain patterns of the table.

And then Thorin was yelling.

"If we have read these signs, do you not think that others will have read them to?" his voice booms, bouncing off the walls. "Rumours have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for over sixty years! Eyes look east the mountain, assessing, wondering, and weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of people lies unprotected? Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize the chance to take back Erebor?!"

_Damn, you go girlfriend._

Another uproar, one more positive than the last, ensues around the table and I give a feeble shout before realizing that it probably won't matter if I sit here, quietly, going unnoticed.

"You forget, the front gate is sealed!" Balin states. Wow, buzz - kill. "There is no way into the mountain."

_Dude, no, stop killing their hopes and dreams._

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true," Gandalf counters sneakily before producing a key. I thought it would be a very special key; one covered in jewels and a bright, bright gold. But no; it was just an ordinary key.

"How," Thorin asks, mystified as he takes it into his hand, eyes wide. Is that a tear I see Mr Grumpy Face shedding? "How, did you come by this?"

"It was given to me by your father, by Thrain," Gandalf sighs. Such weird names. "For safe - keeping, it is yours now."

"If there is a key," Blonde Guy says dramatically. God, all these Dwarves just love being dramatic. "There must be a door."

I literally have to resist the urge to slow clap sarcastically.

"These ruins speak of a lower passage way in the lower halls," Gandalf says, pointing to the map that I still can't see.

"There's another way in," Dark Hair Hottie grins, still slightly awed.

_Isn't that just what Gandalf basically said?_

"Well if we can find it," the old man sighs deeply, "Dwarf doors are invisible when closed."

"Well, _that_ was a smart idea. Seriously, what _plonker_ thought of that?" I bite my tongue as soon as the words leave my mouth. And I was doing so well being invisible and quiet (ish)...

"Makes sense for keeping out unwanted visitors!" someone barks, though I don't know who because I'm too preoccupied at the sudden twinge of pain that explodes in my mouth.

"Not that sensible when you want to get in _now_, is it?" I snap back.

I heard a murmur of agreement and I could see from the corner of my eye Dark Hair Hottie smile.

"The answer," Gandalf cuts us - well, me - off with a slight glare (sorry, jeeze), "is hidden somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others who can."

Well, isn't that just _dandy_?

"The task I have in mind," Gandalf continues speaking, "will require a great amount of stealth and no small amount of courage. But if we are careful and clever, it can be done."

Gandalf's eyes shift to Bilbo nearing his sentence and, catching on to what he is insinuating, I can only think: _Oh, you poor, small man_.

"That's why we need a burglar!" Ori pipes up, looking a bit _too _happy as a bright smile flashed across his face. _Aw, he's so adorable!_

"Hmm, and good one too, an expert I'd imagine," Bilbo says, not aware of what is being insinuated.

"And are you?" a voice asks.

"He said he's an expert!" Oin triumphs happily, his little trumpet thing in his ear. I'm never going to be able to _not _laugh at that.

"Me? No, no, no, no," Bilbo stutters, looking quite pale and backing away from the table, eyes looking around helplessly and his face pained at the thought of even _leaving _his home. "No! I've never stolen anything in my life!"

"I'm afraid," Balin speaks up again, eyeing the Hobbit (strange calling Bilbo that), "I have to agree with Mr Baggins. He's hardly burglar material."

Clearly meaning it as an insult but Bilbo ignoring it, a murmur of agreement rings through the room.

"Aye," Dwalin intervenes, agreeing with Balin, "the wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight - " _Me_ " - nor fend for themselves." _Also me again._

The table start to (loudly) agree with both Dwalin and Balin, slowly raisin their voices. I eye Gandalf as he glances around and I can just _see _him start to crack.

"ENOUGH!" Gandalf's voice echoes around the room as he stood to his feet, shadows spreading around as his tone grows chillier and darker, making me scared to the core. "If I say Bilbo Baggins' is a burglar then a burglar he is!"

A deathly silence envelopes the entire room and I have to stop myself from saying "eep".

"Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose," Gandalf's voice retreats back to its normal self as the shadows withdraw from around the room. "And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of Dwarf, Hobbit is all but unknown to him which gives us a distinct advantage!"

No one speaks as the man continues, taking in the brief silence to finally say his part. I bring my eyes to the table as I warm my hands between my legs, feeling that this was all a bit too realistic and it is making my head swim.

"Right, so," I interject awkwardly, causing everyone to turn their heads towards me, "then I wish you all the best of luck. You should send me a postcard when you arrive, I'm sure I'll be just _thrilled _to hear all about -"

"You are coming with us, Libby," Gandalf announces, quite smug for some apparent reason.

"Say _what_?" I blank, mouth gaping. "B - But you heard what he said!" I whine, pointing to Dwalin. "I can't fight or fend myself! I can't even punch someone! I'm as dangerous as a butterfly stuck to a marsh - mellow!"

Once again with the odd looks. I might as well get used to them.

"The lassie is right," Bofur speaks up, leaning back in his chair, "a woman on a quest? I've never heard of such a thing be done."

"Thank you," I gush to Bofur, who awkwardly smiles back as everyone starts to mumble in agreement with Bofur and I.

"Quiet!" Gandalf raises his voices and glares slightly at every Dwarf (save Thorin).

"While Libby may not be able to wield a sword or any kind of weapon, she is talented in many things," Gandalf says, causing my eyes to snap back to him.

_I was what now? And just what was he expecting me to do? Curse the dragon to death in four different languages?_

"She is strong in nature - "

_Excuse me? I once cried my eyes out because I was being yelled at by a teacher. And that was a month ago_.

" - she can do everything that, well, a woman can do - "

_What? _I frown at Gandalf_. Last time I remember, I don't actually have the qualifications of a "woman can do". And also, the last time I did anything "womanly" (by that I mean cooking) I gave my family a severe case of food poisoning followed by two weeks of diarrhea. Maybe that's a bit too much information_

" - and she is a good and decent ally to have."

"I can do _what_ now?" I question, voicing my thoughts. But, again, everyone ignores me.

"You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company and I have chosen Mr Baggins and I have also chosen Miss Fernwright as the fifteenth. There is a lot more to the both of them then appearances suggest and they've got a great deal more to offer than any of you know!" Gandalf finishes, taking a deep breath and sitting back into his chair. "Including themselves, you must trust me on this."

_That's it, I'm dead. Eighteen years of living and I'm going to die in the company of fourteen guys in the wilderness._

"Very well," Thorin relents, sitting back in his chair too. His eyes snap to Gandalf, "We will do it your ways - " his eyes turn to Balin " - give them the contract."

"Oh, no, no, no," Bilbo's voice cracks as he pleads and I feel bad for him as I feel a frown slip onto my own face in displeasure at the news. "Please."

Balin stands to his feet, handing over a very large wad of paper. Jesus Christ, how the Hell am I supposed to read that? "It's just the usual, out of pocket expenses, time required, funeral arrangements, so forth."

"Did he just say _'funeral arrangements'_ ?" I splutter, looking at the two guys beside me. "Because no way in _Hell_ am I down with that!"

Blonde guy frowns. "Why would you be 'down' with it? What is there to be down with?"

I wave my hand in the air, too tired to explain to him as Bilbo mutters under his breath, reading the 'contract'.

"Lacerations... evisceration," he mumbled before stopping dead, turning back to everyone, eyes wide. "_Incineration_?!"

"What?" I squeak, jumping on the table to walk over towards Bilbo. I hear a few grumbles of complaints from the Dwarves as I walk surprisingly lightly on the table but I'm too latched onto the fact I can, and probably will, be burned alive. I jump to the floor as I stand near Bilbo, trying to read the fancy scrawl of the contract.

"Are you_ bloody_ serious?" I whine, turning back towards the group.

"Aye," Bofur tells us, "he'll melt the flesh off your bones in a blink of an eye."

"That's it: I'm dead," I mutter as I turn back to the contract, acutely aware of how pale Bilbo is and how much he's shaking.

"Uh. . ." Bilbo says, looking more terrified at this new information.

"You alright, laddie?" Balin asks in, what I think he meant it to be, a kindly tone.

"Yeah, I think I . . . oh," Bilbo bent over, hands on knees as he continued to breathe in and out deeply. "I feel a bit faint."

I quickly stepped away from him because there were either two possibilities:

1: he could faint and

2: he could get sick and _then _faint.

And I am not taking a chance either way.

"Think furnace," Bofur added, standing up, "with big wings."

"Just _why_ would _anyone_ want to think that?" I all but snap, eyes knitting together.

"Air, air, air, I need air," Bilbo began to chant as his breathing became more shallow and quick.

"Flash of light, searing pain then _poof_!" Bofur rants, "You're nothing more than a pile of ash!"

"What is _wrong_ with you?" I stare at Bofur, horrified at his attempts to "calm" Bilbo down.

Bilbo stands up with his back straight and I smile, thinking he got over the initial shock. He glances around the room before turning back to Bofur and then, finally, Gandalf.

"No."

And then, with that, the small man collapsed to the floor, looking very much like a rag - doll. I peer down at his head that lay down next to my feet before turning back to the company.

"Well," I say a bit too sarcastic, "he took that better than I thought he would."

* * *

**Hey guys, so once again, sorry for any spelling mistakes and such. Decided to write this chapter late into the night and I finished it today because I pretended to be sick so I have the day off of school (oops).**

**So, review, follow and favorite please!**

**-tateslangdon**


	4. Girl Things

**hey, thanks (again) for all the reviews, follows and favorites! Just so you guys know I'm not really happy with this chapter and it is a filler chapter but, y'know, better than nothing.**

**Also, just to tell you, I wrote in the late night so if there is any spelling or grammar errors, I'm terribly sorry and I'll try and fix it soon.**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

* * *

Even now I still remember the first conversation I had with _them. _It's odd, quite frankly, because usually after so many years of knowing a person you forget how you met and forget why you bothered to forge friendship.

But, now, I remember why I did it and I remember exactly every thought and word that accidentally slipped from my mouth. Granted, most of them were so embarrassing that I'm glad I thought most of them. He'd never let me live it down if I said it out loud even to this day.

* * *

Sitting on a stool by the warm fire seemed a good idea; warming my hands with only the crackle of the fire being the only sound in the kitchen. I'm alone in here as most of the Dwarves decided to take the comfy armchairs in the sitting room (well, in what I assume is a sitting room). I stare at the warm hearth with my hands out - stretched, palms facing outwards. A shiver runs through me as a cool breeze bites at my skin.

"I miss central heating," I murmur under my breath, rubbing my hands together. It seemed that everywhere was warm and cosy except the kitchen what with the cold stone for the floor and a tiny gap in the window that could probably be boarded up with wood.

As I lean closer to the fire (not the greatest idea I've had) I hear a voice.

"Hello."

Well, actually, it's two.

I jump in my seat with a yelp, my hands drawing too near to the fire which scorches my flesh. Placing a hand over my erratic heart (_OW)_ I turn towards where the two voices emitted from. _Oh, sweet, baby Jesus._

The two youngest looking (also best looking. I really think I should just _stop _with how good they look but, my God, they were. They were so good - looking they _nearly_ put Ryan Gosling to shame. If I'm being honest here might as well admit that I've never been good around good - looking people. Or any kind of people quite frankly) are standing shoulder to shoulder with cheeky looking grins plastered on their faces. My heart is racing in my chest as I stare wide eyed at the both of them.

"Uh, hey," I squeak, my English accent twinging a bit the word.

"I'm Fili," Blonde Guy says.

"Kili," grins Dark Hair Hottie.

"At your service," they chime in together, doing a little weird bow _thing _\- y as I stare on at them, wide eyed. What do I say? What do I do? I don't want to open my mouth and say the most horrific thing ever. Swallowing roughly I find my voice.

"Uh, hullo," I gulp, standing up, quite miffed at the fact even though they are Dwarves I barely make it to their shoulders. Even _here _I'm smaller than usual. I jut out my hand trying to smile sweetly at them. I probably looked demented. "I'm Libby."

They stare at my hand before looking back at me. It is easy to see that they're confused at this gesture. "Um, you take it. Like you know, a handshake."

Fili, the blonde one, is the braver of the two and takes it but not he proper way, instead he grabs the back of my hand and does a weird spasm thing, shaking it from side to side. When he lets go, Kili does the same. I literally have to fight the urge to laugh, swallowing a smile. _Oh, God, this is priceless._

"I think everyone knows who you are, Miss Libby," Kili smiles warmly, "seeing as you are a very odd looking She - Dwarf."

I furrow my eyebrows at this; _odd? Me? _Never! Fili takes in my appearance with his arms crossed over his chest. I start to feel embarrassed at this because, even though I know he is no way, whatsoever, _checking me out_, it still feels like it.

"Such strange clothing," Fili mutters to Kili from the corner of his mouth, "don't you think, brother?"

_WHOA. What? Brothers? I guess I should have guess what with the rhyming names and all that shiz. And the looks. _Again _with the looks._

"I agree," Kili amuses, his dark, chocolate brown eyes gleaming (_yum_), "and such strange complexion. I've never seen a Dwarf woman without as so much of a hair on her face or to be very pretty."

"Nor to have such a petite structure," Fili continues. I raise my eyebrows, a blush gracing my cheeks at the fact Kili called me _pretty. _Never has anyone ever called me pretty. Just annoying or midget. I stare between the both of them as they talked about me and my 'strange' appearance for a 'Dwarf' woman. _Are they just going to pretend I don't exist or...? _"Why, I would have mistaken her for a young Hobbit girl myself if it weren't for her average sized feet."

I glance down at my converse clad feet, feeling almost the urge slap the both of the brothers silly. But, wouldn't want to ruin the money maker now, would I? It felt like they were pointing out flaws but I still was grateful for the fact my feet were average and that I wasn't sprouting a beard and a moustache. I find myself almost wishing I had a beard; maybe then I could have joined in on their little braiding secret circle where we could have sat in a line and braided each other's facial hair while gossiping like old ladies.

"Or a very small human," Kili chuckles, his shoulders shaking. I let out an irritated huff, blowing a wisp of hair out from my vision as I glared at the two young brothers in front of me. "Or a small _elf._"

_Is that _distaste _I detect in his tone?_

"Nay," Fili bemuses. Who the Hell says 'nay'? "She's far too clumsy and her ears are a giveaway - "

"Hey!" I squawk, clasping my ears hoping that they would stay the same.

" - plus I would very much doubt Gandalf would bring an elf with us, Don't you think?"

I let out a cough as I glared at the both of them. "If you two are done assessing my 'flaws' - " insert air quotes here " - maybe you could actually talk_ to_ me instead of _through_ me."

"Sprightly thing, you are," Fili notices, the braids above his lips swinging from side to side as he laughs. "From whence do you hail?"

I blink. From what do I what now? "Uh. . ." my voice trails off as I try to think. Unfortunately, I come up with nothing. "What?"

Fili trades side glances with his brother, still smiling. I'm almost tempted to just punch him in the frickin' face if he doesn't wipe that bloody smirk off of his mouth. "Where do you come from?"

_OH. _I have the urge to face - palm but I know I'd be dubbed even weirder for slapping myself in the face for no reason so instead I just shake my head. "Uh, London, England."

Their reaction is one that I'm not quite exactly looking for. Kili's mouth turns down into a confused frown (_AW_) while Fili blinks at my answer. I'm guessing they've been living under a rock for their entire lives.

"Where's that?" Fili inquires, curious.

"You're joking," I dead pan, looking between the both of them as I hope that they would just give in and say of _course _they know England. But they don't. "you've got to be bloody _joking!_" The two brother trade glances with each other before turning back to me. "C'mon! You know, England, tea and crumpets, tea with the Queen, all that crap." I wave my hand in the air as I finish putting on a posh accent while saying this but instead I only see confused looks on their faces. "Are you friggin' serious? God, what rock have you two been living under?"

"We do not live under rocks," Kili informs me. _I don't actually mean a rock, you good - looking, dimwit! _If no one is ever going to understand my sarcasm I might as well throw myself off of a cliff right now. "We come from the Blue Mountains along with our uncle; Thorin."

_Wait, what? _My jaw drops open at this revelation. That grumpy _bastard _is their _uncle_? These two, cool, _hot _guys have _that _as an _uncle_? No. Way. "Fuck off," I gape at them both.

I watch with amusement as their eyes widen and they jaws slack. "What - ?!" Kili squeaks, his voice an octave higher. I giggle at the both of them (since when the Hell do I _giggle_?) as they looked on, quite offended and quite shocked. It's not like they've never heard the word before, surely. I start to feel slightly ashamed when they have hurt looks on their faces, laced in with offence. Oh God, I feel like crap now.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that," I stumble over my words, trying to explain myself in a cheery and upbeat tone while wringing my fingers in front of me, "it's just... you're all so different and stuff. The _last_ thing I would've thought was that he was your uncle. Gosh, I hope I haven't offended you or some shit - " when their eyes widened at my swear I feel my tongue become all tied at the apologies, my cheeks flushed " - wait, no, that wasn't a good choice of words. Oh, shit - I mean - fuck, I'm just digging myself deeper. Shit, this is just a bloody disaster."

I fall back into the stool, my heart thumping a bit when it screeches against the stone slightly. It is silent for only a moment before there are backs of laughter echoing in the kitchen. My eyes flash up to see the laughing Fili and Kili, who are flushed and clasp each other's shoulder. What - ?

"Never have I heard a woman use such a range of colourful words!" Kili guffaws, literally wiping tears away. "I must say, Miss Libby, you are an odd one. Come, you must join us in the sitting room. I think I speak for my brother and I when I say that we are most interested in learning of your home and many other oddities."

I open my mouth to protest, to tell them I am perfectly _fine _with hiding away in the kitchen where I could sneak some food, sit in front of a nice, warm fire and not have to participate in awkward conversation. "No, no, no, no!" I stammer, sounding a lot like Bilbo. "I'm fine! Honestly, I wouldn't want to intrude on the evening!"

The two brothers smirk at me, trading glances. As Kili opens his mouth to speak the Dwarf, Bofur, walks in, a pint of ale in his hand and looking into a bag. " 'Ere, Kili, Fili, any of ye knows who this is? Odd things there are in here," he says, his voice slurring slightly, "Like take this for example - "

Suddenly popping his head up, Bofur takes a long, thin, purple paper thing from the bag. I squint at it slightly before my mouth gapes at him in horror. Kili and Fili look over their shoulders at Bofur, who hangs _my _bag on his arm while ripping the purple paper off. _Oh my God, oh my God, oh my frickin' God!_

"It's made cotton, I think," Bofur says, discarding the purple paper, pulling at the string and throwing the cardboard cover away. "Strange, don't ya think? I wonder wha' it's for."

I start to become very hot in the face as Bofur continues to examine the tampon, obviously not knowing what it is. The two brothers hastily take the bag and peek in. I'm all too flustered to tell them to stop, my eyes widen and my tongue tied. With each of the two brothers holding a side of the bag, Fili produces the box of tampons, rattling it. Should I be amused or horrified?

"That's_ mine_!" I squeal, standing up to my feet and taking my bag and grabbing the box of tampons, trying to ignore their curious glances as I stuff it into my bag. I look up briefly to see that Bofur had stuck the tampon up his nose. I hold the bag close to my chest as I glare at the three of them. "Haven't your parents told you it's rude to go through things that aren't yours? Seriously, don't you know it's - Oh my _gosh _Bofur, take that _thing _out of your ear!"

Instantly, he does and holds it by the string, eyebrows knitting together slightly as I hear my voice go an octave higher, shouting at him. "That is not what it's for!"

"Then wha' is it for, then?" Bofur inquires, as he takes another swig from his cup. I feel my cheeks go redder at his question; there is no _way _I am going to tell him.

"T - That's none of your concern!" I stutter as I slip the strap of the bag over my head, resting on my shoulder.

"Aw, c'mon," Kili almost teases, a cheeky grin on his face, "tell us. Is it some kind of secret thing from where you're from?"

_I wouldn't call it secret, more like a taboo. _"No! It's just - Ew, Bofur, no, don't put it in your drink! That's _disgusting_!"

"Tell us!"

"Yes, tell us!" Fili agrees enthusiastically with his brother, blue eyes alight.

"It's a _girl _thing!" I hiss in a lower tone. Their eyebrows furrow together as all three Dwarves trade looks.

" 'A girl thing'?" Bofur quotes, examining the tampon once again, eyes narrowing.

"Yes, a 'girl' thing," I snap, cheeks flooding once again.

"What kind of 'girl' thing?" Kili asks as he interlinks his hands behind his back. _Are they really this dense?_

"A special girl thing!" I say. "Enough questions! You - " I turn to Bofur, wiggling my finger in an accusing way " - stay out of my things or else you're going to lose a hand. And you two - " Bofur offers a simple shrug at my threat towards him before turning on his heel, staggering slightly, before whistling out a tune as he exits the kitchen. I whirl to the two brothers, my index finger pointing at the both of them. " - wipe them smirks off of your faces or I'll do it myself."

"My, Miss Libby," Kili says in a mocking tone, "you look all flustered. Are you quite alright?"

I let out a huff of air, glaring at the both of them. "No, no thanks to you two. Are you always this curious?"

"Quite," Fili answers with a shrug of his shoulders. "Though, I might say, it is quite amusing to see you get all worked up over this. I think we're going to get along quite well Miss Libby."

"Libby," I say in a hushed tone as a smile slowly spreads across my face. I mean, can you blame me? I never really had that good friends back home and this was the first time someone actually liked me for my sense of humor rather than having to pretend. I feel my smile falter slightly at this thought before stretching it, feeling a bit tired inside of having to force the smile. "It's just Libby."

"Well," Kili says happily, throwing an arm around my shoulder, "_Libby_, would you care to join us in the living room as Uncle tells us quite a few stories?"

* * *

That's how I somehow find myself on a plush, velvet couch all by myself. My elbow is resting on the arm rest as the back of my hand cradles my cheek. My feet are tucked underneath the couch as I stare at the orange flames of the hearth. My bag lay on the floor propped up against the front leg of the cough. I made sure to have the zipper closed and the buttons done.

The rest of the Dwarves are sitting in armchairs or standing, puffing on pipes as they speak in hushed voices. _I miss cigarettes_, I think sadly as I let out an inaudible sigh. I turn in my seat, my back against the armrest and my legs propped up on the cushion, snuggled against my chest. I locked my fingers together as I let my head fall onto the back of the couch, feeling my eyelids beginning to get heavy.

With the warmth of the room, the softness of the cushions and being the most comfortable I have been in the past three days (what with the bed my grandmother provided me with itched at my skin, making it red and raw and the fact it was always cold no matter how much I curled myself into a little ball) I felt myself begin to nod off, being carried away in the land of sleep.

"Thorin used to tell us this story all the time," I hear a soft voice speak. With a quiet squawk, I kick my legs out and make a quick motion with my hands that end up in a karate move. My eyes instantly find Kili's dark ones that are alight with amusement.

"_God,_" I breathe, my chest heaving. I relax my tense muscles a tiny bit, letting my feet to curl back up to their original position. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to warm my upper arms with my palms. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Just a few minutes," Kili shrugs as he drapes his arm over the back of the couch and turning his body slightly to face towards me. "You talk in your sleep, you know."

I feel myself go red at the comment; of course I knew, my cousins used to tease me all the time about it. I always dread waking up in the morning in case I say something so horrible and or embarrassing. "I didn't say anything bad, did I?"

Kili sends me a sly smile, making my eyes narrow. "Nothing that I would understand."

I let out a groan at this. "Oh, God, like what?"

Kili lets out a low, throaty laugh as I let my body relax even more. I feel comfortable around Kili; he isn't like the other guys back home. While they towered over me, Kili is only a head or so taller. He seems to think I was hilarious and isn't weirded or creeped out by me. He's young, reckless and carefree; just living live by the day.

"Well," he begins, scratching his dark stubble, "I did hear you repeat 'stay away from my pizza' quite a lot. I'm guessing that it is a strange thing from your homeland."

I feel my eyes bug out as I stare at Kili. _They don't have _PIZZA?

"You don't have _pizza_?" I splutter, voicing my thoughts as I feel panic rise. "Oh my God, my life is over. I can't live without pizza!"

"What is it?" Kili is probably freaked out by my little panic attack but he hides it well as I widen my gaze.

"Oh my God, it's the most beautiful tasting thing _ever_," I moan at the thought of it, "it's just... I can't even describe it without having a foodgasm."

"A what?" Kili questions, confused by the word.

"Uh... you know when you eat something so good?" I lean in towards him. To this, he nods feverishly, "and it's like a bloody dance on your tongue? Well, that's what a foodgasm is. It's the most amazing thing ever."

"You speak in the most peculiar fashion," Kili smiles, "I must say you are very interesting, Miss Libby."

"I told you," I stress, clenching my jaw. "It's just Libby. 'Miss Libby' makes me sound eons older than I actually am."

Kili raises an eyebrow at my statement, the corners of his lips turning up slightly. "And old are you, Mi - Libby?"

I raise my eyebrow questionably at him. "Haven't you ever heard the phrase 'never ask a woman for her age'?" Kili shakes his head and I let out a sigh, trying to fight off a yawn. I take a moment to study Kili; he looks to be in his early twenties, maybe even late teens if I'm going to stretch it. "Fine; I'm eighteen if you need to know."

Instantly, Kili's face lights up with a smile spreading like wildfire across his face in a flash of white and straight teeth. I just know he's fighting off a laugh as his shoulders shake. Oh, God, what did I say now? "What?" I groan as he starts to cough, smothering his laughter. "What is so damn _funny_? You don't look like you're that much older than me, give or take a few years." Kili starts to lean forward, breathing deeply as he places his elbow on his arm and covering his mouth with his hand.

"If you must know," he starts, "I am seventy - seven."

_Holy._

_Friggin'._

_Shit._

"What." I blank, blinking as I stare at Kili like he grew three heads from his shoulders. I just expected him to brandish a cane and start complaining about his back. But, instead, he lets out a husky chuckle at my stare. "How - you're - but - you look so young! How can you be so old! Ugh, this is so unfair!" I all but whine. Whatever these Dwarfs are smoking to making them stay young, I want it. I find it unfair how this incredibly hot and cool guy is as old as my wrinkly grandmother.

"Why, thank you," Kili snorts, "but I am considered young by my kin. Most Dwarfs live to be over two hundred years old, maybe even more. How can you know so little of your own kin?"

_My own - ?_

_Oh._

_OH._

_He thinks I'm a Dwarf! What with my peculiar height, I guess I could be one. . . _

"Uh, just, you know, forgetful me, aha," I joke awkwardly as I try to wrap my mind around the idea that this guy is _seventy - seven_. "Seriously, though, if my grandmother was here," I begin slowly, "she'd sink her dentures into you faster than I can say 'Holy shit'."

"Then, it is good I have you to fight her off," Kili laughs, even though he probably didn't understand 60% of what I said. Good for him for trying though.

"I doubt it," I snort in an unladylike manner, "I can barely stand up without falling over my own two feet."

"You are not like any other woman I have ever seen," Kili bemuses as my eyes begin to droop on their own accord. I let out a huge yawn as I see Kili through my blurry vision.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment," I slur slightly as my head falls against the cushion of the couch. Through my daze of half - awake and half asleep I heard it; a song that sang of want, of despair. It tugged at my heart strings as I lolled off into a disturbed yet comfortable sleep.

_Far over the misty mountains cold_

_To dungeons deep and caverns old_  
_  
We must away ere break of day_  
_  
To seek the pale enchanted gold._

_The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,_  
_  
While hammers fell like ringing bells_  
_  
In places deep, where dark things sleep,_  
_  
In hollow halls beneath the fells._

_For ancient king and elvish lord,_

_There many a gleaming golden hoard_  
_  
they shaped and wrought, and light they caught_  
_  
To hide in gems on hilt of sword._

_On silver necklaces they strung_

_The flowering stars, on crowns they hung_  
_  
the dragon-fire, in twisted wire_  
_  
they meshed the light of moon and sun._

_Far over the misty mountains cold_  
_  
To dungeons deep and caverns old_  
_  
We must away, ere break of day,_  
_  
To claim our long-forgotten gold._

_Goblets they carved there for themselves_  
_  
and harps of gold; where no man delves_  
_  
there lay they long, and many a song_  
_  
was sung unheard by men or elves._

_The pines were roaring on the height,_  
_  
The winds were moaning in the night._  
_  
The fire was red, it flaming spread;_  
_  
The trees like torches blazed with light..._

With the words of the song burning in my mind I feel sleep, acutely aware of the fact that Kili had his eyes on me. I just really hope he doesn't see me drool.

* * *

**hey guys once again sorry for the really crappy chapter. Just I wanted to get it done. This is more light - hearted and has a bit more humor. It seems a bit rushed bc it's half eleven at night and I have school tomorrow.**

**So, please, please, please review, follow and favorite!**

**-tateslangdon**

**(p.s if you want to see what Libby looks like go to my profile to check her out. Remember, though, this is how I see her, you can imagine her anyway that you want.)**

**(also, p.p.s just so you guys know, I'm European so if I spell something differently like I spell "Color" as "Colour", sorry!)**


	5. Miss Piggy

**Hey guys! So, I've noticed that the there was hardly any reviews for the last chapter and I guess it's because it was shitty and stuff but ah, well.**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

* * *

I wake up once during the night and it's due to the rumbling snore that's shattering the pregnant silence. I bolt up, my eyes bleary as I push my hair out of my mouth and I notice there's a dribble of drool that escaped the corner of my mouth. My cheek is oddly warm and I press my fingers to it, feeling impression of a material on it.

I frown as I squint around the room; I had somehow flipped down onto the seat, lying on my side with my cheek on something that was very warm and slightly uncomfortable. Due to the moon - light, I can make out the shapes of all the Dwarves that are dotted oddly around the floor and some have taken the armchairs. I can see Ori using his journal as a cushion while hugging his quill to his chest.

_Aw!_

Pulling my sleeve over my hands I wipe away the drool and stretch with my arms over my head. When hearing a satisfying pop, I slump back into the seat, trying to ignore the taste of sleep in my mouth.

That's when I hear very heavy breathing right next to my ear. With a silent yelp, I jump back as I try to make out the person next to me. With a sliver of moon - light, I can make out the dark long hair of -

_Well. Fuck. Me._

Kili has his cheek against the back of the couch, mouth slightly parted with his legs stretched out in front of him with his ankles crossed. I realise, with sudden horror that I drooled on him. I slap a hand over my mouth as I try to ignore the embarrassed blush that creeps up on me. Maybe he'd never notice. . . I try to comfort myself as I try to fight a giggle. I look out the window, marvelling in the light from the moon that casts over The Shire in an undeniable beauty that I would never see back home.

With a huff I slump further into the seat so my neck rests just below my collar bone, making it awkward to breath_._ I wonder what time it is. . .

My eyes widen as I shoot up so suddenly I think I got whiplash. I carefully slip off the comfortable couch and onto the floor where I start to feel for my bag._ I swear it was here. . ._

I come into contact with something and I'm about to tug on it when I realise that that is most defiantly not my bag. It's a _nose_. With an inward disgusted groan, I yank my hand back, not even wanting to know who it was. Wiping one hand on my shirt, I use the other to feel around for the soft, worn leather of the bag. When I feel the handle I almost want to start dancing with joy when I realise two things:

1: I can't dance. I'll probably fall and _die_.

2: someone is lying on it.

With an inward groan I shuffle myself closer as I squint at the bastard who decided it'd be a good idea to use my bag as a pillow. Of course, it's Fili.

_Stupid, good - looking jerk_.

I sit back on my legs as I scratch my head, trying to think of how I was going to slip this from underneath his head. Pursing my lips, I move to slip my fingers underneath his mass of blonde hair as I grab a handful of the material of my bag.

I inch the bag ever so carefully towards me, screwing my face up at every breath he takes. _God, it's going to be so awkward if he wakes up. . ._

As I pull the bag from underneath him, I smile in triumph before Fili rolls over and onto my hand. The action is so immediate that I let out a shocked gasp as I'm yanked slightly towards the ground.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_ I glare at the Dwarf as I try to wiggle my fingers from underneath him, flopping my arm like a dead fish. I continue this until I manage to pull my hand free. I smile happily before Fili's head makes quite a loud thump against the floor.

I stare wide- eyed at him but the Dwarf doesn't even mumble in his sleep; just twitches his nose.

I let out a breath as I get to my feet, trying to make sure I didn't step on a Dwarf. I twist and turn, squinting at the floor; I think I stepped on Bombur's beard once but the poor guy was too out of it to even register the pain of his facial hair - braid - _thing_ being tugged. I make my way into the hall, clasping my bag to my chest. My heart is hammering in my chest as I give myself a mental clap on the back; maybe I earned some grace from being sent back in time or what - ever happened.

As I go to take a step, I fall over my opened and loose laces, making me tumble onto the floor painfully.

I think I spoke too soon of being graceful.

As I turn my face with my cheek on the cool floor boards, I notice that none of the Dwarves even moved at the amount of noise I was currently making. I scoff at them before getting to my feet, walking carefully so that I don't trip again.

When in the kitchen, I can feel the heat that lingers, the embers of the fire clinging to the burnt wood that's shrivelled up and turned black. I step in front of the dying fire and sit down in front of it, my legs crossed.

With a shaky breath, I place the bag in front of me as I try to soothe my shaking hands. This is it; this is what will prove how realistic everything is. I count to ten quietly as I try to stop myself from delving into the bag. Slowly, after some time, I grab the zipper and pull it back.

Slowly, I tip the contents of the bag onto the stone floor, hearing the sharp taps of the metal bits clang against the stone. I give the under - side of the bag a shake before placing the empty leather beside my knee.

The first thing I pick up is a little flash light with a red laser pointer; it's been at the bottom of my bag for ages and I'm surprised the batteries actually still work. Placing it in my mouth and using my lips to press down in the light button, I continue to flit through the contents.

There is my nearly out of battery iPod with my headphones tangled around it; a pair of striped socks; a pair of scrunched up, creased underwear; a black click - y pen; tweezers; a Winnie The Pooh brush that flips up and has a little mirror, hiding like a compact make - up kit; a battered tooth brush with the bristles bent (quite ew, I must say) my box of tampons (that also have three unopened pads in it); four scrunched up tissues; a razor head with no plastic handle; a pack of gum with four strips left; a still full chap - stick; my purse that had only a few coins, a few photos and my I.D; my French book (how ironic is it that I didn't do my homework and I no longer need to learn the language?) and, finally, my phone.

I pick up my phone and I press the button but, unfortunately, it stays blank. I bite my lip and, deciding that I love it too much, throw it into the bag. It'd probably get smashed to pieces on the journey but I don't want to leave it here.

Turning back, I stare at what is on the ground, trying to decide what to bring and what not to bring. With a scrunched up nose, I decide to place the hardly used tissues back into my bag; I don't want to leave them lying around for Bilbo to clean.

I grab the razor head, the tweezers, socks, underwear, hair - brush, tampon box (obviously, duh!), my black pen (just in case I want to ever make a mental note like, I don't know, 'don't die today') toothbrush, the pack of gum and my chap - stick. I grab the iPod and, with a fretful good - bye, I turn it off for the last time before grabbing the French book and my purse and place them on top of each other. I jump to my feet as I place them on the table; pulling a chair back, I settle myself in with the flash - light clutched in my hand.

The tip of my toes just about grazes the stone as I grab the French book; it still smells of the class room. The pages are smudged with pen and coffee rings; reminding me of my old student life.

I sigh sadly as I try to keep myself from thinking of home. _Just one day at a time Libby. You _are_ going home. You_ will_ go home._

I start to skim over the introduction as I feel my eyes start to become heavy. Fighting a yawn, I skip through halfway towards the middle as I read the French words that, even though spending all my school life and my college life learning it, make no sense to me. In one ear and out the other, as my Gran used to say.

I rest my cheek on my palm as my eyes start to droop, the flash - light going out due to the fact my hand had gone limp.

Next thing I know, I'm asleep.

* * *

"Miss Libby?"

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT NUGGETS!"

I bolt up, the stiffness in my back and my neck and arms and, basically, everywhere making me wince. Shit, I fell asleep on the table. I've done that enough times while studying I thought I wouldn't have to here. I go to glare at who dared to even wake me from my slumber when I meet the shocked eyes of Ori, Bombur, Oin, Bofur (who, with a pipe in the corner of his mouth, looked to be the only one amused at my 'foul language') and Dori as the they gape at me.

"Oops," I grin sheepishly as I rub the stiff part of my back as I stretched my arms above me, a yawn escape me. "Forgot I'm supposed to be all lady - like and all that shiz - nizzle."

"I really doubt that's going to happen, lass," Bofur chortles as he lets out a puff of smoke. I raise my eyebrows at him as I lean back in my chair.

"For your information I can be very lady - like when I want to," I backlash slyly, "it's just I would rather not. There's no fun in that."

The others, having gotten over the initial shock of my swearing, go back to whatever they were doing. Bombur went back to cooking; Oin went back to leaning into his chair as he drank some tea that Dori was continuing to top up.

Ori, on the other hand, curiously eyes the French book that was hidden underneath my folded arms. He's seated next to me with his journal held tightly in his hand as he holds the quill.

"Miss Libby," he pipes, "what's that strange book you have?"

I look down to see that he is eyes the clichéd picture of the Eiffel Tower with a bright blue as the sky. "Oh, it's my French book."

"What is a 'French'?" the youngest Dwarf asks, enthralled by how realistic the pictures are. Poor guy, there's no way I would be able to explain to him how cameras worked.

"It's a language where I'm from," I explain as I slide the book over to him,; I try to ignore the little twinge of pain in my heart at the fact I've given one of the things from home away. "You can keep it; it's not like I'm going to need it here."

The youngest Dwarf's eyes instantly light up as he flicks through the pages, using one of his other arms to hold the thick journal that I notice he's always carrying around. I stand up with a yawn, cracking my stiff neck as I twist it side to side. As I go to stretch my back I notice the little pang in my bladder and I instantly cross my legs as I feel the need to tinkle increase.

"S'cuse me," I squeak, as I shift awkwardly, jamming my thumb over my shoulder, "I need to just . . . um . . . yeah. . ."

Keeping my legs crossed and my arms over my chest I hobble away from the group of Dwarves as I try to find the bathroom. I start to hobble around the home; trying to ignore the fact the need to piddle was growing. I can do this; I once held my pee in for the whole of_ The Hunger Games_ movie. With a bated breath, I open a closed door, hoping to see a loo, but instead I see only jackets and coats. Mumbling under my breath, I close the door quietly.

"What are you doing?"

With a yelp, I turn around with the need to tinkle suddenly disappear. I place a hand over my heart as I slam my back up against the closed door. There, looking very amused at my reaction is Kili; hands behind his back and rocking slightly on the back of his feet, he gives a sense of faux innocence. I take a deep breath as I crouch over with my hands on my knees.

"Holy Mary, Mother of God," I gasp, "what is wrong with you?"

"I only was curious as to what you were doing standing funnily whilst looking into Mr Bilbo's coat closet," Kili answers simply as I continue to glare at him.

"Well gosh, you didn't have to bloody well sneak up on me," I scold with a frown, "I could have collapsed in a pool of my own pee."

Kili raises his eyebrows as I see a faint redness on his cheeks. "I didn't mean to startle you so."

I wave a hand at him as I, once again, cross my legs as I glance around the little home with my eyes squinted. "Yeah, so do you know where the bathroom is? I gotta tinkle, like, super badly."

Instantly, Kili's eyes went to the ceiling as he shook his head. "There are things that I do not wish for you to share with me."

"Don't be such a prude," I snigger slyly, "I just wanna pee. It's not like I said that I wanted to s - "

"I do not want to hear!" Kili splutters as he made a motion with his hand that I can only describe as '_please - shut - the - frick - up_'. "Come, I will show you." With a grunt, I hobble awkwardly after him. Gosh, look at me; talking to boys and having them show me to the bathroom to shut me up about my need to pee. My flirting experience just went through the roof.

"So . . ." I begin as he leads me down another hall. Bloody Hell, how big is this place? "How's it hangin'?"

Kili casts me an odd look from the corner of his eyes. "Pardon?"

"Any buzz? News? What's up? Y'know, tell me what's going on in your life at the moment Kili, old buddy, old pal," I tease sarcastically as I playfully punch his arm slightly.

"You are by far the oddest Dwarf I have ever met," Kili bemuses. I noisily blow a wisp of hair from my mouth as I roll my eyes at his words; for one thing, I actually am not a Dwarf and second thing, I know I'm odd. This is like the second time he's told me that. I let out a 'pfft' noise.

"Oh, stop it Kili you big_ flirt,_ you're making me blush," I snort as Kili looks down at me (Yes, you heard right; Kili, a _Dwarf_, looked_ down_ at me, a _human_). I saw a blush become prominent on his cheeks.

"Please do not misunderstand me, Libby," he stutters, "I hope you haven't thought of me in a different way; I didn't mean it as a flirt I was just - "

I let out a chortle, snorting twice in a very unladylike manner; I always hated my laugh. It was weird and funny and it would embarrass me to no end. Plus I was called 'Miss Piggy' for two years of school. Unpleasant memories. Once again, I punch Kili's arm in a playful demeanour as I continue to snigger.

"Oh, God, Kili," I giggle, "I was only messing around. I know you didn't mean it like that. But your face! Oh my Lord, ha! I'm sorry but is flirting with me such a repulsive idea?"

"No!" Kili bites out quickly. "No, it isn't a bad idea. I think you're a very pretty girl, Libby, and I would very much like to flirt - I mean, I wouldn't I was just. . ."

At how he reacts to my question, his answer makes me blush scarlet. I've start to become aware of how awkward it's become; he said, twice in the last 24 hours, that I was _pretty._ And he said he wanted to flirt. Oh my, I think I'm going to _swoon._

"What are you two doing?"

The voice makes me snap to the side where a very amused Fili stood, with his eyebrows raised. I start to blush even more at how intensely he stares at the gap between Kili and I. Stepping away, I start to come up with an excuse.

"I need to pee."

Fili's bright blue eyes turn to me with his eyebrows still raised. "The door is right there."

_Huh, well, who would've thunk it?_

I scratch my neck awkwardly as I pass a glance between the two. "Well. . ." I turn to Kili with a blush still fresh on my cheeks, "thanks for, y'know, showing me the bathroom. Um, wish me good luck."

_Wish me good luck? Really, Libby?_

Giving both of the brothers a nod, I turn on my heel and bolt inside the door to relieve myself.

Holy shit, that was _intense._

* * *

"Excuse me?"

Looking up from my bag that, I had placed on the table. While in the bathroom, I had secretly borrowed some of Bilbo's toiletries. I added a towel, three bars of soap and a face towel. While I was in there, I had hesitantly ripped up a towel into six pieces of square pieces of cloth to use in favour of toilet paper. Hey, it was either that or nothing. Sure, I felt bad but then I remembered that I could die on this quest and I quickly shed myself of my guilt.

Ori stood before me, looking abashed and shy, as he held his hands behind his back. Flipping the flap of my bag close and tightening the button, I swerve in my seat so that I'm on the edge facing Ori.

"Hey, Ori," I grin, "what's up?"

Ori's eyebrows furrow together at the unfamiliar sentence but shook his head, as though getting rid of the questions that came up. Shyly, he fumbled with something behind his back as he just about shoved a thick, leather bound journal in my face. I blink widely as I stare at the designs on the cover; it is quite beautiful.

"T- This is for you," Ori stumbles over his words as he casts his gaze downwards; "in exchange for the book you gave to me earlier."

"Oh, Ori," I say softly as I carefully trace the patterns on the leather. I feel cheerful at the gift as I stare up at the Dwarf. "It's beautiful."

Ori doesn't answer only just continues to stare at his shoes. Getting to my feet, I sling my bag over my shoulder while clutching the journal. Without thinking, I press my lips to Ori's cheek while trying to fight a smile. "Thank you."

I quickly run out of the room leaving Ori, who currently resembles a cherry, alone. Stuffing the journal into my bag, I make my way outside where the rest of the Dwarves were. I stretch my arms over my head as I breathe in the fresh air, closing my eyes as I listen to the birds chirp a song in the trees. I wonder when's the next time I'll be at peace like I am right now.

The Dwarves are saddling up the small ponies and I instantly blanch at the fact I have to sit on them. It's not that I hate them; after many incidents with falling off, my legs cramped and not being able to walk properly, the thought of sitting on one for a whole day was enough to put anyone off. Keeping a straight face I walk over to join the Dwarves with my hands interlinked behind my back.

"So, horses?" I ask casually, as I stand between Fili and Kili as the saddled up their horses. The two brothers look at me.

"Well, yes," Fili answers as he pulls at something underneath the pony's belly; probably to tighten the saddle. "We need to cover as much ground as possible."

"So, I guess walking is out of the question?" I purse my lips as I stare at the 'innocent' enough looking pony that neighed a Kili lets out a bark of laughter as he tightens the leather seat under the beasts' belly.

"I would very much guess so," he sniggers, sending a wink my way. Scoffing, I turn away from him (not wanting him to see the faint redness in my cheeks) as I face the blonde haired brother. Fili shakes his head amusingly as he meets my eyes with his bright blue ones.

"You will have to share with one of us," Fili tells me and I feel my shoulders slump at the news. There's no way I would survive on the saddle by myself so with another person? I think absolutely _not_.

"I'd rather not," I scoff as I turn away from the two Dwarves, making my way back to the little home in the ground. As I made my way past Kili's horse's flank, it suddenly flicked its tail and I ended up with a mouthful of horse hair. Making a scene by spitting out the hair I backed away from the horse, landing on my ass.

"I think I'll take your offer up on the ride," I squeak to Fili. He lets out a throaty laugh as I struggle to my feet with a grunt, disgruntled at the fact I had dirtied the pants already. Brushing the dirt off of my ass I sent Kili's pony a glare and I also sent one to the rider that stood near the horse's head with a hand patting it firmly.

"What did I do?" Kili asks frowning at the cold look I was giving him.

"I don't like your horse so therefore I will not be speaking to you," I sniff, turning my head up as I turn to Fili who, somehow without me noticing, sat proudly on the horse, staring down at me with his eyebrows raised. I shuffle on my feet as I link my hands. Back home, I had no problem at all getting on a horse but there is a problem with what this horse is a lot bigger than the ones I used to ride back home.

"Uh, a little help?" I blush as I smile cheekily at Fili. The said Dwarf lets out a low chuckle as he sends a twinkling look over my shoulder. Before I can protest a pair of strong, large hands are on my waist, lifting me up as though I weighed nothing more than a ball of fluff. I let out a girlish squeal as my legs are put either side of the horse with my muscles tense.

"What the bloody Hell?!" I curse as I stare down at the twat who dared to do such an act; standing there with a smirk on his face, Kili sends me a heart melting smile that makes me feel gooey but I scowl at him, quickly doing '_fuck __you_' in sign language. But he already turns around so the obscene gesture goes unnoticed. I feel Fili shaking silently as he tries to contain his laughter.

I slap his shoulder as hard as I could but I'm pretty sure it was next to nothing to him. "Jerk," I mutter under my breath.

Sighing, I take one last look of The Shire, hoping to imprint the image of the beautiful place in my mind. I have a feeling that this would be the last time I would ever feel this safe. "What about Bilbo?" I question in a low voice to Fili.

"We do not know," Fili admits almost sheepishly, "we have all taken bets on whether he is going to show up before entering Bree or not at all."

I roll my eyes at this; of course, only they would come up with something like that. As I wiggle about trying to get used to the feel of sitting down on the horse I realise: I have no idea where to put my hands. Without making myself known, I start to move my arms around, briefly grazing my fingers his shoulder, waist and arms but my hands fall limply to my side as I scratch my head.

Without a word, Fili reaches behind, grabs my arms and pulls them around his waist. My face is blazing as, because of his action, I'm pulled a lot closer to him with my chest all but flush against his back.

"Wouldn't want you to fall off now, would we?" Fili sneers playfully. I roll my eyes again as I interlink my fingers on his stomach. "Also, next time we're asleep can you be so kind as to not smack my head so carelessly off of the ground?"

_So, he had woken when I accidentally let go of his head!_

"Shut up," I mumbled back as I place my blazing cheek against his back.

When I feel the horse moving I realise: _there's no going back now_.

* * *

**Hey guys so yeah, not a really action packed chapter but I hope it's still good enough! I've been spending the past four days writing and re - writing it.**

**School was very, um, interesting today; a fight broke out between two girls and one of them got punched in the face and, holy shit, the whole school had a bloody meltdown because this has never happened before.**

**Anyway, please, please, please, please review, follow and favourite! It really, really, really makes my day!**

**-tateslangdon**


	6. Marty McFly

**Hey guys! So, thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites!**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

**(p.s this is rushed because I have tests soon and I need to study so I'm jamming whatever I can into this chapter that I'll edit later.)**

**(A/N) edited 23/05/2014, 17:56: I was looking over this last night and I realised there are a TON of cringe worth spelling and grammar mistakes and I've just finished editing it now.**

* * *

Riding on a pony is not my ideal type of transport. With my butt aching, my thighs itching and becoming stiff, it is pure _torture_; trying not to throw myself onto the soft, safe, green grass is becoming harder by the minute.

But the view was slightly worth the pain. Waking up every day for the past 18 years to the sight of buildings, sky - scrapers and the dark grey of concrete and roads, this is something that just seems so, I don't know,_ surreal_. The trees are large oaks adorned with full leaves; flowers of all colours of the rainbow bloomed everywhere.

I try to drink in the site all at once, shifting around in the saddle behind Fili with my mouth agape.

"Will you stop your shuffling back there?" Fili mutters to me but I pay no head as my eyes are glued to a very pretty butterfly that is fluttering next to me. I don't understand how they can't be enchanted by the beauty of The Shire. Then again they've grown up to places like this so they must be used to it by now.

I reach my hand out, taking it away from the grip on Fili's waist, watching as the butterfly slowly perches on my index finger. Happiness swells up in me as a big grin spreads across my face. A fucking _butterfly _is on my fucking _finger_. This is bloody Tumblr worthy. _Where's a camera when you need one?_

"It's not my fault that this place is amazing," I answer as I watch the pretty butterfly flutter off to disappear in the fauna. "I grew up with hardly ever seeing grass or even seeing the trees this green."

"Where is it that you grew up, Miss Libby?" Ori asks as he continues to write in his journal while steering his pony. How the Hell does he do that? I couldn't type and talk at the same time, much less steer a horse. Reeling my mind back, I give a shrug at his question.

"Somewhere really far away," I mutter, "I doubt I can go back now." I frown at this as I feel my eyebrows furrow together; does it even exist here? Would I end up like Marty McFly and slowly start to erase myself from my timeline? I hope I don't end up kissing my own mother though. "I don't think it even exists anymore honestly."

This catches Ori's attention as he looks up from his journal to give me a mystified and curious look mixed with understanding and pity - lots of pity. A lot of the group is ahead of us with only Kili, Ori and Dori beside Fili and me. I suspect that Dori is only hanging back for his brother and not to engage in conversation. Kili, however, is right next to us that I swear his knee has brushed up against mine at least once or twice. Though he pretends not to be listening, I see that his head has turned slightly towards me.

_Smooth, pretty boy._

"Why is that, Miss Libby?" Ori asks, his voice dropping dramatically. _Because I think I've been sent back in time or I might be dead. _I snort inwardly at that; like they'd ever believe that. But, then again, they have weirder things here; Wizards, Hobbits, Dwarves and even fucking _Elves _(apparently). Like, shit, I bet they could believe me if I tried to convince them.

Biting my lip, I let out a puff of air, weighing the risk of telling them. "Uh, well - "

"Wait! _Wait!_"

_Oh, Bilbo, I could just _kiss_ you right now!_

Everyone pulls to a stop as I spy the little Hobbit come running towards us, holding the contract firmly in his hand. I feel a big smile break across my face at the sight of the out of breath Hobbit as he struggles to speak.

"I signed it," he puffs as he stops next to Balin's pony. Balin takes the contract, reading through it as though looking for something, maybe Bilbo's signature, I don't know. With a sigh, Balin looks up with a slightly pleased look on his face.

"Everything appears to be in order," Balin announces to everyone, "Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield."

"Welcome aboard, mate!" I yell out. Bilbo meets my eyes and sends me a bewildered smile as though he can't believe he's actually going through with this ludicrous quest, fully aware he could die at any moment.

"Give him a pony!" Thorin yells, casting Bilbo a look that I can only describe as him basically saying '_stay - out - of - my way - you - little - shit_' (or that could just be his face normally; Thorin is a natural grump and he usually looks like he's glaring at everyone and everything around him) and then everyone starts to move once again. I yelp at the sudden jostle and grip Fili tighter, making his belt out a laugh. _Jerk_.

Wait a minute.

"Do mean to tell me," I seethe through clenched teeth, "that there are _spare _ponies?!" I all but hiss at the Dwarf riding beside Fili and I. I could have had my _own_ pony but _no_, instead I to have the utter _delight _of sharing one with this blasted jerk who's forcing me to hold onto him. Kili sends me a wry smile.

"We only had one spare," Kili explains nonchalantly. I scoff at this.

"And I couldn't have had it?" I squawk, "Instead of having to hold onto _him_?" I gesture to Fili in front of me, "also known as the jerk in front of me? Sorry, but I really don't fancy being told by your stupid brother to 'stop your shuffling'," at the end of my sentence I let my voice drop a few octaves so I sounded a lot like Morgan Freeman. Fili suddenly sends his elbow back, connecting lightly with my stomach. It wasn't a rough hit, more playful than anything, but it makes me glare at him.

"I am _so _not sharing a pony with you anymore," I dead pan.

"Fine by me," Fili teases as his brother chuckles beside us. _Ass hats._

"No, no, no," Bilbo stutters, bringing me back to the situation at hand. "That won't be necessary. I'm sure I can keep up!"

Turns out me and Bilbo share distaste for horses. Poor bastard.

"I've done my fair share of walking holidays," Bilbo continues almost amusingly as I shake my head at him. Suddenly, without a word, Fili lets go of the reins, shoves them into my hands as he passes his brother a sly look. I know I should probably wonder what they're planning but all that's running through my mind is '_holy crap I'm driving a horse. Holy shit, I'll end up crashing it into a tree!'_

I scrunch my nose up as the horse bucks it head, hair flying everywhere. What the _Hell_ even _is_ this - this thing?

"I even got as far as Frogmorton once," Bilbo says nervously before, suddenly, Kili and Fili pick him up by the shoulders (with Bilbo letting out a very 'manly' squeal) and deposit him on a nearby pony that I just notice. _Lucky duck, getting his own pony._

Gripping the reins almost instantly, Bilbo passes a glare to the two laughing brothers while I give him a sympathetic smile. When he got close enough, I clap him on the back while smiling genuinely.

"Good to see you again, mate."

Bilbo sends me a glare in return for my smile.

_Talk about feeling the love._

* * *

Two days.

That's how long we've been riding.

_Two fucking days; 48 fucking hours; 2880 fucking minutes; 172,800 God - damn, mother - fucking seconds._

We've only been allowed five minute potty breaks (where we had to go to the bathroom _in the ground_) and each and every passing moment is pure and utter torture.

I'm tired.

I'm hungry.

My ass fucking hurts.

I have a sneeze that _will not sneeze out. _(Is that a thing?)

But, more importantly, I need to pee.

My arms have turned to jelly at how long I've held onto Fili and I'm positive that when I get off the horse that the only way I'll be able to walk is if I do the crab walk. I can't even feel my legs anymore!

During the first day, even though I was slightly annoyed I managed to keep happy and tell a few jokes (that were more well received here than back home). The more I talked the more people seemed to be interested in what I had to say (which is a lot different than it was back home) even though the three people I talked to most were Ori, Kili and Fili. Ori constantly asks, quite shyly, about my 'homeland' (I tell very little because for all I know it could have a ripple effect on a timeline or I could seriously fuck shit up). Kili and Fili, well, they just find any moment to tease and joke with me.

I do thoroughly remember throwing the core of my apple (that Fili oh so _kindly _gave to me; meaning he practically dropped it over his shoulder and onto my head. Luckily, I caught it between my legs) at his head when he continued to do an impression of my face when he told me of all the God awful creatures that awaits us in the wild.

I'm just going to say this once and once only: I will never be able to watch Harry Potter again and think Dobby is cute from the way Kili described Goblins. I mean, granted Dobby is an elf but Jesus H. Christ; the similarities are too striking for my taste.

On the second day, however, everyone has seemed to pick up on my bad mood because Ori keeps himself to himself while writing or doing whatever he does in that damned book, Kili and Fili mutter to each other in, what I think is, a rougher version of German. As I listen I can pick out the similarities of the language that they speak and the one I'm almost completely fluent in. Throughout their little argument (I know it's an argument because of how pissed off Kili looks and the annoyed yet amused tone of Fili) I pick up words (when I'm bothering to even listen) such as 'Brother', 'a friend', 'share' and 'me'.

Weirdest conversation ever I might say.

I let out a grunt as I snuggle closer to Fili's warmth with my eyes drooping. As I feel myself start to drift off into a fretful and uncomfortable sleep, our horse suddenly sneezes making me pull away from Fili with my eyes wide open and a shocked squeal escapes my mouth. The two brothers stop arguing as Kili sends me a smirk.

Jerk.

"_Ich hasse Pferde_," I mutter under my breath, quite under the impression that no one could hear me.

"What was that, Libby?" Kili asks almost immediately after I spoke, casting me a sideways look. I give a shrug as I snuggle my cheek up against Fili's warm and surprisingly comfortable back again. _How I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up back in my own bed..._

The sun is beginning to dip lower behind the line of sight, making the sky turn an inky red colour. It's funny; everything looks the same as back home (though a bit healthier). I gaze at the sky through my eyelashes, squinting at the blinding light. The clouds have become thin wisps, spreading across the blood red sky. I can see the bright, silver moon start to appear; it's a lot closer than in the sky back. I frown at the thought of never seeing the familiar moon of home, or the stars or the sun or anything really.

But most importantly the internet.

"I said I hated horses in German," I mumble as I yawn, my eyes squinting and making everything blur.

" 'German'? What is that?" Kili inquires as he slows his horse's pace so that he was directly opposite of me. I stared at him for a moment; really taking in his looks. His hair was a lot longer than guys back home would have it; his dark stubble made him look a lot hotter even though I really preferred my guy's clean shaven. His ears though a fair bit larger than a human being's weren't comically so. His dark brown eyes that were under a pair of heavy eyebrows shone with amusement and content, almost making me turn into a pile of warm goo.

_Jesus Christ, Libby, I know you're emotionally horny but, for the sake of every one, control your emotional hormones._

"It's a - a language," I continue to explain through a yawn, "from where I from. I used to think it was a very angry language but turns out it's quite beautiful. That language you were speaking reminded me of it. Come to think of it there are some words that are similar between your language and mine."

The two brothers share a look of raised eyebrows and Kili looks like he's about to delve in more on the matter but Thorin yells out that we're going to stop and rest for the night. We've left the beautiful sight of The Shire for something that I can only tell is a cross from rocks, mud and more rocks. And maybe more mud.

"Hallelujah! Praise is to the Lord Jesus, our Saviour!" I groan as I instantly let go of Fili and stretch my stiff arms over my head, sighing in happiness at a welcoming pop. Fili slides off the pony with undeniable grace while I kind of just _stare _at him.

"Uh, hey, little help?" I say sheepishly. Fili sends me a smirk and shoulders his heavy sword, the metal jostling together.

"I'm sure you can do it," the blonde Dwarf smirks as he walks off.

"You're going to get karma! What ever happened to being chivalrous or whatever the bloody Hell you guys are supposed to be?!" My voice has risen but Fili ignores me as he walks off. "Dude! Damsel in Distress over here!" I yell after him but get no answer in return, only a bark of laughter.

Bastard.

I let out a huff of annoyance as I shift in my uncomfortable seat. I hold my bag to my stomach as I painfully pull one leg over so that they chafe uncomfortably together. "Here goes nothing." I push myself off and, for a brief unsteady moment, I am standing on my feet.

And then I promptly fall over.

I get a mouthful of grass and dirt while I roll onto my back, staring at the light of the fading sun. "I fucked up. I fucked up very badly," I groan as I pull a couple of strands of hair from my mouth. Suddenly, the view of the red sky is block and instead I see Kili's, concerned and adorable face.

_Well, the view has most certainly improved._

"Hello," Kili amuses.

"Hey there," I return as I hold my bag closer to my chest, fighting the blush that bloomed across my cheeks. Does he have to be so good - looking and funny and nice and sweet and Jesus Christ, I'm turning into one of those obsessed fan - girls, aren't I? "Little help?"

With a laugh, Kili takes my hand and carefully pulls me to my feet. Now, what I did next is possibly the most awkward and embarrassing moments of my life and I am still so happy that I did it because my God, he is just so swoon worthy.

"Whoops!" I purposely trip over my own feet and fall into Kili's arms, noticing the way his arms go around me as one of my hands is against his chest and the other grips his bicep. _Hello there, Mr Bulging Muscle. _I glance up to meet his wide - eyed gaze, noting how his has turned a dark red and I shoot him my most crooked and awkward smile ever.

_Focus, Libby, this is a quest to defeat a live dragon, not the chance for you to somehow get a boyfriend. And we both know the first one is going to be the easier of the two._

"Thanks, dude!" I squeak as I pull myself away and flip my hair over my shoulder as I practically _sashayed _away, feeling so proud at my little action. As I walk past Fili I can see his eyebrows grow higher as he smirks, obviously having seen how I practically _did_ throw myself at his little brother but he was the only one who saw it. I send him a little wave as I shuffle away, looking for a place far away to tinkle.

After, erm, _finishing my business_, I wander about before stopping to sit myself back on my heels, letting my hands hang as I rest my elbows on my knees. I can hear the low chatter of everyone back at camp and I let out a big sigh; I feel like an intruder. They're all buddy - buddy and besties for life and I'm just here awkwardly trying to weasel my way into a group that probably doesn't even want me.

_Kind of like back home. Huh._

I mean, _sure_, I hung out with other people and got piss drunk but I never really _actually_ had a friend. I was kind of always alone with only me, myself and I for company. And I'm not great company so that sucked. I remember how one time I caught pneumonia and I was pulled out of school for an entire two months.

Not _one_ 'get well soon!' card and not even a friend came to visit.

I've kind of gotten used to being alone; sure, Dad was a great father when he wasn't working but that was the problem: he always worked.

I always used to depend on myself and I used to be my own best friend. I know that I would have had a fleeting acquaintance but I don't think I've ever really had a friend. How sad is that?

I shake my head, freeing myself of all these pessimistic thoughts, as I reach into my bag and grab the brush. I hate the thought of leaving my hair down for so long and let it get so knotted and tangled but, actually having no elastic band or even a hairband, I'm forced to let it hang loose. Fucking Hell, I already can _feel_ the pain of brushing it the next time.

After finishing a long, pain filled brushing session; I come back to the campsite to the smell of cooking food. "Ah, my one true love," I sigh dreamily. I clasp both hands together as I take a deep breath of the lovely scent. No one hears my comment as they're all broken off into little groups; Ori, Dori, Nori, Oin and Gloin speaking together (actually Ori's just off to the side writing in his journal); Bifur, Bombur and Bofur are in a separate group speaking in the same language that I heard Fili and Kili speak previously.

Dwalin, Balin and Thorin are the furthest away, speaking in low voices and obviously discussing something important.

I cannot see Gandalf anywhere, or the two brothers. The only one I see sitting alone is Bilbo, who's standing near the horses, petting one of them with his back faced towards the entire company. Gripping the strap of my bag and taking a deep breath, slowly making my way towards the Hobbit. _What am I going to say? 'Hey, sorry for eating all your food and accidentally ruining your pants!'?_

I shake my head before stopping mid - stride; I decide to just leave it be and sit down far away from Bilbo, near Bifur, Bombur and Bofur. I take my bag from my shoulders as I root around for something to occupy myself with. With the dim light of the fire, I can see my things in my bag. _God, I hope I have a hair tie in here . . ._

"Well, lassie," Bofur asks, turning to me with a pipe in his mouth. I've recently started to notice how my hands are starting to shake what with my lack of cigarettes. I've come this close to even asking Fili for a puff of his pipe. "How are you finding this life on the road at the moment?"

I snort at his wording; "I wouldn't call it life on the road, more like my butt being put through painful torture for whatever it did in a past life," I sigh as I hear Bofur laugh.

"Colourful and strange choice of words there lassie," Bofur winks, "but you'll get used to it."

"I don't want to get used to it," I grunt unhappily as my shoulders sag, "I just want to go back home and live my boring life as a teacher."

The Dwarf raises his eyebrows. "You? A teacher? Why, I would never have believed it!" He starts to giggle (yes, _giggle_. It isn't the happy - go - lucky kind of giggle, no; it's the kind you hear in such movies as _The Shining _and so forth). I raise my own eyebrows at him, casting him a not so amused look.

"Oh? And what about _you_, Bofur?" I inquire, turning my torso towards him, "what do you do?"

"I make things," he answers simply, almost a bit too vaguely, "just like Bifur."

I look over to the Dwarf Bofur had mention; Bifur looked wild, almost feral looking. His beard was a mix of braids with grey threading black. His fingers where a blur as he continued to make something in his hands. "What kind of things?"

Bifur says something in the rougher version of German and I manage to catch the word. "Toys? Like, what kind of toys?"

Bifur speaks again, holding up the now complete object in his hands. It's a pretty bird and looks oddly familiar. I shuffle closer to him as I carefully take it nimbly in my fingers. "What kind of bird is it?"

Bifur grunts something again and I cast him a smile while shaking my head. "A sparrow; I've never really bothered to learn the names of birds. My Grandpa used to take me out bird watching every summer and no matter how hard both he and I tried, I just could never remember the names of them. '_In one ear, out the other' _as my Gran used to say."

I can feel the very intense eyes of Bofur, Bombur and Bifur on me as I playfully turn the bird in my hand. A smile starts to bloom across my face as I remember the little wooden birds my own Grandpa used to whittle for me before he died. As I glance up, I meet the very wide and shocked eyes of Bifur. I glance between the three Dwarves as I feel my smile slip from my face.

"What?" I question, panic swelling like a balloon in my chest. Oh, God, did I offend them by taking the bird? Oh, dear Lord, it's the bird, isn't it? Did I like, I don't know, agree to _marry_ Bifur or something? _Please, dear God, no. I really hope not._ "What did I do?"

"You understood him," Bombur explains softly. I feel my eyebrows knit together; _I understood him? How? _"You understood Khuzdul."

"I understood _what_?" All these difficult names for everything are giving me bloody headache.

"The Dwarven language," Bofur explains kindly, "only those in Dwarven culture know it."

I let out a shrug as I twirl the bird between my fingers. "I guess it has some similarities with a language from my own home." From peripheral vision, I see the three Dwarves exchange an amused look. As I glance over my shoulder I see Kili and Fili step out from the tree lines to collapse near the fire, a shit - eating grin on Fili's face and a scowl on Kili's.

I quickly hand the bird back to Bifur as I smile kindly at him whilst getting to my feet. "It's really beautiful," I tell him, bending down to collect my bag as I quickly turned on my heel to join Fili and Kili.

"Why does Kili look like you ripped the head off of his favourite doll and fed it to a dog?" I ask, bemused as Kili continues to glare at the fire with much intensity. I scuff the bottom of my converse shoes (Having practically spent my whole life in them, I have no trouble in walking for long distances in them) as I wind my hands behind my back, glancing at an amused Fili.

"He lost a bet," Fili sniggers as his brother quickly turns to him, casting a dirty look to his older and blonder brother. I quickly sit down with my back up against the large rock, legs straight out on the ground.

"It was merely a misunderstanding," Kili mutters as he takes a dagger from his belt and starts to twirl it around in his hand with much skill. _I wonder what else he can do with his hands . . ._

Oh, my dear, _God _what the Hell is _wrong _with me? My grandmother would have a _heart attack_ and would scrub my mouth out with soap if she heard what I just thought!

Thankfully, since moving closer to the fire, the blush that creeps up on me goes unnoticed. Thankfully.

I kick Kili's elbow lightly to get his attention and succeed in doing so. "Misunderstanding, pissunderstanding," _I just have no control over what I say and think today, do I? _"Don't look like he skinned your pet rabbit alive."

Kili's big, brown eyes widen at my words, "What?"

That's when I heard it; the most terrifying screech that ripped through the air and causes everyone to exchange glances with each other. I can feel my eyes widen as my heart starts to hammer in my chest. I, on a reflex, grip my bag as I meet Kili's eyes, clearly showing him the fear that suddenly appeared.

". . . What was that?" Bilbo asks, stepping back towards the group and looking as terrified as I am currently trying not to show.

Kili breaks his eyes away from mine to answer Bilbo; "Orcs."

I feel my stomach flip at mention of the horrible, _nasty _creatures Kili and Fili described to me; they were pretty confused how I couldn't know of practically anything and my answer was a shrug and 'my parents practically locked me away from the dangers of the world'. A few eyebrows were raised at that one, I assure you.

And thought of encountering them?

_Fuck, no._

"There'll be dozens of them out there," Fili continues, smoking his pipe nonchalantly. "The Low Lands are crawling with them."

I stare at both the brothers in horror at how _cool _and _collective _the two brothers are. "You know, for talking' about blood - thirsty and cold - blooded monsters you guys are very _calm._"

Kili shoots me a look over his shoulder, his mouth quirking at the side. That little_ twat!_

"They strike," Kili continues, his voice taking on a death tone, "in the wee small hours of the night, when everyone's asleep." Though I know he's putting this on to scare the poor Hobbit (who is looking ready to shit is pants, I might add) but I tug my bag tighter to my chest, bringing my legs up to my chest. "Quick and quiet - no screams, just lots of blood."

_That's an image to get mentally scarred in your head for the rest of eternity._

However, Thorin gets to his feet as he faces his nephews. "Do you think this is funny?" He says to his two nephews, who quickly look very abashed and very guilty. I squint my eyes close as I try to get rid of the image. I don't get what much of what Thorin says because I'm too busy focusing on the image of _not having my throat slit in the middle of the night_.

When I open my eyes, I see Thorin stomp off to the ponies as Kili gazes down at the ground, looking ashamed. I shuffle my ass so I'm sitting next to Kili, bumping my shoulder with his; smirking at how guilty he looks.

"Stop looking so forlorn," I say sarcastically, "it's not like he stole your favourite teddy bear."

Kili sends me a look from the corner of his eye that I don't quite make out; his brown eyes swirl with tiredness and guilt. A slightly smile tugs at the corner of his eyes before he speaks. "Why don't you sleep," he sighs, "we have a long day ahead of us."

"If that's your way of telling me to shut up, it's a very kind way of doing so," I smile, as a yawn appears. I shuffle myself down onto my side, using my bag as a pillow.

As I slowly fade into unconsciousness, I vaguely hear the story the sorrowful and painful story of the dead King, and of lonely Thorin Oakenshield and his never ending battle to reclaim the Dwarven lost cities.

* * *

**Hey, guys, so yay, another update before tests start!**

**So, I got a lot of feed back from the previous chapter and I'm so happy that people are actually liking this story! And this is just a little peek into Libby's private life; I've got a lot more.**

**I hope this doesn't sound conceited or narcissistic in anyway but I actually base most of Libby (her personality and her horrible sense of humour) off of myself. I'm a generally awkward person and say whatever is on my mind, which usually ends in everyone looking at me oddly.**

**Though I'm not that small or have blonde hair or don't have the chance of being in middle earth and around Kili's beautiful self, everything is practically the same (save ****a lot more things).**

**Also, guys, I know that German and Khuzdul have no similarities whatsoever but I've had this idea that what if they were and it kinda of incorporated itself into the story. If this annoys you, I'm very sorry but this kind plays an important part in this story.**

**So, please, please, please, please review, favourite and follow!**

**-tateslangdon**


	7. Fili - Junior

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites!**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

***WARNING* THERE IS SOME VULGAR JOKING IN THIS CHAPTER. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED IN THIS BOLD AND CAPS LOCKED WRITING. NOT MY FAULT YOU DIDN'T READ IT.**

* * *

I wake up to the sound of Gandalf yelling. "Get up! The sun has just begun to rise! We must go on!"

I start to curse the blasted man mentally as I try to cling to the last hope of sleep and warmth. I shift my head and pull the warming radiator closer to me.

_Now just wait a darn minute._

I crack an eye open to find that, no, it isn't a big, soft radiator that I'm clinging to; it's, none other, than Thorin's youngest, brunette nephew. I feel both my eyes begin to widen as I realise that I'm snuggle _very closely _to his side with a blanket draped over my curled up form (which is weird because I am positive that I went to sleep with only my clothes for warmth).

_Oh my God, what the Hell is wrong with me?!_

I let out a squeal as I shoot back, ass over tit as I tumble backwards due to the blanket getting tangled in my limbs.

"Shit!" I yelp as I quickly shuffle to my feet. I quickly turn away as I slap both of my cold hands over my very red and very warm cheeks. No one has noticed my little freak out as they're all rubbing the sleep from their eyes and quickly packing away.

I quickly bend down, slinging my bag (which I had used in favour of a pillow last night) over my head when I meet Kili's sleep filled brown eyes. Instantly, I stand up straight and laugh awkwardly as I scratch the back of my neck.

"Ha ha, hey! Morning!" I say in a very high - pitched voice as I feel a forced smile find its way onto my lips. "Wow, great day, don't you think?" I take a deep breath, emphasizing my words and let out a satisfied grunt.

"I guess so," Kili answers in a voice that is thick with sleep. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the first time I want to actually fuck a voice; could I _get_ any creepier and weirder? "You're . . . energetic this morning."

"Ha, well, yes," I stutter as I watch him stand to his feet, trying to ignore the memory of waking up cuddled to his side, "nothing wrong with being a ball of energy in the morning. Wow, is that the time?" I glance down at my bare wrist, pretending a watch is there. It probably looks weird to Kili since he doesn't even know what a watch is. "You know what? I think I'm just going to just - um - yeah."

Twirling on the heel of my foot I move to walk away, trying to push the shame and horror of bloody awkwardness and weirdness, repressing the memory. I'm being _way _too weird towards him for something _I _did. Like, shit, I'm the one that decided to snuggle into him. Grumbling and cursing myself, under my breath I'm about five feet away when Kili speaks again.

"Wait, your blanket."

_My what?_

I glance over my shoulder to see Kili holding the same blanket I woke up in clutched in his hand. I pretty sure - no, I'm _positive _that I didn't have a blanket last night. I shuffle awkwardly closer to him, my eyes narrowing at the sight of the woollen blanket.

"That's not mine," I explain, "I just woke up to it on me."

Kili shrugs as he bundles it up before throwing it at me. Me being, well, _me, _it splats into my face due to my very slow reflexes and I tug it off at me, nearly growling at the Dwarf. I just know that, along with my horrid case of bed head, my hair is looking down right horrible with knots and tangles.

"I know," Kili replies as he begins to pack away his own things, "I had a spare. You would have frozen during the night with only them odd clothes for warmth."

I literally turn into a _puddle_ on the floor; a blushing, stammering and smiling puddle that's suddenly holding to the itchy wool as though it is a life - line.

_Oh God, he's going to be the _death_ of me if not anything else on the stupid quest! I need to stop acting like this around him! He's just a guy, gosh!_

_A guy that's _really_ cute and _nice_ and I just want to s_mush_ his face together and make baby noises._

"Oh, erm," I begin to feel _very_ hot in the face and my thoughts start to tangle and get very messy. I try to find my voice with my tongue all tied, "well, um, yeah, t - thanks! I think I just better, um, yeah. Bye!"

I dash away with my face very hot and I'm not far away when I trip over something and do this weird little flip_ thing_ before landing on the moving thing beneath me. I let out a squawk before rolling off of the bundle that - as he suddenly moves the blanket away - is Fili. His mane of golden hair is somehow still in place.

Seriously, how the _fuck _do Dwarves keep their hair looking like they just walked off of Disney movie?! I can't even let my hair dry without looking like Mufasa afterwards!

"Sweet niblets, Fili!" I growl as I slap his shoulder. I can hear his younger brother laughing at the two of us. I can just _see _the dust of red on Fili's cheeks as he continues to grumble and stands up. I follow him and brush myself down, glaring at the Dwarf. "You ever do that again and it's toodle - loo to Fili Junior," I faux threaten as I shake my fist at him.

That's where his eyebrows knit together in confusion at my threat. "Fili - _what_?"

I wave my hand in the air as if to say 'never - mind'. Linking my hands behind my back, I turn away from Fili to watch others get back onto their horses. _Shit, I forgot we had them_. I frown before turning to Fili and - who had appeared without my notice - Kili. God - damn it, how the Hell is he so quiet?! Glancing between the two I seize the quiet moment to ask the question that has been burning in my mind.

"Which one of you do I have the utmost _pleasure _to ride that pony with?" _That was probably one of the kinkiest things I have said while here so far._

Fili lugs his bag over his shoulder before giving me a quiet shrug. "Not me for sure," Fili grunts in an annoyed and grouchy tone, "I was tempted to just throw you off of the pony too many times to count."

_Chivalrous, my ass, _I snort inwardly. I turn to Kili with my eyebrows raised and my arms crossed over my chest. Kili lets a sigh bleed past his lips as if it is the most painful thing he has ever had to do. "Fine, I guess I'll have to let you share with me."

I let out a little happy squeal before letting a smile explode across my face. "Awesome! We're going to be like the three musketeers! Except there's only two of us. And I'm a girl. Wow that did not turn out as I hoped it had."

The two Dwarves share a look; one I can only describe as amused and confused.

* * *

I like the rain.

I like it when I'm in bed on a drowsy Sunday morning with a cup of coffee in my hands.

I like it when I'm trying to get to sleep at night.

Not when I'm actually _out _in the rain, getting soaked to the bone. It's like little bullets are slamming their way repeatedly into me but never breaking the skin and not drawing blood. It's like I'm drowning with the constancy of the down - pour.

I didn't have a cloak like the others so, unlike the hair perfect Dwarves, my hair ends up being plastered to my cheeks and my nose dripped with water every few seconds. I feel like I'm just going to fall off of the horse any moment. With my arms wrapped _very _tightly around Kili's waist, I rest my forehead on his back; teeth chattering, I focus on his warmth due to the fact I'm frozen everywhere. I can't feel my fucking toes!

"I feel like I'm going to drown," I croak through the silence. Everyone has the blues due to the rain; Bofur looks miffed off due to the fact he can't light his pipe (after trying numerous times); Bilbo looks as cold and drenched as I am - if not more; Bombur complains about the weather to his cousin, Bifur, under his breath.

"It shall end," Kili all but whispers to me, as though he's afraid to shatter the silence, "all things must end." _That was so deep, man._

In response, I grunt and shuffle closer so that it's like Kili and I are occupying the same space even though I know it to be very impossible. _I could really go for a cup of hot chocolate with marsh - mellows right now . . ._

"Yeah, yeah," I murmur, "whatever, Shakespeare - "

"What?"

" - now onto more important things," I continue as though I hadn't heard him interrupt me. My voice is low enough for only Kili to hear me so I briefly thank the Heavens or whatever God they have for the rain. I feel his torso shift slightly turning towards me. "What's the deal with reclaiming this lonely mountain? Like, I don't understand; why now? What does it have to do with you guys? And, most importantly, why is it lonely? This - This all causes me to have a migraine."

My teeth have started to chatter very badly and I end up shoving my face into Kili's back even further, breathing in the scent of tobacco, the clear mountain air, sweat and the sweet tinge of the rain. Never thought that that would be my new favourite smell. Ever. Yeah, because _that's _not creepy in anyway whatsoever.

"It has everything to do with us," Kili says in a hushed tone. I notice he's skipped over my first question. "We - Fili and I - are Thorin's heirs."

Wait.

_What?!_

Thorin is a _king?!_

More importantly - Kili . . . is a _prince?!_

_And the award for being the Slowest Person Ever to Piece Things Together goes to . . ._

I sigh inwardly; there goes my chance I had - right out the window.

"O - Oh," I chatter, my teeth vibrating as I wind my fingers together. I loosen my grip on Kili a bit as I feel very_ aware _about the fact that he's _royalty _and I'm, I guess, a 'commoner'. "Well, um, that's just - "

"Here, Gandalf!" One of the Dwarves (I think it was Dori) calls from his pony in a polite and question tone as he inclines his head towards the rain that is pissing from the Heavens. _Haven't any one them heard that it's rude to interrupt someone when they're - _"Can't you do something about this deluge?!"

I roll my eyes at his question; Gandalf isn't going to always wave his hand and make the sun come out just for this lot. And Gandalf, as it appears, seems to agree with me as he replies with, "It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done! If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard!"

_Gandalf: 1, Dwarves: 0._

"_Oh,_" I intervene, dragging the 'o' out.

Everyone ignores me.

"Are there any?" Bilbo asks with his teeth chattering very loudly. _That's . . . actually a great question, Bilbo. _I raise my eyebrows at Gandalf's back as I wait to hear his answer.

"What?"

"Wizards, I mean," Bilbo clarifies as he shifts in his saddle. I scrunch my nose up as I hear the squelching sounds his clothes make due to the rain. _EW._

"There are five of us," Gandalf explains, "the greatest of our order is Saruman the White - "_ Yes, because that_ doesn't_ sound the least bit evil _" - Then there are the two blue wizards - "

Gandalf stops short of his statement before letting out a gust of air. "Do you know, I've quite forgotten their names?"

_Your age is peeking through there, old man, _I snigger cheekily. Fili casts me an odd look from his horse but I ignore him; they're going to have to get used to the fact I make random comments in my head that I just _have _to laugh at.

"And the fifth?" Bilbo prompts as Gandalf enters a thought - filled silence.

"Well, that would be Radagast the Brown!"

_Jesus, what is with all these weird names? Why couldn't they just call their kids something normal like, I don't know, Bob?_

"And is he a great wizard?" Bilbo continues. "Or is he more like . . . you?"

_Just what on _Earth _are you hinting at Bilbo? Hm? You're just a _bundle_ of niceties today, aren't you?_

Gandalf considers Bilbo's words for a moment before answering his question. "I happen to think he's a very great wizard. In his own way," _and there it is; the usual kind of 'but', _"He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the east and good thing to! For always evil will look to find a foot - hold in this world."

_Well, isn't that _smashing _to hear? Always great to know some _loony_ is looking after our forests and our animals._

After the rude comments in my head towards the conversation stopped, the rain clears up (not straight away, mind you, maybe after three or so hours of wondering if there's a rash on the inside of my legs by now). I look up at the sky and frown; this place was _very _bipolar. We leave the muddy forest into clean (and cold) open air. My teeth chattered more profusely as I regained my tight hold on Kili.

_I really could go with that cup of hot chocolate now . . ._

* * *

"Well, I'm stumped."

Having decided to stop for the night, the whole company all set off to find the softest patch of grass to sleep in while Thorin and Gandalf go off to the side, entering a broken and battered house and slowly entering a heated argument about whatever they have to fight about; with Thorin being Thorin I guess it could be absolutely anything.

I sit behind Kili in my almost dried yet moist and damp clothes as I place both hands on my hips, trying to decide on how to get off of the horse. Kili still sits in front of me, turning his body as though amused to watch me calculate on how to do this simple task.

"You could just jump off," Kili suggests and I roll my eyes; Yeah, and end up breaking my nose and getting a mouthful of the mud. No thanks.

"Smart one, Kili," I say sarcastically, "gosh, why didn't I think of that?"

I shuffle my weight as I try to ignore the ache that's coming from my thighs and the annoyance of the wet underwear. Thank God I have a spare in my bag or else I would have had to gone commando. Something I really didn't fancy doing in the company of fourteen guys.

" - To seek the company of the only one around here who's got any sense!" Gandalf puffs as he storms away. _What crawled up his ass and died?_

"And who's that?" Bilbo inquires, looking wide - eyed and quite worried over the angry wizard who pushes past the others.

"Myself, Mister Baggins!" Gandalf barks over his shoulder.

"Love you too, Gandalf!" I holler after him but, alas, he ignores my quip. I am most _defiantly _feeling the love here. I stick my tongue out the corner of my mouth as I begin to lift my right leg _very _slowly (or so I believed) on the same side of the other. Only problem I kind of go a _tiny _bit too fast for my frozen and dead leg and I end up getting it caught with Kili's waist and we both get flung off of the pony.

"Fuck!"

"What - !"

You can probably guess which one of us said which.

I yelp as my shoulder meets with the ground and I roll onto my stomach, getting a mouthful of dirt, grass and my hair.

"Bleurgh!" I pull myself up to my knees as I pull the long, blonde strands of hair from my mouth while spitting out the excess dirt and green grass.

Kili is lying beside me on his back, glaring at me. I glare back but more playfully.

"_You could just jump off_," I mimic Kili's earlier words in a high - pitched voice as I snort, getting to my feet and brushing the dirt off of my knees and palms. I look up to the pale sky, noticing about how quickly the sun sets. I let out a puff of air as I stretch my arms over my head, taking a deep breath of the clean, pollution - free air.

"Thank you for your _great _help," Kili bites sarcastically, getting to his own feet as he brushes away the grass and taking his hair away from his face. I give him a shrug as I take the strap of my messenger bag and slowly slip it over my head so that it rests lazily on my shoulder, feeling as though it's going to fall off any second.

"I'm pretty sure you can manage to get to your feet," I tell Kili as I quickly scuttle around him to walk towards to the camp ready to just collapse on the ground and fall into a deep coma - like slumber. I toddle over near the out skirts of the camp and fall down onto my ass, resting my bag on my crossed legs.

"Um, excuse me? M - Miss Libby?"

I look up to the source of the timid voice, seeing a very awkward Bilbo stand in front of me in his still damp clothes. I instantly crack a smile at the sight of the Hobbit.

"Hey, Bilbo," I chirp. "Anything I can help you with?"

The Hobbit turns a dusty red as he slowly sits down in front of me with his legs in the same fashion as mine. "I was just wondering if . . . well, if you would - you don't have to - it's just that I . . . well . . . "

I smile softly before I lean forward, placing a kind hand on Bilbo's knee. "Spit it out before I slap you, Bilbo."

Letting out a huff, Bilbo refuses to meet my eyes. "Iwaswonderingifyouwouldhelpmetofitin."

I blink at the sentence the Hobbit said in a single breath. "Huh?"

"I was wondering . . . if you would help me . . . well, _fit in _with the others," Bilbo clarifies through a stammer. He reaches a hand up to scratch the back of his mop of soft curls. I felt my nose scrunch up at his request; me? Help someone _fit in_? That's probably the one thing (scratch that: one of a_ billion_ things) I don't know how to do and can't do.

"I think you're asking the wrong person," I sigh deeply as I curl my hands together while I watch Bombur begin to make the food over a new fire. "Believe me when I say this Bilbo, but I have no idea how to fit in with people."

"But you get on with them all," Bilbo says, blinking, "you fit in with them all - granted mostly with Fili and Kili but still . . . "

I ponder on Bilbo words; I hadn't really thought about fitting in. I'm more worried on how I'm actually going to get home (which by now seems more and more impossible). I let out a letting hum as I shrug my shoulders again. "I guess it just . . . happened," I mumble, "I'm not usually good at those sorts of things."

Bilbo glances up at the sky with the sun already have set and the stars have started to come out. He furrows his eyebrows together - probably in worry or confusion, maybe both. "He's been gone a long time," Bilbo announces.

"Who?" Bofur pipes up from the fire, pouring some of the soup into one of the two wooden bowls they brought along with them.

"Gandalf," Bilbo pressures as he gets to his feet. Bofur offers a shrug as he pours more of the soup into the other bowl.

"He's a wizard," Bofur explains, "he does as he chooses. 'Ere, do us a favour and take this to the lads," Bofur says before handing Bilbo the two hot bowls of soup. Looking for an excuse to not be left alone and be as awkward as I could have been, I jump to my own feet, "I'll help."

_Yes, because Bilbo is having such trouble with carrying two bowls that he needs help._

I lurch forward and take one of the bowls in my hand and walk past Bofur just as he hits Bombur (who was in the middle of taking another helping) with the ladle lightly and muttering, "Stop it; You've had enough!"

Bilbo toddles after me as I walk to find Fili and Kili, listening to the source of the slight upset whinnying from the horses. Dear Lord, what have they done _now_?

Bilbo over takes me with his eyes glued to the forest floor and the bowl of soup so he doesn't spill. I start to frown, slowing my pace, as I watch Fili and Kili's stiff backs; something is most _defiantly _wrong. Bilbo doesn't notice this and pushes past a branch which whips back to hit me in the face.

"Ow! Fuck!" I curse, growling as I bend down under the branch and glaring at the Hobbit who hasn't looked back or even apologised. I'm _so_ going to get him back for that, especially when he least expects it.

I glare daggers at the back of the Hobbit, who is standing in the middle and looking between the two Prince Dwarves who look like they're about to have a stroke. I make my way to stand beside Fili as I place a hand on my hip, holding the soup out. _If he's not going to take it . . ._

"What's the matter?" Bilbo asks slowly.

"We're supposed to be looking after the ponies," Kili says very quickly, looking like he's about to start hyperventilating any minute. I raise my eyebrows silently.

"I'm sensing a 'but' coming," I mutter as I try to stop myself giggling at my very badly worded sentence. _Mature, Libby, very mature._

"Only we've encountered . . . a _slight _problem," Fili explains as he turns his torso towards a very confused Bilbo. I feel myself frown as I turn towards the ponies that are grazing on the grass. _Hold on . . ._

"We _had _sixteen."

"Now there's _fourteen_."

I blink at the news, trying to process it. "Wait . . . so you two, also known as Fili and Kili, also known as Princes, also known as Thorin nephews," I begin airily, moving to stand in front the three as I gesture between the both of the Dwarves with the bowl of soup. Their eyes snap to me as I continue to finish my sentence. "Just fucked up? And you fucked up big time?"

"Well," Kili splutters slightly.

"Oh my God!" I start to feel a smile break across my features as a lightly laugh escapes me. "This is _brilliant_!"

"_Excuse _me?" Kili frowns, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring slightly at me. "How, in any case, is this brilliant?"

"Because I had no part in this! Like, I didn't fuck up and I always fuck shit up!" I chortle, feeling very happy despite the situation. I pass the bowl of soup into Bilbo's awaiting hand as I clasp mine together and turn to the sky. "Dear Lord, I don't know if you hear me, but I just want to say thanks for not getting me involved in this crap. Amen!"

"Is she hallucinating?" I hear Fili mutter to his brother as I turn to face them, a smirk on my face.

"C'mon, let's see which ones you two dopes lost," I chime as I face the horses, approaching them with Fili and Kili stepping after me. _Huh, so there are fourteen . . ._

"You seem a bit _too _happy about this," Kili mutters to me, stepping in line with me. I look at him for a minute before rolling my shoulders slightly, reaching up to scratch the back of my neck.

"I told you," I say through slightly gritted teeth. "I usually fuck things up and this is probably one thing that - even though I could have fucked it up - I didn't actually fuck up."

"You can't be _that _bad," Kili tries to reassures me awkwardly.

"Believe me," I mutter, "I am."

"Oi!" Both Kili and I turn to see a none - too pleased Fili standing not too far off with his arms over his chest. "Will you two quit your flirting and tell me which of the horses are missing?!" Fili yells, slightly annoyed at us. Instantly, I turn a bright red while Kili steps away from me and glares furiously at his brother.

"We were _not flirting!" _I shriek at Fili but he just raises an eyebrow before turning his focus to his brother.

"Daisy and Bungle are missing," Kili clarifies in a steely calm tone.

"Oh," Bilbo speaks up for the first time in a few minutes, "That's not good. That's not, uh, good at _all_." _Really, Bilbo? What gave it away? _"Shouldn't we tell Thorin?"

"Er, _no,_" Fili says quite sheepishly, "Best not worry him. As our official burglar, we thought _you _might like to come into it."

_Ah, so Fili and Kili are scared of uncle dearest, _I conclude while Bilbo looks as though he really didn't _want _to get involved. With Thorin's temper, I wouldn't want to either. Turning my gaze from where I'm standing as I wonder what they're looking at, I can clearly see a _knocked down tree_. Jesus Christ, what kind of _things _are here that can knock a tree right up from its roots? I feel my mouth fall open at the site of the upturned roots.

"Uh, well, it looks as if something _big _uprooted these trees," _big? Really? I would never have guessed it. _I step closer towards the wreckage, hunching down onto my knees as I tap my chin slightly, and feeling very much like Sherlock Holmes.

"That was our thinking," Fili agrees as he, too, examines the tree but more thoroughly; I'm just kind of sitting here gazing off.

"Something _very _big," Bilbo continues, "And _possibly _quite dangerous."

"That's brilliant detective work, Watson," I announce as I get to my feet and grin at Bilbo who, in turn, ignores me.

"Wait!" Fili says abruptly, crouching down low. "There's a light over there!" Fili gestures over to Kili, who crouches down low to join his brother's side. I turn to Bilbo who's looking _very _confused and still holding the bowls of soup.

"Come along, Watson!" I hiss in a whisper as I follow Fili and Kili, bending on my knees and feeling like I'm in Mission Impossible.

As I hum the theme tune to Mission Impossible under my breath quietly, I make my way to squeeze beside Kili and I peer over the log, eyes narrowing as I did, indeed, see a flicker of light. That's when I hear it; the _laughter. _It reminds me of a mixture of the normal evil kind of laughter and the other evil kind of laughter that I can only describe as Dolores Umbridge.

"What _is _it?" Bilbo questions in a high pitched voice.

Glancing a look with Fili, Kili answers Bilbo's question with one word; "Trolls."

_Nope, nope, nope; I am done. I am not doing this shit._

Along with the others, I get to my feet and hobble after them as I try to calm my racing mind at the fact that _trolls _actually exist; and I doubt it's like one of the troll dolls with the colourful hair and shiz.

I look back in time to see Bilbo grab the soup. Good to know where his priorities lie when he could be attack by a troll.

"Shit, that's it, I'm done, man," I comment under my breath as I drop low to the ground, not wanting to hear the sickening laughter that is making my stomach churn. "Fuck this; I'm going back," I announce to the three men. Just as I move to my feet, a hand clamps around my wrist and pulls me down again. I land down onto something soft and warm; before I can let out a squawk a palm is slapped over my mouth.

"_Quiet!_" Kili hisses in my ear, turning my head slightly so I can see something, indeed, _big _and _grey _bumble past us with two more ponies in either arm. The smell that attacks my nostrils makes me want to gag and vomit up all food that's left sitting in my stomach. I ignore the blush creeping up on me when I realise I'm between Kili's legs.

_Cue internal fangirling._

I feel Kili's arm wrap around my waist and draw me nearer as the - what I assume is - troll stomps past us with the horses whinnying unhappily at being in the arms of the creature.

I turn my face in slightly towards Kili's chest as I resist the urge to vomit; not really attractive to barf all over a hot guy now, is it?

"They've got Myrtle and Minty!" Bilbo whisper - shouts at us. "We _have _to do something."

When Kili's grip on me slackens a bit I instantly pull away to slunk to the ground as I try to ignore the horrid, putrid smell that is lingering in the air. From the corner of my eye, I can see Kili and Fili exchange looks with a mischievous glint in their eyes. _That's not good . . ._

"Yes!" Kili says enthusiastically, "_You _should! Mountain trolls are _so _stupid and _you're_ so small - " Bilbo's eyes widen when he begins to pick up on what Kili is insinuating, waggling his fingers " - They'll never see you!" Kili insists, reaching forward to grab one of the bowls of soup that Bilbo _is still carrying_. "It'll be perfectly safe, we'll be right behind you - "

"If you run into trouble," Fili interjects as he stands to his feet as well and takes the one remaining bowl of soup as he urges Bilbo forward towards the source of the horrible laughter. "Hoot twice like a barn owl and once like a brown owl - " With that Fili pushes the Hobbit along over the rocks towards the trolls.

They're not just going to _leave _him there, _are _they?! My God, even _I _know that's a _horrible_ idea! I start to chew my lip as Kili grabs my forearm and begins to pull me along. "Wait, what you are doing?!" I inquire in a panicked voice.

"We have to go back to tell Thorin what has happened," Fili answers as they begin to tug me along. _No way am I leaving Bilbo to practically _die!

"Uh, why don't I stay here?" I suggest in a weak voice. Both brothers stop and turn to look at me. "I mean, you know, keep updates on Bilbo and help him if I can and all that jazz."

Kili shakes his head at my suggestion, as though it is ludicrous. "No; absolutely not."

I cross my arms over my chest, having tugged my arm away from him, and glare at him with my eyes narrowing. "I didn't _ask _for your input. I _am _staying here and I _am _going to help Bilbo."

"And what, die?" Kili scoffs as he mimics my standing position though, I must admit, he does it far better.

"You didn't have much trouble pushing Bilbo along to 'die'," I almost growl as I jut my chin out before tearing my eyes away from Kili's and turning them towards the eldest. "I promise, I won't try to interfere or anything. Cross my heart." I make an X over my chest as I plead Fili with my eyes. I can see him practically breaking at my request. With a grunt, he bends down and takes out a knife from his boot before thrusting it into my hand.

"Just in case," He says before turning to his brother (who looks quite livid might I add. Oops.). "Come, we have to tell Thorin."

Kili's eyes flash to me but I turn my back on the both of them and creep my way to crouch down behind the log that we were at before. I hear their feet cracking twigs on the forest floor before all is silent.

"Stay calm, Libby," I chide myself as I hold the hilt of the dagger in both of my shaking hands, "the big bad troll thing won't eat you; you're too bitter. Just keep calm and - "

I hear a very loud shriek and I yelp; oh God, he's in trouble!

"What do I do? What do I do?" I begin to hyperventilate as I run my hand in my rats' nest of a hair. Glancing up at the source of the light, I take a deep breath before breaking out into a run, smashing through the canopy and feeling the nicks on my skin due to the thorns that scratch at my skin. _What am I doing?! Just what the actual fuck am I doing?!_

I have no time to answer myself because, sure enough, I break through the bushes and, for a brief second I am greeted with the _lovely _site of Bilbo covered in (EW, _gross!_) snot, then I smack into the Hobbit. I fall back onto the floor with the dagger flying out of my hand as Bilbo lands on top of me. Instantly, I'm winded as I start to heave.

"God damn it Bilbo!" I whine as I push him off of me. I crawl on my hands and knees towards the dagger Fili gave me before a big, massive _foot _stomps down right in front of me. And I'm telling you, it didn't exactly smell like _Fabreeze._

"Shit!" I squeak; jumping back so I land on my arms and my eyes trail up to meet the crosses eyed troll's. Up close, the need to retch was becoming more prominent. I clamp a hand over my mouth as my eyes begin to water due to the rancid stink that omits from the troll.

"Fuckin' Hell," I gag, "hasn't anyone here ever heard of deodorant?"

"Oh, look," the troll says sounding very, ah, _special_, "a _lady_."

I get to my feet, backing away as I laugh awkwardly. "I wouldn't call myself a lady, mate, more like just some person what got stuck with a vagina and tits."

"I do love the taste of lady," The special sounding one said as his had lurches forward to grab me. With a yelp, I duck down and duck between its (S'cuse me while I vomit) legs and I dive forward to grab the dagger. Ignoring the pain of impact I pick it up and hold it in my shaking hands as the three (three? Really? There just _has _to be three? Wait, why is one of them wearing an apron . . .?) Trolls begin to box me in with evil looks on their faces.

" 'Aven't 'ad the taste o' woman flesh in a while," the one with the apron sniggers as he bats a fucking _ladle _in his hand. My eyes widen when I realise; _I AM WOMAN FLESH. _"I can't wait to eat you."

"You know," I shudder, "that means something entirely different from where I'm from; though they usually say 'eat you _out_' not just 'eat you'. Same difference, I suppose."_ Did I just actually say that? Oh dear Lord, what is _wrong _with me?!_

"The las' one was jus' as annoying," another one grunts, " 'E wouldn' shu' up 'bout cookin' 'im in an _oven_."

"I'm pre'y sure 'e said to cook 'im evenly," the special sounding one interjects.

I feel my eyes widen as I catch onto their words. _The last one? There was someone like me here? Someone from where I'm from? _From the corner of my eye I can see Bilbo trying to undo the knots of the ropes from where the horses are being kept. _I need to buy him more time . . ._

"Bet he wasn't much fun, was he?" I laugh shakingly, tightening my grip on the dagger. "It's always fun to play with your food!"

"She's righ'!" The special sounding one slithered, drool dribbling from his mouth. _That's attractive, _I cringe. "All 'e did was talk 'bout a Hannibal guy! Ne'er shu' 'is trap! This one could be some right fun!"

My skin crawls at what he says and I swallow my vomit as I let out another loose laugh. _Keep calm, Libby. _"That sucks, man. Me? I'd probably give you tips on how to cook me!" _Just digging yourself deeper, Libby!_

"Oi!" the other one who spoke before, "Wha's he doin'?"

All of the three turn around to catch Bilbo undoing the knots and the horses quickly gallop off. Freezing like a deer in headlights, Bilbo's eyes widen before they meet mine with one clear message: _run._

"You two couldn' 'ave jus' shu' it and grab 'er?!" The - what I am assuming is - cook roars in outrage at the both of them.

"Run, Bilbo!" I shout as I - seizing the moment of the distracted trolls - jab the dagger into the heel of the special sounding one. He screeches in pain as I quickly pull it out and dart between his legs to grab a hold of Bilbo's arm.

We're not even three feet away when Bilbo is ripped away from me and my feet are no longer touching the ground. The dagger falls from my grip as the special sounding trolls holds me in his grip. I start to gag as I see his face closer; he truly is one ugly son of a bitch.

"Are there any more o' you li'le fellas hidin' where you shouldn'?" the troll holding a knife inquires.

I wriggle in the grasp of the troll holding me but it only results in him tightening his grip. I gasp at the pain that aches in my ribs.

"No," Bilbo shakes his head, "just me - well, us."

" 'E's lying!" the troll holding me almost gasps in his high pitched voice and tightens his grip further on me.

"Ow! Dude!" I whine but, alas, I'm ignored.

"No! I'm not!" Bilbo reassures desperately.

" 'Old 'is toes o'er the fire!" the high pitched trolls says sadistically. "Make 'im squeal!"

Quite suddenly, the bushes rustle and out pops Kili with a grin on his face. Briefly his eyes meet my wide ones and the grin slightly slips from his face. The pain in my ribs start to become more prominent and a silent gasp escapes past my lips, making me tear my eyes away from Kili's.

"Drop him!" _O - o - o - oh, he's sounds _pissed.

"You _wha'_?" the troll holding the knife says, almost offended.

"I said," Kili smirks as he twirls his sword slightly in a flourish, sounding very confident. "_Drop him._"

I'm quite surprised when they actually _do _drop Bilbo; well, drop him _onto _Kili. But still, drop him nonetheless. Before I can do much myself, the troll holding me throws me to the ground except I don't land on Kili; just the hardness of the ground and getting a mouthful of dead leaves. I roll onto my back with a groan as the rest of the Dwarves surge forward in a battle cry. I get to my feet while wrapping an arm around me; since when has it been hard to _breath_?

Dodging the bodies of the Dwarves and avoiding getting squished by the trolls, I look around for my dagger. Kicking the leaves around and breathing heavily while ignoring the pain, I am acutely aware of the fighting behind me.

"Come on, come on, come on," I say under my breath, the air ripping at my throat. I raise my eyes to see something glint in not three feet in front of me. "Bingo!" I jump forward and, as I'm about to take it in my hand, something grabs me from behind and I'm picked up by one of the trolls again.

"Oh for fucks' sake," I groan as the high - pitched trolls holds me a bit _too _tight for my liking. Pain spikes in my chest again and I let out a yelp. I glare at Mr Special Face with my eyes narrowing. "Can you, like, fucking not hold me so tight?"

"Lay down your arms or we'll rip 'is off!" _Oh, he looks too pleased at his play of words._

I look around to see Bilbo being held by the cook and the other troll, each of them taking one arm and leg. My heart lurches in my chest as I cry out, "Bilbo!"

"Shu' it!" Mr. Special Face growls and squeezes me. I gasp in pain and begin to imagine his very _slow _and very _painful _death.

I stare at the group of Dwarves with my teary eyes; Thorin glances at Bilbo then me then back to Bilbo again. Grudgingly, he throws his sword to the ground and Kili soon follows, looking more pissed off than I have ever seen him. Ori even throws his sling shot to the ground.

"Stick 'im in the stacks!" The cook orders gleefully. " 'Cept 'er. Take 'er clothes off and tie 'er up!"

My eyes widen as I glance at the very shocked Dwarves and back to the cook. "You _what_?!"

* * *

**SUMMER!**

**IT'S SUMMER!**

**I MADE IT THROUGH THE WHOLE YEAR WITHOUT GETTING INVOLVED IN DRAMA AND FIGHTING!**

**BASICALLY, I JUST STAYED OFF TO THE SIDE LAUGHING AT MY OWN JOKES AND EATING OTHER PEOPLE'S FOOD AND TELLING REALLY BAD PUNS TO ANYONE WHO WOULD LISTEN!**

**Here's a fun fact: I was voted 'Most likely' to be a: Hobo and a Serial Killer in my school. Hobo I get, but serial killer? Why would I kill breakfast?**

***badum - tss***

***crickets***

***cough* Well, yeah, so, I think this is actually a really long chapter. It's over 7,000 words long! I've been spending the past week writing it and re - writing it and editing it and yeah.**

**Also, sorry if Libby seems a bit . . . snarky and bitchy in this chapter. Idk, it just kind of happened and I said her personality is based on myself so, um, yeah. Anyway . . .**

**So, please, please, please, please review, follow and favourite!**

**I'm so happy this story has over three thousand views! Thank you for all the support!**

**Also, when do you guys get your summer holidays? Or did you already get them?**

**Thanks!**

**-tateslangdon**


	8. Prince Un - Charming

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter! I couldn't wait to update again! I have no idea why but I just _love _this chapter!**

**Just so you guys know, I have the next three chapters written and I usually start writing a new chapter straight after I publish one.**

**I need to get a life during the summer.**

**Eh, well.**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

* * *

"You know, I usually get to know a guy _before_ he takes my clothes off. I don't know about the rest of you guys but I think being a cannibal is a _huge _turn off."

In nothing else but my bra, underwear and my converse shoes I begin to make comments as the three trolls (William, Bert and Tom - yes, that's their names; I would have thought it would have been something like Org or Grunk, something very caveman like and so not . . . English) continue to cook half of the Dwarves over a fire while the other half wriggle about in sacks off to the side.

They, the Dwarves, too are in (what I suppose is) their _undergarments. _Except it's not boxers; it kind of reminds me of a onesie. I smother my giggle at the thought of _Thorin, _of all people, in a pink bunny onesie.

None of the Dwarves look my way; in fact they do their best to ignore my presence (stupid Dwarves; they literally had a heart attack when they saw my _knees_). Unlike them, instead of being thrown into one of those foul smelling sacks or being over the fire, I'm left tied to the trunk of a tree with my arms behind my back, my nearly naked body on show for all. I had given up trying to get free when I got nasty rope burn around my wrist and a few leaves stuck in my knickers; talk about uncomfortable.

"Usually, from where I'm from, they make you dinner," I continue to spew, "but here I guess it's quite literal in actually making _you_ the dinner."

The trolls ignore me as they turn the Dwarves over the fire, the cook - Bert - pokes them with a sharp looking knife. I can hear the displeased growls from Dwalin who curses the trolls in Khuzdul. I think I heard him say "knife up your ass" or "right up door brass" but I'm defiantly presuming it wasn't the latter. I let out a deep, pain - filled sigh as I continue my plan to annoy every single one of them as much as I can before I get eaten.

"Honestly, guys, this is probably the closest I'm getting to a date so I'm taking what I get," I sigh with faux sadness. "Say, Bert, what am I doing to be? The starter? Side - dish? Oh! Am I going to be the dessert?"

"Will she e'er shu' up?" William grumbles as he turns the shouting and cursing Dwarves. I pout as I glare slightly at the back of the troll. I shuffled my arms, feeling the rope burn into my wrist and the bark scratches my bicep. I click my tongue as I slump my back against the rough and pain inducing bark of the tree as I let my lower lip slip out in a pout.

"Aw, William, it hurts me in thinking we can't be friends before you, y'know, eat me. Say, you know what would get this party going? Some music!" I cough dramatically until my throat hurts slightly before telling them which song I'm deciding to break out into. "I'm going to teach you guys probably the greatest song from the early 2000's." I take a deep breath before I start to sing. "_Some_body_ once told me the world is gonna roll_ _me_," I sank very off tune, my voice pitching in the most awkward ways. I hear the groans from the Dwarves and I think I even hear Bert cursing under breath.

"_I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed! She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her_ _thumb_," from off to the side I hear Oin muttering 'Thank Mahal, I don't have my ear trumpet.' Oi, I'm not _that _bad! This only urges me to practically screech the lyrics higher. "_In the shape of an "L" on her forehead! Well, the years start coming and they don't stop_ _coming_!"

"Lass, be quiet!" I hear Bofur cry from his place over the fire. I instantly stop singing and I raise my eyebrows at him, scoffing.

"This is like a really popular song from where I'm from; I'll be damned if you never hear it!" I curse as I look to the sky dramatically. "Now where was I? Oh, yeah." I let out another cough before I continue my deliberate bad singing. "_Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running! Didn't make sense not to live for fun_!_ Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb_!_ So much to do, so much to see_!_ So what's wrong with taking the back_ _streets_!_ You'll never know if you don't_ _go_!" I do a scratch of a CD that I acutely remember that was played at the exact moment after singing those lyrics.

"Will no one shut her up? I feel like I'm going to go deaf!" Dwalin yells as he glares at me before averting his eyes when he sees my current attire.

"I am _trying _to educate you in pop - culture, you _swines_!" I yell back. Talk about rude. Flipping my hair slightly, I resume. "_You'll never shine if you don't glow_!_ Hey now, you're an All Star get your game on, go play_!_ Hey now, you're a Rock Star get the show on get paid_!_ All that glitters is gold_! _Only shooting stars break the mould_!"

I stop mid - sentence as a frown makes its way onto my lips. From the corner of my eye I can see the Dwarves all exchange looks with each other at my awkward silence, obviously confused at my sudden decision to shut my mouth. I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth as I sigh deeply.

"I forget the rest of the lyrics," I say, obviously disappointed. And here I thought I could put on a little concert for them and have fun before being eaten. "Shame really. I mean it's one of the greatest hits of my generation! Granted, the movie was disturbing for me; it gave me the heeby - jeebies throughout my whole entire childhood and even into my early stages of adolescence. Gosh darn that ogre gave me nightmares for as long as I can remember and even lon - "

"If she doesn' shu' 'er trap, I'm goin' to make me - self go deaf," Tom all but whimpers as spittle flies from his mouth. I scrunch my nose up in disgust. _Gross. _I sniffle as to fake my feelings being hurt.

"Oh, Tom," I pretend to pout, slipping my lower lip out, "and here I thought we could be friends before you got your wicked way with me - " I pause for moment at my choice of words. " - no sexual innuendos intended. I thought we could get to know each other before you, well, eat me."

I let out a raspberry as I shift my sitting position and I end up sitting Indian style with my legs crossed "Did you know that when I was younger I used to think the ocean and all water was God's _pee_? My poor mother had a horrid time of getting me to bathe. Also, fun fact, I was voted most like to be a homeless person in my school. Granted I can see why but it's just _rude _\- "

"I've 'ad enough of 'er talkin'," William growls, "Thanks' to 'er distractin' us, dawn ain't far away an' I don' fancy bein' turned to stone!"

_And just when I thought we could be friends!_

Wait, did he say 'turned to stone'?

Boy, isn't_ this_ a turn of events!

I look over to the Dwarves with my eyes wide as they all exchange glances with their eyes full of hope. I catch Bilbo's eyes and I feel a smirk spread across my features as I send him a nod. I can practically _see_ the gears turning in his little head as he furrows his eyebrows together. Then a smile breaks across his mouth and I imagine a light bulb over his head lighting up.

"_Wait_!" Bilbo shouts in a shrill voice as he wriggles in his sack, getting to his feet and jumping to get closer to the three trolls, who give him their undivided attention. "You are making a _terrible _mistake!"

I feel the urge to face palm at his choice of words; what gave it away Bilbo? When they stripped me down to my undies or the fact_ they're going to eat us_?!

"You can't reason with them! They're half - wits!" Dori cries out.

"Half - wits?!" Bofur hollers from his place over the fire. I'm confused as to why the trolls let him keep his hat on him. "What does that make _us_?"

"Correction!" I yell back to them. "What does that make _you_? I'm not the half - wit here! If anything I'm a Damsel in Distress with no Prince Charming to save me!" I tug uselessly at the rope that's binding me as I look desperately at whoever would cast me a glance. "Plus: I'm practically naked!"

"I mean with the, er, with the seasoning," Bilbo adds as he shuffles closer to where the Trolls were cooking their batch of Dwarves, ignoring mine and Bofur's interaction. William exchanges a glance with Bert - who looks about downright offended by now might I add.

"Wha' _about _the seasoning?" Bert snaps at the Hobbit. Bilbo pales ever so slightly but he lets out a gust of air as though he isn't bothered by the fact that he could be killed any moment.

"Have you _smelt_ them - ?"

"Oi!" I interrupt, feeling very much offended. _Sorry that you guys don't have any deodorant and never stop to wash yourself or your clothes. _I swear the next time we find a river or lake I am _demanding _we stop and I _am _going to wash and I _am _going to shave the light stubble that has begun to appear on my legs and underarms and among, _ahem_, other parts.

" - You're going to need something stronger than sage when you plate this lot up," Bilbo adds with a slight bit of sarcasm mingled into his tone. I feel my mouth gape in shock at what he's saying; when I tried hinting to him to stall the stupid trolls I didn't mean that he should bloody fucking well give them tips on how to cook and eat us properly!

I start to growl as I tug at the rope that digs even more into my skin as I clench my jaw, glaring fiercely at the Hobbit. "I swear Bilbo if we die by this I am going to stick a knife so far up your ass - "

"Shu' it!" William barks at me as his buggy eyes narrow in distrust at Bilbo.

"Let the, uh, flugger - burglar - hobbit talk," insists Bert as he leans down to get closer to Bilbo, having had his interest captured. If I had known Bilbo is in cahoots with the monsters I wouldn't have encouraged him to try and 'save' us!

"Now, the secret to cooking Dwarf is . . . " Bilbo pauses in his sentence as he lets his words hang off. I start to look desperately around to try and find something to throw at the little traitor. I know my hands are tied but I'll still get credit for trying.

I lean forward (ignoring the twinge of pain in my shoulder blades) I stretch my foot out as I kick the dead and crunch leaves around uselessly. _Come on, come on, come on . . ._

"Yes? Tell us the secret!" Bert says, his voice going an octave higher in his glee. I kick a pile of leaves away and I see it - the glint of metal. I smile wickedly as I check to see if no one is watching - especially the trolls. Slithering down onto my back - trying to act nonchalantly - I let my arms stretch in over my head as I reach my the toe of my converse out to try and drag the blade of the dagger Fili gave me closer towards me.

"I'm _telling _you the secret," Bilbo insists as a bead of sweat runs down his brow. "The secret is to - " He pauses again and I stop my little yoga thing to glance up to meet his eyes. My heart stops and encourage him on, having finally catching onto what he was doing. The blade slips under the sole of my shoe and I smile happily as I quickly bring it towards me.

_Gotcha._

I kick it under my ass as I grab the hilt in my slick palm. I start to cut away the burning rope when Bilbo speaks again. " - skin them first!"

What.

WHAT?!

The Dwarves let out roars of outrage as I stare at Bilbo with a roll of my eyes, _finally _understanding his intention unlike the others; idiots, honestly. I stick my tongue out the corner of my mouth as I manage to free my right hand. From over the fire I hear Dwalin threaten, 'I'll remember that!'. Tugging my right hand free I let the cold air nip at the red, raw flesh that stings.

"Wha' a load of _rubbish_!" William scoffs at the notion of having to skin them first as he turns the spitfire. Being too focused on cutting my bindings away, I ignore all conversation. _Just a tiny bit more . . . _"I've eaten plen'y o' Dwarves - boots an' all!"

"Yeah!" Tom agrees, his tongue darting out in a very unpleasant manner. "Scoff 'em I say! Nothin' be'er than a bi' o' raw Dwarf! Nice an' crunchy!"

My left hand tugs from the bindings and I grin at my freedom. I look up just in time to see William pick Bombur up (quite a large man who wriggles in his sack) and place him directly over his mouth. My heart is literally in my mouth as I freeze.

"N - Not that one!" Bilbo warns in a high pitched voice, causing both the troll and the Dwarf to look at him. _Oh, God, what is he going to say _now? "H - He's infected! He's got parasites in his . . . "Bilbo shakes his head a bit as his eyebrows knit together, "_Tubes._"

I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

Tom lets out a very disgusted squeal (seriously? He's going to be picky over this? Jesus, even the cannibals here are weird) as he throws Bombur down onto the little pile of Dwarves - who groan in return as they're basically crushed by Bombur's excessive weight. I giggle inwardly as Kili tries to get Bombur's hair out of his mouth and wriggles endlessly from underneath the large Dwarf.

"In fact, they _all_ have! They're all _infested _with parasites! It's all a very terrible business, I wouldn't risk it, really," Bilbo continues to drag out his word vomit as he shakes his head, almost acting disappointed the trolls couldn't eat the Dwarves. I'm quite impressed at Bilbo's word play, I must admit.

Something catches my eye as I look up to see - could it be? - A sliver of sunshine. My heart begins to beat erratically in my chest as I hope that Bilbo continues on with his charade. However, the Dwarves don't seem to be picking up on Bilbo's words.

"We _don't _have parasites!" Kili insists, shouting in the most offended tone I have ever heard him use. "_You _have parasites!"

_I swear if we somehow miraculously live through this I am going to thumb you on the back of the head, Kili._

"Parasites?!" Oin gasps, also offended by the mere thought of it. "We do _not _\- "

I watch as Thorin gives the group a swift kick and they all glance up at him. Thank _God, _he's the _only_ one - apart from moi - who realises that Bilbo is actually trying to help.

_Idiots._

I need to find the perfect opportunity to help the others; I can't do it now since I'm still in Tom's line of site and if he saw me try to leg it or, God forbid, _help_ the others (hey, I'm a coward; I'd rather be one for a minute than dead for the rest of my life) escape then he'd probably squish me just like _that_.

Instead I keep my arms behind me with a tight clasp on the hilt of the dagger. I can see the sun getting higher and higher and I just hope and pray to whatever deities they have there that the trolls will be distracted long enough for them to be turned to stone.

"I've got parasites as big as my arm," Oin says hesitantly. Kili quickly catches on as he joins in.

"I've got one of the biggest parasites you've ever seen!" Kili chimes in. I cringe my nose; because that's attractive, Kili.

The other Dwarves join in as they all describe - _in detail _\- their parasites. I swear, I am going to repress this memory so far in the back of my mind it'll just be a bad dream.

"An' wha' would you 'ave us do then?" William sneers as he lets go of the spit fire to walk closer to Bilbo in an accusing manner. "Le' 'em all _go_?"

Bilbo cocks his head to the side in a manner that suggests that letting us go isn't a bad idea. Bilbo inflates his cheeks, reminding me very much of a blow fish. "Well . . . "

"You think I don' know wha' you're up to?" William accuses as he jabs Bilbo with his thick finger, snarling angrily. "This li'le ferret is takin' us for _fools_!" William spits as he turns back to the spitfire.

"_Ferret_?!" Bilbo squeaks, offended.

"_Fools_?" Bert repeats as well.

"Wha' abou' 'er?"

_Oh, shit._ _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!_

All attention is drawn to me as my eyes widen. "Ha ha, what about me?" I say awkwardly.

Tom stalks towards me with his arms swinging by his side, a sinister smile on his ugly, rotten face.

"I didn' 'ear 'er talkin' 'bout any parasites! I say we jus' eat 'er an' be done with it!"

I let out a squeal as Tom takes me in his grasp (since I'm almost naked it feels a thousand times worse than before - the feel his him touching my skin made me want to jump into a bath of boiling, hot water). I hear the Dwarves begin to shout as I'm deposited upside down over Tom's mouth. Taking the dagger I'm about to drive it through his skull when I hear the most unlikely of people appear.

"_The dawn will take you all_!"

Oh Gandalf, how I love you.

Tom turns his head away to see Gandalf's silhouette on a big massive boulder, the sun casting an eerie glow behind him. I turn my head and squint my eyes at the Wizard who looks pretty smug.

"Who's tha'?" William asks, looking very confused at the turn of events.

"No idea," Bert comments nonchalantly.

"Can we eat 'im too?" Tom asks gleefully, still holding me in his grip.

Suddenly raising his staff, Gandalf steps aside as he crashes the end of the stick to the rock as it splits right down the middle. The sunlight makes me hiss as I shut my eyes, shielding my sensitive pupils. The trolls let out pain filled hisses as they turn away from the sun. Tom hunches over and uses me as a shield to desperately stop the sun from turning his flesh to stone with his grip on me loosening dramatically.

But it's too late and soon everything is silent.

"Well," I mutter, "_that_ could have gone a _lot _better."

"Oh, get your _foot_ out of my _back_!" Dwalin groans from his place over the fire.

I gulp when I realise how high I am up from the ground; no _way_ would I be able to jump for the impact could get me stuck with a broken ankle. Wiggling myself free from the stone hand of the now frozen troll, I perch myself on his hand with my legs hanging out on the edge; I rest my right elbow on my knees and use my palm to cradle my cheek.

A lot of the Dwarves from over the fire have freed themselves thanks to Gandalf (who has gone off to talk to Thorin - _again_) and the rest are dressing themselves and taking their weapons back, many of them are disgruntled over the events that have unfolded during the night. Believe me, I would be too. With the dagger still held firmly in my free palm, I bite my lip as I calculate on how to get down.

"Need help?" A voice from below calls out. Instantly I snap my eyes away from the dead forest floor to meet Kili's amused brown eyes. He's dressed in his normal clothes again (the sack he wore wasn't something I'd recommend for _anyone _to wear), looking quite chuffed for some reason I must say. Ashit - eating grin is on his face as he stares up at me, not too bothered about my current attire unlike the other Dwarves. I shift my weight awkwardly, scoffing and I roll my eyes. Pfft, I can _totally _jump down without any help. I don't need a guy's help.

"No, I'm sure I can manage," I say, puffing my chest out in pride as I push myself off from where I perched. A split second after doing so I instantly know this is a bad idea. "Shit!" I squeeze my eyes shut as the wind whips around me and whistle in my ears. I clutch the dagger tightly to my chest as my heart drops to my stomach. _No wonder Mom calls me reckless . . ._

Instead of landing on the very solid and cold ground, I'm suddenly caught by something warm and _soft. _The sudden stop in momentum has my heart skip a beat; the fuck just happened?

I'm very aware that I'm in a pair of strong and sturdy arms as they hold me bridal style, with one hand that supported my back and the other under my knees, cradling me close to Kili's chest (because who else could it have been? Honestly guys, think).

_T__his reminds me _way_ too much of those horrible scenes in a Disney princess movie where the Princess gets rescued by a prince - _again.

Except in my case I'm not a pretty Princess - I'm a weird midget girl who has the worse sense of humor - ever, stinks of sweat and horse and is half naked. And instead of a Prince in shining armor I get a Prince Un-Charming who eats like a pig, teases me too much and really needs to bathe.

My arms have somehow latched around Kili with my fingers lacing together at the back of his neck. I peek one eye open to see Kili's face very _close _to mine. My breathing falters in my throat as I feel our noses just about brush against each other. We're so close, in fact, that if I were to lean in just two centimetres our lips would about -

_Stop getting distracted, Libby! You were about to be eaten not five minutes ago! Stop thinking about what it would be like to kiss him!_

I see a dust of red grace Kili's cheeks as I smile cheekily. _Don't make this anymore awkward than it is already, Libby._

"Well, I guess I was wrong," I say, gulping slightly as I stare into Kili's eyes.

"About what?" he breathes, holding me very tight to his chest. _Can I just, like, stay here please? _I give a shrug before smiling sweetly at him.

"I guess do have a Prince Charming to save me," and there it is; the word vomit that's made everything very awkward and weird. Kili's eyes widen to saucers as his mouth parts slightly but I turn away from his piercing gaze, only to pat Kili's chest affectionately. My grin widens even more when I feel his heart beat increase ever so slightly. Mine is beating like a hummingbird's wings in my constricting chest.

"Thanks dude!" I squeak in a slightly higher tone as I try to push the shyness that's threatening to burst any moment.

"And just _what_ do you two think you're _doing_?" I hear the shocked voice of Balin ask from behind us. _Not flirting, that's what.__ Thanks for the cock block, dude._

Both of us freeze, stiffening at being caught out by the others. Kili turns around- with me still in his arms and still in my underwear, mind you - to see that nearly all of the Dwarves - save Thorin - are looking at us with disapproval in their eyes (apart from Fili who is looking a bit _too _happy and smug than I would have expected him to be. I mean, his brother _is_ holding a practically naked woman and, from my very limited knowledge about, well, where ever I am, that's a very big no - no here. I could probably be hanged for just showing my _ankle _in public).

However, when they see the state I'm in, many advert their eyes. Oh come _on_! It's not like they've never seen a pair of_ legs _and _arms _and even a _stomach _before! Seriously, I'm worried for them; if they saw girls wearing shorts and crop tops they'd just keel over and die of shock.

At being caught out, I squeal and pull myself away from Kili. He instantly loosens his grip at my sudden action and the only thing that I land on is the ground, straight on my ass. Ignoring the jolt of pain that explodes from my ass I get to my feet and do my best to cover up.

I know for a _fact _that when the Trolls took my clothes off they had been careless and - if I peek over Balin's shoulder - I can see the shredded remains of Bilbo's breeches and the only clothes that reminded me off home.

"Oh, um, hi," I splutter as I scratch the back of my head, edging myself ever so slightly behind Kili to escape the burning gazes of the Dwarves. "Yeah, so, the thing is, um, I _think _my clothes are a _little_ beyond repair so . . . yeah."

I hear the tired sighs of the elder Dwarves (Balin, Dwalin and Dori) while I see Bofur snigger wickedly at my misfortune. _Must. Resist. Skewering. Him._ Kili carefully positions himself in front of me, as I hide my freezing body behind him, having understood my need to hide my nearly bare body from the others.

" - There must be a cave nearby," I hear Thorin's gruff voice speak out through the heavy silence as he re-joins the group. However, no one pays him any heed as everyone is still very much _staring at me. _Gandalf follows Thorin with a still smug look on his face. He looks to the still Dwarves then to Kili and I and then back to Dwarves.

"What is it? What has happened?" Gandalf asks immediately as his eyes narrow and a frown appears on his lips. I scratch the back of my neck awkwardly as I find the words to explain that I don't actually have clothes anymore and that I'm very much nearly naked.

"It appears," Balin grunts in his kind voice as he stares at Gandalf and Thorin, who await his answer, "Miss Libby is without any clothes."

_Or that could work_.

"It's not my fault those stupid trolls were all grabby!" I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air as I look at Thorin who turns his gaze towards me, glaring with much dislike. I shrink behind his youngest nephew as I feel my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

Taking a deep breath, Thorin pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and mumbles his next words underneath his breath but loud enough for us to hear, "If anyone would _please _give Miss Libby some spare clothes so we can move on."

It's silent for a minute before Ori raises a shaking hand into the air. "I - I have some b- back at camp," his voices shakes and is a bit high but I smile gratefully at him nonetheless. _I owe you big time, Ori._

"Righteous!" I giggle as I clap my hands before I stop and scrunch my nose up in disbelief. "Ugh, did I _actually_ just _say _that?"

"Miss Libby, go with Ori and re-join us when you are decent," Thorin orders at me, leaving no room to argue as he stares at me with a steely kind of calmness. Guess he doesn't like me. I gulp as I rub my arms up and down as a sudden breeze crosses me.

"Wait," Kili mutters as he turns around with his back facing the rest of the company. I watch him with narrowed eyes and curiosity as he reaches up to his neckline to undo the clasp of his cloak. Taking it off his shoulders, he places it around me and redoes the clasp at my neck for me so that it covers my body modestly. "Just so the others don't see . . . well . . . you like that."

The blush becomes stronger as I duck my head and bite my lip. "Thanks," I say in a low tone before I push past him like he hadn't affected me like he actually has. I quicken my pace as I grab Ori's arm and drag him along with me as we head back to camp.

_Oh, what I would give to have someone give me advice on how to top something like _that _when I'm about as romantic and flirty as a dead cat._

* * *

"Gok Won, eat your heart out," I utter under my breath as I readjust the pants Ori had given me. When we had gotten back to camp, Ori had given me his spare change of clothes and I had gotten my bag to rest around my shoulder.

One thing I learned about Ori is that he _loves _to knit; wearing a pair of knitted gloves, along with a thick knitted jumper and a knitted scarf I was surprised I wasn't dying of heat stroke. In fact, I was just nice and toasty and nowhere near sweating. The only thing that aren't knitted are the pants (that actually fit better and more comfortably than Bilbo's had) and an over coat that resembles Ori's but it's a deep evergreen colour. The whole outfit swallows me up, making me appear a lot smaller than I actually am.

My feet looks abnormally small as the pants are a lot more baggy around my legs; I use one belt to hold the pants up and another one to keep the over coat in place as I wiggle my fingers that peek out from the gloves. My bag bumps onto my hip in a rhythm as I all but skip alongside Ori.

"What was that, Miss Libby?" Ori inquires as we make our way back towards the others as I tighten the belt around my waist and one around my waist so that I don't trip on the ends.

"Nothing, nothing," I reassure him while smiling innocently. I pull the cloak Kili had given me back over my shoulders as it threatens to fall due to not being tied at the neck. I'd I'm going to be honest might as well tell you that I can't be half arsed to tie it. "Just some mindless babbling. So, moving on, where _are _we going?"

"We are going to a troll hoard, Miss Libby," Ori says happily, smiling at me for the first time without blushing. I give him one of my own toothy grins in return as we draw nearer to where - I assume - the Dwarves were due to the noise that omits and a foul smelling stench starts to waft through the air.

"Ah yes, because after dealing with the horrible creatures what's a better idea than to invade in their little cave? Oh yeah, _anything_!" I snort in amusement and disgust at the same time as I clasp a hand over my mouth. "Oh God! This place smells so bad!" _Ugh, honestly, hadn't they ever heard of cleaning up?_

I resist the urge to start retching at the smell of death, decay and, ugh, troll dung that enters my nose. I see many of the Dwarves have become enthralled with the gold that lies around - seriously, who the hell leaves gold just_ lying_ around? - As they ignore my dramatics about how bad the place reeks. I resist the urge to fill my pockets with the glittering coins and set out to find Kili which is damn near impossible since it's _really fucking hard_ to see in here.

"Ugh, this is probably the most disgusting place I've ever been in," I comment as my face scrunches up at the sight of limbs from human and other beings lying around along with bones in a pile off to the corner. "Hannibal Lector much?" I snort at my own little joke as I use my foot to clear my path.

I'm moving further away from the group as I follow the smell of fresh air; being in here is making me feel like the walls are losing in. I run my fingers through Kili's cloak as a sliver of light catches my eye. They won't be mad if I wait outside would - ?

My feet get caught on something and I'm flying towards the ground. I fling my arms in front of me to take the impact; thanks to the thick gloves only a dull ache tingles in my palms as I land on my side on the dirty ground. My bag digs into my side, the odd lumps and bumps making my bones ache.

"Fucking Hell," I groan as I sit up and brush the dirt and dust off of my borrowed clothes as I drag one of my legs up so my foot rests on my calve. _What the actual fuck just happened? _Squinting my eyes I lean forward and see that my foot is ensnared by something; a strap it looks to be. Taking it off I grab the strange thing and bring it up towards me.

Due to the darkness I have to use my sense of touch to try and find out what it is. It's an odd shape; through the material I can feel very alien shaped objects, but they almost feel familiar. Almost as if . . .

My hands clasp something small and metal. I tug at it when I hear the familiar sound; the sound of a zipper. My eyes widen at the sound and I pull the zipper open even more. _Does this belong to the guy the trolls were talking about earlier . . . ?_

Before I can get more time to inspect the bag I hear Thorin's gruff voice echo through the cave. "Let's get out of this foul place," he calls out from the entrance of the cave. "Come on; let's go."

I quickly gather myself, picking up the bag and placing them on my shoulders and I fumble uselessly after the company, trying to avoid tripping over my own two feet. I see the Dwarves as they group outside the cave and I quickly join them, breathing in the fresh and cleaning air. I throw my arms open wide as I smile at the bright blue sky. "Ah, the sweet taste of freedom!"

"I don't know what you're so happy about," I hear Fili mumble; "I swear that I am over cooked from those trolls."

Walking over to him I let out a snort as I shoulder my new found treasure on my back. "I don't know what _you're _complaining about," I smirk, "I'm the one that was manhandled by a troll. Ugh, I feel like just jumping into lava to get rid of the feeling of being touched by those things."

"Ah, yes," Fili chuckles, "that was quite . . . a show you and my brother put on there. I knew you were going to fall into his arms; though I didn't mean it in the literal sense. I must say, however, I just _love_ proving him wrong."

My eyebrows knit together in confusion at his words. "What?"

Shaking his head, Fili claps me on the shoulder while chuckling. "Never mind; it is nothing for you to worry about. At least not yet," Fili smiles, his moustache twitching in amusement at my confusion. _What - ?_

"Something's coming!" I hear Thorin yell at every one. Instantly, Fili pushes me behind him as I grab the dagger from its place on the belt around my waist. I grip the hilt in both hands as Fili pushes me further back behind him. Not that I'm complaining; I'd rather be a coward than dead if I'm going to be honest. My eyes search for a familiar certain someone as I try to push the fear down inside of me.

"_Khâzash!_" Fili yells out in Khuzdul while keeping his eyes straight forward for the oncoming threat. My eyes lock with Kili's as he dashes over with his bow in hands with an arrow notched, ready to be fired if needed. He stands next to me as I hold pathetically onto my tiny knife with my hands shaking.

The trees and bushes begin to rustle as the ground rumbles as something makes it way closer towards us. My breathing shakes as my jaw clenched together as something bursts out from the canopy of the trees. Except, it wasn't a big scary monster; it's a small man on a sleigh pulled by rabbits with bird poo down the side of his face.

Wow.

That's probably the _weirdest_ thing I've _ever_ said.

"Dude, what?" I sound probably the most confused I've ever sounded as the little odd man's eyes dart around, as though he was looking for someone.

"Radagast!" Gandalf suddenly exclaimed with a smile on his face. Wait, so _this _is the crazy loon who's 'keeping our forests safe'? If anything, he belongs in a mental hospital! I mean, the man has _bird shit_ on his _face_! "Radagast the Brown!" Gandalf stands in front of his friend, looking both happy and baffled as he stares at the small man with curiosity. "What on _Earth _are you doing here?"

"I - I was looking for _you, _Gandalf!" Radagast squeaks in a high voice. "Something's wrong - something's _terribly _wrong!" His voice wavers as the fear peeks through to show how sincere he is. Gandalf's eyes narrow at his friend's warning.

"Yes?"

Radagast holds up his hand and opens his mouth before closing it again. He attempts to speak again but he falters before he can do so. "Just a minute - oh, I've had a thought and now I've lost it! It's right _there! _At the _top _of my tongue!"

I look back and forth between the two conversing Wizards before leaning towards Kili to whisper, "_Please_ tell me I am not the only one wondering about Bird Shit Face's mental health?"

Kili sends me a bemused look before shaking his head to turn back to the two men. "Oh!" Radagast's sudden exclamation makes me squawk and jump as my eyes go as wide as saucers. "It's not a thought at all! It's a silly old - " Gandalf reaches up to the smaller man's mouth and I look around wildly, very confused as to what the actual fuck is happened. Calmly, he pulls a fucking _stick insect _from Radagast's _mouth_, who is looking a bit too pleased might I add. " - stick insect!"

"I think I'm going to hurl," I shiver as I let a groan escape me, a shudder rattling my bones. Gandalf leads the other wizard away from the others as they begin to converse with each other in low tones.

"Seriously, how the Hell are you guys all so calm about this?" I blurt out as I gain the attention of the two brothers. "Like, he just pulled a random _insect _from his _mouth_! That is _so_ not normal!"

"You swear it was the worst thing you have seen," Fili sneers playfully and I roll my eyes as I let my arms swing loose at my side.

"Well . . . no," I admit, tapping my chin, "one time , when I was younger, I saw my dog get sick and then eat the sick and then she crapped and ate that before getting sick_ all over again_ and _then_ she ate _that_."

Both of the brothers' noses wrinkle in disgust at my excessive detail. "Remind me never to go near a dog again," Kili grumbles. I punch his shoulder playfully as I let out a bark of laughter.

"Jeeze, it's just in their nature," I tell him, laughing slightly; "you can't judge someone for acting in their nature. It'd be like stabbing someone and asking them why they're bleeding."

This captures Kili's attention as he raises an eyebrow at me. I suddenly remember the cloak that is draped around my shoulders.

"Oh yeah," I say, taking it off and throwing it towards Kili - who catches it with ninja like reflexes. "Thanks for giving it to me earlier."

The last part comes out a bit mumbled but Kili doesn't say anything; he's continuing to look at me oddly, as though it's his first time _truly_ seeing me.

But before I can delve in more on the matter a howl pierces the air, making everyone snap their head up. With a gulp I ask, "What was that?"

"Was that a wolf?!" Bilbo asks quickly. "Are there - are there _wolves _out here?"

_Aw, Hell no! I did not bloody fucking sign up for this shit!_

"A wolf?" Bofur quickly steps in front of the scared Hobbit (aw!) as he holds his weapon close to his chest. The two brothers in front of me quickly take their stance as Kili notches his arrow again and Fili grips his sword. I hold onto my little weapon fiercely as it is probably the only thing that will save me if it truly is a wolf. "No, that is not a wolf - "

Just mere seconds later, as though to prove a point, a very large creature on four legs showed itself; _right on top of the bolder that's behind me. _I let out an involuntary squeak as I whirl around to point my dagger at the dog like beast, shaking as though I was cold.

"Libby!" Kili's voice reaches my ear as he roughly grabs me to drag me behind him as he throws himself in front of my shaking form. The beast growls horribly as it bounds down - landing where I was standing a few seconds ago - and it heads straight into the sword of Thorin. The sickening sound of the blade piercing his skull embedded itself into my mind as black blood oozed from the fatal wound.

Yep, I'm defiantly going to be sick.

Turning away from the disgusting site, I try to control my breathing and not focus on the idea of emptying whatever contents were left of my already empty stomach. Squatting down on my legs I let my head fall between my knees as my breathing becomes ragged and shallow; as though I had just run five miles. A comforting hand rubs up and down between my shoulder blades and I look up through my hair to see Kili in front of me, smiling kindly.

"Thanks," I mutter quickly but shut my mouth in fear I might barf all over him.

"Warg scouts!" Thorin snarls viciously as he tugs his sword from the supposed Warg's head. "Which means an Orc pack is not far behind!"

"Orc pack?" Bilbo stresses in a high voice. Ugh, that does not sound good at _all._ I slowly stand up with the help of Kili as he grabs onto my forearm, not meeting my eyes as they're glued to his uncle.

"Who did you tell about you quest, beyond your kin?!" Gandalf demands, furious as he glares at the King, who in turn glares angrily at the Wizard.

"No one," Thorin spits out through gritted teeth.

"Who did you tell?!" Gandalf demands yet again, not believing the Dwarf. Thorin steps towards the Wizard, adding emphasis to his words.

"No one, I _swear!_" Thorin stares at Gandalf, looking very much troubled. "What in Durin's name is going on?" I look at Gandalf as I take a grip of Kili's hand that rests on my forearm, looking for comfort as Gandalf's face darkens.

My breathing has quickened and there's this horrible twist in my guts as my tongue becomes thick in my mouth. Kili gives me a reassuring squeeze but it doesn't calm my nerves; from the look at that creature lying dead nearly ten feet away from me, things are not looking up for us at this moment. Kili lets his hand slip from its tight grip on my arm.

_Aw, Hell no, pretty boy; You are not going anywhere while I'm having a mental break down!_

Before Kili can step away I grab his grubby and sweaty gloved hand in mine with a wrist breaking grip as I link our fingers. I clench my jaw as I try to swallow the fear that's running through my veins, stiffening every muscle and practically smothering me. I see Kili gape at me with shock then to our interlocked hands, blushing slightly (does _every _guy here act like this when a girl holds their hand? Because if so, no thanks). I feel my own cheeks heat slightly, however. Now I'm not the cute and touchy and smushy type so this is like a huge step for me.

_Damn jerk__, making me want to hold his stupid hand and stuff._

Turning my attention back to the matter at hand, as he sends a swift look through the group, Gandalf straightens his back as he informs us in a grave tone, "You are being hunted."

Well . . .

Isn't that just _dandy?_

* * *

**Hey guys, so I really want to thanks you for all the support! Fun fact: the part where Libby said she was nominated for being a homeless person is based on myself and is true; also the dog story is also true.**

**Believe me, it was a lot grosser to watch.**

**I'm really happy because this chapter is over 8,000 words - fuck yeah! Part-ay everybody!**

**So happy that I could squeeze in some Libby/Kili cute moments . They left me squealing and blushing like a fan girl. Seriously, what kind of person does that when they do moments like that between an OC and a character?**

**Also, I've been meaning to say this because someone asked if Libby is getting her own story line or is just a tag along: honestly? I have no idea.**

**I'm currently working out a story line for Libby that isn't just being romantically involved with Kili; there's still the problem of how she's going to get home, how she's going to depend on not just the Dwarves but herself among other many stuff and I have this idea that, while it doesn't sound exactly smart or even possible in the land of Tolkien, I think it's quite interesting and I'm thinking about working out on how to weave it in.**

**Also, last night I had this awesome idea for a conversation between Libby and Thorin that probably won't show up for **_**ages **_**but I usually have these awesome ideas and write down the basics.**

**I can never write a chapter that's way ahead, it's like my mind goes like "potato, potato, squish, squash pineapple tomato" so I usually just write down the basics and I'll write it when it is its time to be written.**

**Odd, I know.**

**Well, I've decided to end this very **_**long **_**author's note now.**

**So, please, please, please, please review, follow and favourite!**

**(P.s I seriously cannot stress this enough: I am **_**E-U-R-O-P-E-A-N**_** so there are many words that are spelled differently, guys. So, please don't be sending me private messages telling me that I spelt this or that wrong.)**

**(p.p.s _Khâzash = brother)_**

**-tateslangdon**


	9. Thorn - In - The - Ass Oakenshield

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter!**

**Just so you guys know this chapter is kind of more . . . serious. It's traumatic for Libby so you guys kind of have to understand that she isn't her usual joking self in this one. I'm not really happy with this chapter but it'll make do. So . . . yeah.**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

* * *

I _hate _running. I hate it with a passion.

If I had the choice between running or getting run over, I would choose the latter. _That's _how much I hate running. Or any form of exercise. You're probably wondering as to _why _I'm telling you this.

It's because, at this moment, I am running for my life. Literally. After we were dutifully noted by Gandalf that we are being hunted by an 'Orc pack' (whatever that was. I didn't want to find out and, henceforth my running, never wanted to) we thought, 'oh, cool, hey that's fine; we still have the horses, don't we?'

No, we didn't.

The little fuckers bolted off and we were left to run for our lives while they were probably safe and sound while grazing grass and shit. I swear, I am never, _ever _getting on another one of those stupid ponies ever again in my life.

Little brown man - also known as Radagast - may have just gotten himself into my good books since he volunteered himself to distract these monsters called Wargs. With a flick of his bunnies tails, the wizard was off in a flash and I was forced to start pumping my legs as fast as I can because if I didn't I would surely be dead. At first I was fine, I was running faster than half the group, running alongside Kili and Fili with keeping a steady breathing pace. I was perfectly okay and I knew I could do it.

Then I saw it; the _Orc_.

As we had rounded a boulder I got a peek of what we were running from. And I really wish I hadn't; it is probably the most _disgusting _thing I have ever laid eyes on; its skin looked rotted and too pale, black goo dribbled from the corner of its mouth with its teeth all bent and crooked. Its eyes were a bright, nearly luminous yellow, like a cat's when you shine a light their way in the darkness. The sight of the disgusting thing threw me off track and my steady mantra left my mind. I was left to be winded and tired as the picture of the grotesque thing nestled itself forever in my mind.

But, getting back to the present, I am currently trying not to vomit or collapse. A stitch has made its way into my side, nestling quite uncomfortably. My thoughts are like tangled wires, with my breathing laboured. The muscles in my legs burned fiercely as I kept pushing them to their limit.

"I swear," I pant heavily as I struggle to keep up with Kili, "I am never," taking another breath I lurch forward to gain more speed as those in front of us run closer to a large boulder, "ever, going to let myself - get this out of - shape!"

I suddenly slam into Kili's back as we stop momentarily. He steadies me by wrapping an arm around me as he covers my body with his. I all but slump against him as I try to pan out my breathing. Jesus, how on _Earth_ did I get so unfit? I grip his shoulders, scrunching his cloak in my hand as I feel the stitch slowly fade. I feel my eyes start to droop from the pure exhaustion of running when I hear Gandalf's command to start running again. I bolt up and, without another word; Kili takes me by the hand and drags me along.

Are we ever going to stop running? I feel like my legs are about to fall off!

I try to tell this to Kili but I can't string words into a proper sentence; I just wheeze loudly and grunt as we suddenly stop again. I slump against the rock for a brief second before I'm being pulled by both brothers, each of them taking one hand. If I just keel over and die, will they leave me behind? Because if they do, I swear I will go through with it.

I start to run at a rhythm, trying to make it a little less painful to breathe. Step, step, breathe, step, step, breathe, step, step bre -

"ORI! NO!" Thorin yells.

The young Dwarf wobbles over the edge of a cliff and my heart literally stops as my eyes widen. I stumble to help him but Fili holds me back at the same time Thorin yanks Ori back safely. And then we were off running. _Again._

My mind is blank as I stay solely focused on my breathing and the fact my feet really fucking _hurt; _I mean, yeah, I can wear converse without having my feet feel like they've been run over by a truck but running? Hell, no.

_Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, _the mantra repeats in my head as I stare down at the soft green grass that gets crushed underneath my tired and heavy feet. I can hear the growls from the - Wargs, was it? - As they become too near for my liking.

It's Kili who grabs me by the arm as they all duck behind a big massive boulder, heaving and panting as they're flush against the rock. My legs feel like jelly and I'm positive if it weren't for Kili's arm that's pressing me safely up against the rock, I would collapse to the ground in a heap. In my left hand I hold the tiny dagger, my hand shaking like mad as though I'm having a seizure.

I hear a pattern of footsteps above us and a guttural growl, clearly stating that there was one of those - those _things _are above us. I feel my stomach flip over in as I grip the hilt of the dagger tighter. I hear the scrape of claw against rock and it reminds me all too much of the sound when you scrape a nail against a chalk board. Kili takes his arm back as I fall up flush against the rock, ignoring the nervous chattering of my heart.

Ignoring the goose bumps that run down along my arm, I watch from peripheral vision as Kili takes an arrow from his quiver, notching it as his eyes stay focused on the ground. He bounces slightly on the balls of his feet, as though counting to three, before pulling the arrow tightly back. The others watch him nervously as his eyes flicker back and forth before he jumps out from our special hiding place, turning around to send an arrow through the Warg's head; a quick death.

Or so I thought.

The beast falls from its place above us and onto the ground; writhing in pain, inhuman sounds screech from its mouth as it thrashes in pure torture. I watch with my mouth agape at the sight of the howling animal, feeling my heart lurch; _It's a living thing, of course it feels pain, why wouldn't it? _A few of the others scamper forward and start to hack at the animal, making more howls pierce the air.

And howls are returned.

The Orc that had sat upon the now dead animal springs forward, with black goo flying from its mouth as it speaks in a very different language altogether. I raise my pathetic dagger towards the creature with my mouth feeling like it's been stuffed with hot cotton balls. The others aren't as afraid as I am; they charge forward and, in the same fashion as they had with the Warg, they cut the Orc down with black blood flying everywhere.

Ah, yes, because I would love nothing better than to have the image of something being murdered in front of me.

That stops me; _murdered. _They _murdered _it. It was a living thing and now, well, not so living. I feel the taste of bile start to appear on my tongue as silence envelopes us, my breathing louder than any of the others.

Then the howls become more prominent and I can just hear the anger and pain.

Kili takes my hand and pulls me away from the crime scene and I start to run again. I'm positive my knuckles have turned a pale yellow colour due to my tight grip on the dagger, my fingers becoming stiff and sore. We continued running until we could pinpoint the creatures chasing us positions.

"There they are!" Gloin shouts boldly, making my stomach drop. No way in Hell am I dying again! It's odd having to use the word again when I have no idea whether I actually am dead or just -

_Now is not the time to be thinking about this, Libby!_

I manage to make my way beside a visibly shaken Ori as I hold onto my knife like it's a life line; funny since it could probably save me. My heart leaps when I see exactly what I didn't want to see; we are surrounded. The Wargs cut off any chance of escape by forming a circle around our tight knit group; they're practically foaming at the mouth in anticipation.

"There's more coming!" I hear Kili's voice above all the growls and snarling of the Wargs. Oh great, more; because no one can ever have enough of anything.

"Kili!" Thorin yells back, his voice sounding hoarse, "Shoot them!"

I can hear the snap as Kili lets each arrow fly from the bow, meeting its mark each time. The smell of blood and death reaches my nose and it takes everything I can not to vomit as I eye the Wargs that are coming closer and closer to our little tight knit group.

"We're surrounded!" Fili informs us just as Kili sends another arrow to an Orc that falls instantly. I glance back hopefully at Fili, having not being used to defending myself; I feel the tweak of my bladder and I pray and hope that I won't piss myself but, by the looks of those Wargs and their fugly riders, dying in a puddle of my own piss seems like the way I'm going to go. Great.

"Where's Gandalf?" Someone shouts in a worried tone; oh God, really? Another problem? I swear if that Wizard ditched us I am going to come back from the dead (again?) just to haunt his wrinkly old ass.

And there's an image that I want imprinted into my mind for the rest of eternity.

"He's abandoned us!" another - Dwalin - yells in anger and distaste as the Wargs begin to close in more on us, all but laughing as their hackles raise and they bare their teeth. An arrow whizzes past the space between Ori and I to meet the Orc rider of the Warg closet to us. I turn briefly to share a smile at Kili, thanking the Dwarf who pauses in the middle of shooting another arrow to send a soft smile back.

"_This way you fools_!"

Bitch says what?

I whirl around to see Gandalf standing not too far away on a slip of rock in front of a much larger boulder. I _knew _he wouldn't abandon us! Well, I had a feeling that I would know that he wouldn't abandon us. Never doubted him for one second. Kind of.

_Ehem._

Moving on.

I feel hope surge through my veins as I urge Ori to run towards the Wizard, making sure to face the Wargs so that they won't try and jump me. I don't know about you, but I really don't fancy having _my fucking face ripped off_. Their paws shake the ground as they bolt forward, snapping and snarling at us. A majority of the Dwarves have followed Gandalf down into, well, where ever Gandalf had told them to go.

The only ones to remain are Thorin, Kili and I.

Kili is shooting arrows fast at anything that dared to come ten feet near him, their bodies dropping faster than stones. Thorin shoots an impatient glare towards the back of his nephew before turning to me.

"Aurora! Get in!" Did he just fucking call me by my first name? I'm going to have a _long _talk with Mr Thorn - In - The - Ass Oakenshield. Ha, get it? Because his name is Thorin which is kind of like Thorn In? No? Well, I tried and that's all that mattered. I hear the sharp bark of a Warg and I instantly turn on my heels as I run back towards Thorin.

I don't need to be told twice.

I pump my legs as fast as I can with my arms swinging by my side. I don't feel the pain in my feet due to the adrenaline that's flowing through my veins, adding more speed and power. I'm twenty feet away from Thorin when something attacks me from behind, flinging my body to the ground. I roll onto my back before a pair of paws - nearly as big as my head - land either side of me and I drag my eyes up to meet the last sight I'll ever see - the sharp rows of yellow teeth that remind me of meat hooks.

The Warg's breath smells of death, blood and decay; probably what I would have guessed it to be.

The need to pee goes away as I'm faced with the only thing that is left for me: death. (No, I didn't pee my pants if you're wondering.)

I feel the drool land onto my cheeks as I fucking hear it _snigger_; fucking bastard laughing at the fact he can kill me. I am _not _going to die like this; I am not going to die sobbing and crying. I grit my teeth in pure white hot anger and, before I know it, I raise my dagger and stab the little bastard in the eye. The howl all but bursts my ear drums as I pull it out and stab it into its skull.

Instantly, the Warg falls to the ground, obviously dead and I roll my body out from under it as I bring my dagger down to meet the crown of its head, feeling the black blood spray all over me, and even into my mouth. I know I'm crying; the hot, fast paced salt water makes clear tracks down my cheeks, removing all hints of grime and blood. _I'm a killer; I'm a murderer. _A choking sound escapes my mouth as I pull the blood coated weapon away from its head. More blood flicks onto me.

_Killer. Killer. Killer. Killer._

I start to back away from the _dead _body with my chest heaving. Before I can have a breakdown, a hand clamps down around my forearm and I look up to meet the collective brown eyes of Kili.

_Don't break down, Libby; not now. Don't you let him see you cry._

I send him a nod, my face instantly being wiped of any emotion, before we start to run towards where Thorin stood - looking down right furious at the two of us. I don't meet his livid gaze as I jump down, the little gap where I could see the others standing with looks of concern on their faces. I tumble down, my shoulder twinging in pain as it connects with the stone and I land face down into the dirt.

All I want is to just go home and lie in bed on the computer; I've had quite enough of Dwarves and Wizards, and Orcs and Wargs and Trolls and I'm basically done with this place. _I want to go home._

Someone (Fili, actually, since I can see the wisps of blonde hair in my vision as he wraps me in his arms like a mother would a child. Okay that was a weird thing to say as I really doubt Fili acts motherly in anyway at all) helps me to my feet, pulling me a safe distance away as I see Kili slide down and, lastly, Thorin. Thorin spares me all but a single glance and I can tell that he's going to start yelling at me. I open my mouth to defend myself when the long sound of horns came.

I widen my eyes as I hear the sound of more feet on the ground, making our little cave shake and dust come down from the ceiling. I see the shadows of horses and I can hear the pain filled yelps of the Wargs soon follow.

Just when I think this day can't get any worse, something tumbles down the hole, metal scrapping against stone, as it lands _right at my feet_. I stop breathing all together as its (the Orc's) head lolls down onto my shoes, the Orc's ugly face gone with any life. The taste of bile becomes stronger and I struggle in Fili's hold. I really don't want to puke up on him - it'd become really awkward and I really doubt he would appreciate it.

"What are you - ?" He starts before I manage to become free and I walk away from the company who hardly spare me a look, nearing the back of the cave as I hunch over, letting the contents of my stomach spill out. Which isn't much I can say the least. It's pathetic, really; the way I'm acting. I knew death was soon going to have to happen on this quest. The old saying forms in my mind '_either me or him_' as I try to tell myself, yes, it was either myself or that beast that's probably spilled more blood under the clear blue sky. I dry retch with my throat aching, wiping my mouth with my sleeve as I place a sweaty and grimy hand on the stone, ignoring the pain from the pebbles that stick into my skin.

But I can still hear the sound of something being torn away from the Orc's flesh and I'm telling you, it isn't a nice thing to hear. I hear the crunch of a bone, dead skin against metal as Thorin yanks an arrow from the dead body. I turn away from where I got sick and stumble down onto the ground, wiping my eyes from their tears and my cheeks from the blood; my borrowed gloves become black from the Warg's blood and wet from my tears. I stare at my hands before taking the gloves off and throwing far off to the side.

I know I shouldn't have done it but I seriously can't think about anything except the fact I had killed a living thing; I saw how the light left its eyes and I don't ever want to see it again. _I'm a killer. _I notice how the others don't seem too bothered by this fact, I'm probably "over reacting" by their standards.

"Elves," I hear Thorin grunt, his voice practically dripping with venom and distaste. Far off to the side, Dwalin is inspecting a part of the cave that looks to be an escape.

Wait.

Did Thorin say _Elves_?!

With a groan, I pull myself to my feet, feeling quite happy that everyone is ignoring me. I calm my breathing and try hard not to focus on the horrible taste in my mouth or the pain in my throat every time I breathe. I'm lucky that my bag and the one I had taken from the cave aren't damaged; I'd be fucked if they were.

"Are you okay?" The voice startles me as I look up to meet Kili's concerned gaze. He looks a lot better than I do, I can tell you that. My hair is tangled with blood and dirt mangled into the once shining blonde. It pains me with seeing it is being neglected but I don't have time to brush it what with being almost killed all the time.

I meet Kili's eyes, deciding on whether or not to tell him the truth. _He's only asking if I'm okay to be polite, _a voice in the back of my head whispers, _he doesn't really care_. I shake my head, scattering all pessimistic thoughts; I should be happy. I'm alive, I'm breathing. I'm fine. _I am fine_. I turn back to Kili with a forced smile on my face.

"I'm perfectly fine," I lie.

His eyes narrow at me, as though he knows I'm lying. He opens his mouth to comment but is cut off by Dwalin. "I cannot see where the pathway leads," Dwalin informs us, turning back slightly to face the rest of us, "Do we follow it or not?"

Eagerly, Bofur answers "Follow it, of course!"

Looking for a way out of the oncoming scolding from Kili, I shoulder past him to join the others as they follow Dwalin down the path. Instantly, my eyes are attacked by the light; I squint my eyes as I raise a hand to shade them. I find myself walking alongside Bofur as we trek down the rocky path side by side.

"You alright there, lass?" Bofur asks softly under his voice. "You didn't look too well back there."

I roll my shoulders at his questioning. "Yeah, I know I didn't," I swallow, brushing my shoulders with Bofur as I keep my voice low so that the others won't hear our conversation. "Just . . . after shock, y'know? Never killed something before in my life. Apart from that one time I lost my goldfish and found the bowl a month later."

"You're strange," Bofur grins, making it out to be a compliment, "Most would be scared of nearly dying - especially with a Warg being the last thing they ever see."

I let out a little chuckle at that, my voice echoing through the walls slightly. Bofur and I hang near the back with Bombur - who, somehow, squeezes through the seemingly tight walls without any trouble - Bifur, Ori, Dori, Bilbo and Gandalf. Kili and Fili are up ahead, having out walked me, right behind their uncle. "I was scared shitless; I kept thinking that if I died my mom would probably bring me back from the dead to kill me again."

Bofur guffaws heartily at that as I smile alongside him. The others - who are very silent - take no notice of our conversation as they're too focused on the light that continues to become brighter and brighter. "Your mother is just as odd as you!" Bofur giggles. I start to laugh along when I realise: I probably won't ever see her again.

"Yeah," I say, a little dew eyed, "she was."

Way to bring the mood down, Libby.

I stare straight ahead as I try to stop myself from thinking of home again; if there is a home for me to get back to. From the corner of my eye I see Bofur stare at me curiously, as though he wants to ask me what was wrong but, quite suddenly, the entire company stops. I stumble forward but Bofur catches me at the elbow.

"Thanks," I wheeze slightly but his focus is elsewhere. Following his line of sight, I'm met with probably the most beautiful sight I'll ever see. It looked something that belonged in the beauty of Ancient Greek with a mixture of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. I hear the water gush below us along with the soft chirps of the birds. The buildings were all open to the air and sunlight, the polished stone glinting.

"Holy fucking shit on a cracker," I breathe, everyone turning to me with shocked looks on their faces. I instantly turn a bright red as I splutter out, "Sorry." I hear Bofur smothering a laugh beside me and I elbow him, not before wiping the smile off of my own face.

"The Valley of Imladris," Gandalf announces, quite smugly as he catches Thorin's pissed off face. Is Thorin always pissed off or is that just his face normally? "To the common tongue it is known by another name."

"Rivendell," Bilbo breathes in an airy voice, eyes glazed over with awe at the sight of the beauty that is in front of him. I block out Gandalf's and Thorin's bitch fight (they tend to fight a lot; they're like an old married couple) as I breathe in the clean fresh air. I could tell that this place is one I could fall asleep in and not have to worry about something slunk in during the night and slit my throat.

_I think I'm going to like it here._

* * *

"You know what I feel like? A Kit Kat; oh God, I really want a Kit Kat so badly. I used to eat them all the time back home and, Jesus Christ, they are _ah - maze - ing_." I blurt, emphasizing the last word as I sidle my way beside a very awed Ori. Unlike the other Dwarves (who look like they just want to spit on the ground then and there) he's amazed by the architecture of Rivendell.

"What's a Kit Kat, Miss Libby?" Ori asks, sparing me enough of his time to ask the question. I stare at him, my face blank and eyes wide in shock.

"Oh my God, how do you even _survive_ here?" I whine as we make away across a bridge. I haven't talked to Kili since that incident in the caves; I feel bad for acting so cold hearted towards him back then but, fucking Hell, I just _killed _something and I plan on repressing that so far in the back of my mind. I've been doing that a lot lately . . .

We enter a little courtyard, the Dwarves grumbling in Khuzdul underneath their breaths. I catch many words that they say but, with none of them being, _ehem_, pleasant I don't think I shall repeat it. I glare at the stubborn and prideful Dwarves who still have their weapons out as though they're expecting an attack.

If anything, I would bet on my life that if there was an attack, the Dwarves would be the one to start it.

"Boys and their toys," I scoff as I cross my arms over my chest, before turning back to admire the prettiness of the place. I wouldn't mind staying here for the rest of my life if it meant no near death situations.

"Mithrandir!"

All at once, the entire company turns around to face a very beautiful, dark haired . . . man? No, this person had hair that was too long for a man. But the voice was deep like a man so . . . what? Plus, I doubt beautiful was something you described a man.

"Uh . . . " I start to become confused as the person came nearer with a smile on their face. What the Hell does 'Mithrandir' mean? "Who's that?" I whisper out of the corner of my mouth, leaning towards Ori as I make a pointing motion at the person making their way towards that.

"That's an Elf, Miss Libby," Ori whispers back all but hurriedly in the same fashion I had. I splutter at Ori before turning back to the person who is talking to Gandalf. _That's _an _Elf? _No. Fucking. Way. Where are the pointy shoes with bells on them? The little green costumes and the cherry red cheeks? And I thought Elves were little small things; I used to think I was an Elf when I was younger. Until my mom stomped on that dream with her Stiletto high heels by telling me that Elves or any magical creature existed.

_Oh, to see her now would be fucking awesome._

"Say, Ori, is that a guy or a girl?" I say, hardly audible as I whisper it out the corner of my mouth again, trying not to draw any attention from the others. Ori clamps a hand over his mouth at my question and I look at him confused. What did I do _now?_

"That's a male, Miss Libby," he tells me with a smile and I make an "oh" sound as I turn back to the _guy _talking to Gandalf. And then I groan in realisation, causing a couple of the company to turn to me with confused expressions.

"There are even _guys _prettier than me!" I whine out loud, causing them to roll their eyes and mutter, 'women' underneath their breath. I cross my arms over my chest as I slip my lower lip in between my teeth. "This shit is getting _way _too old now," I growl as I stare up at the perfect male with his perfect skin and his perfect height with his stupid fucking perfect hair.

I want to push him in a puddle of mud; let's see how he would fair then.

The sounds of horn stop me mid rant and I whirl around to see horses galloping towards us. Only thing is: _they don't stop_. I yelp as they draw nearer, the horses getting larger and larger until it seems that they can crush me underneath their hooves. I let out another yelp as someone grabs me by the arm and pushes me back so that I'm being squished by the Dwarves.

"Move together! Form ranks!"

_Are you actually _fucking _me right now?_

Along with Ori and Bilbo, I'm pushed back so that the rest of the Dwarves are in a tight circle around us. I turn to glare who ever dared push me back but instantly stop when I see Kili's "_shut - up - and - go - with - it_" look. I clamp my mouth shut and turn away from the Dwarf to stare over the heads of the others as the horses _finally _come to a stop around us. _Jesus Christ, they're _huge.

An Elf - assuming he is an Elf, weird calling him that - turns to Gandalf on his horse with a smile breaking across his face. "Gandalf," Elfie (as his new name shall be; I have decided and there is no going back) greets cheerfully.

_Does everyone here know Gandalf?_

"Lord Elrond," Gandalf greets (Oh, well, I guess that's his name. Oops), smiling at the Elf that sat on the horse. He then continues on to speak in a strange language that, oddly enough, reminds me of French; it flows from his lips like liquid and is very beautiful. But, however, I can't understand a word of it; guess I only understand Khuzdul. Shame, because I really want to know what they're saying.

The Elf - Lord Elrond - dismounts the horse with such grace that I would kill for. He continues to speak in the odd language Gandalf spoke in before him and Gandalf embrace each other in a hug. I have to bite back an aw at the sight since I'm secretly a sucker for things like this. I hear the unimpressed mutters of the Dwarves at the hugging Wizard and Elf whereas Bilbo just looks downright _confused_.

"It is very strange for Orcs to come so close to our borders," Lord Elrond speaks, turning back to good, old English as Gandalf masks his face into supposed innocence. Ha! "Something, or some_one, _has drawn them near."

_Oopsie._

"Ah," Gandalf says, a bit sheepishly, "That may have been us."

_You know that was us, old man; don't try to make us seem innocent._

The two tall men, Lord Elrond and Gandalf, turn away from each other to face the Dwarves, Bilbo and I; Lord Elrond smiles slightly down at Thorin but all Mr Thorn In The Ass Oakenshield does is glare at the pretty Elf. Yes, I called Lord Elrond pretty because he is; sue me. Seriously though, Thorin could use some pep pills with the way he's staring at the Elf; it's not like Lord Elrond spat in his soup and forced him to eat it.

"Welcome Thorin, son of Thrain," Lord Elrond said, probably a bit too dramatic for my liking. Seriously, this whole place acts like it's a Spanish soap Opera called 'We're All Too Stubborn Too Admit That The Elves Are Very Pretty But The Dwarves Are My Height So That Instantly Makes Them Cooler'. Well, maybe not _that _exactly but you know what I mean.

"I do not believe we have met," Thorin grunts all but snobbishly, as though the Elf is a mere pest. I wonder if there _isn't _something Thorin hates or dislikes or thinks is beneath him. Probably not.

"You have your grandfathers bearing," Lord Elrond explains, "I knew Thror when he ruled over the mountain." Oh my _God_, are we seriously going to get into the subject of Thorin's family? I will actually pee right here and now if they don't just do that weird man hug thing and move it along while casually going 'S'up'. Actually, that sounds like something I would do by mistake.

"Indeed?" Thorin asks, his politeness (or . . . whatever it is) wavering as his eyes narrow. "He made no mention of_ you_."

I have to hold back a very loud and stretched '_Damn' _at how sour Thorin sounds. Honestly, though, _I'm _supposed to be the one that fucks up; I groan outwardly at his words because not only has he probably cost me a trip to the bathroom but probably a nice warn bath (since these Elves look all clean and pristine and shit), a comfortable bed and _food_; proper, warm food. Since vomiting up what little I've eaten while here back in the cave, I have to wrap my arms around myself to stop my stomach growling loudly, demanding food.

I watch as the two men eye each, wondering who will break eye contact first. Finally, Lord Elrond, not breaking eye contact with the Dwarven King, turns his head slightly as he speaks the strange language to the Elf dude who had greeted Gandalf previously. Gloin steps forward, raising his axe as he puffs out his chest.

"What is he saying? Does he offer us insults?!" _Oh, God, man calm down, I feel just embarrassed for _you_. _The other Dwarves join Gloin as they make out raged comments before Gandalf hushes their outburst.

"No, Master Gloin, he is offering you _food_," Gandalf explains while Lord Elrond gazes on, looking very humoured at the Dwarves reactions.

"Oh, praise the Lord! Thank Jesus, you guys didn't screw this up!" I all but sigh in delight as I clasp my hands together over my heart, a smile breaking out across my face. Every eye is on me as I let my eyes flicker about. "What? It's true! If you guys cost me some good food I would have complained all of your ears off until you went deaf! No offence, Oin," I add sheepishly before I glare around to just show how serious I am, each of the Dwarves looking very amused.

"I would think my eyes deceive me," I hear Lord Elrond mutter as I meet his eyes, feeling very abashed at my little spurt and I feel an embarrassed glow flame across my cheeks. The Dwarves split, stepping aside as Lord Elrond fucking _glides _towards me like he's wearing Heelys or some shit. Oh, God, I can practically _feel _my self - confidence drop even lower as I take in his clean clothes and his soft, silky hair and his grime free face. "I have never seen a female Dwarf ever leave home or the safety of the mountains nowadays."

I let out a gurgle from my throat that sounded like a grunt and my attempt of saying 'Pfft', making a gesture with my hand as if to say 'stop it you'. "Nah, I'm a free spirit, I'm an independent, young woman who don't need no - " I blink for a moment as I register his words, my face scrunching up, "Wait, did you just call me a _Dwarf_?"

From behind Lord Elrond's elbow I can see Gandalf giving me a pointed look, clearly saying 'shut up'; the Dwarves look very confused as to why I had looked quite offended when I asked Lord Elrond why he mistook me for female Dwarf.

_Oh yeah, they think that I _am _a Dwarf; I probably shouldn't have said anything._

Cursing myself mentally, I look quickly to cover my tracks by stringing a few incoherent words together - which consists of me puffing my cheeks out and making numerous faces as my eyebrows furrow together. Lord Elrond raises his bad ass looking eyebrows at my stumbling and turns his torso towards the Wizard - who is in the middle of giving me the 'shut up' look but instantly turning innocent when Lord Elrond's eyes land on him, smiling slightly and lifting his shoulders as if to say 'I don't know'.

_Innocent my ass, you wise old bastard._

"Ha ha, because you're right!" I finally say awkwardly and almost meekly as I let out another too high pitched laugh, causing Lord Elrond to turn back to me. _Oh God, end this torture!_ "I am _totally _a Dwarf! I love doing . . . Dwarf stuff like . . . Dwarf-ing?" My voice pitches at the end making it appear as a question.

_Kill me; kill me now._

Lord Elrond turns back to Gandalf but not before giving me a look that is half amused half curious. Lord Elrond speaks his gobbledygook language and passes me a glance, his majestic eyebrows rising slightly. Gandalf replies, stressing his voice as he leans on his staff. Lord Elrond shakes his head, speaking more urgently and seriously than before. Gandalf sighs, his answer a one word reply before bowing his head looking very much defeated and he turns to face me with a very serious face. Oh, fuck, what have I done _this _time?

"As you must know," Gandalf says, returning back to faithful English gesturing to me as Lord Elrond smiles at me, though it looks slightly forced, "this is Aurora Liberty Fernwright. Quite a . . . _extraordinary _woman. Now, shall we continue?" I don't like the way he used 'extraordinary' since I'm _far _from it.

Lord Elrond bows his head to me, his sharp gaze meeting mine for a second but that second passes and Lord Elrond turns to the other quiet Elf, speaking the gobbledygook again. The other Elf nods his head before turning towards the Dwarves, an obviously forced smile on his lips.

"Come this way," the Elf speaks with his voice too airy and perfect. Stupid Elves and their stupid perfectness. _God, I envy them_. The Dwarves reluctantly follow the kind Elf, passing a smiling Gandalf. I hitch up my pants that are threatening to fall as I follow the group to the sweet perfection that is food. As I pass Gandalf his hand clamps down on my shoulder, causing me to stop and look up at him.

"Not you, Libby," he says in a low, warning tone that has the budding smile on my face instantly drop. Gandalf looks away from my gaze to glance over head of me. I follow his line of sight and meet the passive face of Lord Elrond, who tries to smile as though offering me false reassurance. "Lord Elrond wishes to speak to you of your . . . predicament."

I instantly forget the rumble of my stomach or the bite of hunger as I roughly swallow my own saliva to soothe my aching throat and to add moisture to my very dry mouth. I glance between Gandalf and Lord Elrond with a defeated look before looking at the group. None of them have noticed my disappearance - save one. Kili instantly starts to look around him, as though loosing something but when he looks back, through the closing gap of the two magnificent doors, he meets my worried eyes with his own concerned brown ones. I try to send him a smile but it comes out forced and crooked, obviously showing the Dwarven Prince my distress of my situation.

I watch as he tries to makes his way towards me, all but pushing and shoving the others out of the way but by the time he's even free of the group, the doors instantly slam shut, blocking off our gaze.

And I'm alone.

* * *

**Hey guys! So, this chapter is a lot more serious and kind of, I don't know, _dark _than the others; it kind of shows a more serious and sad side to Libby instead of her usual joking and sarcastic self. I've tried putting in some jokes - though I know I probably failed dramatically - to lessen the seriousness of the mood. Also, sorry it's only 7,000 words long - I'll try and lengthen it some other time when I'm not doing nothing which seems to be all the time lately.**

**I've been watching The Lord Of The Rings trilogy (Extended version because the non - extended version is for pussies who don't want their eyes to bleed from all the time staring at the laptop screen, pfft) a lot lately and my friends have become worried over how it's the only thing I ever talk about or post on my Facebook.**

**As I say, it's not an obsession until you start to look for cosplay costumes to buy or make.**

**In other news, I have found the perfect wig for my Tauriel cosplay that I'm hoping to piece together one day.**

**Also: there's something wrong with my reviews thing? I check them everyday, right, and when I check them the next day there would be ones that would be from two previous days but I wouldn't have seen them before and I'm just like ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? wat**

**Gosh, I'm not even a week into summer and I'm already _bored._ How sad is that, honestly? It's probably due to the fact I've done nothing but watch The Hobbit and L.O.T.R and Pushing Daises and sleep and read fan fiction and write fan fiction. My life is just so adventurous sometimes that I need to cool it. **

**Sorry for the crappy chapter but please, please, please, please review, follow and favourite! It really makes my day!**

**(p.s if you want to see what Libby looks like you can just go to my profile - the link is in the bio and you can't miss it)**

**-tateslangdon**


	10. Fifi The Flowertot

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter!**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

***WARNING*: ORIGINAL CONTENT HERE SO I HOPE I MANAGED TO KEEP THESE CHARACTERS IN CANON SO IF THEY'RE O.O.C THEN I AM VERY SORRY**

**ALSO THIS CHAPTER IS VERY CRAPPY AND I AM VERY SORRY**

* * *

"Okay, if this has to do with the fact I used to hunt for Elves with cookies and have a bottle of chloroform that I would steal from my Grandpa, then I can explain," I say hastily as I glance back between Lord Elrond and the Grey Wizard who looks amused at my sudden outburst. I should probably shut up but, me being me, I can't and won't. "I mean, it's all my mom's fault! She used to be all like 'Oh, Libby, don't be such an idiot thinking they exist' and then I'd be like 'Pfft, mom you don't own me; I can do whatever I want'. Except . . . not really. I had a speech impediment when I was younger and I used to stutter a lot so I couldn't say that. But I thought it so that's - "

"Libby, what on Earth are you talking about?" Gandalf chuckles and I look at him, feeling my cheeks becoming very hot. "When I said your predicament I meant your story of how you came to be here."

_Oh. _"Um, I knew that," I laugh awkwardly as I turn back to Lord Elrond, "and I lied about the part with the chloroform, I totally made that up; my Grandpa never let anyone near his special cabinet."

Lord Elrond bows his head, a smile tugging at his lips, "Of course, Lady Aurora; come this way, for we have much to speak about." _Hm, Lady Aurora; I could get used to this. _I glance to Gandalf, swallowing my saliva thickly; giving me a reassuring nod, Gandalf nudges me with the butt of his staff. I trip forward slightly as I eye the Elf with baited breath as he turns around, robes swishing behind him. I trail behind him, trying to ignore the little blossom of fear in my chest that is threatening to expand.

I watch him move soundlessly through the stone halls, my heavy breathing and beating heart pounding in my ears being the only sound I can hear. If I concentrate hard enough, I can just about hear the sound of Gandalf's staff tapping in rhythm against the stone floor. I have no idea what there is to talk about; if I'm not hallucinating this - this _world _up, then I'm surely dead by the looks of that concrete.

What if I can never go home? What if I can never go back to the normal life I had? Am I stuck here forever? What happens after the quest? Where do I go? Will I end up getting killed? Oh, my God, why is it getting harder to breathe?!

The silence between the three of us is about to make me go mad; Lord Elrond's too graceful walking is kind of making me motion sick while Gandalf's staff excessive tapping is like an annoying itch that I can't force away.

I try to distract myself from committing homicide by gazing out onto Rivendell, a place that seems to look like it only exists in books or from myths; the birds chirp happily while the water rushes over stones. The grass looks way too green than it normally would and the trees grow up into the sky. The sweet smell of flowers and morning dew still hangs in the air, the scent making me breathe in deeply. I wouldn't mind staying here forever if I had to; I mean this place puts even the finest Disney castles to shame.

I almost bump into Lord Elrond's back when he suddenly stops on the entrance of what looks to a tiny open space, a round stone table in the middle. The sun gives the place an ominous glow, making my breath catch in my throat. The stone was a bright white, pillars with archways built around the circle with ivy around the top. Jesus Christ, is _everything _here perfect?

I peek out from behind Lord Elrond and my jaw all but drops at the sight of the woman in front of me; her hair is as golden as the sun but looks as though it is woven from moonlight with a band of silver across the crown of her head, her face youthful like a young adult's but her eyes hold so much knowledge, wisdom that can only be gained by growing older. She is as old as the stars and moon but just as beautiful as they are.

Gandalf, who hasn't spoken in a while, steps forward and greets the beautiful woman, whose ears that were slightly pointed and peeked out from the soft waves in her hair. "Lady Galadriel," he declares in a soft, kind voice. The woman, whose passive face just about scares me, smiles at the Wizard and I felt my self-confidence drop down to the soles of my feet.

"Gandalf," she replies, her voice so soft and silken, "you have grown weary throughout these many winters."

Did she just call him old? I think she just called him old.

Instead of being offended, Gandalf titters, clasping his hands in front of him. "Thank you, My Lady, for these winters may have been harsh but the summers not so."

What? This isn't making any sense; why isn't he offended? I don't care if this woman is the epitome of perfection; if a bitch calls me old I slap her.

The woman beams, her lips curling up as she tears her starry eyes away from the Wizard to meet mine. Instantly, I turn rigid as her eyes hold me in my place. The bitch practically _glows_! Like a fucking glow stick!

Lord Elrond steps forward, a smile also tugging at his lips, as he breaks the conversation between the Elf and the Wizard. "My Lady, as you have requested," Lord Elrond announces, moving to the side as he sweeps an arm out to reveal my tiny, rigid form. _Well, shit_. "Lady Aurora."

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit_.

The Elf – Lady Galadriel – slowly glides towards me, her beautiful white dress that, when in the light of the sun, displays all kinds of patterns. I see her head cock slightly to the side, reminding me much of a curious child as she inspects my tiny form. I can feel the confusion bubble up inside me; why am I being presented to her? What is it that she can do that can help me? I'm dead! I can't ever go home!

_Do not fret, young one, _a voice _in my fucking head _murmurs, _I know that it is which you have lost and how you believe all hope has vanished._

I gulped audibly as my eyes widen ever so slightly, my lips parting to suck in a sharp breath. She stops just a few feet in front of me, her head still cocked to the side as though studying me like I am an alien like creature.

"Come, Lord Elrond, we must join your guests in dinner for I am sure they will question our lack of presence," Gandalf states and the Elf nods in accord with him. I break my contact with the Elf in front of me and glance wildly at the both of them as they pass one last reassuring glance to me before they walk away, shoulder to shoulder.

They're _leaving _me?! With _her_?!

I thought Mr Pointy Eared wanted to talk to me! Who the Hell even is this woman? Why would they say he wanted to talk to me when -

_Oh._

They _tricked_ me here.

If Elfie thinks I'm going to let him get away with that he is El - _wrong_!

"I see that it is you see," the voice like melted honey says, making me turn my head back towards her. I gasp in surprise when I see how close she is and instantly step back shock. Lady Galadriel isn't distracted by this and continues to narrow her eyes at me, slightly smiling in a way that can easily be mistaken as friendly or hostile.

"I see your sorrow, your distress," Lady Galadriel murmurs, slowly walking a circle around me as I grip the strap of my bag, "I sense the burden which you carry upon your shoulders. Why do you grieve so?"

My tongue has grown inside my mouth, almost cutting off my breathing as I try to answer; is she, like, telepathic or something? Like Professor Charles Xavier in X – men? I shake my head, scattering all thoughts as I look up at her.

"I – I don't know how to get home," I whimper slightly, almost pathetically, "I have no idea where this place is; my home is a lot different to yours. And I feel like it doesn't exist here, like maybe it's an entirely different world altogether. It sounds crazy when I say it." I chortle uneasily, trying not to be intimidated by her.

Lady Galadriel finishes her inspection of me, stopping right in front of me to stare down at my quivering frame. "You fear that of which should not be feared; I see it in your mind, your unhappiness of your home. Why does it perturb you so that you cannot return to an already cold hearth?"

I literally stop breathing as I stare up at her; I guess it isn't really a secret that I was very happy at home or happy with home. Sure, I had never any friends not did I ever fit in; I was bullied the tiniest bit through my early adolescent years but it faded away. But, home was home, right? I had college, a dream, I was going to get a job; I had my mother, even if she was very distant with me.

No matter how bad everything seemed, I still had a place to call a home.

"It's my home_,_" I reply, straightening my back ever so slightly in a burst of confidence, "it's the only place I know, the only place I love even if the love is deep, deep, _deep _down. I have everything back there."

Her lips quirk upwards in a one sided smile as her eyes twinkle in the sunlight, "You desire much of which you cannot get; you desire a home which is no longer existent; a mother whom is like a stranger to you; a father that is alive; a Prince that will care for you as you care him."

I feel a blush instantly creeps on me as she speaks but the Elf disregards it, continuing her speech that seems to bare my very soul and my darkest secrets. "You covet the impossible and improbable; why so?"

I glaze my tongue over my slightly chapped lips, hesitating to answer her question. "Because I have to have hope that I will go home; I can't just go 'Okay, so I'm stuck in a world with various creatures that only exist in storybooks back home. Might as well accept it and move on without a care in the world!' because it'd be impossible. I'm always internally freaking out about every tiny possible detail; I just don't display it because I know I'll end up getting pity or getting told off by the others."

"But you will not know how they will respond," Lady Galadriel counters, her head tilted to the side again. I can practically see the gears in her head turning. Slowly, she begins to tread towards me, nearly at a molasses pace. Stopping at my shoulder, she inclines her head at me. "The future is a delicate thing; flimsy and frail, it can be easily broken but it can also be made anew by whoever wishes." The Elf walks past me, and I instantly turn on my heel as I try to keep up with her pace and her words.

"If one is to know what will come, that future will change in an instant; for the future is uncertain and unknown and should remain so," Lady Galadriel says, her feet making no sound as she sweeps across the stone. I follow her down a path that seems to grow weary and cracked, the ivy growing thicker.

"Then why would anyone want to know the future?" I inquire, my voice shaking. Just when I think the path will break off it suddenly ends smoothly with the forest floor after it. Dead leaves crunch under my feet as I scrutinise my surroundings; the trees bend around a tight circle, leaving hardly any room just light. A slight breeze ruffles the leaves, causing a few to flutter to the ground.

In the very middle of the tight circle, there is a pedestal just my height with two steps on one side; a stone basin lies on top of it, empty. I observe the Elf as she picks up a tall pitcher that is the colour of liquid moonlight.

"To see of what would have become if it had not yet been known by others," Lady Galadriel answers smoothly as she walks towards the stone basin, pouring the pitcher into the stone basin. "For there yet may be hope to change it if it is set in stone."

Do all Elves speak in riddles? If so, I think I might change my mind about staying here forever.

Inclining her head, she motions for me towards the stone basin and I walk towards it with uncertainty, pursing my lips. Stepping on the stones, I place either hand on the edge of the basin as my eyes narrow at the sight of the clear liquid showing the smooth bottom of the stone.

"What am I - ?"

I stop dead when images start to fill my mind, blocking out all thoughts and surroundings.

_x_

_"Libby! You ruined your dress! That was supposed to be for your Uncle's wedding!" a young mother snaps, taking in the sight of a mud covered Libby and her ruined white dress. "For God's sake why can't you just do what you're told?"_

_x_

_"You've embarrassed me in front of everyone! Why can't you ever just act like I want you to act?! Why can't you ever do anything right, Libby?!"_

_x_

_"Why didn't you go to the dance your mother said that was on tonight?" the father asks as he frowns at the sight of his teenage daughter sitting on the cough looking forlorn. The teenager gives a shrug, not wanting to tell him no one had asked her and that she had not wanted to show up alone; it would have caused everyone one of her peers to tease her._

_x_

_"Your father . . . he's been shot," the mother chokes out, clutching the phone to her chest, "it was a mugging they said. It went wrong and the guy pulled a gun out and he – he - "_

_x_

_The pain of flying through a window was fresh in the mind, the face of her mother imprinting in her memories as she was sure that death was going to greet her as the sight of the asphalt was coming up to meet her._

_x_

_"I'm Fili."_

_"Kili."_

_"At your service!" the two Dwarf brothers say in unison as they bow low in front of the shocked girl who had no idea how to react in turn. They both found her amusing to say the least, especially with her strange clothes and odd, garbled way of speaking. The Dark Haired Prince actually found her to be quite a pretty girl – pretty, he thought, for a Dwarf woman without a beard._

_But he would never admit it to his brother for it would only end up in teasing._

_x_

_The young mother sat in the empty room, holding a teddy bear with one button eye missing. The sheets were still messy and the smell of perfume hung in the air. Her body wracked with sob after sob as she clutched the forlorn bear close to her. "Oh, Libby, I'm so sorry!"_

_x_

_"She's going to freeze," Kili told his brother in a low tone as he eyed the girl that lay asleep next to him, her head resting on her odd shaped bag._

_Fili looked up from his examination of his dagger – one their father had given him before he died – and his blue eyes flickered to the younger girl before looking at his brother._

_"Are you going to do something or have you just informed me of an obvious fact?" The elder of the two snickered causing the youngest to curse at him in Khuzdul. Turning to his pack and grabbing one of the lovingly folded blankets his mother, Dis, had given him, he placed it around the sleeping girl's curled up body, smiling at how she instantly took the extra warmth with a sleepy smile. However, as he began to pull away the human girl quickly grabbed his arm, pulling it close to her like a child would do with a teddy bear._

_Fili broke into a fit of quiet laughter at the sight; Kili tried to tug his arm back but the girl wouldn't have it. Kili turned to his brother helplessly but Fili just shook his head, still laughing._

_"Not a word," Kili shushed with venom on his tongue to his brother._

_X_

_"The body of Aurora Fernwright has yet to be found. The car crash happened on Wednesday at four twenty two in the afternoon. Eye witnesses say that she had landed on the road but the body had later disappeared._

_"The police have checked within one hundred metres of where the accident happened but the body has not been uncovered._

_"Detectives suspect foul play is involved and have not ruled out Miss Fernwright's own mother as the main suspect._

_"A case that has gripped a nation, we can only hope that she is soon found."_

_x_

_"Cut it! Cut it all off!"_

_The Dwarves let out a roar of outrage as a horrible, grotesque creature grinned sinisterly at the girl who was being forced to her knees, flanked by two not as revolting creatures. A knife was sheathed and stomach churning snickers filled her ears as she squeezed shut her eyes._

_Soon, pain filled cries echoed through the halls as silver moon light fell in the Goblin Kingdom._

_Blood ran down her face in thick streams, stinging her eyes as the pain was becoming too much. Claws scratched into her scalp, tearing the skin._

_"Dishonour!" the single word echoed through the hall._

_x_

_The young Dwarven Prince stared after the beautiful Elf, eyes wide as his cell slammed shut. He didn't miss the slight pleased smirk she gave him and he didn't have the ability to smother the smile that stretched across his lips._

_She was unique; her hair matched her fiery personality. She was beautiful._

_x_

_The two brothers lay in a battle ground; Kili cradling the body of his fallen older brother; arrows spiked in the elder's back. A pain filled cry escaped Kili's mouth as unashamed tears ran down his face, cradling the dead body to him._

_An Orc struggled to his feet, ignoring the veil of death that was casting over his eyes as he raised his bow and arrow, pointing it at the vulnerable back of the Dwarven Prince._

_Quickly, three arrows in a row pierced his back, quiet gasps escaping Kili's mouth as a cough left him, a dribble of blood falling down his chin. His grip on his brother lessened as he fell to his side, dead._

_x_

I fall back from the stone basin, a wheeze escaping me as I land on my ass, wide eyed as I stare at the stone basin. No . . . it can't be true! It just can't!

"I have seen what you have seen," Lady Galadriel says, her hands clasped in front of her as she gives me a look that looks almost to be pity but her face has been emotionless for so long I could be hallucinating. "The past, present and what is to come have been shown; you hold this knowledge. Use it wisely."

* * *

_Oh, God, this is so embarrassing!_

I feel my cheeks heat up as the Elf (who kindly informed me that her name is Lowynl) in front of me continues to stare down at me pointedly, her hand son her hips in a very mother like fashion. "Just drop the towel, Lady Aurora; it isn't anything that I have not seen before and not something that I don't have myself."

Instantly my cheeks and my ears become hotter as I tighten my grip on the soft fluffy towel that pools around my feet, thankfully hiding my legs that are slowly becoming very hairy. I can become the next Wolverine with the hair that's growing!

"I don't want to," I utter childishly as the Elf clucks her tongue against the roof of her mouth. Lowynl is a very pretty Elf, like all the others I guess; her long, chocolate brown hair falls down her back, curling near the ends. She's slightly smaller than the other Elves I have seen and her skin is slightly golden, kissed by the sun's rays. With piercing brown eyes, she continues to stare me down into forcing me to drop the towel and get into the bath - which is looking _very _inviting with the steam that's slowly spreading around the room and the smell of lavender entering the air.

You're probably confused about this whole situation; I bet you thought she was some mad paedophile who is trying to take advantage of my innocent self.

Actually no; after being shown, for no apparent reason, the 'visions' an Elf - a male called Hwndyln- popped out (not literally) from the bushes, speaking to Lady Galadriel in that gobbledygook before turning to me in promise of food, a bath, a bed and to be reunited with my Dwarven friends.

Half an hour later: no food, no bed, no Dwarves in sight and I'm standing butt naked (well I would be if I had dropped the towel) in front of a very pretty Elf that would lower my self - esteem fast than a brick being dropped from a roof. Honestly, _why_ do they have to be pretty? It makes them look even less human than the pointy ears they have!

"Look," I begin, sucking my teeth anxiously, "I'm not very . . . comfortable showing myself naked in front of someone I just met and I want us to be able to talk without the image of my naked butt flashing in your head, okay? So if I can just have the _tiniest _bit of privacy that would be great!"

My voice had risen slightly to a shout near the end, causing Lowynl to scowl and let out a huff, twirling on her heel with her hair flowing behind her. "Don't bother to call when you're done! I shall leave your clothes outside the door!" With that, she flings open the door and slams it shut with a snap of her wrist.

For the first in forever, I'm alone; no Wizards, no Hobbits, no Dwarves and no Elves.

Just me myself and I.

Tugging the towel tighter up my bodice, I carefully bumble over to where I left my bag and the other spare one I had found in the trolls' cave. I squat down and open the flap to my own leather messenger bag, placing my hand in as I search for the thing I most defiantly need.

When my hand curls around the razor head I let out a sigh of relief, standing up and padding my bare feet across the surprisingly lukewarm stone. Do they have a special kind of central heating here or what? Taking the steps up (yes you heard correctly; _steps_) to the bath that reminds me of a swimming pool, I do a quick sweep of my surroundings before, with a deep breath, I drop the towel.

_Oh, God, I'm disgusting!_

Not in a 'I - hate - my - body' way but more in a 'I'm - covered - in - dirt - and - blood - in - places - I - most defiantly - should - not - have - grime - and blood'.

Scrunching my nose, I bend down, dipping my toe into the very hot but not too hot water. My body hums in serenity at the touch of something warm and I all but jump into the water, watching as bubbles fly up into the air. _This is the life._

I get to work wiping away all the filth my body has accumulated over the quest, watching as the water around me steadily turn a murky colour. Ugh, gross. Taking the razor, I begin to shave, finally feeling like a normal person at last and not some sweaty, stinky, dirty and hairy weirdo. At the smoothness of my legs I dip my head, kneading my fingers into the tresses of my scalp and trying not to be disgusting when the water turns dirtier.

How filthy can one person get? (No sexual innuendo intended.)

Deciding having enough of swimming in my own filth I pull myself up out of the lukewarm water and quickly wrap my towel that lay in a heap around me. I live in constant fear that someone will walk in and see my bare behind. I pad down the steps leaving trails of water due to my hair dripping as I head towards my bag, hoping to don a pair of fresh underwear and socks.

Placing my good friend Mr Shaver into the bag again I take out the socks and put them on before taking out the creased underwear and slip my legs through the holes as I stand up, feeling a lot better and cleaner about myself. I quickly snap on my mint green bra (the one thing I managed to take back from Lowynl in fear she might throw it away) as I instantly feel myself become more calm and happy at being clean, smooth as a baby's bottom and having fresh underwear.

Letting the towel drop, I flip my head over and wrap it around my head to help my hair dry faster. The cool air leaves goose bumps across my skin as I tip - toe my way towards the door; having hope that Lowynl actually left my clothes there. Opening the heavy door just a crack I instantly spy the little bundle of what appears to be died cotton. Grabbing it and pulling it in, I slam shut the door, hoping that no one saw my very naked boobs.

I plop down on the ground as I carefully unfold the clothes, a smile across my face. The cotton is actually very thick and soft in my hands, the smell of even more lavender attacking me. As I hold up the very suspiciously long, cloth I feel my face drain of blood as my mouth drops open.

_Oh, fuck no._

* * *

_They will never live this down if they see me like this._

I peek out from behind a pillar as I see yet another empty courtyard, a breath of relief leaving me as I start to edge out. Turns out that the Elves here never heard of jeans; Lowynl sent me a _fucking dress; _a white, long sleeved, thick cotton dress that is somehow my size and grazes the floor so you don't have to see my black converse shoes that stick out from underneath them like a sore thumb. My bags are on my back, my one bumping against my hip and the other one growing heavy due to the curiosity that is seeping in my mind.

I don't know _why _I didn't look in it while I was alone and no one would bother me, I just felt like I was being watched and I couldn't get rid of this knot in my stomach that was telling me not now.

Then again, I must be pretty messed up if my stomach is telling me things.

The sleeves of the dress pool at my arms, hiding my hands as I swing my arms by my side. I can't even remember the last time I even wore a dress! This is the most embarrassed I've been since the Dwarves saw me in my undies.

My hair is still damp, creating patches on my dress as it dries very slowly. I hadn't bothered to brush the nest for the hope of finding some food was over whelming. My stomach grumbles and I quickly wrap my arms around myself, telling it to quietly shush.

I probably shouldn't have snapped at Lowynl like so, I mean she was only helping but my sense of pride and modesty was a bit too much. But she was my only hope for food and here I am, wandering Rivendell with the sun setting too fast for my likening in a dress that I am positive you can see my bra through, my hair all tangled and damp and my stomach growling like a monster, demanding 'FEED ME, SERVANT; I AM YOUR MASTER'.

"Oh, God, I feel like I'm in _127 Hours_!" I snivel as I stop underneath a pear tree, sulking at how stupid I am for not asking Lowynl for help. I just hope I don't have to resort to drinking my own pee . . .

"Stupid, Elves," I curse under my breath as I pace back and forth beneath the pear tree. "Stupid Magic Future Bowels, stupid bloody Dwarves!"

"I must say I quite resent that statement."

I whirl around from my spot and I'm instantly met with big brown eyes. I let out a squeal as I fall back onto my butt, my heart hammering in my chest. I can hear Kili's faint laughter at my distress as I turn to glare at him; noticing he's _hanging upside down _I frown at him, seeing that he looks way too happy for my liking.

"That was mean," I state as I get to my feet, nursing my bruised arse. Kili shrugs - at least I think he does - as he slowly bends forward and grabs a hold of the branch before swinging his legs free and drops to the ground.

"Oh Libby, I only jest; though I found that to be amusing myself," Kili smirks as he sees me dusting the dirt from my white cotton dress, a flirtatious look on his face. "Oh, should I say Lady Libby instead?"

"You do and your balls won't be hanging between your legs anymore," I say in a very sweet and girly tone as his eyes widen a bit - both in shock and fear. Smirking I stand up taller (though it isn't much since I only just about reach his chin) as I narrow my eyes at him. "And just what were you doing _hanging _from a _tree_?"

Kili plucks a leaf out from his brown hair, watching it flutter to the ground. "Ori wanted to go exploring but Dori wouldn't let him do it alone. I decided to come along with him since I was worried about where you were."

I feel my heart melt but instead of smiling and cooing, I sneer sweetly, "You were worried about me?" Cue the '_aw!_' moment here.

Kili's eyes snap to me, his words spluttering from his mouth awkwardly. "I wouldn't say worried; I would far more favour the word wondered. You left with Gandalf and that Elf, Elrond, but when they returned to join us at the dining area you weren't there."

He says this in one lone fast breath as he stares at the ground, his hands behind his back. I blink at his confession, stepping forward to soothingly place a hand on his forearm. "You better have saved me some food or I might have to kill you."

_And there I go changing the subject again. I really have to stop doing that._

Kili, however, takes the new topic graciously. "There wasn't anything to save; they gave us nothing but green food and berries. Quite plain I must say. It was something a _rabbit _\- "

The sound of a branch breaking freaks above us and I hear a shocked squeal as the leaves of the pear tree ruffle. I just about catch the sight of Ori tumbling to the ground as Kili pulls me out of the way from being squished.

"Holy shit, it's raining Dwarves!" I exclaim as I watch Ori wriggle to his feet, his journal clutched to his chest (what a surprise), before I add calmly, "Oh, hey Ori."

"Hello, Miss Libby," Ori says as he brushes himself down with one hand, plucking out the twigs and leaves in his hair. I've noticed that there are quite a few of pears scattered around the ground; they're all bruised from the impact.

"If anymore Dwarves start falling from that tree, I am out of here," I comment to Kili who snickers slightly. Stepping away from my spot beside Kili, I bend down and pick up one of the fallen pears. Taking a deep, dramatic inhale of the sweet smelling fruit I bite into it, enjoying the taste that dances around my tastes buds.

"I have no idea what sex is like but if it was a food this would be it," I say.

Well.

Try to say.

It comes out more like "Bi pave bow idea flat text pace bike buh if ick pause good piss cud pee ick", all garbled and messy due to the food so the two Dwarves don't catch a word of what I say and if they do it's all nonsense.

"Come on, there's more food back with the others," Kili chuckles at my reaction as Ori simply smiles awkwardly. I nod enthusiastically as I take another bite, motioning for them to lead the way. "We've all been wondering where you went, you know. I mean, after that threat of making us deaf if we cost you food we had thought that something horrible had happened to you."

I let out a gurgled snort of amusement as I swallow the bite of the pear quickly. "Nah, I just got, erm, side tracked; what with being forced to get naked in front of this Elf I met and - "

"What?!" Kili and Ori exclaim in unison, their eyes bugging out as they stare at me in shock. Instantly, I rush to defend myself.

"N - Not like that!" I stammer, turning slightly red. "I was having a bath and she wanted to wash me and I just - "

"I don't want to hear any more!" Kili squeaks slightly as he drops his eyes from me, his eyes squeezing shut as though getting rid of the mental picture. Oh God, talk about embarrassment. Ori trails beside me, looking very much like a tomato, as looks anywhere but me. Forcing the awkward tension down I continue to speak.

"So, anything, erm, happen while I was gone?" I ask, glancing between the two who look like they might not answer my question. What is it with guys here being so prudish? Honestly. Kili coughs beside me as I realise that our elbows are just about brushing against each other. _Whoa, this is like a big day for me; seeing the future, being forced to strip naked, brushing elbows with a cute guy; my life has just turned into a whirlwind of adventure._

"Thorin, Bilbo, Balin and Mister Gandalf have gone to see Lord Elrond - something to do about the map," Ori answers in a clear voice, still not looking at me. I raise my eyebrows at the new information; I guess that nearly everyone on this quest is being told things by the Elves. I let out a hum as we walk up some steps, the last rays of the sun just about peeking through the buildings of Rivendell.

I can hear the loud guffaws of the Dwarves as we draw nearer to where I see a light. Rounding a corner I can count, in total, 11 Dwarves that are spotted around a fire. Talking, eating and smoking they look to be the most relaxed I have seen them since Bilbo's house. I draw nearer and I catch whiff of something.

"Oh, my _God_, do I smell _sausages_?!" I squeal in excitement, causing everyone to look over at me in shock and surprise. I push past Kili and Ori as I rush my way towards a wide eyed Bofur - falling to slide across the stone ground as I land exactly beside the Dwarf with my bag smacking against the ground and the items jingling together. My smile is crooked as I stare at the four pieces of meat on the end of what appears to be a fire poker, feeling my saliva pool in my mouth.

"You'd swear the lass was being starved!" I hear Oin mutter to his brother - who in turns laughs.

I ignore them as I turn to Bofur, turning all serious. "I will give you my right arm for them right now - I am not joking."

Bofur giggles heartily at my seriousness before he pulls the sausages from their place over the fire, plucking each and every one of them off and he drops them to the ground in front of. Not really caring if they have dirt on them or if they could burn the mouth off of me, I pick one of them up and hew on them, suppressing a groan at the taste. I swear, the best thing about this place is the food.

Fishing out another sausage, Bofur places it on the end of the poker and over the fire as he watches me eat with bemusement. "I woulda thought the Elves would have fed you themselves! If we had known they were goin' to starve you, we woulda come find you sooner!"

Through a mouthful I manage to choke out, "Wasn't all bad; I mean I did get to have a bath and I have this pretty swanky dress. Hm. I have the sudden urge to sing "Dude Looks like a Lady" but I have a feeling that you won't get the reference so, alas, I shall retreat to just speaking in what may be tongues to you and often laughing at my own jokes."

Bofur blinks, obviously confused. "I . . . don' know how to reply to tha'."

I pat his shoulder, feigning sadness and pity, "I understand."

Wiping my hands on my very pretty dress (bad idea; it left a few grease marks but what do I care? It's not like it's my own dress and not like any of the Elves are going to wear it. I mean, have you _seen _how tall they are? They can put Amazon Eve out of business!) I sit back enjoying the warmth of the fire.

"Why, look at you in a dress, you do look like quite the Lady," I hear voice from behind me say. Glancing back, I see Fili smiling down at me before he plonks on the spot empty next to me, curling his legs up so he's sitting nearly Indian style. I snort at his statement as I twist my body to face him.

"Lady, yeah right! The day I act and look like a Lady is the day my mother decides she hates the colour white!"

Fili's moustache twitches in amusement as his eyes flicker behind me before meeting my eyes again. "You never really talk about your family; how come?"

I consider his question, quite confused by his sudden interest in my family. "Uh," I cough awkwardly as I drop my gaze. "You've never asked."

"I'm asking now."

I whip my head up to watch his eyes studying me with curiosity in them. I ponder my answer as I try the best to explain my none too interesting family life. "Well, it's just me and my mom now, in a way. I'm an only child because apparently something happened during my birth that caused my mom to not have any more kids. We kind of have . . . a _special _relationship - " _you could call it that _" – but I know she loves me even if she doesn't show it often."

"What of your father?" Fili asks in a soft voice; so soft I think I would have imagined it. I take a deep, shaking breath as I swallow to soothe my suddenly dry throat.

"He's dead," I say monotonously, turning away from his piercing gaze to look into the fire. "He was killed; some guy mugged him - robbed him I guess you could say - but my dad fought back and it ended up with him dying."

I'm thankful that the other Dwarves are far too interested in their own conversation to pay any heed to Fili's and mine. I begin to grow uncomfortable; this is the first deep and meaningful conversation I've had in a long time. I'm not one to bare so much to anyone, only to just joke and laugh about.

"My own father," I heard Fili speak lowly, "he was killed in a mining accident. Kili was still only a Dwarfling when it happened. Our Uncle helped raised us along with our mother."

I would never have imagined Thorin to be one to changing baby diapers or making faces for the enjoyment of a child; he looked like he would scare a child just by being in its presence. But never judge a book by its cover. Or don't judge a Dwarf King by his ability to be a grumpy bastard and also be a loving parent. I smile slightly as I turn my gaze over to see Kili sitting a bit away from the fire with his quiver of arrows in his lap as Ori sits not too near but not far away from him, scribbling in his journal.

"It must have been tough," I comment, "growing up without a dad. Especially for Kili since he's the baby of the family."

Fili lets out a laugh; "Yes, but he has Uncle and I; I've always been over protective of him. He pretends it annoys him, and it probably does, but he knows, in his heart, that everything I do, I do it out of love."

"You know," I start, tearing my eyes of the younger Dwarf brother and turning back to Fili's bright blue eyes, "you guys act so tough and so bad - ass when really, deep inside, you're all as sweet and mushy as a hormonal teenage girl on her time of the month. I think that's kind of cute that the bad - ass Princes are really just girly girls."

Fili scoffs, rolling his eyes at my weirdness. "Are you always this complimentary?"

I smile at him, "Only with you, Fifi."

"Fifi?" Fili splutters, eyes widening at my odd new nickname for him. "Where on Earth did that spring out of?"

I give him a shrug as I stretch my arms over my head, feigning a yawn. "I don't know; I was thinking you could be like Fifi the Flowertot or something. Now if you excuse me I'm going to hit the hay." Ignoring the fact I called him Fifi the Flowertot, his eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"We don't have any hay," he tells me and I stand to my feet, rolling my eyes. Seriously? Is there anything I can say that won't raise eyebrows or make people ask questions or anything like that?

"I am going to sleep," I say in a slow voice, enunciating every word as though I'm explaining it to a small child. I practically swagger away towards Kili, hoping that Prince Number One would help me find a perfect spot to sleep. Okay, maybe that's not why but it's a good excuse. As I make my way over I watch as Bofur take the sausage in his hand, eyeing it as his own eyes flicker back and forth to his brother.

"'Ere! Bombur!" The said Dwarf looks up in time to see Bofur throw the sausage towards him. Catching it, everything is still for a moment before the table which Bombur was sitting on creaked before finally collapsing in on itself due to the excessive weight. Bofur falls back onto the ground, holding his sides and giggling manically at the poor misfortune of Bombur.

"Here's a joke," I pipe up as I plop myself down next to Kili, startling him. I hear a groan from his throat at my words and I slap his shoulder, offended. "Hey! This is a good one. Okay, why can't a nose be 12 inches long?"

Kili stares at me as my smile widens. "Because it is impossible for a nose to be that long." I let out a huff as I glare at the Dwarf. Did he have to ruin the joke?

"No! Because then it'll be a foot!" I laugh, doing jazz hands in a form of a 'Ta - da!" as I hear an amused snort from Kili. _Success!_ "I should be a comedian; honestly, I find myself to be very funny, thank you." I sniffle happily as I puff my chest out in pride as Kili sniggers.

"You are the only one to find that," he informs me. I gasped, looking offended as I place a hand over my heart. I can just practically here the words _Well, I never_ in my head as I sniff.

"Well back home a lot of people found me funny," I say. Yeah, and the sky was green and the grass was blue. I let out a yawn as I shuffle my weight, trying to ignore the pain in my butt due to sitting down on the stone for far too long.

"Get some rest," Kili orders me in a soft tone, as he places his big, warm hand on my shoulder, "then maybe I will listen to some more of your horrible jokes in the morning."

Letting out a dissatisfied grunt I sling my bag off of my shoulder, the blanket Kili himself had given me crumbled inside. I tug it free, wanting nothing more than a soft mattress in favour of the cold, hard ground. Slinging the other bag off my back I place it near Kili's knee as I shuffle myself down to place my head on it, throwing the blanket over myself. I welcome the instant extra warmth by curling up into a ball as I look up at Kili.

"You know," I begin in a slightly slurred tone, "I've never said this to anyone and since I'm wrecked with fatigue I probably won't remember this in the morning; but sometimes whenever I feel sad or lonely or just need a cuddle I sometimes sleep with my favourite teddy bear, Big Ben. What I'm getting to is that I'm sleeping next to you because, since I don't have access to Ben, you're going to have to be my teddy bear."

Through my drooping eyes I see Kili smile. Taking an opportunity, I spy his hand on his knee and I reach up and grab a hold of it. "Part of the job," I mumble under my breath. I feel Kili tighten his grip on my hand moments before I slip off into an uneasy sleep.

I think I'm finally getting the hang of this flirting and cuddling thing.

* * *

**GAH THIS WAS SO HARD TO WRITE LIKE I LITERALLY STARED AT THE PAGE BLANK AND THERE HAVE BEEN THREE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THIS CHAPTER AND, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS WAS THE BEST I COULD COME UP WITH SO, PLEASE, DON'T BE ANGRY AT HOW SHITTY IT IS. ALSO HAS ANYONE ELSE SEEN THE TRAILER FOR THE SHADOW OF MORDOR? I WATCHED IT AND I THINK I GOT A BONER BUT I'M A GIRL SO I DON'T THINK IT'S POSSIBLE TO GET A BONER BUT I DID.**

**Fun fact: I actually _do _have a teddy bear called Big Ben. I've had him since the day I was born and he's really big and one of his eyes was missing but we managed to glue it back on.**

**Also: wow, this story has 40 reviews already! Thanks so much guys! Ep!**

**I want to thank you all for getting this story over 5,000 views!**

**P.s: Lowynl is pronounced: Lo – wen – nil. **

**Hwndyln is pronounced: H – wen – Dylan.**

**Also this chapter is over 8,000 words so go me! Whoop!**

**(p.p.s those who want to see what Libby looks like go to my profile and you can't miss it!)  
**

**(p.p.p.s Libby's dress is here! Just remember to take out the spaces! www. polyvore cgi/ img-thing?.out=jpg&amp;size=l&amp;tid=66855027 )**

**So, please, please, please, please continue to review, follow and favourite!**

**-tateslangdon**


	11. The Cat's Out Of The Pants

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter!**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

**It's late and I've just finished writing this. I am not the least bit sorry for the crappiness.**

* * *

I'm fluttering in dream like state, between being half awake and being half asleep; I feel oddly warm than I normally would and I try to drag my arms up but they feel like lead. After all the running from those stupid Orcs and their horrible little mutated werewolves, the chance to actually rest and sleep has made my body feel too heavy to carry.

I try to shift over onto my back due to the feeling my breathing is restricted but I'm caught in something. I let out a gurgle of annoyance as my body refuses to fall back into much needed sleep. I catch a sound that appears to be people speaking; if I strain my ears I can hear what the voices, that are not too far away, are speaking about in hushed tones.

". . . Should wake them up," once voice says - Bofur I believe - in a slightly worried yet amused tone. That cannot be good in any way.

"Why would we do that?" I hear the other - Fili - ask, his voice light and bright as though he is enjoying something. _Try not to imagine what Libby, you know what'll happen if you try and think of what's making him happy. _And the dirty mind strikes again.__

"Well I don' think that they'll be happy if the others see them like that," Bofur continues, a yawn breaking through his words as I hear the crackling of embers in a dying fire. Having spent so long without electricity (well, long enough for me) I've grown used to the sound of the fire crackling or the sound of hearing the others pee.

Reminder: never sleep near the edge of the woods ever again.

_Ever._

"I'm sure they'll be fine," Fili reassures - not that greatly though. But I've honestly taken an interest in what they're talking about. I try to catch more of the conversation as I regain feeling in my arms and legs though they're as stiff as a board. It hurts to move my sore muscles and I go limp as I curse my body for not being as fit as it used to be; says the person who practically ate, drank and smoked away all her physical health.

But the one time, the _one time_, I exercise _willingly_ not being forced like I used to be when I was in school and it's because we're being chased by man eating creatures; this is why exercise is bad for you kids.

Libby Fernwright: a role model for kids aspiring to achieve obesity by early adolescence.

There's a slight pause as I hear some shuffling. Shaking my head, I try to ignore the voices and snuggle closer into a ball, clutching the blankets closer around me as I try to force myself to sleep. Surprisingly, my back isn't aching from the hard surface I'm sleeping on. A loud snore suddenly rips through the air and I let out a breathy, sleepy laugh that is slightly smothered.

The smell of rain, tobacco, mountain air and sweat infiltrates my nostrils and I furrow my eyebrows; I sure as Hell haven't been smoking and I know for sure that I don't smell like man sweat. As I'm acting very Sherlock like, Bofur speaks again. "'Ere, Fili."

"Yes?" Fili hums, almost distant and distracted.

There's a pause long pause of silence.

Bofur speaks; "Do you think that . . . that they could be - "

"I don't think so, no, not yet." Fili interrupts.

Another pause.

"Maybe."

Oh, this is getting _interesting_!

However only silence follows after the realisation that this is probably the most interesting conversation I ever heard the Dwarves speak. I wait for any signs that they may continue but no one speaks. I almost pout at the sudden lack of conversation.

_Well, fuck this; I'm hot, hungry and I am way too warm._

Feeling that I've spent too much time "eavesdropping" (if you can call it that - which you can't!) and my body is getting way to warm for my liking, I start to shift around in the thick woollen blanket, hoping to rid myself of the feeling like I'm in an oven. I kick the blankets off of my legs and I briefly welcome the cold air before I go to whip the blanket off of my torso.

_Now just hold on a gosh diddly darn moment._

Feeling like something is restricting me and my movement, I peek one eye open and meet a wall of brown leather, dark blue cotton and moss green wool. I feel my lips purse and my eyebrows come together in confusion; I try to wriggle an arm free but I'm trapped. Feeling the worse of my suspicions I slowly raise my head to meet the sleeping face of Kili.

For a brief, quiet still moment I stare at him with my chin resting on his chest as it slowly rises and falls; all emotions are wiped clean from him, leaving him looking tranquil and peaceful. All worry lines and laugh lines are gone and his mouth lies slightly open with his breath fanning my face (which, if I'm going to be honest, wasn't exactly all flowers and rainbows). He looks so much _younger _and sweeter, I much admit. I feel my heart skip a beat as I realise his arms are wrapped around me; his left slung over my waist and the other one under me, acting almost as a pillow with my bag knocked away so his arm falls down around my shoulders and his hand rests just a bit between my shoulder blades.

In that quiet second, I realise just how _handsome _he is. But, alas, that moment ends as I shuffle around and I can feel something, _ehem_, poking me (wink wink) and I hope, with utter horror, that that is a dagger or anything really. I wouldn't care if it was a cat, just as long it isn't what I'm hoping.

_Please don't be a boner, please don't be a boner, please don't be a boner . . ._

And so, the silence and serene (excuse me as I snort) moment ends with me screaming very loudly and shouting, "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!"

I push him away with every ounce of strength I have (which isn't much - but hey, my body is still weak from running a _billion _miles! No exaggeration whatsoever) having _finally _regaining control of my arms. Kili's eyes snap open, bright with alarm as they land on me. I quickly grab the strap of my bag as I glare furiously at him.

"What - ?"

I bring my bag down to meet him, hearing the pathetic hit make its mark. I hear his shout of exclaim as I bring my bag up again to hit him again. "What - is - your - problem?!" I shriek as I thump him again before I sit back, my chest heaving with anger. I would like, just _once, _to _not_ wake up to Kili's (however handsome and cute) face! Okay, yes, I was the one who held his hand before I went to sleep but he could have pulled away! Like seriously, hand holding does not equal to some very questioning spooning _that ends with his little friend poking me in the back_.

I am just hoping that there is anything shoved down there by this point and it isn't what I think it is. Isn't it funny that I can't even say the word "penis" without blushing madly like a young school girl whose pink underwear could be seen from underneath her skirt?

If that makes any sense.

"What is wrong with you?!" Kili repeats, very angry and red faced as he slowly gets to his feet, holding his bicep and wincing. Oh come _on_, I didn't hit him _that _hard! I don't think I'm that strong even on my best days! I get to my feet as well, fuming.

"I asked you first!" I snap back, crossing my arms over my chest as I jut out my chin. _Libby: 100000, Kili: -100000._

_"_I asked you second!" Kili sneers back as he goes to nurse his head instead of his arm. If he continues to go about like I actually did any damage I will do so soon enough.

"Well, I - "

"What in Durin's name is going on?! I can hear you without my trumpet!" Oin curses, sounding very pissed off.

I glance back to see all of the Dwarves sitting up from their sleeping positions, bleary eyed and not too pleased at my and Kili's performance. I puff my cheeks out as I try to think of an excuse for the Dwarves who look like they want to throttle me.

"Um, I saw a spider!" I offer, glancing to Kili as I all but gnaw on my lip. "On Kili's head!"

"On my - ?"

I raise my bag and smack it across the back of Kili's head, earning a loud thump from the bag. I smirk as Kili lets out a short but sharp cry of pain as I let the strap of my bag swing from my hand. I turn back to the Dwarves who - though angry - look bemused by my action. "There; all gone!"

They all give me suspicious looks but, deciding that it's too early to deal with my antics, they all settle down into their blankets to catch on whatever sleep they can. I let out a puff of air as I turn to face Kili who looks like he's got steam blowing out from his ears.

"Will you _please _explain to me what that was all about?!" Kili stresses through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw. I give him a shrug and suck in air through my teeth.

"I don't know," I start calmly, "maybe it's to do with the fact that Kili Junior – wink _wink _– had decided to rise up along with the sun."

Kili looks at me like I've gone mad and I let out something between a groan and an exasperated sigh. _How can I explain this without him being offended?_

"Morning wood, man!" I declare.

No verbal response, only a confused look.

"A boner," I blank as I pray and hope to whatever God they have here that at least he'll understand that.

No reply.

"Oh my God," I growl as I try to whisper this as calmly and evenly as I can. "Your _penis _has been turned onto "horny" mode."

Well, the cat's out of the bag.

Or is it the cat's out of the pants?

Ha ha, terrible puns.

Anyway.

Kili lets out a shocked and slightly disgusted gasp as he stumbles away from me. "By Mahal, Libby!" he exclaims as his face turns steadily red. What? It isn't _my _fault that they understand next to nothing of what I say so it defiantly _isn't _my mistake that I had to break it down for him.

"Don't be getting all prudish, pretty boy," I tut in a disapproving manner, waggling my index finger at him as I rest the other on my hip, acting very much like a mother. I really hope I never say that ever again. "Maybe you'll remember this next time when you want to get all cuddle – y with my body. Wait, that didn't make any sense. What I mean to say is: _stop trying to spoon me_! Now, _please_, for the sake of everyone, _take a cold bath_!"

Turning on my heel I pick up the spare bag and place it on my shoulders, swinging my own around my shoulders. I can feel Kili's probably traumatised and appalled eyes on my back as I saunter away in hopes to leave the horrible ordeal behind us and to leave him to pick up his shattered ego and his bedding. Bofur and Fili sit next to the dying fire (which, last night, they used Elven furniture for kindle. I think that's their own way of saying 'We don't like you'. Civil, really) hiding their smirks as I plop down next to them.

" 'Take a cold bath'?" Bofur inquires sounding too happy. _Just wait until I come over there and throw your stupid hat away, buster! _I glare at him as I let out a huff, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yes," I sniff as I swing the bag I found in the caves off of my shoulder, _finally _deciding that, after all this nonsense waiting and delaying, to actually look in it. I swear if there is food in here (most importantly Kit Kats) I will curl into a little mushy ball of tears. "It's what you usually do in the morning when, if you're a guy, you . . . you know, 'spoon' someone." I feel the curious eyes on me as I take the freezing tag of the zipper.

" 'Spoon'? What's that?" Bofur asks as he leans his head back a bit, squinting at me. Looking up, deciding to have a little suspense in opening the bag I snigger at his total innocence. Honestly, I feel like _I'm _the oldest one here!

"Oh, Bofur; poor, innocent Bofur," I tut sadly, shaking my head. I can hear him pipe 'Innocent?!' in an offended manner but I ignore him. As the French say c'est la vie! Or something like that. I open the bag and the first thing that hits me is the _smell; _it's like rotten eggs wrapped in a used diaper and dipped in sweet chilli sauce!

I hear Fili and Bofur let out groans as I slap my hand over my mouth, holding the bag away from me. "Ew, gross!" I whine as I feel my eyes tear up due to the stinging. I make a decision to turn the bag upside down; a horrible decision really. I hear the clatter of many things on the stone before I hear a very over whelming squelch.

"Oh my _God!_" I exclaim, quite loudly as I shuffle away from the sight. "Is that a fucking decomposed _finger_? Why is there a fucking _finger _in the bag?!"

To be frank, it doesn't even look like a finger; there's some kind of weird goo oozing from it and the skin has turned a murky green colour and I can see it _twitching_. Don't get sick, don't get sick, don't get sick! I watch as Fili takes a dagger from up his sleeve (I swear he has knives hidden _everywhere _on him. I casually look down at his pants before directing my gaze back at the finger. Oops.) And jabs the tip of the blade into it.

"Ew, Fili!" I blanch, my nose scrunching up as I lean forward and grab his arm. "Don't touch it! You never know it could be a sacrifice thing; like what that guy from _Harry Potter _did when he cut off his hand to bring back the Dark Lord Voldemort! Point is: _don't mess with severed limbs!_"

"What's a 'Voldemort'?" Bofur leans in to whisper into Fili's ear, obviously not as disturbed by the severed finger not two feet in front of him. Fili doesn't answer Bofur nor I as he tugs his arm free of my grip and carefully slips the blade under the finger, rolls it back onto the knife before throwing it high over the balcony and where ever it may land.

"It's the Elves problem now," he states with slight venom and distaste. _Wow, these guys do _not _like each other . . ._

With a shrug (and breathing in through my mouth) I sift through the items that spilled out of the ground; a green water canteen bottle; wrappers of Nutri Grain bars (insert deep sigh here); a first aid kit with not much aid in it (bad pun, sorry); two pairs of guys boxers (I'll take those thank you just let me wash them first); men's razors (Praise the Lord!); more food wrappers; a flare (okay . . . ?); a compass; a very crushed plastic water bottle and, finally, a note pad that looks very torn and ripped.

"What such odd instruments . . ." I hear Fili mutter as he scratches his chin. I quickly grab everything (save the food wrappers and the plastic water bottle) and shove them into my own bag that's beginning to bulge slightly) and let out a puff of air. "Wait, what are you doing?" Fili snaps as I scrunch up the boxers into a ball and nestle them into the bottom of my bag.

"Hey, these actually might come in handy," I scoff, pausing as I add, "well for me."

"Do you even know what these are?" Fili demands, suspicious as I take the torn note pad in my hands and ignore his question. I flip it open, flicking through the pages with the musky smell fanning my face. With a moment's hesitation, I decide to place it into my bag. I hear the sharp footsteps of someone and I look up to see then (dun, dun, DUN!) none other than Thorn - In - The - Ass Oakenshield! Who is looking, might I add, very grouchy (that's a change).

"Quick! Get up!" He booms in his loud voice as he goes to kick the others awake. "We must go."

Jeeze, who pissed in his morning tea?

"Go? Go where?" Bofur asks a bit startled. I nod enthusiastically as Thorin spares an agitated glance to the Dwarf.

"We must leave Rivendell and continue our journey," Thorin responds. "We leave in five minutes!"

Well, _that_ was some good morning's greeting! I get to my own feet, watching as the Dwarves roll up their blankets as they stifle yawns and mumble grouchily under their breaths. "Oh, Miss Libby!" A rather tired and bleary eyed Ori stumbles slightly towards me, holding a bundle of clothes that look to be the exact ones I had been wearing yesterday. _That's because they are, idiot. _"An Elf left these by sometime after you fell asleep; she told me to give them to you."

I get to my feet, taking the fresh smelling and very soft clothes in my hand. _I am going to miss this place. _"Thanks mate," I mutter as I smother a yawn. "Sorry, that I stole your clothes," I add sheepishly, adverting my eyes.

"It's okay, Miss Libby," Ori insists, smiling shyly at me, "I always love to help."

I stare up at Ori as I feel a grin of my own sneak up. "You're really sweet, you know that?" I tell him, watching gleefully as his face steadily turns red at my compliment. "Well, I better go; don't wanna leave in this old thing." I turn on my heel, hoping to find a nice, secluded place to change. Having no idea where the baths are (or even if they're empty) I decide it best to just change behind a bush.

Quickly walking past the others I turn a corner and find myself in a new part of Rivendell that is bathed in morning sunlight. The idea of staying here is becoming more tempting and I bite my lip as I shake my head. I walk a fair bit until I find a thick shrubbery, picking it as my make shit dressing room.

Glancing back, I make sure no one is looking as I practically dive into the bush and drop the clothes at my feet. I place my bag down on the ground beside my feet as I pull the dress over my head, cussing as my arms briefly get caught. " 'Wear a dress,' she said; 'you'll look pretty,' she said; 'You'll finally be a Lady," she said. I'm a Lady; I have all the right parts!" I growl as I bend down to undo the laces of my shoes quickly. "When have I ever given the indication that I am not a girl?" I toe the sneakers off as I pick up the pants. "Honestly, when I get back home I am _so _going to - "

"Libby?"

I let out a slight scream as I stumble back onto my arse. Through the leaves I can make out Kili's form. "Libby!" He shouts more urgently, alarmed by my scream. _Oh, God, really? Really?! Please, don't let him see me in my undies, please!_

Getting on my knees I push my hand out through the bushes wiggling my fingers to show where I am. "Uh, hullo!" I squawk as I see him look at me - well, the magic bush with the hand. "Hi, yes, I'm here! I'm here!"

"What happened? Are you okay?" Kili pushes as he starts to walk towards me. "I heard you scream; are you hurt!"

"No, no," I laugh shakily as I make a movement with my hand by flicking it downwards. "Don't be so worried; I'm perfectly - No! Stop! Don't come any closer!"

Kili stops mid - step about two feet in front of me. Shit, shit, shit, if he sees me like this all hell is going to break loose - I mean the first time was bad enough! Oh my God, the fact I have to say 'the first time' just proves to show how much of a whirl wind this past week has been. _Yeah, because Kili seeing you in your bright pink underwear is the _worst _possible thing to _ever_ happen in the past seven days . . ._

"What, what is it?" Kili inquires as his eyes narrow suspiciously at me.

"Um, nothing," I chime in a very high pitched voice as I wave my wrist around. If anyone saw this they'd just see a Dwarf talking to a magical bush with a hand. Hey, this is kind of like that Moses guy when he spoke to the burning bush. Except Kili is not Moses and I'm most defiantly _not_ God.

"Well, if it is nothing then I don't see the trouble in - "

"Okay fine!" I hiss as I fight the blush creeping up on me as I spit the words out through clenched teeth. "I'm naked." Not naked per say more. "I don't want you to see me like this." What I actually meant to say was: _I don't want you to see me in this type of underwear; if I was wearing lingerie then that would be a whole different story. _Plus, he's already see me in my underwear so I don't see what I'm fussing about.

There's a long pause before I hear him say, "Oh."

"Ha ha, yeah," I titter awkwardly, "but I would really appreciate it if you would stay and watch." Rephrase, rephrase! "In case someone else is coming, I mean!" Nice save.

"I don't know," I hear Kili reply and I can just imagine him scratching the back of his neck in doubt. "It is unsuitable for me to - "

"Pfft, fuck that! Would you rather for you to stay watch and have no one else see me like this or would you rather walk off and for, oh I don't know, _Thorin_ to see me like this?" The actual thought of Thorin, of all people, to see me like this was just about enough to make my skin crawl. Not in disgust, oh no, mostly in shame and embarrassment.

Kili lets out a forced and deep sigh as I peek through the leaves to see him turn his back away from me. "Alright but be quick, we only have mere moments before we leave."

"Aye, aye, Captain!" Pulling my arm from the bush and giving a mock salute to his back I shove my legs (freshly shaved might I add) into the pants, hopping slightly as I tug them up. Resisting the urge to grunt and groan at the hard work, I bite my tongue as I finally pull the pants up to my waist.

"So," Kili drawls casually though his voice is a bit . . . iffy. "What was it you and Ori were talking about?"

I pause in pulling the jumper said Dwarf had given me (quite comical; one arm was through the sleeve and the other, along with the rest of my torso was bare and part of the neckline covered my mouth) as I answered, causing it to be only slightly muffled. "Wha'?"

"Before, I mean, as he handed you the clothes," I detect an unknown emotion in his voice. Thinking nothing of it I pull the rest of the jumper over me with the smell of lilies fresh in the air.

"Oh, I just told him he was sweet is all," I reply as I squat on the ground and tug my shoes onto my feet, double knotting the laces extra tight so they don't come undone. The amount of tripping I did so far during the quest due to my laces not being tied proper is probably in the hundreds. I hear Kili grunt as I see him turn rigid. I take the knitted scarf and wrap it firmly around my neck, tucking my still non brushed hair into it. The scarf cover my nose and mouth and I push it under my chin, getting the wool out of my mouth.

"Do you . . . " there's a long pause as I hear the scuffle of shoes. I grab the over cloak and swing it around my shoulders, clasping the pin at my neck. "Do you fancy him?"

I freeze instantly as I try to process his words.

"Uh . . . "

Pause.

Words, words, words need to be coming from my mouth.

"Uh . . . "

Wow, well done, you're as smart as a potato, Libby! All hail potato Princess!

"What?"

"It's just," Kili says his voice sharp and cold, "I've seen you two at times acting like one would if they were courting. Honestly, it's none of my business - "

I laugh.

And when I say I laugh, I mean full out, tears streaming down my face, bent over double and holding my sides laughing.

"Y - You t - think that _me _a - and _Ori _are _courting_?!" I all but yell in laughter as I keel over, still holding my sides. "Oh, God, I can't breathe! Man down! Man down!"

I know, I know, I might be acting a _tad _over dramatic but the very idea of me and Ori dating - wait, no, _courting, _as Kili said, had just made me break down. I know it's mean to laugh at Kili and his assumptions, but by God, they were just too funny and ridiculous.

"What is it that amuses you so?" I hear Kili growl in irritation at me. Wiping away a tear, I let out a few giggles as I carefully fold the white dress neatly.

"Just even the thought of me and Ori _courting_," I giggle, "honestly, what on _Earth _makes you think that we are?"

I hear a cough and I stand up, brushing the dirt of my freshly washed pants and picking up my bag. "It's just . . . I mean . . . I . . . well . . . "

Carefully, and quietly, I sneak out from the bush. 'Sneak' being a key translation to my foot getting snagged on a root and I fall forward onto Kili who crumples under the sudden appearance of my weight. _Smooth_. I squeak as Kili meets the ground, my cheek pressed up against his back, yelling out: "I'm okay!"

I hear Kili groan painfully underneath me and I roll off of him, blushing like mad in embarrassment. "Oh, shit, I'm so sorry! That root just popped out of nowhere!" Kili rolls onto his back, his deep brown eyes studying me as I become all flustered. _Great, he probably thinks I'm bat shit crazy now. _"Here let me help you up!"

I grab his arm and yank him to his feet, hearing him go "Whoa!" at the force. I stumble back over my feet but Kili tugs me forward and I land on his chest, looking up at him. "Thanks," I breathe, the air slightly knocked out of me. Kili stares down at me with wide eyes as I see his lips quirk slightly.

"No problem," he answers; I can see his Adam's apple (I wonder what they call that here) bop slightly. My hands are pressed flat against his chest with my fingers splayed across his dark blue tunic.

"Me and Ori aren't courting," I blurt out, remembering our previous situation, "just so you know. I see him more as a brother. In case you were wondering."

"So you don't have any feelings towards him in that kind?" Kili asks, his voice dropping slightly and turning huskier. Oh Mama Mia, I'm just putty in his hands by now. I gulp as my eyes do a quick sweep of his face. _Keep your shit together, bitch; Just because he's really hot and nice and cute and funny and dorky and he actually smells nice and his eyes are just . . ._

Sorry, what was I saying?

Oh, yeah!

"Not towards him," I gulp as I try it ignore the fluttering of my hear. _Curse the bastard and his good looks! And curse me for acting so girlish around him!_

"O - Oh," Kili stutters slightly as I begin to realise just how close we really are; my hands are flush against his (masculine) chest, his arms place around me and rest just below my shoulder blades. _Breathe, Libby, control your raging hormones._

"Kili? Libby?" I catch Fili shouting. With a screech I push as much distance as possible between Kili and I as his brother rounds the corner, looking relieved but that soon turns to suspicion.

"What are you two doing?" Fili queried as his eyes narrow into slits at the both of us. I let out a raucous guffaw as I scratch the back of my head.

"What are we doing? What do you mean? I mean, what would we be doing? We're doing nothing!" I deny as I send a very crooked smile towards Fili. "Ha ha, can't two friends spend some quality time together in each other's company?"

"We were doing nothing brother!" Kili rebuffs as he sounds just as tongue – tied as I do.

"See? Just two friends, hanging out, doing _nothing,_" I insist sharply. "Isn't that right, old buddy old pal?" I punch Kili's arm with as much strength as I can, being satisfied when I when his breathing falter and his other hand flies to nurse the injury.

"Ow," he objects, glaring at me from the corner of my eye but I'm too preoccupied by smiling at Fili, hoping to make the older brother uncomfortable by my grin. Fili lets out a hum as his eyes dart back and forth between us and I begin to grow uncomfortable in the thickness of the tension.

"Oh, golly gosh!" I gasp, looking at my wrist. "Is that the time? Oh, we must be off! Good chatting, old chap, but I must go!" Tip toeing my way past Kili and keeping my head down, as I bury my nose into the scarf to help hide the redness of my cheeks. As I walk past a very smug and happy looking Fili, I meet his eyes. I can catch the hidden meaning behind the look on his face which translates into "We're going to talk later."

I speed up my walking and practically jump behind the corner to see the other Dwarves wipe the last remains of sleep from their eyes as they swing their weapons around. None of them seem to have noticed my disappearance and I thank the Lord.

"Ah, lass! There you are!" I hear Bofur's voice above the others as he walks forward to swing an arm around my shoulders and tucks me close to his side. "I was beginning to worry you left us!"

I let out a snort as I roll my eyes. "Pfft, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried!" I smirk. "Just think of me of a really horrible disease. Wait, no." Scrunching my nose up at my play of words, Bofur lets out one of his usual, happy giggles.

"Always the odd one. Though oddness is just another form of uniqueness," He chortles. "I can see why he likes you."

My head snaps towards Bofur in alarm. "Wait, what?!"

Before Bofur answers me, Fili and Kili re-join us, both of them casting a look and Kili giving me a smile. I smile back before burying my nose into the scarf. I can catch Bofur's amused glance from peripheral vision and I push him away, saying "Shut up."

"Come on, let's go!" Thorin bellows from the top of the group, looking majestic as ever. "We have to leave through the passage; we can't be caught leaving."

_I really am going to miss this place._

* * *

"Is it a canteen?"

"Nope."

"Is it clouds?"

"Nope."

"Is it cloak?"

"Nope."

"I don't like this game."

"Tough; you have to play it."

"Why?"

"Because I'm bored and you don't like me when I get bored." _Good work on getting a The Hulk reference into a conversation, Libby._

"Fine. Is it . . . coat?"

"Nope."

"There isn't any other word that begins with 'C'!"

"Crap. Ugh, fine, it is!"

"Ha! I'm finally understanding this game!"

"That was, like, your twelfth guess."

"I said I was understanding it, I didn't saw I was a master at it."

"Pfft, whatever. In the end, I'm still ahead by four points."

"You were cheating!"

"I was not!"

"You were too!"

"Was not! No takesies backsies!"

"No . . . what?"

"Never mind; I win!"

After many_, __many_ hours of hiking, I decided what better way to to pass the time than a game of 'I spy'. However, none of the Dwarves had ever heard of it I spent about an hour (yes, an _hour_) explaining the rules. They really couldn't grasp the concept that you see an object or thing or colour, say the first letter and leave for someone to guess the word.

I walk along side Bofur, trying to ignore the sharp pains in my thighs and calves as we begin to scale across a mountain; the sight of anything green long gone since we left Rivendell. We left in the early morning (apparently, I had no idea it was that early!) And we left the grey wizard in our tracks. I never thought I would say this but I miss the old git; even if he is as confusing as a Chinese proverb. Yes, I find those confusing, sue me.

Grey clouds have gathered above us, threatening to let loose its rain any moment. I spend most of my time glancing up to the sky every so often but being forced to return my eyes to the rocky ground in case I slip and die.

You may think I'm over reacting but not this time. I am _literally_ on a mountain's edge, scaling a very thin foot path. From what I've learned from Bofur, we have many more to climb through after this one and even just the _thought _makes me want to curl up into a ball, rock back and forth and just cry. Thankfully, the others don't care much for our little game as they are too focused on not tripping and falling to their doom.

"Say, Bofur," I begin slowly in a low tone so that only he can hear. Bofur looks back as I stare at the ground watching my feet. "What did you mean before when you said 'I can see why he likes you'?"

I see Bofur stiffen for a moment, stopping in his tracks. He shakes his head before continuing on but instead looks anywhere but me. "Nothing really, just as it is."

"Bofur," I sigh, shaking my head, "you are the worse liar. Does someone like me? As in _that_ way?"

"Look, lass," Bofur stresses, "I promised I wouldn't tell; Fili is very peculiar about all this."

"Wait, _Fili_?!" I splutter, staring wide eyed at him. "_Fili _said that?" _Does Fili _like like _me? Oh, dear God! _As the words leave my mouth, Bofur instantly whirls around, catching me by the arm as he continues in a low breath in the most serious manner I have ever seen him.

"Yes, and you mustn't breathe a word of it to him," Bofur adds exasperatedly as he lets go of his grip on my arm and faces the front again. I hear a crack of thunder from above and I let out a shocked gasp as a drop of rain lands on my cheek. Then another. And another. And another.

Soon, I'm soaked to the bone and wisps of my hair that have fallen free from its place in my scarf are plastered to my cheeks. Great; just fucking great. I swear, the Gods of this place hate me.

We walk through the rain for what seems like hours but was probably only one; The rain gets heavier and soon the path has turned a dark grey from the rain and, if you don't watch your feet, you can easily slip. Hm, that would be a shame if I just slipped but I bet I won't!

Wrong.

I step forward trying to see through the rain but, due to the rain drops that fall onto my eyelashes that make it hard to see, my foot slips on a loose piece of rock. I let out a brief scream as my back falls down the jagged edge of the mountain. My ass hits the ground and I nearly fall over the edge, listening to the shocked yells of the Dwarves. I feel my the palm of my hand being slit open as I grapple on for anything to hold.

"Libby!" I hear the Dwarves chorus at different times as I'm about to slip over the side of the mountain and fall to my death I'm caught just in time by Bofur.

Pulling me by the arm with one hand and his other grabbing a fistful of my cloak and jumper, he hauls me up onto the track again. I fall into his side and my arms wrap around him instantly, squeezing my eyes shut. _Oh, God, oh, God, I nearly died! _I've had two near death experiences before (the trolls and the Wargs) but this was . . . It just seemed a lot more real; the trolls and the Wargs could have been killed so there was no worry there but this inevitable: one slip and immediate death. I let out a shiver as I feel my throat become thick with tears; Bofur quickly wraps his arms around me, his hands making soothing up and down movements on my back.

"We must get off the track!" I hear Dwalin yell. "The path is too slippery! We would fall to our deaths before we would even make it to the other side! We should a place to rest until the storm blows over!"

My heart beats in my chest as I practically cling to Bofur like a leech, opening my eyes as my breathing turns ragged and tears prickling my eyes. Even through the mist of the rain that is pelting my skin and the height of the mountain, I can see the jagged rocks that lay at the base of the mountain. If Bofur hadn't caught me -

I choke out a sob as I clench onto Bofur tighter, the cut in my palm stinging in protest. "It's alrigh' lass, don't worry, I got you," Bofur reassures me but the drop in my stomach refuses to let me believe it. There is silence, as I can just imagine Thorin glancing down at me and I look up. Through the storm and wisps of Bofur's hair, I meet his agitated and annoyed bright blue eyes.

"If the rain does not clear by the morrow we continue on! No excuses!"

I can help but feel that that was more directed at me but I'm in no mood to be yelled at by Mister Grumpy Pants. "There is a cave up ahead!" I hear Balin announce.

Great, a night in a cold cave on a mountain in wet clothes with hardly any food and we all are expected to go to sleep during a thunder storm.

I think I just went full Bear Grylls on this shit.

* * *

**Hey guys! So, it's three in the morning and I just finished writing this. And, no, this isn't the part where they get captured in goblin town. It's just an uneventful night's rest. I hope this chapter is okay enough; I've had an eventful week. My brother was rushed to hospital on Friday and he has to stay there for a week.**

**Okay, okay, I know this chapter isn't long; it's roughly around 7,000 words. But, hey, it's better than nothing, right?**

**I'm going to see The Fault In Our Stars next week with a few friends and I'm the only one to have read the books and they don't know Gus *ahem* so I can't wait to see them all _cry_ *laughs evilly before breaking down into sobs* WHY - Y - Y - Y?**

**Um, any who, moving on.**

**So, I've decided to do a poll; from what I know from the books and the internet the braids that the Dwarves have in their hair an beards are just a creation of Peter Jackson and that many of the stories behind the braids are purely fictional.**

**In the books, as far as J.R.R Tolkien describes, is that the Dwarves all have long beards. There's no mention of them being braided. But from what I've read in The Hobbit fan fiction stories is that many authors like to have a story behind the braids, but as far as I know none of it is canon.**

**Please review on whether or not you would like the Dwarves to have a meaning behind their braids!**

**So, please, please, please, please review, follow and favourite!**

**-tateslangdon**


	12. Keeping Up With The Company Of Thorin

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter!**

**Oh and *WARNING* just so you know, there is a _lot _of swearing in this (very short but sweet, I think) chapter**

* * *

Here's advice: think hiking or climbing a mountain is a fun idea? Think that it'll be fun with your friends and that you'll all be very happy? That it'll all be good jolly fun?

Think again, it's not the least bit fun. It's long hours of feeling like your legs are about to fall off and if you place your foot in the wrong place that's it, you're dead; with no rest, no potty breaks and not being able to eat something.

This is exactly how I feel as I grip onto Kili's hand as he walks in front of me and I hold onto Fili's as he walks slowly behind me. It was my idea to hold hands like preschool children during a school tour (great analogy there, Libby) in case one of us slipped then we would instantly be able to pull them back up safely onto the track. Yep, that was the reason; not because I was scared and not because I needed a little bit of comfort.

Not one bit.

I hold back many profanities as I glare through the rain, my eyes very heavy and I'm pretty sure there are purple bags underneath my bloodshot eyes. And no, they aren't red from crying they're red from the lack of sleep I've been having.

When Balin said cave I thought he actually meant a real cave and that obviously meant real shelter. And when Thorin has allowed us to rest I thought that maybe I could snatch a few hours of sleep. That's what I assumed.

But no; what he meant cave he meant a large dent in the mountain that reminded me of a doorway. The rain still attacked us from all sides and no matter how much I tried to ignore the freezing cold water bullets they wouldn't leave me alone. When Thorin had meant rest he didn't mean sleep because, apparently, that would result in us falling off the mountain side and dying.

Pfft. Yeah right.

During the night, I had found myself wedged between the two young Dwarf brothers, my head resting against Kili's shoulder as I curled into a little ball with my forehead resting on my knees. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from snapping at anyone and everyone over my hunger. Due to the conditions we hadn't been able to start a fire and eat something.

No, we had to starve out in the rain on a fucking mountain. I had been holding in my pee for far too long that I was sure that if I had another slip on the path like last time then whoopsie daisies, there goes my bladder.

And clean underwear.

With the storm a lot worse than before, we edge along the steep mountain track with the rain soaking our clothes and skins; the thunder up ahead crackles every few seconds, making my heart race. My hair is plastered to my cheeks and my clothes are like a second skin to me; I'm positive that if it were silent then you could hear my clothes squelch with every step I took.

"This is just fucking great!" I growl over the sound of the rain and the thunder. "This is exactly what I wanted to do; walking up a mountain during a thunderstorm! I mean, of course there isn't a chance we won't get struck by lightening up this high! 'Come along,' Gandalf said, 'It'll be great,' he said!"

Through my own ears, I sound loud and my voice is high pitched but the wind had carries my voice away from the Dwarves ears, the howl of the cold mountain biting at exposed skin. "I swear to fucking God that I am fucking done! I am fucking, fucking done with this fucking - "

A sudden clash of thunder silences me with a squeak. My grip on the two brothers' hands tighten as the sky flashes with light.

"Hold on!" Thorin bellows from his position at the top of the line. _Hold on to what exactly?_

As I'm about to shout that up to him when from the corner of my eye I see Bilbo loose his footing, falling in the same manner I had in the previous day. I let out a gasp as I let go of Fili and Kili's hands, my own flying to my mouth in shock with wide eyes. "Bilbo!" I practically scream at the sight of the yelling Hobbit as he is about to fall over the ledge only to be hauled back by Dwalin and Bofur.

I quickly do the sign of the cross (which I haven't done in a very long time) as Thorin yells through the storm. "We need to find shelter!" _Well, no shit Captain Obvious._

"No shit Captain Obvious!" I growl under my breath, voicing my thoughts. I feel the ground underneath me rumble and with a girlish squeak and cold wet hands, my fingers wind themselves around Kili's arm as his other one goes around in front of my waist to press me up against the mountain rock.

I have no objections whatsoever.

"Look out!" I hear Dwalin's rough and coarse voice through the wind and rain. _Look out for what?_

I gaze up to see a big massive fucking _boulder_ that is _flying _through the air. _Right for us_.

Huh, that's probably what we had to look out for.

I watch as it comes closer and closer to our group until, finally, the rock shatters upon impact on the side of the mountain. I let out a short yell as I watch the broken pieces tumbled down. Rocks that range from the size of my fist to the size of my whole body to even the size of a double decker bus fall down past us, chipping away at the track beneath our feet, forcing us to press our backs further into the jagged rock behind us.

I peek out from under my hiding spot to gaze up at the sky, searching for whatever the fuck threw that Goddamn boulder. As I do, something sails past my face and a sharp pain executes from my eyebrow down to the bottom corner of my lip. I gasp at the pain as my hand flies to the source of sudden burning in my face.

With shaking hands - more so with cold than the fear - I press my fingers on my cheek and, as I pull away, I stare at the crimson red that is mixing with the freezing cold rain. I close my eyes in terror as Kili, with more force, pushes me back against the wall; the blood stings my eyes as I continue trying to blink the pain away.

"This is no thunder storm!" _Say what now, Balin? _"It's a thunder _battle_! Look!"

Are you kidding me? Are you actually fucking _kidding _me? A fucking _thunder battle_? What the fuck is this shit?! What the fuck even is a 'thunder battle'?! I am so fucking done with this fucking shit; I swear to fucking God I am six hundred percent done with this bullshit! Opening my eyes and reaching up to wipe away the blood, I look up to where Balin is pointing, feeling very disgruntled and annoyed of the situation. Through the flash of lightening I can make out enormous, moving shapes that are - obviously - giant stone men.

"Well . . . fuck . . . me," I breathe in awe and fear as I watch the giant stone thingy guy pick up the top of one of the mountains - yes, he fucking just picked it up like it was a pillow. I really don't want to know what he's going to do with it.

"Oh, bless _me_," I hear Bofur say, his voice full of wonder, "the legends are true - !" _Oh, isn't that just _fantastic _to hear? _" - Giants! Stone giants!"

"We don't need a history lesson now, Bofur!" I stress through gritted teeth as I watch the 'Stone Giant' through squinted eyes; I gaze at it as it rolls the mountain top to one arm and slowly raises it back. "What's he doing?! Just what in the name of fuck is he fucking do - ?!"

I stop dead as the Stone Giant throws the boulder, making it fly over our heads. My eyes follow it, feeling fear and shock flow through every vein as the enormous lump of rock connects with - well, what do you know - _another _Stone Giant.

Yippee, there's two.

"For fucks sake, this isn't a goddamn Michael Bay film!" I curse as high as I can.

Stone Giant Number Two falls back as the rock hits the side of - what I assume is - its face, making the ground beneath my feet shake every more. I whimper as I tighten my grip on Kili's reassuring hold on me, hoping that this will all be over soon.

"Take cover by the wall!" Thorin orders, his voice husky and slightly cracking. If I go any more by the fucking wall I will be apart of the fucking wall! I don't pay much attention as my eyes begin to burn from the blood and how long I've not been blinking for. _Keep calm, keep calm, keep calm._

Can you just imagine if there was a meme like "Keep Calm and Try Not To Die"? No? Inappropriate? Eh, whatever.

"Hold on!" Dwalin roars as more rocks from above rain down upon us, chipping whatever left of the destroyed path way. I make sure to keep my head cover by keeping my head down; one injury is enough for me. I feel the ground beneath me shaking and I cast my gaze downwards, my eyes widening with fear as a crack begins to grow between the space of my feet.

With baited breath, I watch as it grows larger and goes up along the wall behind my back. "Fuck!" I scream as the ground rumbles, making Kili stumble forward and lose his grip of my arm. The unsteady rock separates completely underneath my feet; my foot looses grip on the slippery path and, as I am about to skid and fall to my death, a tight grip is taken on my arm and I'm pulled to a warm and very soaked chest.

"Kili!" Fili thrusts one arm out while keeping his other wrapped around me so that I don't fall. I watch Kili grow farther and farther away from us. "Grab my hand!" Fili's voice has turned slightly desperate as he goes to lurch forward before I pull him back so that he won't slip and die.

"Careful!" I shout, my throat becoming sore and scratchy from how much I'm yelling. I grab a fistful of the back of his cloak and I shove him against the wall (not that way, you pervs) as I press myself against the jagged rock with realisation hits me like that boulder had hit Stone Giant Number Two: the group had been separated.

My stomach ties in knots at this and I swallow the lump of terror in my throat as the image of the other half of the group disappear behind rock and rain. The Stone Giant - a.k.a Number Three - slowly stands to its - feet? I think so. Anyway, it gets up but as it does so a Stone Giant leans forward and head butts it with its own with such force that causes our Stone Giant to fall; I almost fall forward but I get pulled back by Fili. Both of us are hanging onto each other, too scared to let go in case something happened.

I can't see the others that were riding on Stone Giant Number Three's other knee and I begin to think the worse; are they dead? Did they slip and die? Were they crushed to death?

As these thoughts continue to run in my mind I stop dead as a scream leaves my mouth as I watch Stone Giant Number Two punch our own one, making it begin to fall back.

When the world suddenly whooshes past, I briefly catch glimpse of the other group; through the rain and the moving Stone Giant, I can make out Kili's scared face and I almost but smile in relief when the giant jolts again, ending the brief meeting. Then something happens.

The Stone Giant's leg freezes for a moment as his body continues to fall. My hand drops from Fili's back to clutch at his hand with as much strength as I can. The sight of the side of the mountain as me wanting to throw up. Everything is still for a moment, the piercing wind stops howling, the rain stops beating down on me and I can hear my heart beat in my ears.

Then the wall begins to meet up with our Stone Giant's knee.

I let out a scream as Fili gathers me in his arms, letting out a little yell of his own and the others do the same. The knee of the Giant surges forward in a lazy movement as the rock clashes against each other. From out place on the ledge, we are propelled forward, our limbs flying around like a rag doll's. I fall out of Fili's arms and my body is thrown up against the wall, my left arm and the back of my head instantly exploding with pain.

I let out a yell of pain through my teeth as I lay on my back on a the track. Black dots dance in my eyes as I roll myself onto my chest, getting to my hands on knees. Spitting onto the rock path, I see and taste the metallic rust of blood, scrunching my nose up in distaste. I can hear the roar of Thorin's desperate voice shouting. "No! Fili!"

I sit up and my hand flies to my sore shoulder as I pray and hope that it isn't broken or popped out of its socket. Beside me Fili begins to stand shakingly to his feet, the braids of his moustache sopping wet and dripping. I struggle to my own feet as my bag rests on my waist. I let out a sigh of relief at the sight of the leather messenger bag; if I had lost it I would have gone mad or insisted to look for it.

Fili steadies me as I groan at the pounding pain at the back of my head. "Fucking Hell, let's never do that again," I grunt as I use my good hand to wipe away the pieces of wet hair. "Fili!" I see Kili lurch forward, pushing through the other Dwarves as he embraces his brother in a body breaking bear hug. "You're okay!"

"Of course I am," Fili mutters as he hugs his younger brother back, "when haven't I ever been okay?"

Thorin rushes forward and practically peels Kili off of Fili as he embraces his nephew in his own bear hug. "You had me worried," I hear Thorin murmur for Fili's ears only. I feel awkward around the displays of affection and I slowly edge away as I cough awkwardly, taking hold of my injured arm.

Around me, the others embrace their own, letting out shouts of relief and hugging each other affectionately. Boy, don't I feel awkward! "Libby!"

I turn around and something very warm knocks into me. I let out a squeal as I try to regain my balance. "Holy shit on a cracker!"

I crane my head back as the grip on me loosens and Kili's smiling face is shown. His hands move from around me to be placed on my cheeks as his smile widens, eyes grazing over mine. "You're alive!" _Well, obviously._

"Amazing, I know," I shrug as I let out a chuckle. His thumbs graze across my cheeks as I stare into his eyes. _Stop being so adorable and hot you piece of shit I nearly died here! The last thing I need is to think of what your lips are like!_

Suddenly, the smile from his face slips as his hand moves higher to rest above my eyebrow. "You are hurt," he states as his glove clad fingers run down along with cut, just stopping at the corner of my mouth. The rain beats down on us, making me shiver as they fall down the back of my neck. I watch a drop of rain fall down Kili's cheek and over his lips. _Don't think about kissing him, don't think about kissing him, don't think about kissing him -_

"I want to kiss you," I blurt out.

And I'm just going to go die in a hole.

His eyebrows scrunch together. "What?"

Really? He couldn't hear me? I mean, granted the thunder storm is still going on and the wind is picking up, but come _on _he _had _to have heard me! I stare at him through narrowed eyes, acutely aware of his grip on my face. "I said I want to kiss you!" Couldn't have just left it, could you Libby?

"What?!"

"I said - !"

"Where's Bilbo?!"

Really? Fucking really?! I pull my head free from Kili's grip as I look around to find the Hobbit. My heart leaps in my throat as I realise that he isn't anywhere I can see him. _Where the fuck is he? _"Bilbo?!" I yell out at the same time Bofur shouts, "Where's the Hobbit?!"

From the corner of my eye I see something moving. Snapping my head, I shout in alarm at the sight of Bilbo hanging onto the ledge of the path. "Bilbo!" I scream as I push past the others. _Oh, God, hold on you small adorable bastard!_ I push past Bofur as he followed my line of sight. Leaping forward so that I land on my knees go to grab onto him.

"Get him!" Someone shouts as, one by one, a few of the Dwarves fall down beside me, thrusting their hands out and yelling at Bilbo to hold on. I press my body against the path as my fingers graze Bilbo's. "Take my hand, Bilbo!" I squeak down. Both my arms are over the ledge as Bilbo's terrified eyes meet mine. He swings his body in a way to gain momentum as he slightly jumps, taking a grip in my hand. I growl in pain as I feel the cut on my palm slowly being reopened painfully and slowly.

I let out a breath of relief until my own body begins to fall over the ledge. "FUCKING SHIT!" I scream as half my chest is over the ledge. I hear the Dwarves letting out exclaims of shock as multiple hands grip onto my shoes but with my weight and Bilbo's it's too much. As my whole torso is about to go over the sharp edge, someone grabs onto my waist and hauls me up, taking Bilbo with me.

The others grab Bilbo up by the scruff of the neck and as the weight of his small body is released from my hold I fly back. I land on something soft, the air whooshing out of me like I had been pushed in the chest. _What the - ?_

I blink the water out of my eyes and, as I look down, I realise with horror that I am _lying on top of Thorin. _With a scream I push myself away from him, landing roughly beside the said Dwarf as he struggles to his feet. An embarrassed blush blossoms over my face as I turn away from Thorin and watch as Bofur holds Bilbo sturdy on his feet. _I sense a little bit of a bromance._

"I thought we lost our burglar," Dwalin says as he clamps his hand down on Thorin's shoulder, all signs of panic leaving his face. _Uh, hello? I nearly died too? Am I just invisible? Great, even when i could have died, I'm still as invisible as the rest of Maroon 5._

Ignoring the complete and utter awkwardness, I get to my feet while my frame shakes uncomfortably - from the fear or the biting cold, I have no idea. I cross my arms over my chest sticking my hands underneath my armpits while my teeth chatter loudly. I probably look like a drowned rat with my knotted, tangled hair and the fact I look like Casper the Friendly Ghost.

"He's been lost ever since he left home," Thorin snaps as he draws himself to his full height. I cast Bilbo a look from the corner of my eye, seeing his face start to slip. "He should never have come; he has no place amongst us." There's a tension in the air as I watch Thorin drag his icy blue eyes to my quivering form. "They both don't."

Ouch.

I think my soul has ripped slightly.

I promptly glare at Thorin until he turns his back from me calling Dwalin as they enter what appears to be a cave, making me stare daggers at his stupid back. The other Dwarves quickly go to follow him, passing both Bilbo and I pitied glances, one occasionally clamping a hand on the back as though to say "don't worry". I ignore them as I make my way over to Bilbo, trying to not slip and fall.

"He didn't mean it," I tell him in a far too cheerful voice that does not match my current mood, "he's just a grump and you know how grumps are."

Bilbo - who's eyes were still glued ahead - slowly turn towards me with a sad smile on his face. He detaches his feet that are rooted from the spot and goes to follow the trail of Dwarves but stops at my shoulder, resting his weight against his walking stick that is as tall as himself if not taller. "It is good that you have such high hope and spirits, Miss Libby," he sighs, the sad smile still on his mouth. I blink at his words as though waiting for him to explain, which he does. "We're going to need someone who has as much hope as you when this all goes down."

With those slightly haunting words, Bilbo parts and I stand there for a few seconds, shocked and confused as ever before I turn on my heel and shout "Hey! Wait for me!"

* * *

There are three things that I'm absolutely positive of:

1: I might have pneumonia.

2: I am probably going to piss myself in my sleep and

3: I have no spare blankets to sleep in.

With everything I own soaked to within an inch of its life, I have the blanket draped across the surprisingly dry rock in hopes that it too might dry but there is no change yet. I'm sitting with my back away from the other Dwarves as I desperately try to garner even a sliver of warmth. My hands are ice cold and pale as snow - much like the rest of my body - and they shake very badly.

The other Dwarves don't look as affected by the after affects of the storm - Hell even Bilbo looks as warm and unbothered and he's still wearing the simple clothes he left The Shire in! I'm sat scrunched into a ball with half of my face buried into the soppy scarf and my knees drawn up to my chest. The light headiness has stopped me from even moving to lie down.

My stomach rumbles uncomfortably as it demands to be fed. I don't even have the power to tell it to shut up.

I can hear the slight chatter amongst the Dwarves as they set up their bedding, yawning every once in a while. I watch as Bofur, Bombur and Dori hand out the rations of food - mainly consisting of apples and dried pieces of meat. Well, slightly dried - ish.

I turn my head back with my eyes finding a spot on the rock and sandy floor of the cave to glue themselves to. My tongue feels heavy and swollen in my mouth due to my lack of access to water. Dispelling all thoughts of how wonderful it would be to just stick my head out of the cave and jut my tongue out in the rain, I close my eyes as my body continues to shake.

"Here," a voice speaks.

I turn my neck upwards slightly to see Kili's bedraggled self before me; his hair is still dripping and his clothes look darker from the rain but he seems more dry and warm than I do. In his hands he hold a very soggy apple and a wet pieve of jerky. In all honesty it's the best food I've seen since Rivendell. But my hands are frozen from their position under my arms and all I can do is stare at the food with my stomach rumbling.

With much pain, I detach my hands from the once place in my body that has warmth and slowly reach out to take the food. My hands shake like mad as they take a grip of the wet and soppy food; but as my fingers take a hold of the pieces of food, they brush against Kili's very warm and smooth hands. I see him flinch at the contact - maybe from the coldness of my skin or just the thought of me, I don't know.

"You're ice cold," Kili breathes. He moves himself in front of me and squats down in front of my shaking form. Resting the food in my curled up lap, Kili takes a hold of my cold, tiny hands in his very warm paws. I shiver on the contact - and it's not because of the cold.

"I - I'm f - f - fine," I chatter as he continues to hold my hands in his own. _I swear to God, if I wasn't frozen in this spot . . ._

"I'll call Oin; we don't want your cut to get infected" he says reassuringly, as he releases one of his hands while keeping ine in the other, carefully tracing the numbing cut from above my eyebrow to my lip. I had totally forgotten all about it due to the fact that _we were in the middle of Giant Stone things fighting_.

"O - O - Oin?" My teeth chatter as I try not to bite my tongue off. Oh, Hell no; he's not making this any more of a big deal than it actually is. Relaxing my tense and rigid back, I fall forward onto Kili's warm (and very muscled might I add) chest with my head resting in between the crook of his neck. At my sudden contact, Kili pulls away but my body falls with him.

"D - don't . . . M - move," I say in a slight pant as try to desperately leech the heat from him. "I j - just . . . n - need to . . . g - get w - warm." _Yeah, sure; that's the only reason._

After a few minutes of my heavy breathing and my shivering, I feel Kili slowly and hesitantly, raise his arms up around me and bring my body closer to him. I bring my hands up along his chest, clutching at his tunic as I feel the cold start to ebb away from me. "Is t - this t - the part w - where w - we g - get naked a - and s - share each o - others b - body heat - t?" _Ever so charming, Libby. _I hear Kili's shocked splutter as I smile, nuzzling my head into his neck.

"What?!"

I hear a collect of 'shh' from the other Dwarves as they go to lie down in their dry blankets. I stifle a giggle as I watch Kili steadily turn red. I give him the tiniest of a shove with the hand resting on his chest. "I - I w - was only m - messing, you d - dork." _Though I wouldn't mind it if we did._

It's silent for a moment before Kili replies with a stuttered, "O - Oh." _Libby; Master Of Flirtations._

I stay still his Kili's arms, trying everything I can not to fall asleep. But the fact is he's so _warm _and _soft _and there is no denying it: we are cuddling. His arms are wrapped around me in a strong hold, legs stretched out with his back against the wall. I'm resting against his chest, my body curled up against his. I probably look like a small child but, honestly, I really don't care.

"He didn't mean it," I hear Kili whisper into my ear quite out of the blue. I lift my chin up as I stare up into his eyes.

"W - What?" I chatter, trying not to bite off the tip of my tongue. My voice comes out in a hoarse and dry whisper; the Dwarves have begun to fall asleep, every one of them ignoring Kili and I's little show of . . . well, whatever. I only catch a sliver of blue eyes that come from Fili but I ignore him; I'm quite comfortable here with Kili without being disturbed.

"Thorin; about saying you should never have come and that you don't belong," Kili averts his eyes from mine as they flicker to his uncle's stiff and tense back that is face towards us. I have this terrible feeling that he's not actually asleep and might be listening in on our conversation. I give a ghost of a shrug as I try to move in closer towards Kili. I give out a little hum as I inwardly sigh as I wiggle my toes in my shoes. "You do belong with us."

"Whatever, man," I reply, fighting a yawn as my eyelids begin to droop. I pat his chest affectionately as I close my eyes. "Whatever floats your boat."

"What?" I hear Kili's confused voice through the darkening of my eyes. I let out a yawn as I snuggle closer to him, all of the biting cold gone from my body. But there's no need in telling Kili that, right? What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

"J's shu' up 'nd go t' slee'," I mutter, my mouth full of sleep as I begin to drift off. I hear a slight chuckle from him as his chest rumbles. I feel something brush across my forehead as Kili shifts his weight, leaning his back up against the wall of the cave.

"Go to sleep; I'll watch over you," Kili whispers through the dark.

"Don' tell me wha' t' d', you loser," I murmur one last time before I fall into the abyss of sleep.

* * *

" - No you don't, you don't understand! None of you do!"

_What the fuck is going on?_

"You're Dwarves; you're used t - to this _life_."

_Oh, for fucks sake, don't tell me people are arguing_ again.

"To living on the road; not settling in one place."

_Jesus Christ, is someone having a bitch fit in the middle of the night?_

I budge my body as I try to sit up and yell "Shut the fuck up!" to whoever is talking in not so hushed tones. I wake to the site of a jaw - a very chiseled fine looking jaw. _Okay, Miss Hormonal, calm down there; don't get all excited over a jaw now. _I lift my very heavy eyes to the site of Kili's sleeping face. His very cute and adorable face.

I resist the urge to coo and drool all over him as I begin to use my sense of touch to realise our position; over the night my body relaxed from it's tight curled up ball, my legs being tangled with his as I sit between his legs with my back resting against his chest. His arms wind around me, knotting together with my own at the base of my abdomen.

I shift my head so that it lolls onto Kili's shoulder with my cheek pressed firmly down on it. Through the darkness of the cave, I can see Bofur and Bilbo standing near each other in the midst of what appears to be an argument.

"Not _belonging _anywhere."

I let out a yawn, my eyes tearing up at the action. _What are they bitching about now_? I move my head back onto the other side, my forehead pressed firmly against his neck. "Kili," I groan, my voice thick with sleep, "people be talking while I be sleep." I get no reply except for his nose twitching and his head slumping so that his cheek is pressed against the top of my own head.

It's all deadly silent for a while with no noise except for the snores of the other Dwarves. I let out a sigh of relief as I let my eyes close on their own accord. _Thank the Lo -_

"I - I am sorry," I hear Bilbo say, his voice twinged with regret. Another silence blankets the cave as I try to block out their voices, desperate to catch a bit of sleep. The storm is still raging outside, with claps of thunder sounding every few minutes.

"No, you're right," Bofur agrees, sounding very forlorn about doing so. _Oh, great, well done Bilbo; God, there's more drama in this company than Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We might as well call it Keeping Up With The Company Of Thorin. _"We don't belong any where."

If I wasn't so Goddamn comfortable and warm I would have gotten to my feet and I would have yelled at them to shut the fuck up, I swear I would've.

The silence is deafening as the last remainder of whatever sleep I could catch flies away, along with all my dreams that I could have had. With a grunt I free one of my hands from Kili's and knuckle my eyes, yawning while I do so. I feel Kili's arms tighten around me with his breath hot on my scalp. I smile slightly at his action and lean back further into his chest.

I wonder if the other Dwarves thought that this was like a bad thing to do; I mean, they did freak out over the very sight of my knees. Like, did they believe in all that no touchy - touchy before tying the knot? Why am I even thinking about this? I know it's in my nature to over think things and cause myself new problems that don't even exist but, surely, if Kili wasn't so against us, well, snuggling then I guess it isn't a bad think? I mean, I could have died from pneumonia.

"I wish you all the luck in the world. I really do."

Huh? What?

Oh! Yeah, Bofur and Bilbo are having an argument. Totally forgot.

A new sound omits close by. I furrow my eyebrows as my eyes grave across the cave. From just beside Kili's right leg, I see the sand from the cave floor start to fall away, as though there was hole underneath. I release myself from Kili's hold to lean across him, reaching out to brush away the pale colour sand.

"What the - ?" I utter as I see a very large crack start to appear soundlessly up along the cave all silently. _What the fuck?_

"What's that?" Bofur's voice echoes from where he stands. I watch as the crack disappears behind Dwalin's head, knots forming in my stomach as my heart leaps into my throat.

"Kili!" I hiss as I shake his shoulder, jolting him awake from his slumber. His head snaps up, eyes bright with alarm. In an instant, his arms are back around me, more tight than before as I'm pulled back to his chest with a yelp leaving me. Kili's eyes are narrowed as they look around for any sign of danger as his arms tighten around me - nearly crushing my chest.

"Kili, look!" I wheeze through his tight grip as I point my finger towards the disappearing sand. Though he doesn't relax his hold on me, he does look at where my finger is directed, his eyebrows knitting together.

"What is that?" he gasps slightly in a low tone. That's when the creaking from beneath starts.

From peripheral vision I see Thorin bolt up, his icy blue eyes following a crack that is running alongside the length of his body. Our eyes meet briefly - his confused and alarmed and mine scared and bright. "Wake up," he orders in his normal voice. No one stirs at his command. "Wake up!" With his voice louder and more stressed than before, a few of the Dwarves - Dwalin, Gloin, Bifur and Nori - instantly jolt awake while the others simply sit up, their eyes still closed.

The ground beneath Kili and I starts to shake and rumble, making us fall onto the ground. I take a hold of his chest by wrapping my arms around him while his own arms wrap around me as underneath us the ground gives away.

And so does my bladder.

Fucking.

Great.

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry for the delay of updating! So yeah, short chapter, I know, but, hey, better than nothing, right?**

**So, I went to see The Fault In Our Stars and I'm the only person who didn't cry. One of my friends had hit me across the back of the head and said "You didn't cry! You don't have a heart!" and I kind of just blurted "I may not have a heart but at least I have both my legs."**

**I'm such a bad person omg.**

**Anyway, I'm so excited for the Battle Of Five Armies trailer; it's said to be out by July! I can't wait to see the faces of those who haven't read the book when they watch the movie *laughs evilly* *breaks into sobs***

**Thank you for all the reviews and follows and favourites! It makes me so happy!**

**So, please, please, please, please continue review, follow and favourite!**

**(p.s if you want to see what Libby looks like go to my profile and you can't miss it!)**

**-tateslangdon**


	13. Gay Gypsy Bar Mitzvah For The Disabled

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter! Sorry about the little cliffhanger I had on the last chapter (actually, I'm not really sorry).**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

* * *

"_AAAHHHHHHHH_! HOLY FUCKING SHIT BALLS! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK?!" My voices tears through my throat as I roll down, what appears to be, a make shift slide made entirely out of rock. Sure, it would have been fun if I had not literally pissed my pants a few seconds ago, was positive I am not going to die and if the smell of death, decay and possibly shit isn't hanging in the air.

Seriously, why haven't people in this death hole invented their own line of Airwick scented candles? I really could go to a place that smells of cinnamon apples right now, honestly.

I hear the other's exclamations of surprise as we continue to go down the Rock 'n Slide of Death; flying around us at the same speed are our sleeping bags and blankets. My bag was fling beside me and I hoped it wasn't open; though I swear on my life - whatever might be left of it - I saw my freakin' tampon box but, then again, I could have been imagining it.

Kili is next to me (we had somehow lost hold of each other throughout our fall), flying down the shoot with a yell escaping his mouth. I ignore the sharp jabs of immense pain all over me as I bang against the wall and flip over onto my stomach; my cheek gets a formidable sized gash before there is a turn in the slide and I bang into Kili's side.

Instead of making a little jibe I wrap my arms around around him and bury my face into his chest as we continue to go down, down, down into the darkness. A part of me - the immature side - wants nothing more to shout "_WEEEEEEEE_!" while the other part, the more serious and frightened side, is just screaming and swearing.

I feel Kili's arms around me as I start to see a light at the end of a tunnel and for a brief moment I think: 'Oh, shit; we're dead. Literally.'

"Hold on!" I hear Kili shout as we grow closer and closer to the little gap in the tunnel. My answer to his order is a simple "AHHHHHHH!" as the ground gives away and we're a tumbling mass of limps as we tangle together . I'm briefly flying through the air as I tug harder on Kili and push my face further into his chest.

And then we hit the ground.

And Kili is on top of me.

I start to wheeze as I try to wriggle out from under the surprisingly very heavy Dwarf. "Can't. Breathe!" I gasp out as I shove at his chest. "I'm being suffocated! Help! Help! I'm dying!"

I hear Kili's groan from above me as he rests his cheek on mine, mushing my face up and making me feel so very uncomfortable. I begin to push at his chest in hopes to relieve myself of the excessive weight that's beginning to make it difficult to breathe.

"Goddammit Kili! The only time we should be like this if we're having sex!" My voice is muffled due to the fact his cheek is smushing my mouth and his weight is making it very hard to breathe; my words go unheard and instead of him being embarrassed and all the other Dwarves chiding me for such "vulgar" and "indecent" language for a "woman", I'm ignored. With a groan I give one final push and (finally!) I'm free from out under him. I roll onto my side while clutching at my chest as I wheeze in and lout loud enough for it to echo off of the cave walls.

"Freedom!" I laugh, smiling as I do so and ignoring the tense atmosphere that blankets us heavily. I sit up from where I lie and begin to brush down the flecks of dried dirt from my elbows and chest and shaking away the grains of sand that have began to appear in, um, _other_ places. I take note of the little make shift cage we're in; it reminds me of a hand with swords nad blades being bent so that they're like gruesome fingers (very Edward Scissor - Hands might I say)

"I wouldn't call it that," I hear Kili groan beside me as he sits up too, our arms side by side while clutching his forehead. Don't see why he has to be in pain; _I'm_ the one that landed underneath _him _not the other way around. I roll my eyes before dropping my gaze to my legs; instantly, I wince at the sight of the dark wet patch on my pants between my legs; my ears begin to flame in embarrassment and shame as I try to tug my cloak over it and crossing my legs while keeping my head down.

I cannot _believe _that I actually _pissed _my _pants_!

Kili gets to his feet, his eyes narrowed as he does a survey of the place. My face is uncomfortably warm and no doubt I resemble a tomato as I try to disregard the chafing between my legs. Tears prickle my eyes at the embarrassment and shame as I draw my cloak further around me: hoping tat it would swallow me up and I would never have to remember any of this.

"Libby?" I catch as I swallow the humiliation in my throat and glimpse up to see Kili kneeling down beside me so that we're the same level; he stares at me with his worried brown eyes. "What is it?"

_I peed my pants._

_I fucking _peed _my fucking _pants. _I am an eighteen year old woman who just fucking wet her Goddamn underwear._

"I - I don't feel so good," I falter as I continue to hold his gaze; I know that Kili doesn't believe me because he cocks an eyebrow and opens his mouth to speak.

That's when I heard it; the little screeching and the pitter - patter of feet on wood.

My eyes are drawn forward as Kili snaps his head back; I catch a herd of small, brown fugly creatures dart towards us as I get to my feet. The other Dwarves start to pick up their weapons or ball their fists in hope to fight them off but even I know that, with that many creatures, it's impossible. I'm pushed behind by Kili, only to stand beside Bilbo: who looks as scared as I feel.

"What the fuck - ?!" I exclaim at the same time the others shout "Look out!"

Then the small creatures are upon us like wild fire.

They're smaller than me (the tallest of them just only reaching my shoulder); their skin matches the colour of walls of the cave being almost a dark, watery yellow dotted with black sores. Their nails are as sharp as knifes; they grope at my skin and pull me to my skin.

"Fucking Hell!" I yelp as I try pushing them away like the others were doing. My fist collides with one of the horrid mutants (and not the X - Men mutants either; at least some of _them _were good - looking) and it lets out a screech of pain before its little fist collides with my stomach and I double over in pain. "You piece of shit!" I groan as one of the creatures from behind me pull at my knotted and tangled hair; I let out a gasp of pain as my head jerks back and I almost fall over the edge of out little cage when the same horrid mutant thing pushes me forward.

Their claws are scraping at all my exposed skin and they screech at me, pushing from behind to move me along as I watch the others fight and punch their way through, often their victim is replaced by a new creature.

Hesitantly, I start to follow their actions, kicking and punching my way through the herd but it seems that when one of them fall another takes its place instantly. I feel the pain of their claws breaking skin as I'm once again tugged roughly by the hair. I bite back a swear as I'm shoved forward with the others as we're being marched along a small stone path that leads further into the darkness of the caves. Great; the exact thing I wanted!

I meet Kili's eyes as I watch him fighting and swinging his foot into a mutant's face; I start to inwardly blubber while trying to keep a stoic expression in hopes to pretend to tell him that I'm actually alright.

And, as usual, he sees right through me and knocks out another creature as he pushes and punches his way towards me; many of the creatures screech and hiss at him as the stone path disappears to merge with a rickety wooden bridge begins to slightly rock underneath my feet. My heart is in my throat as I see a mutant beside me get thrown off of the bridge, wailing as screaming as it disappears in the darkness below.

"Libby!" I catch Kili's voice over the sound of the wailing and screaming of the horrid creatures and yelling of the other Dwarves. I try to twist myself to catch a glimpse of the Dwarf.

"Kili!" I gasp back as I see that he's not far behind me and I'm about to step back towards him when one of the little shits brings his claws across my thigh; I gasp in pain and turn my head back towards the injury that is oozing blood down my leg. My hand flies to the wound, feeling the warm blood dripping through my fingers. Two of the mutant creatures beside me tug at my arms, forcing me to drop the pressure on the injury.

Through my panicked haze, I see skeletons and skulls and various other parts of bodies dotted around and strung up like ghastly Christmas decorations; the fear in my chest swells up like a balloon as I try to punch my way free. I shriek like a banshee at them as my knuckles bruise from the punching and each time I try to free myself it results in getting a slap to the face or getting knuckled to the stomach.

I swear, if we come out of this that I am going to be black and blue all over my body. I can hear the curses of the other Dwarves as they try to fight against the herd. I can guarantee that I saw Dwalin throw one or two of the disgusting mutants off of the bridge and into the darkness below.

As we delve further into the caves my ears catch a sound that seems to be music; music! If you can believe in a place so dreary and full of decay! My mouth slackens as my mind is dumb - founded. At first, the echo of the music is somewhat welcoming then, as we continue further, it grows worse and worse.

"What the fuck?!" I gripe as my ears begin to burn and ring in pain. Whenever I try to release my arms free from the skin ripping grips of the creatures, I get a fist of knuckles to the jaw. Bastards.

Suddenly, we round a corner my eyes sting at the amount of light that is produced. The smell of decay worsens and I try breathing in through my mouth; as I gaze around I see that there are thousands, maybe _millions_, more of the horrid creatures. I feel my throat become dry and my face scrunch up as the music comes to the point where it's everywhere and even if I could cover my eyes I would still be able to hear it.

And it appears that there is a voice _singing_ (if you can call it that). The voice bellows through the caves, echoing off the walls and, unfortunately, to my poor, poor ears. I would give anything to be the quite deaf Oin at the moment.

"_Clap, snap, the black crack,_" the voice rings as I'm pushed and prodded along. I feel one of the horrid grimy hands of the creatures go a bit too south behind me and I whirl around, gnashing my teeth together as I try to bark at them.

"Oi! Shit bucket! Hands. Off!" I drive my foot back and I hear a very much deserved yelp as, quite shortly, my hair is tugged again roughly and my head snaps back. I swear my head is going to get snapped off of my neck if that keeps happening. I can briefly hear Kili's shout of "get your filthy hands off of her!" though, honestly, he probably didn't say 'filthy'.

_My, my, the handsome Prince _does _know how to use swear words; there is hope for him after all._

"_Grip, grab, pinch and nab; batter and beat,_" the voice grows louder and more painful to hear as the music (can I call it that?) becomes more out of tune that I could ever imagine. I hear the others groans and I see Bifur clamp his hands over his ears in hopes to drown out the atrocity. The other Dwarves (that I can see with out straining my head around) are looking around with looks of disgust evident on their faces.

"_Make them stammer and squeak! Pound, pound underground!_"

I swear, I will happily take death right now if I don't have to hear more of this horrible song.

"_Down, down, down in Goblin Town!_"

Oh! So they're _goblins_! I cast a glance sideways at the two horrible looking creatures that are restricting my arms and I scrunch my nose up. _Well, they _are_ what I would imagine goblins to look like. _A chorus of voices from the other goblins echo through the walls as they all sing (quite badly) along with the other voice.

Quite suddenly, I'm pulled (literally) to a stop as the Dwarves and I are rounded up with each assigned their own goblin like a guard - though some (ehem, Dwalin) have more than one. Standing in front of me is Bombur (who is staring up above the heads of the others), Dori (who is staring disgusted sideways at whatever is in front) and Ori (who looks to be trembling with fear).

I can barely see over Dori's head as I try to pull my arms free from the goblins that have tightened their hold on me. I growl at both of them, pushing them away as I try to get into the sea of familiar people. I end up wedged behind Bombur and in front of Fili - who instantly takes a hold of me by gripping my hand.

"Do not speak a word," he whispers in a warning voice as I look at him, confused and feeling quite scared. Following his point straight gaze, my eyes land on the most grotesque creature one can ever imagine.

His skin is a pale, oozy flat pink and yellow colour that is spotted with multiple boils on his face. His head is topped with a gruesome crown made of bones and his hair is few; stringy and holds so much grease it could fill a chip pan. A terribly designed loin cloth covers his, um, thingy with his stomach making it look like it's about to burst and - oh my fucking _God_!

What the _fuck _is _that_? Is that like a fucking beard? Is that like a penis covering, fat induced beard? I feel my stomach churn at the sight of him as my mouth begins to taste of bile.

"Oh, God; that looks way too much like Jabba the Hut," I shiver. No, no; because at least Jabba doesn't fucking sing and at least all his minions aren't as fucking ugly as these dudes. "Oh, holy shit I think I'm going to vomit."

"Shh!" Fili hisses as his grip on my hand tightens as the fucking goblin - mutant - whatever it is begins to dance.

"_With a swish and smack, and a whip and a crack; everybody talks when they're on my rack!_"

I try to stiop myself from shouting out or dry retching at the sight of the Goblin (lets face it; I'm more prone to do the latter of the two) as I try to focus on nothing but my breathing and Fili's reassuring grip on my hand.

"_Pound, pound, far underground! Down, down, down in Goblin Town!"_

His little minions repeat the chorus just as dreadfully as the man (at least . . . I think it's a guy; I have no idea) himself. I stare at the Goblin that is far more taller and fatter than the other Goblins I can see; obviously, by the crown and the cruel staff that is nothing like Gandalf's, he's probably a King.

"_Hammer and tongs, get out your knockers and gongs,_" the Goblin swings his staff down and it quickly impales another Goblin that is far smaller; I listen to the little squeak of pain that escapes it as the bigger Goblin (you know what? I think I shall call him, affectionately, Bob the Blob) raises his staff.

"_You won't last long on the end of my prongs!_" Bob the Blob twirls his staff before throwing the smaller Goblin over our heads. I watch it sail far beyond us and gulp; if a King can treat his, well, subjects like that then I really do not want to think about what he can do to us.

"_Crash, clash, crush and smash! Bang, break, shiver and shake!_"

"Oh, God, this is not how I wanted to die," I groan to Fili, "Fili, dude, I just want to say that, if we die, then I think you're pretty awesome."

"Hush, Libby, don't speak like that," I know he tries to reassuring but he says it through clenched teeth and he glares at Bob the Blob with as much hate as I would at exercise.

"I feel like this should be a time for confessions," I blather on, ignoring what he said as I try to force myself to not shake. "Truth is, and I say this with as much kindness as I can, but, dude, you are really hot and I think your moustache is totally bad - ass."

"Of course," Fili stresses, obviously not paying attention to my words as the Goblins behind us jostle and poke and prod at us while singing along with their King. I roll my eyes as I continue to spout nonsense due to the fear and tiredness that is making me quite drunk and putting a block between the words in my mind to the words that are being spoken.

"And, also," I continue as I feel my teeth start to chatter; I try to speak with out biting my tongue off. "I think your brother is super cute and nice and gorgeous and funny and, if we were back at where I'm from, then, my God, I would probably snog the face off of him."

"Sure, sure," Fili lulls on as a muscle in his jaw pops."Now be quie - wait, what?" Fili's bright blue eyes drop to mine as I let out a shrug before the voice of Bob the Blob breaks our little moment.

"_You can yammer and yelp, but there ain't no help! Pound, pound, far underground! Down, down, down in Goblin Town!_"

I watch with mild horror and a lot of disgust as Bob the Blob starts to stand on the balls of his seriously fucked up feet and twirl as though he was a ballerina. If someone let _that_ be a ballerina it would be a seriously messed up ballet. As Bob the Blob spins, his staff swings over our heads. As being very short, I don't have to duck as it whooshes over my head as the others quickly bend down.

_Please, let this be over!_

The bloody Goblin bastard holds the notes of the last line for a while and I feel irritation begin to swell up like a balloon in me. If he is going to kill us at least do it now; you always see someone holding out on killing someone and then, poof, they're dead then and everyone is happy because the hero is alive.

A pounding brought me from my thoughts as Bob the Blob clashes his staff against the wooden floor that I am beginning to wonder how it can hold his weight. Instantly, as he finishes singing, silence fills the cave; I feel the need to cough sneak up on me and, due to the silence, I try to smother it by swallowing my own saliva as quick as I can.

* * *

"Catchy, isn't it?" Bob the Blob says in a happy tone; his voice is croaky and deep. It makes me want to cringe or cut his throat. I watch as he gets to his disgusting throne, using a pile of Goblins as a foot stool. I scrunch my nose up as the whine under the weight of Bob the Blob. "It's one of my own compositions!"

_That is certainly not something to be proud of, mate; that really sucked balls. _I snigger inwardly as I slap a hand over my mouth to stop myself from coughing and having attention drawn to me. I make a silent gurgle at the back of my throat in an attempt to soothe the itchiness.

"That is not a song," Balin speaks out, voicing my own thoughts about the music. "That is an abomination!"

_You go, Balin!_

The others let out shouts of agreement to the statement that Balin had said and Fili lets out a dissatisfied grunt beside me. With the sudden loudness I let out a meek cough, sighing as the annoyance in my throat creeps away. _Focus, Libby; there are more important things at hand here._

"Abominations, mutations, deviations," Bob the Blob words quite casually, throwing his arms out beside him like a really ugly, fat, gross looking bird. "That's all you're going to find down here."

Quite suddenly, Bob the Blob slams his staff on the ground and the crowd of Goblins around us start to descend; their grimy fingers searching the bodies of the Dwarves as their swords and any kind of weapons are thrown down in a pile at the very front of the group. I manage to duck my head and shrink as I watch a Goblin search Fili, his hand still firmly gripping mine. I stare with awe as the Goblin pulls away Fili's knives (that are _everywhere; _seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if he kept two or three down his pants) that are the easiest to find and they are confiscated and passed to the front.

I go unnoticed, somehow, and I manage to stand still as the Goblins pass over me. My own dagger is lying forgotten in my bag that I have tucked underneath my cloak so it just looks like I'm pregnant with my baby bump on my hip.

Bob the Blob glares at the pile of swords that are in front of him before jumping down from his - if I can call it - throne, his beady and buggy eyes staring down at us, with disgust and dislike. "Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom?"

_Well, us apparently._

The fact he genuinely sounds so offended and mad at the notion that we actually did "enter" his kingdom armed is all but amusing. He must not get out much if he thinks nobody carries weapons around with them out there.

Wow; it's so strange as to how easy I can say that. I mean, back home you wouldn't have had to carry weapons with you in the bright of day. But then again, everything is different here. Really different. I should write a book about this place and publish it. That'd be cool. Sorry, got off track.

"Spies?" Bob the Blob's voice pitches an octave higher as he stands to his full height, his buggy and pale eyes narrowing down at us. "Thieves? Assassins?!"

_Yeah, because you can totally see me being like Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad or Ezio Auditore._

Bob the Blob's voice echoes through the caves as his (ugly) face contorts in anger and fury. Same thing, I guess. I wince at how high his voice is and squeeze Fili's hand so tightly that I think I may have broken a bone or two. Fili gives my hand gentle squeeze back in hopes to comfort me but my nerves are on high alert and jittery as I try to force myself to stand still.

"It'll be alright," Fili mutters to me as I let out a hum, making him believe that I trust his words.

"Dwarves, you malevolence," says a Goblin (who I shall call, with as much love intended, Kiss Ass) from the front. I grunt at his words; I mean, okay, yes, I'm the height of a Dwarf and it isn't really a big deal being considered one but Jesus Christ, when I do get called a Dwarf it's always "why don't you have a beard" or "why do you look like a woman"? Blah, blah, blah, etc., etc.

"Dwarves?!" Bob the Blob repeats Kiss Ass' words with shock and stares down at him, obviously a bitter taste in his mouth at the word. I stand on the balls of my feet as I see Kiss Ass step forward, dribbling and drooling like an over - sized (really ugly and foul looking) baby.

"We found them on the front porch," Kiss Ass answered, gesturing back to us. _Yeah, after you fucking pulled the ground out from under us and made us lose some much needed sleep. Plus I was in the middle of cuddling a really hot and sweet guy so double fuck you, sir._

"Well, don't just stand there!" Bob the Blob spat to the others, with his voice booming and swinging his arm in front of him. "Search them!"

This time, I'm not left alone as I'm instantly torn away from Fili's safe grip as a Goblin races his filthy hands over my body. I feel him tear my bag away from me, the strap slipping over my head easily as he throws it up ahead. I send a quick foot to his groin, glaring down at him. I push him away as instantly another Goblin grabs me from behind, he's smaller and looks to be younger.

"Don't fucking touch me, you shit - bucket!" I cuss as I drive my elbow into his face.

"Every crack! Every crevice!" Bob the Blob rings out from his place near his throne as an amused look flits over his face. From a space between the group I see a Goblin take Oin's hearing trumpet, throwing it to the ground before slamming his foot on it.

_Poor Oin._

A Goblin grabs Nori's bag, that is bulging to the extent it might just rip, and turns the bag upside down; I watch with awe as masses of objects ranging from forks to salt shakers, spoons to candle sticks pour out onto the wooden platform. _Holy shit, Nori is a kleptomaniac._

"It is my belief, your great protuberance," Kiss Ass announces. _Oh my God, I just want to punch you in the fucking face. _"That they are in league with the Elves!"

_Wait, what?_

Kiss Ass holds up a shiny, golden candle - holder up for Bob the Blob to see, said person - or rather, said Goblin takes it in his over large and grimy hand, turning it upside down to gaze at the bottom of the candle - holder. Bob the Blob's eyes narrow as he reads what ever is written. _Wow, Goblins can __read_?

" 'Made in Rivendell' . . . " Bob the Blob says, Rivendell flowing off his tongue dripped in acid. He looks apathetic as he stares down at a sheepish Nori. "Second age; couldn't give it away." With these words, he flings the golden candle - holder over the edge of the platform, the metal clattering against the rock.

My mouth drops open as everyone, including Nori's brother, Dori, turns towards him and stares at said Dwarf with a disapproving eye.

"Just a couple of keepsakes," Nori defends himself, as though it was something that could not have been helped. I roll my eyes at the Dwarf before crossing my arms over my chest. Bob the Blob spares him a glance before turning his beady eyes towards the rest of us, resting on his crude decorated staff.

"What are you doing in these parts?" Bob the Blob questioned as his eyes flitted around, Dwarf to Dwarf while waiting for someone to answer.

_Oh, we just came here for a holiday, you know a little R and R; I mean, what else speaks of great relaxation than being kidnapped and interrogated by a Jabba the Hut look alike while being felt up by his cronies?_

In front I see Thorin stare up at Bob the Blob with pure hate; as Thorin goes to step forward and speak, Oin claps a hand on his shoulder, pulling the Dwarf King back as he, himself, steps up. "Eh, don't worry lads," _and lady - well, girl. _"I'll handle this."

_Well, we're fucked._

The others start looking at him, confused and quite worried, as they too probably thought exactly what I thought.

"No tricks!" Bob the Blob shouts, as he begins to back up near his throne with his penis beard jiggling in the most disgusting yet mesmerizing way. I never want to repeat that sentence ever again. "I want the truth! Warts and all."

_Ugh, just, no._

"You're goin' to have to speak up!" Oin says, as he hold his flattened trumpet to show what had happened. "Your boys flattened my trumpet."

Instantly, Bob the Blob turns angry as his buggy eyes narrow down at Oin. He gets off of his throne as his voice is laced with fury at Oin's words. _Damn, this guy is worse than me when I'm on my period._

"I'll flatten more than just your trumpet!" Bob the Blob's voice rises to a shout near the end of is threat, echoing off the walls. He swings his fist into a stand, smashing it into pieces and sending it flying over the edge. Well, we're doomed.

As Bob the Blob looks and is close to skewering Oin, Bofur steps up, pushing Oin behind him and making every eye turn to him. _Oh God, what the Hell is he going to say now? _"If it's information you want, I'm the one you should speak to!" Bofur squeaks as his voice shakes and pitches higher in certain words, showing just how nervous he is.

I watch in relief as the anger melts away from Bob the Blob's face, his fist that was risen slowly dropping as he stares down at Bofur who wasn't quite expecting the silence to come so easily. Bob the Bob lets out a sound, as though pressuring Bofur to continue.

My hands twitch as I force myself not to start chewing on my fingernails as the anxiety is becoming a bit overwhelming. _Don't fuck up; please, please, please don't fuck up._

"We were on the road," Bofur continues, pausing briefly while looking thoughtful, "well, not so much a road as a path. Actually, it's not even that come to think of it; it's more like a track." I wince at his words, while glimpsing up at Bob the Blob, who is looking less and less impressed by minute. Bob the Blob briefly lifts his eyes up to the ceiling as though thinking 'shut up' while Bofur continues to blather on. "Anyway, the point is we were on this road like a path like a track, and then we weren't."

Bofur spreads his arms apart as I will him to shut up because by the looks of it, Bob the Blob is not very amused by his little speech. "Which is a problem," he pauses slightly while pointing his index finger at Bob the Blob, his voice getting slower, "because we were supposed to be in Dunland last Tuesday?" His voice pitches near the end, making the statement appear like a question.

Bofur turns to Dori who instantly chimes in with his own voice high and shaky. "Visiting distant relations!" _Wow, these guys should start an Improv group._

Bofur shakes his head eagerly in agreement as he turns back to Bob the Blob. "Some inbred's on me mother's side - " _I'm sorry, what?_

Bob the Blob slams his staff on the ground, obviously having enough of Bofur's blabbering. "Shut. Up!" His voice booms around the cave, slamming his staff with each word. I wince as Bofur opens his mouth before closing it again.

Bob the Blob points towards us, looking quite livid. "If they will not talk, we'll make them_ squawk!_" I do not like the sound of that. "Bring up the mangler! Bring up the bone breaker!" Bob the Blob orders his Goblins, turning around to face those all around on the cave walls as they cheer. "Start with the youngest!"

Bob the Blob points to a very scared and shaking Ori and my eyes widen in shock.

"WAIT!"

Silence echoes through the caves, as they turn to the source of the voice. The Dwarves stiffen as they begin to turn their torsos and heads around to see the voice that had spoken.

I stand glaring up at the Goblin as the others stare up at me in shock; Thorin, who was about to yell out himself, looks at me with wide eyes as I ignore them, hoping to keep my cool as my fists clench at my side. Bob the Blob notices me, quite surprised as a sly smile curls at his lips.

"Well, what do we have here," he murmurs in a low voice as I slip my lower bottom lip into my mouth. "A _woman_." He turns to his minions as they snicker in a way that has my skin crawling.

I let out a huff as I watch the Goblins pull and push the Dwarves away, creating a path for me to walk up through. I try to ignore the Dwarves stares as I straighten my back and jut out my chin; the only pair of eyes that strikes me down silently inside are the ones belonging to a certain brown haired Dwarf. I meet Kili's eyes briefly and I can read the message that is within them: _don't do this._ I shake my head slightly as I turn away from him as I stand out in from of the group.

"Well, yes, I do believe myself to be a woman," I say, not surprised at how shaky I am. I stop in front of Bob the Blob, craning my head back to look at the ugly Goblin; gosh, he's even more disgusting up close. "And I am here to give you a warning: let us go or face a painful death."

Bob the Blob stares down at me, shocked and confused before a great bellow of laughter escapes him, soon followed by the chortles of his minions. "And what are you, a _woman_, a mere _child_, going to do?"

Yeah, Libby, what are _you_ going to do?

_Oh God, think, think, think! Anything, ju_s_t say anything!_

"It is not what I am going to do," I threatened as I gulped, saying the first thing that came to mind. "I am Aurora, the daughter of . . . of . . . " _Shit, just say anything! _"of . . . of Khal Drogo! A fierce and deadly man who is chieftain to the Dothraki people," _Game of Thrones? Really? _"His men has slain many villages and his army is great in numbers. They are well known horse lords that reside in . . . " _Oh God, why didn't I ever watch further than episode two? _"in . . . in a far away land known as . . . as . . . as M - M . . . McVitie's Digestive!"

I don't even know what is wrong with me anymore.

"I have heard of them, your greatness," Kiss Ass dribbles from beside me. I turn to him, eyebrows raised. _Oh, my God! I can't believe this is working!_ "I have heard of the blood shed that is on their swords!" _Yeah, sure you have._

"Erm, yes! Their armies are called the, uh, the, um, the - the Jellybabies! It is because they do not spare even children!" I pipe in as I turn back towards Bob the Blob who looks to have paled dramatically, his beady eyes darting back and forth between Kiss Ass and I. "So, if you do not let us go alive then my father will kill all of you!"

Check and mate, bitches.

Bob the Blob narrows his eyes as he stares down at me, resting himself against his staff. "Then tell me, what are you doing in my kingdom?" _Think, think, think Libby! _I pause for a moment before I sift through my mind and deciding that, well, T.V just got me out of a mess, surely it can help me more?

"Well," I begin, quite nonchalantly as I gulp, "we - myself and my friends - were on our way to . . . to a . . . a gay gypsy bar - mitzvah for the disabled! And, well, during the journey I got tired and thought 'Gosh, I am very tired, I think I'll go and rest in a cave on a mountain while I'm soaking wet'."

I hear the confused and mind boggled murmur's of Goblins and Dwarves alike as they try to interpret my words. Bob the Blob himself screws his face up while trying to decipher what I said before shaking his head, more angry than before as he glares down at me with his voice booming. "Tell me, Aurora, daughter of Khal Drogo, if I were to let you leave, alive, would we ourselves be left alive by the sword of your father's?"

My hands shake beside me but I forced myself to stare up at his hideous face. "Yes; I promise that you would all live in exchange for myself and my friends to leave alive." _Jesus Christ, go me! I didn't even faint or cry! Or pee my pants!_ As I finish speaking a crude and smug smile appears on Bob the Blob's face.

"Then you have my word, Aurora, daughter of Khal Drogo," Bob the Blob replies, bowing so low that his penis beard is resting on the ground. "You shall leave alive - " I let out a breath of relief at the words and go turn smile towards the Dwarves, meeting the eyes of Kili instantly as he lets out a breath of relief. I want to be able to smile at him and say 'I had this all planned out' before giving that stupid Dwarf a hug when Bob The Blob speaks again. " - but not without a price."

My face drops as does my heart as I turn back to face Bob the Blob when snaps his fingers and there's a scuffle behind me as two pairs of hands take my arms and force me down onto my knees, the wind getting knocked out of my lungs. I hear the roars of the Dwarves as Bob the Blob laughs evilly.

I struggle against the two Goblins that grip my arms tight enough that if they add even the slightest bit of pressure I'm sure my arms would be broken. "What the fuck are you doing?!" I gasp through gritted teeth; Bob the Blob bends down in front of me, one of his grimy sausage like fingers slipping under my chin and forcing me to look into his ugly and disgusting face.

"I said I would let you leave alive - I didn't say you would leave unharmed," Bob the Blob hisses evilly as his finger nail starts to dig into my skin. The bead of blood that follows the pinch of pain trickles down my neck, soon followed by another. I muster up as much courage as I can as I gather saliva in my mouth before spitting into his eye.

A roar leaves his mouth as Bob the Blob stands up, his mouth pulled back showing the yellow rows of his sharp teeth. "Make her suffer! Make her squeal!"

"Wait!"

_Well, it's about fucking time._

I manage to crane my head back enough to see Thorin step forward as I glance through the curtain of my hair. The silence is a lot worse than when I had spoken up and I fight the urge to scream "AWKWARD SILENCE" as loud as possible as I try to fight the two Goblins that are holding me down.

"Well, well, well . . . " I glance forward top see Bob the Blob reeling back, his eyes glancing down at Thorin with a crude smile playing at his lips having obviously recognising the Dwarf. _Does fucking everyone know Thorin _"Look who it is; Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror! King under the Mountain!" Bob the Blob exaggerates as he gives a mock bow, his penis beard scraping against the floor.

I glimpse at a not so amused Thorin as I try to send him signals that are ranging from 'thank you' to 'thanks for waiting long enough for me to get fucking attacked' to 'what the fuck are you doing?!' I try to give my arms tug but it only results in a sharp fire like pain spreading through my body. Hissing, I turn back to watch as Bob the Blob stands up, an almost innocent like look on his face (yeah fucking right).

"Oh! But I'm forgetting: you don't have a mountain! And you're not a King!" Bob the Blob taunts, his little ugly penis beard jiggling heartily on his, ehem, lower region. "Which makes you . . . nobody really." He shakes his head, a faux sad look on his disgusting face as though he is feeling sad about the whole thing.

Ouch, that's outta hurt. _Fucking bastard._

I see a flicker of emotion pass through Thorin's face: almost a mix of hate, anger, pain and more hate. Yes, there is a lot of hate there.

"I know someone . . . " Bob the Blob started again, his voice taking a cold and chilly tone as he stared down at a still silent Thorin; I could feel a threat coming just by the look on his face and the tone of his voice as he continued. "Who would pay a pretty price for your head; just the head," _and there's the threat, _"nothing attached. Perhaps you know of who I speak?"

_Well, he obviously fucking doesn't with the stink eye Thorin's giving you; what the fuck is with everyone speaking in riddles here? _Keeping my running commentary to myself, my eyes flicker to the Dwarf King as his glaring eyes narrow at Bob the Blob while said Goblin's smile grows wider. _This is not good at all. _"An old enemy; a pale orc astride a white warg."

_Oh, shit._

_I have no idea who that is but that does not sound good._

Indeed it didn't for Thorin's face falls for a brief nanosecond before anger replaces his stoic expression. "Azog the Defiler was destroyed!" Thorin's voice rings in fury, though it shook only a bit. "He was slain in battle long ago!" _Obviously not, mate, if he's going around asking for your head._

Bob the Blob lets out a low and dark chuckle as he leans against his bone staff. "So you think his defiling days are done, do you?" Bob the Blob's takes on a menacing tone as he leans towards Thorin and lets out a laugh before turning towards a little Goblin - who i just noticed is sitting on a little swing - with the crude smile still on his horrible and ugly face. "Send word to the pale orc! Tell him I have found his prize!"

_Well, so much for leaving alive._

* * *

"_Bones will be shattered, necks will be wrung! You'll be beaten and battered, from racks you'll be wrung_!"

Great; another fucking song about being tortured. Isn't this just brilliant. I'm _still_ being held down by the two Goblins as other little Goblins drag some very horrid looking torture machines are being dragged towards us. I feel like groaning or crying or maybe both.

The Dwarves watch with scrunched up faces as the Goblins sift through their weapons pile, inspecting each and every sword, dagger, axe or arrow. One Goblin holds - as I remember - Thorin's sword, staring at the scabbard with a keen interest while Bob the Blob continues to sing his dreadful song.

"_You'll die down here and never be found! Down in the deep of Goblin Town_ \- !"

Quite suddenly the Goblin shrieks an ear shattering scream as it uncovers the sword and drops it to the the ground. The two Goblins holding my arms drop me so instantly I splat face first into the rotten wooden platform. Bob the Blob lets out a yells as he backs up into his throne. "I know that sword!" he cries, pointing a finger at it. "It is the Goblin cleaver! The biter, the blade that sliced thousands!"

I quickly jump to my feet, backing away while staring at the sword; _the Goblin cleaver, eh? _I cock my head to the side as I try to think of maybe using it against Bob the Blob. Could I threaten him to let us go? If I killed him what would hap -

"You!"

I break my eye contact with the sword as I reel them up to see the fury of Bob the Blob. "It is your sword!"

_Huh?_

"Huh?!" I say, a little dumb founded. _What on Earth made him come to that conclusion?_ _Do I look like I could wield a sword? Honestly?_

"I see the way you stare at it!" Bob the Blob accuses, his mouth pulled back to show his rows of yellowed and rotted teeth. "Grab her! Take her!"

I'm tackled from behind as two Goblins take my arms. I hear the Dwarves start to exclaim, saying that it isn't mine but Bob the Blob pays no heed to them. Bob the Blob screeches at a fellow Goblin pal - or I think it's screeching; he's using lower and higher pitches and I can just make out some garbled tongue. My heart is pounding in my chest as I try to throw the two Goblins off of me.

A bead of sweat starts to fall down my temple as the Goblin that Bob the Blob was speaking to slowly walks towards me, brandishing a dagger. _Oh, God, I'm going to die! _I let out a gasp as I try my hardest to free my arms when a fiery hot pain explodes in my left arm. I let out a scream, as I slump slightly; the goddamn bastard broke my arm! Or wrist; I have no idea with my mind being a mess due to the pain and the fear.

"Leave her!"

"Don't you touch her!"

"Stop! Don't you dare!"

"Libby!"

I hardly hear the voices of the Dwarves as the Goblin with the dagger slowly walks around me. My head is snapped back with so much force that I am positive that he could have broken my neck if he wanted to. First, the pain in my arm is drowned out as I try to figure out what is going to happen when the first strike of pain hits me.

His nails are digging into my scalp as he grabs tufts of my hair; with the amount of pain I first think that he is actually taking of my scalp. Blood starts to run into my eyes as my hair is being ripped from their roots. _What is going on?_

I let out a pain filled cry as the knife tore and hacked it's way across my scalp, the blood running into my eyes and stinging; the metallic taste of the dark redness stains my tongue. My throat begins to turn raw as my screams and cries echo through the cave. I can't hear anything else even if I wanted to. I can feel beads of blood running down all around my face and neck as the Goblin's knife's tip slashes lighting across the back of my neck.

I know it isn't a deep cut and it probably won't be life threatening but with the amount of pain that is exploding through my body, lacing it's way across every bone, it feels like I'm going to die. Finally, with one final slice and one last scream, I'm let go; the Goblins let go of my arms as the other lets my head go. I fall back not onto the rotten wooden platform, but a cloud of golden blonde hair.

I scrunch the softness in my palms, watching with horror as they become stained with blood. I don't want to reach up and see what is left because I would probably have a mental break down. My breathing is ragged and uneven as I try to not cry; the water in my eyes have gathered but I swallow the lump in my throat.

I will _not _give that fucking bastard the satisfaction of seeing me cry; I will not let the others see me cry. I try to stand to my feet, getting on my hands and knees as I watch the blood drip off my cheeks, chin and nose and onto the soft puddle of blonde. "Dishonor! It is a sad day when a Dwarf is dishonored!" Bob the Blob cackles evilly as I continue to get to my feet.

I attempt to stand but fall down to my knees again with a cry as my head spins and my body aches. I hear the sound of laughter from the Goblins at my pathetic attempt as the sound boots against the wooden panels become prominent and I'm caught by a pair of strong warm arms before I can fall flat onto my face. I fall against a chest as I try to wipe the blood away from my eyelashes.

"Sh, it's alright," the voice speaks into my ear as I clutch at his forearms. I glance up through my bloodied and heavy eyelashes to meet Kili's worried and angered eyes. Another laughter - one more hearty and bellowed than that of the Goblins - breaks our eye contact and I stare at Bob the Blob as he slaps his knee while his penis beard jiggles.

"My, what entertainment!" The fat Goblins booms as I glare at him through Kili's sheltered arms around me. "The She - Dwarf, has a male! This will certainly make everything so much more interesting!" the Fat Goblin gets off of his throne and staggers towards Kili and I, an amused glint in his dark and glazed eyes. His voice drops to a menacing tone, cold and cruel just as he is. "She - Dwarves are very weak when it comes to their loved ones - especially if they were to, say, be tortured in front of their very eyes."

I can practically _hear _Kili _growl_ at the threat. I rest a hand on his chest as I stare up at the fat Goblin with as much hate I can muster.

"It's a good thing then," I pant as I begin to stand on my wobbly legs with Kili helping me up by the elbows; all eyes are on us, I can feel it due to the pinpricks in my back as I manage to let out a shaky breath before turning back towards the fat Goblin. "That I am not a Dwarf."

As the Goblin goes to open his mouth and utter his retort there is a burst of bright white light, throwing each and every Goblin away from us. I let out a gasp as Kili shelters me from the blast that has pebbles of rock spewing everywhere. I cover my face into his chest with my hands clutching at his coat as the ringing in my ears slowly fades away.

Through the curtain of Kili's brown hair, I see a silhouette of a man, a man who is very tall with a pointy hat and -

"Gandalf," I breathe in relief, almost bursting into sobs at how happy I am to see the old wizard. Instead of crying, I just tighten my hold on Kili as a balloon of happiness swells in my chest. Kili returns the squeeze as a light smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

"Take up arms! Fight!" Gandalf orders in a voice that rivals even Thorin's commanding one. "FIGHT!"

_You don't need to tell me twice._

* * *

**So, yeah, I know; this is nearly three weeks over due but look I've been having personal issues and I've been on my new blog and I've been watching Game of Thrones and it was my birthday and (this is the most Irish thing I have ever said but) I also had to bring in the turf.**

**This is literally over 9,000 words and I think that this is pretty darn good; Libby showed courage, I managed to work in a Game of Thrones and Doctor Who reference and I know you guys probably hate me about what happened to Libby but, you know, character development! And if you are confused, she only got her hair chopped off. **

**How do I explain this? Ah!**

**It's like how short Jennifer Lawrence had hers but not as neatly done and it is obviously not that neat or pretty.**

**I managed to shove in some of the Dwarven hair culture thing that is popular amongst the fans; obviously, a Dwarf getting his or hers hair chopped off is a big dishonor but you'll read more about that in the next two or three or possibly four chapters. **

**But anyway, so sorry about the long wait; I have been procrastinating for so long!**

**Please, please, please, please review, follow and favourite! I promise I'll update a lot sooner next time!**

**(p.s follow my tumblr legolashasthebooty. tumblr. com)**

**(p.p.s if you want to see what Libby looks like go to my profile, you can't miss it! Though, not with the long hair anymore, sorry!)**

**-tateslangdon**


	14. Foster and The Dwarves

**Thanks for all the feed back on the last chapter!**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

**p.s pls I'm sorry don't kill me; I have slightly have a bit to live for.**

* * *

"My bag, my bag; where the bloody Hell is my God - damn bag?!" I stress as I ignore the fact that:

a) Gandalf just straight up saved our asses and popped the fuck out of nowhere

b) that the others have decided to fight and kill the Goblins to get out of here and

c) If I don't find my bag pretty soon I will have to leave without it and bye - bye to smooth legs, underarms and other parts. And also the fact I would probably have to use a leaf for when I'm on my period. Oh, Jesus, fuck no.

"Libby! Hurry up!" Kili shouts as he thrusts his sword into the face of a Goblin while he stands behind me and making sure that I don't do something stupid like die.

I wave my hand in the air as though to say 'whatever' as my heart chatters nervously in my chest - I'm on my hands and knees, moving through the legs of Dwarf and Goblin alike as my hands scratch desperately at the wooden platform for the feel of my trusty leather satchel.

"Patience is a virtue!" I holler back at Kili with my voice shaking. I can hear his mutter of 'Right now it isn't' but I ignore him as my hands wraps around something that I believe to be the strap of my bag. I let out a sigh of relief as I tug on it and I realise that is very much not my bag. The leathery and worn ankle of a Goblin is pulled from underneath him as a squeal that matches a pig's nearly bursts my eardrums.

"Sorry!" I yelp as I take my hand back and quickly crawl away from the fallen Goblin; I'm soon lost in the sea of gross creatures.

Have you ever had a rush of adrenaline so intense that it blocks almost everything? Like you can't even feel pain in your bones, your surroundings are just a blur and you can't make sense of it? It's like your mind is screaming at you, saying "Run! Run! Fuck everything and just fucking run"? _That sort of sounds like Foster and the People. Or would it be in this case Foster and the Dwarves?_

Anyway, that doesn't happen to me; my wrist that the Goblin had sprained - or more likely broke - is swollen purple and blue; my head feels like it is still being hacked away by the Goblin; my leg, holy shit, my leg feels like it is being skinned. The gash above my eyebrow was beginning to pulse and throb uncomfortably. But I force myself to ignore the pain (though it doesn't really work) as I continue to crawl on my sprained or broken wrist and injured leg whilst trying to find my bag.

I can hear the clangs of swords as fighting ensues around me; I dodge feet - Dwarf and icky Goblin feet alike. My heart feels like there is a horse stamping on my chest.

"He wields the foehammer!" Bob the Blog blubbers as he cowers against the floor as Gandalf quickly knocked another Goblin off. "The beater; bright as daylight!"

_What is he on about? Honestly._

"Come on!" I growl as I move to where I had been standing when we first came here. I whip my head around and - cue the heavenly chorus of angels - there is my bag; safe, untouched and looks like it is about to topple over the edge. I quickly stumble to my feet and ignore the head rush that threatens to topple me over onto the wooden platform as I push my way through the crowd of fighting Goblins.

"Excuse me! Coming through!" I yell loudly as I push a small looking Goblin away from me; he trips over his own feet and slips over the edge, falling to his doom. I quickly gather my bag and slip the handle over my head, sighing in relief when the feel of the worn leather is against my skin.

_Jesus H Christ, Libby, don't have an orgasm; it isn't the right time._

Turning around to face Kili, my face slips as I realise I can't see him anywhere; in fact, I don't see any of them. My heart jumps in my throat as I try to force my way through the crowd of Goblins. Oh God, what if I'm lost? My breathing begins to become labored and ragged as I whip around on the spot. _Oh my God, this is exactly like losing your mom in a supermarket. Except there are Goblins. And instead of losing my mom, I lost a group of Dwarves. And we're not in a supermarket. And I could die. But other than that, it's still the same. _Shaking my head and dispelling my thoughts, I begin to cower like the, well, coward I am.

"Kili?!" I cry out, feeling even more like a child than before as my eyes desperately search the sea of Goblins while trying not to get swallowed by them at the same time. I feel my body shrink until I'm the size of a small, bloody and blubbering child. "Kili?! Where are you?! I swear to fucking God Kili - !"

"Libby!" I snap my head so around so fast I think I nearly got whiplash; meeting the brown eyes of Kili as he slashes and hacks his way towards me I feel relief instantly replace the fear as I continue to watch him, anger clear in his face. Though at me or the situation, I have no idea. But lets be real, it's more likely that he's angry at me. A sigh of relief falls past my chapped lips as I begin to make my way towards him, pushing and shoving away the gross and sweaty bodies of the Goblins.

"Kili!" I yell again as I manage to keep my eyes on his. As I go to take another step, something wraps around my ankle and I fall to the ground, landing in a heap on the wooden platform. Gazing over my shoulder, I catch the sight of the same Goblin I toppled over scratching and pulling at my ankle. I let out a slight scream as I try to kick his hand away, my shoe landing in his face.

"Get off of me, you slimy git!" I cuss as I'm pulled down further, his small bony legs straddling me around the waist. I land a punch on its noise, a satisfying crunch echoing in my ears while the Goblin retorts with a slap across the cheek. _The dagger! __It's in my bag! _I try reaching down for the bag around my hip, squirming and wiggling under the surprisingly heavy weight of the Goblin. I struggle with both fighting off the Goblin and trying to reach for the metal object that lies in the bottom of my satchel.

Quite suddenly, the Goblin stops fighting me as something pokes through its chest; the darkened point of a sword. I freeze with horror and disgust as the black blood flecks onto my face. The point of the sword withdraws and the rotting body of the now dead Goblin falls on top of me

"Oh, great! Fucking fan - fucking - tastic!" I groan as I push it off my chest, making a disgusted noise at the back of my throat as my hands are coated in its slime like black blood. Glimpsing up, I see Kili standing there, looking very pissed off. Without a word he bends down and pulls me to my feet. I almost topple on top of him, the blood rushing to my head, but Kili manages to make me hold my balance by gripping onto my forearms.

"I got - " I begin, about to gesture to my bag before he cuts me off.

"Lets go!" He yells over the sound of the screeching Goblins, slipping his hand into mine as he orders, "Run!"

_Whoa, total deja vu; I'm feeling a Doctor Who moment!_

I gather my wits as Kili slashes and hacks his way through the crowd of Goblins with one hand while holding onto mine until I catch sight of the other Dwarves doing the same. I try to keep my breathing steady but fail to do so; my mind is blank my sole focus on the tight, reassuring grip that I'm hanging onto. _Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, _runs through my head in a string or curses soon follow.

I turn back, gazing over my shoulder through my eyelashes, to see Bob the Blob start towards Thorin, anger twisted in his repulsive face. I almost cry out in shock and fear as Bob the Blob swings his staff down in anger just in time as Thorin brings his sword up to meet it. Astonishingly, Thorin manages to stop the attack as Bob the Blob trips back over his own feet and his massive and obese body smashes into his own throne, soon falling over the edge of the platform and into the abyss.

_Holy shit, I hope he dies._

"Follow me! Quick!" Gandalf barks over the sound of the fighting, gesturing in front of him as the wizard turns away from the hoard of Goblins; Kili and I pursue him, falling into a line with the others that had heard him.

When my feet skid slightly on the ground I'm forced to turn back with my breathing raw in my throat; I try keep my sweaty and grimy hand in Kili's large and equally as sweaty palm because it is the only thing keeping me up right while my legs keep up a steady rhythm.

_Left, right, left, right, left, right._

I try to not pay attention whilst running to the fact that we are far from the sturdy wooden platform and now are on a small wooden bridge that totally breached the safety code; if you look over the edge, all you see is a dark abyss that looks like it never ends. Lets just hope I don't accidentally trip and die.

It's as though I don't even feel the fire in my legs as I pick up the speed so that I run beside Kili - who twirls his sword in his free hand and runs a steady pace while I have lost mine and it's just something like: _left, left, right, third leg, right, left, hop, right - right_.

Yeah, something like that.

I feel so exposed to the fact that I don't have anytime to reach into my bag and equip myself with a weapon. _Talk about damsel in a hormone and fear induced distress. I wasn't named after a Disney Princess for nothing._

Kili and I quickly out run Gandalf, as he falls near to the back of the line to check if everyone is here. Dwalin takes lead, cutting and hacking at the Goblins in front of us, throwing them over the edge. I drop my eyes to the ground as the floor blurs past me; the only things I make out are my poor, battered and beaten converse shoes. There are holes through the black material and the leather has grown weak and thin. I am positive that the soles of the shoes can give away at any moment.

I smack into Kili's shoulder, scrunching my nose up as it squishes against him. Looking forward, I catch Dwalin pausing as a new group of Goblins head towards us, screeching and screaming as they wave their rusty swords in the air. _Oh, shit, what now?_ My eyes dart from Dwalin to the Goblins before he answers my unspoken question. Dwalin swings his axe down on the wooden railing of the bridge, slashing the frayed rope.

Dwalin takes the long wooden railing under his arms and others follow him. I smack my forehead mentally as I let go of Kili's hand to grab the middle of the railing, Kili stepping in front of me and doing the same. _Wait, what _are_ we actually doing? _Lost briefly in my thought I let out a silent yelp of surprise as I nearly trip over my feet while going side - ways.

Up ahead, Dwalin smacks the top of the railing into the side of the Goblins, sending them over the edge. I wince as I see one of the sordid creatures smash against the rock, the cracks of his ribs echoing across the cave before sliding into the darkness below. _Well, shit.__  
_

As I drop the railing at the same time as the others, the ache and tiredness starts to wriggle itself in. It is complete torture and agony to keep up with the group. _I swear if that just keep swimming thing gets stuck in my head I am going to __fucking__ be cooking Nemo instead._

Pushing my homicidal thoughts about fish away, I watch as Gandalf himself races past me and up to the front, stabbing anything and everything that isn't Goblin, Wizard, human, or Hob -

Where's Bilbo?

Where bloody fuck in the name of all the fucking saints and the Virgin Mary is that motherfucking, Goddamn Hobbit?

"Kili! Where's Bilbo?!"

Well.

It doesn't really sound like that; more so: "Kill - hear - bib?!"

I must say I am surprised at how the boys are not just flocking to me with all my Lady etiquette -ness. My mouth is as dry as the Sahara desert so my voice barely comes over a rasp whisper and the air is rough and tears at my throat. The crowd of Goblins become too thick, swarming in around us like flies. I pull my bag over my head, not really bothering to spend a few precious moments searching for the only weapon I have. Swinging the bag with expertise, I slam it into a Goblins head, wincing as I watch it fall off the bridge.

"Sorry!" I yell after it, turning around just in time to see another one of the repulsive creatures running towards me with its arms raised over its head and its hands clutching a sword. Instead of hitting it with my bag, I step aside from where I stood; sticking my foot out, I watch the Goblin trip as its sword clatters to the ground.

Picking up the sword, I try to stay with the group, being stuck between Bofur and Nori as Kili had raced ahead and _left me here._

I'm not going to get all bitchy and whiny now because, honestly, its a life and death situation and I bet he's just wanting to save his own ass. Yep. Totally. That's it. I am _not _being bitchy and whiny nor do I totally sound like a clingy girlfriend. Or friend. Or girl who is a friend who has some seriously questionable feelings for him.

_Oh, God, Libby shut up! Life and death situation! Remember?_

Turning, around with the sword in my sweaty hand, I feel my face drop as I catch sight of about twenty or more so Goblins hanging onto ropes. _Total Pirates of The Caribbean moment here. _Shaking my head, I clutch the handle in both of my shaking hands while I try to ignore my shallow breathing and my heart in my throat.

"Cut the ropes!" I hear Thorin's commanding voice bellow through the caves. I stop and splutter, eyes wide as I stare at him thinking he has gone around the bend.

"You fucking _what_, mate?!" I screech back as Bofur and Nori do as he commands and slash through the very thick ropes.

I gaze with fascination and fear as I expect the whole bridge above us to fall and crush us to death. For a brief moment it stands still before the entire thing starts to creak and crack, sounding much like the branches of an old tree in the wind, before it does begin to fall but _away from us_ and the ropes of the swinging Goblins twirl around it; the dreams of my childhood about swinging entirely around the swing - set come to surface before I shake my head, focusing on the dire situation and slash a Goblin across the chest.

I manage to stick with Bofur - keeping an eye on his flappy eared hat, as I stab a Goblin in the tummy; I scrunch my nose us as its blood spits onto my face, flecking on my cheeks and forehead like morbid freckles. Taking the blade back I turn around just in time as an arrow whizzes past my face by a _fucking millimeter._

I swear my life flashed before my eyes (that's been happening a lot lately I've noticed) as my hand jumps to my erratically beating heart with my breath catching in my throat. _God, what have I ever done to you? I've been a good Christian. Well, mostly. I've sometimes gone to church and I know at least one prayer. Just what have I done to - __  
_

I stop mid thought as another arrow flies past my ear and I screech. Telling myself to remember my rant to God, I quickly trip over my two left feet to stand behind - lo and behold; if it isn't the man himself, or Dwarf himself - Kili. I stare with sheer wonder as he _blocks the motherfucking arrows with his Goddamn mother fucking sword. _Fucking Hell, I can't even put a sock on in the morning without somehow falling over.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh holy motherfucking shit and all the fucking saints the God above with the Lord Jesus our Savior," I whimper as I duck another arrow.

"We're not going to die," Kili promises, as he turns to me briefly; I meet his eyes as I hold the sword in one hand and the strap of my bag in the other. I shake my head while Kili turns away, his eyes searching for something. I furrow my eyebrows together as he picks up a ladder and holds it up.

"Kili, what are you - ?"

An arrow hits a step of the ladder, the _thunk! _all but ringing in my ears. I stare at it with wide eyes before another arrow hits the step above. I step behind Kili as I begin to question the law of physics and even logic. Bifur, Bofur and Bombur stand behind us, taking the end of the ladder; I follow their lead, standing behind Kili as they begin to race towards the group of Goblins.

"Uh, guys, should we be running _away _from - ?!"

The heads of the Goblins fall into the spaces between the steps of the ladders, scratching at the wood and hissing at us. _Wow; these creatures really are stupid. _Shrugging and deciding to just go with everything from now on, we manage to push all of the Goblins off the bridge before they drop the ladder onto an open space where, on the other side, Dwalin is waiting.

"Wait, what the _fuck - _?"

So much for rolling with everything.

I'm cut short when Kili takes me by the arms and actually fucking _runs _across the ladder, not even caring or thinking about the fact that it may not have been able to hold his wait or that it was so old and weak that it could have splintered into a million tiny pieces and he could have died. Nope, instead he just grabbed my arm and made me run across the damn thing.

Letting out a squeak, I stare down at my feet as I try not to slip or misstep in case I, y'know, _die_. That also has been happening a lot lately along with the life flashing before my eyes thing.

"Kili, you're fucking mental!" I squawk as I hear a short laugh from him as we safely pass onto the other side of the little gap. Okay, yeah, it worked and we didn't fall to our deaths, but fucking Hell, stop and think about things before you do them. Especially if you could kick the bucket.

"I like to disagree!" Kili retorts; I smile slightly, forgetting the fact that I have my own blood and Goblin blood on me, the fact that a knife or an arrow can make its way into my chest at any given moment and that I peed my pants an hour earlier.

Actually I've just remembered that and now I feel so embarrassed. Shit. A spurt of adrenaline pushes through my body and I run with new found speed, keeping up with Kili. Up ahead, I glimpse Gandalf abruptly stopping and, as I go to turn around, I catch sight of Kili slashing the rope of the bridge off. My mouth drops open as my body is surged forward and I nearly fall sideways; an arm wraps around my bicep to catch me just in time, making me look up to see Kili pulling me to my feet and running towards the edge.

"Ah, Hell no! Fucking no! You fucking cannot fucking make me fucking - "

I don't finish my sentence as I'm practically pushed forward without so much a word from the Dwarf and I land onto the bridge, the impact stinging my feet. Kili lands next to me, passing me a tiny sly and quick smile as I glare at him.

"I will _skin_ you alive if you _ever_ do that again," I threaten through gritted teeth and a clenched jaw before forcing my legs to start running with Balin and Bofur. All I really right now is to just go home and lie in bed with a cop of hot chocolate and my laptop and watching Game Of Thrones, is that too much to ask? Well, apparently, it fucking is.

A string of rasp curse words escape my mouth as I continue to run, trying to not think about the burn that's beginning to spread in my legs. I swing my bag into the stomach of a rather small Goblin and, as it doubles over, I thrust the sword into the skull of it trying to pay no heed to the sickening crunch that follows. With a forceful pull, I place my foot on the Goblin's chest and heave the blade just in time as it slides out of the Goblin's head, slick with black blood.

I wince as a sudden flash of bright light fills the cave and my jaw slackens as Gandalf cuts a boulder from the ceiling and it begins to roll along the ground.

"This isn't Indiana Jones!" I say, though quite giddy at the image. But instead of running away, the Dwarves and I run behind it as many Goblins are squished like jelly underneath the great big lump of rock. Humming the Indiana Jones theme tune under my breath, I swing my sword again to decapitate a Goblin. _What a morbid thing to say; maybe I should stop trying to make things so light. Ah, well, too late anyway._

With the round boulder - our only shield - falling off the edge, I put my bag around my neck so that it rests in front of my stomach. Very pathetic "armor" I must comment. All I really remember is slashing and hacking my way through the Goblins; feeling their blood spray on my face, disregarding the knots of repulsion of my actions that continue to tighten in my stomach.

The words "don't vomit" chant in my head as I stab another Goblin in the stomach. My chest is tight as my legs begin to turn to jelly; the over work of my body is taking its toll as my head starts to feel light. As we make our way across a seemingly perfect, safe bridge, boom, guess who reappears from the mother fucking dead?

Jesus Christ, what is it with people who have supposed to die to reappear and not actually be dead? Like, Christ, guys, not every one can be Captain Jack Harkness. Mostly because no one can be that good looking. Sorry off track.

I skid to a stop, breathing deeply as I groan. "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you seriously actually fucking kidding me?! Fucking really?! He fucking has to be alive?! Jesus fucking Christ I am _100% _just _done _with - "

A hand clamps over my mouth during the middle of my rant and I feel a breath on my neck. "Quiet, Libby," Kili whispers as he brings me close to him. _Oh, sweet mother of God, I need to fan myself._

During my melting - into - goo moment, the voice of Bob the Blob cracks the perfect moment.

"You thought," Bob the Blob begins sounding very smug as he smiles down at Gandalf, "you could escape _me_?"

_Well, yes, actually; I mean we were doing very well until you decided to crash the party._ Alas, I'm stuck to internal running commentary as Kili has his hand clamped onto my mouth. Kinky; nice. With my giggle muffled, I'm forced to watch as Bob the Blob takes a swing at Gandalf, who expertly dodges but falls back, put to his feet again by the Dwarves up front.

"What are you going to now?!" Bob the Blob taunts, staring at him with a stink eye. Or he's probably just looking at him; that's probably just his face naturally. "Wizard?"

Why does everyone have to say the name of people like that? Dwarf, Elf, Wizard, Goblin; in the end, it's really weird.

Gandalf pauses for a moment, staring at Bob the Blob with an almost thoughtful expression; quite suddenly he stands up and _jams _his fucking _staff _into Bob the Blobs _eye__. _Damn; Gandalf is one bad ass Wizard. Bob the Blob lets out a wail of pain, his hand flying to his eye. Gandalf takes the opportunity of the great big fat Goblin being distracted and slashes Bob the Blob across the stomach. My 'holy shit' is muffled by Kili's hand - not that I'm complaining. I'll gladly take any opportunity to -

Um, moving on.

Everything is silent for what seems like eons as Bob the Blob tilts his head slightly looking quite impressed as he gives his head a little nod before uttering, "That'll do it."

Now _those _are some very fine last words ladies and gentlemen.

Gandalf looks on the Goblin for a few seconds before he delivers the final blow - his swords slits Bob the Blobs neck and the Goblin lets out a little gurgle before his obese body topples over on the bridge. Everything is still for a moment - my heart is pumping wildly in my chest, I can feel Kili's breath on the back of my neck and an itch begins to grow over my, er, crotch area that I dare not to even go near so I'm reduced to casually trying rub the palm of my heel against the itch.

The the ground beneath us gives away and Kili removes his hand.

I let out a short and sharp scream as the bridge slides against the rock wall, the wood splintering away. My arms wrap around Kili as I continue to yell and force myself not to throw up. Everything is demolished beneath us - bridges, platforms, you name it.

"THIS IS BULL - FUCKING - SHIT!" I cuss as I squeeze onto Kili tighter; the air begins to sting my eyes as I stare down below, watching as the ground begins to creep up towards us. Okay, _now _we're dead for sure. The ends of the bridge smash away as it tries to fit in the small gap of the two walls. Everything pauses for a split second before there's another jolt and the entire thing collapses on itself

I feel boards of wood bruising my body as they continue to fall, constricting my chest as stare up ahead. "That - was - so - much - fun!" I wheeze sarcastically before shortly followed by a groan as I roll over slightly, trying to wriggle my way out. Kili moans, his hand flying to his head as a plank of wood falls on top of his head. _Ha._

"You alright there, mate?" I smile weakly as his answer is, and I quote "Urgh". The gentleman, honestly.

"Well," I hear Bofur pipe up, sounding _way _too cheerful after what just happened. "_That _could have been worse."

My eyes widen as I begin to stutter. "No! Don't jinx it!"

However, my words are too late as quite suddenly, the great, obese body of the very recently deceased Bob the Blob falls on top of the bridge, smushing us all to practically jelly. I let out a heave, glaring pointedly at Bofur, as I choke out "told - you" as Dwalin spits "you've got to be joking" in a non - too pleased voice. _I hear you, buddy._

I wriggle myself out of the dust and debris, disregarding the little pieces that sneak their way into my pants as I lay down on the cold and wet stone floor of the cave, taking in the bliss to resting. That's when I hear it; it's like the pitter patter march of a thousand angry babies. As I go to open my mouth to inform them Kili shouts out, "Gandalf!"

Turning my body around, my eyes widen as I watch as an fucking army of very angry Goblins run towards us, waving their swords in the air. I let out a groan as the others around me quickly get to their feet.

"There's too many!" Dwalin cries, staring at Gandalf helplessly. "We can't fight them off!"

"Only one thing can save us now!" Gandalf replies, leaving a dramatic pause before continuing. "Daylight!"

I let out a moan as I try to savor each moment of lying down. "One moment!" I nearly sob. "One moment is all I'm asking for!" I curse as Kili wiggles out from his places and takes my hand to pull me to my feet.

"You can have your moment later but for now, run!"

_I swear the next person to tell me to run is going to get their head shoved up their own fucking ass._

But instead of following through with my threat I do run, quite pathetically though. It's like my body just can't handle the pressure I'm putting on it and I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass out from exhaustion any moment now. It's times like these that I really wish I hadn't come on this stupid quest. I try to keep up as we race through the cave, twisting and turning and trying not to smack right into a wall.

"Please - let - pain - over!" I gasp to Kili, not being able to form complete sentences. I probably shouldn't talk since I barely have enough energy to even breath. I see Kili's mouth twitch but he doesn't answer me since he's smart enough to not waste his breath. As we turned another corner I spot it: a stream of light. My eyes widen and for the first time hope swells in my chest. Or that could be just my heart exploding since it's beating so much.

I wince as my eyes meet the very bright sun; having been in the darkness of the caves for so long and not seeing the sun had my eyes all but burn in the brightness. All around us there are pine trees; the smell of the forest attacks my nose, making me breath in the magnificently scented air like it was Air wick. The sun if a deep orange colour, showing us that it is setting as it begins to dip lower and lower in the sky.

The grass is slightly wet, my converse turning even darker as my feet pad against the soft soil.

Finally, the group begin to slow down; my legs - that are practically jelly now - wobble unsteadily to a walk as I lean against Kili' body, breathing deeply and nearly toppling over. "I - am - never - running - again," I inform him, my head bobbing off as I feel his arm go around me, steadying my body. His chest rumbles, obviously very amused at the fact I am in so much pain. If I have the will power and strength to hit him, I would.

"Libby, Fili, Kili! That's thirteen! And Bombur! That makes fourteen," I hear Gandalf mutter his breath; I nod sleepily when he had said my name, putting my hand up to point out that, yes, I am here indeed. My arm flops on my side as I pull myself to a stop.

"Need - sit," I say weakly, letting my legs give away as I plop down on a very large rock. Dismissing the pain in my butt, my legs sing in joy at being allowed to rest as I lean forward, resting my head in my hands. "I have_ never_ been through so much torture in my_ life -_ the running I mean; that was by _far _the _worst_," I groan, taking one of my hands away to let my cheek rest against the other palm to stare up at Fili and Kili - who both look far too amused for my sake.

Well, did.

As soon as I finished the sentence their bemused expressions turned to ones of sourness and disdain and even pity. I can barely hear _another _one of Thorin's rants about Bilbo. If I wasn't so lazy now I would probably just do nothing like the coward I am and make snide comments about him under my breath and internally. I sit up, my eyes flitting between the two of them. "What? What did I do now?"

It is Fili who speaks first. "Libby . . . what happened back there," Fili says softly, too softly for him, "with the Goblin King . . ."

_The Goblin King? What a stupid name; Bob the Blob is _so _much better. _"Yeah? What about it?" I reply, raising my eyebrows in curiosity. Fili's bright blue eyes flicker to my hair and I feel my heart sink. I tentatively reach a hand up to see the damage that has been done. It is uneven; the ends of my hair prickle at my neck uncomfortably as many strands are caked with much and blood. Altogether, it reaches my shoulders but many of the "layers" are cut close to the scalp and I swear I can feel a small bald spot.

I try to swallow the lump in my throat as I look at the two brothers, giving them a forced smile along with an airy laugh, shakingly getting to my knees as an uneasiness begins to spread. "Ha, you know what they say: you say an inch and they take off ten! Or something like that; though he probably shouldn't go into the hairdressing business. But, hey, I mean it isn't that big of a deal. It's - it's just hair, right?" My voice rises in worry near the end, as the lump nestles its way in the base of my throat and my eyes flicker down briefly.

The two of them stare down at me with pity clear in their concerned eyes. I don't know why but it unsettles and irks me, causing me to shift my weight slightly from one leg to the other; I drag my eyes up to meet them, scowling slightly. "Don't do that," I groan, as I stand up straight, hissing quietly and ignoring the sharp stabs of pain in my legs.

"Do what?" Fili and Kili chime together while trying to act all nonchalant.

I start wiggling my fingers towards the two of them, jutting out my hand. "That stupid weird sibling thing where you somehow have this weird secret agreement - like, how would you like it if I had a sister and we started commenting on how tacky you look."

"What is 'tacky'?" Kili asks, screwing his face up at the strange word. I try to swallow my laughter as I hear his accent - something between an Irish and an English accent - tweaks the word oddly. I roll my eyes, giving them both a shrug and a smirk.

"Oh, nevermind," I say slyly before I turn my eyes back to the group, watching the others as they all pass little glances to each other; feeling sort out of the mix, I begin to frown, gazing up at a scowling Fili and Kili. "What just - ?" A movement behind a tree next to Balin catches my eye and instantly my eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Hey, is that Bilbo?"

At the very moment I spoke, Bilbo steps out from behind a tree for everyone to turn around with his eyes frequently flickering to Thorin - who is currently looking quite shocked and gob - smacked might I say - as though he had heard the Dwarf's big speech about how Bilbo abandoned us and blah blah blah; I wasn't listening honestly.

"No," Bilbo quipped as his arms swing awkwardly by his side. "He isn't; long gone that is."

The others begin to chuckle lightly - though it is out of nervousness and I can hear how their voices shake. I, myself, let out a breathe of relief and lean back against a tree. "Bilbo! Good to see you, mate! Great timing, by the way," I breathe airily while my shoulder rests against the bark of the rough tree. _What I wouldn't give for a cigarette at this moment. . ._

Gandalf steps forward with his staff thunking against the stone ground, chuckling deeply as he does so. "Bilbo Baggins!" he exclaims. "I have never been so glad to see you in all my life!" _And how long is that?_

_Shut up, Libby; it's supposed to be an emotional greeting thing now. We're so supposed to be happy he isn't dead._

Bilbo nods his head sideways with a grin on his face as he goes to walk towards the Wizard; the Hobbit quickly pats Balin on the shoulder. I notice that Bilbo looks to be out of breathe, a sheen of sweat glitters on his forehead as he breathes deeply through his lips. My eyes narrow slightly and I go to open my mouth, to ask where he has been when Kili cuts me off.

"Bilbo!" Kili says, breathless and his voice hoarse. "We'd given you up!" _Well, I didn't actually so, yeah._

"How on Earth did you get past the Goblins?" Fili questions, quite surprised yet genuinely interested while cocking his head to the side. I nod enthusiastically to his question while turning my gaze back towards the Hobbit - who is looking quite uncomfortable in being in the spotlight.

I see Bilbo tense up at the question, flexing his fingers while his eyes are trained on Fili, occasionally flickering from one Dwarf to the next. My eyebrows begin to furrow together as the Hobbit stays quiet and a troubled looks casts over his face. Bilbo quickly laughs, though it sounds more forced and nervous. He pulls back the flaps of his red velvet coat, casually slipping his hands into the pockets of his waist coat.

"What does it matter?" Gandalf stresses quickly, staring at the Hobbit with narrowed and suspicious eyes. "He's back!"

"It matters," insists Thorin, staring at Bilbo from the corner of his eyes. "I want to know: why did you come back?"

_Pretty good question, Bilbo, since Thorin's been treating you like shit and this quest has been a complete puddle of piss on shit. Now _that's _an image to get in your mind. _

Bilbo stares at the Dwarf that spoke, his hands being clenched and unclenched at his side as Bilbo continues to stare at Thorin before a long sigh bleeds past his lips. "Look, I - I know you doubt me; I know you always have. You're right," Bilbo admits as his eyes flicker to everyone in the group. My face softens as I stare at the uncomfortable Hobbit who looks over - whelmed. "I often think of Bag End; I miss my books; and my armchair and my garden. See, that's where I _belong_. That's _home_." _Wait, is he trying to reassure us or is he rubbing in the fact he has a home in our face? _"That's why I came back: because you don't have one; a home. It was taken from you - all of you." _This, um, this isn't really sounding good, Bilbo. _"But I will help you take it back if I can."_  
_

Oh.

That was a lot more sweet than I expected.

I feel a couple of tears gather in my eyes at the heart warming speech; I can't help but feel he's right. None of us have a home. Not even me. Not anymore. I quickly look around the group, feeling more related to them than I ever had before. Just like theirs, my home was cruelly snatched away from me. Though, I didn't loose, like, a shit pile of gold and it wasn't because of a dragon.

"Goddammit, that was the most beautiful and sickly sweet thing I have ever heard. I think I have a cavity now," I comment under my breathe while sniffling very loudly. I bring the sleeve of the knitted jumper up around my hand and I blow into it, making a very big scene.

"I never took you for the crying emotional kind," a soft voice speaks. I glance sideways, a sad frown on my face, as I meet the soft yet bemused brown eyes of Kili. I wave my hand in the air, dismissing the comment.

"Nonsense," I breathe, my voice slightly nasally due to my nose being somewhat blocked. "It's what girls do, right? Being emotional sacks of girlyness." I wipe my nose with my sleeve, sniffing loudly as I sigh through my mouth.

"I would not know," Kili laughs lightly, despite the mood of the situation. "I would have to take your word for it."

I let out a sort spurt of laughter; our eyes meet as a smile stretches across his face. My breathing gets caught and I feel my heart lurch in my throat as we stare at each other. I can feel my heart rate increase as my palms start to become slick. _Jesus Christ, what's wrong with me?_

At that very moment, a very loud howl shatters through the air causing everyone to snap their heads up and their faces drop. Weapons are drawn or raised with eyes bright and alert. I begin to groan internally as I shoulder my bag. Thorin passes a sideways glance to Gandalf.

"Out of the frying pan," Thorin utters darkly.

"And into the fire," Gandalf nods solemnly, his face grave.

"Oh that's just great," I spit sarcastically. "Now I'm tired _and _hungry."

* * *

**Oh.**

**Well, hey there.**

**It's been, what, nearly a month?**

**First off: I really wanted to finish watching Game of Thrones. And reread the Lord Of The Rings. And finish Pushing Daisies. And Being Human. And rewatch the entire three seasons of Sherlock.**

**Second: I'm a lazy ass procrastinator.**

**Third: that's it. I have no other excuse.**

**Well, I do actually: I just really didn't want to write this chapter because it's positively _boring _and I tried to fit in all the humor I could into it. I'm the worst writer _ever_, honestly. I'm also not looking forward to writing the next chapter so it'll probably be two months or maybe a month until the next upload.  
**

**So, yeah, sorry.**

**I've also been blogging a lot (****psst! My blog is in my profile!)**

**Also, someone asked about Libby's hair; well, think Dianna Agron but a little bit short with a _lot _of, well, "layers".**

**Also, who went to Comic Con this year? Because I fucking didn't. **

**So, yeah, here's my pathetic excuse for a chapter. Enjoy?**

**Please, please, please, please review, follow and favourite! I may update a bit earlier if I get an amount of review/follows/favourites!**

**-tateslangdon**


	15. Attack on Libby

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter!**

**Onwards with the next chapter!**

**P.s sorry for all the Lion King references.**

* * *

"Because what better way to spend time with friends than being chased by a pack of man eating, rabid wolf things?! Really, guys, this is the best time ever! I'm so happy I came - "

"Libby! Less talking, more running!"

_I swear to God, Kili, if I wasn't running for my life -_

The sun is dipping lower and lower into the darkening sky, the moon waxing as it rises. Behind me, the snaps and snarls of the Wargs sound out through the early night. My trusty bag bounces painfully on my hip as my legs begin to turn to jelly and my heart drums in my chest, pounding in my ears so I can hardly hear anything above it. I manage to catch the sound of branches being snapped and torn underneath the feet and bodies of the Wargs and the possible Orc riders they bore.

Howls sound out through the air with the ferocious growls being followed; my breathing rasps in my throat as I try to keep telling my body to keep running, to stay alive. I feel like crying - not out of fear, but from just how frickin' _tired_ I am of being in life and death situations every single day if not minute. The cold air stings my eyes, forcing them to water and blur my vision.

Beside me, Kili is running without so much of a problem showing; his feet thump on the ground in a steady pace while his arms swing beside him in wide arcs. My muscles burn with each step as I feel my body clench up, screaming at me to stop and to lie down even if it means I could - no, _will_ die.

_I just hope I look as good as Angelina Jolie did whenever she got out of a near death situation in Tomb Raider._

Risking the chance - and possibly my footing - I glance back, seeing nothing but darkness as it swallows up the trees; my eyes search for anything that might give me a hint as to where and how far the Wargs are from us. Seeing nothing but rays of moonlight shimmering through the evergreen trees, I turn around to face the front when two things happen at once:

One: I've noticed that I've managed to run up with ramp of a rock (it's kinda like, y'know, the one from The Lion King where Simba is lifted up into the air after being born) and

Two: something very smelly and, well, fluffy smashed into me from the side and I get flung from the rock and onto the not very soft ground beneath.

"Libby!"

My body rolls on the ground, blades of dead grass falling into my mouth as I groan in pain, rolling onto my side. I can hear the thumps of feet on the ground and there's a strong grip on my bicep as I'm pulled to the ground; ignoring the rush of blood to my head as everything turns blurry and tipsy, I look sideways to see Kili doing a once over on me to see if I'm alright. I hear shouts of bright alarm and I look away from Kili's eyes see poor Bilbo being eyed by the humongous Warg beast. My mouth falls open as I watch it charge at him, hunger in its eyes with its saliva frothing at the mouth.

"Bilbo! No!" I shout, going to aid him or to at least push him out of the way before I'm tugged back, an arm going around me. I look back to see Kili's blank face as he gives me a look as though to say '_Don't you dare_'. I glare back at the Dwarf, anger clear in my own narrowed eyes before tearing my gaze away and back to Bilbo as I see the near him.

Step by step, the Wargs bounds forward before a very scared Bilbo pulls his blue glowing sword from its scabbard and, holding it awkwardly in front of his chest, waits with wide eyes while the Warg runs into him, the sword jamming straight into its skull with a loud sickening crunch.

_Excuse me while I vomit, thank you._

I slump in Kili's chest before I realise my anger at him for not letting me help Bilbo. I mean, granted, I didn't have a weapon, but better me than their burglar, right? I push Kili away by jabbing my elbow into his stomach and pushing his arm away from me, stepping far from his as I glare at him with as much rage I can muster.

Unfortunately, during the little stare off between Kili and I, Bilbo's Warg isn't the only Warg; quickly after the death of the first one, more than I can count in the very dim light burst through the trees, snapping and snarling at the Dwarves. Quickly turning away from Kili just as he turns away to thrust his sword into the neck of a Warg, I open my bag and there - resting snugly in the bottom next to a pack of tampons - I spot the dagger Fili had given me. I grab it in my hand and just in time too as a small - big but smaller than the rest of its pack - Warg rushes towards me.

Step siding from the attack, I let out a slight short yell and thrust the end of the dagger in the underside of its belly, dragging it backwards so that I can _feel _the blood dripping onto my shoes. The Warg falls dead at my feet with my dagger stuck in its belly; I breathe through gritted teeth before glancing up to meet the quite shocked eyes of Kili. _Is it __really _that _shocking for me to kill something and defend myself? Goddamn gender roles for making girls appear to always be helpless and a damsel in distress._

Gathering my senses and looking around, I see that, with Ori making the final strike to his own Warg (well, more like he _literally _just _swung_ his big ass axe over his head and the bloody thing embedded it self into the skull of a Warg that was chasing Ori; seriously, what the bloody _Hell_?), the Dwarves along with Gandalf have quickly disposed of their own attacker and ran forward to wherever this bloody forest leads us.

I glance down at my own dead Warg, letting out a frustrated hiss as I bend down to grab the slick hilt of the blade and pull it free from the belly of the dead Warg. A disgusted moan escapes the back of my throat as I see not only black blood dripping from it, but some kind of slimy goo. I make a noise before slipping the knife into the top of my pants, picking up my feet and running after the others, ignoring Kili as I run past him. My legs are taking longer strides as I easily catch up (wow, who the Hell would have thought that would happen) and try to even out my breathing.

I squint my eyes to see through the trees and, to my horror, I see that there is a cliff up a head and there is no way down.

_I did all this running for nothing then? For fuck sake._

Breaking out from the darkness of the trees and into the silver light of the waxing moon I manage to clumsily pull my legs to a stop, stooping over with my hands on my knees; I stare with wide eyes at my black blood covered hands, seeing that the ends of my sleeves are just drenched with it. Shaking my head, I reach up to wipe my sweaty forehead and wipe it away with the back of my wrist. I am totally positive that there is a humorous black line sweeping across it now.

I stand up, gulping in as much air as I can into my lungs, as Gandalf looks around us almost helplessly before turning to face us, uncertainty flashing across his face before it's replaced by sheer determination. "Up into the trees! All of you! Come on; climb! Bilbo, climb!"

I glance back to see that Bilbo is still very much standing from where he had killed the Warg with surprise still on his face. _Oh yeah, it's his first time killing something. We'll celebrate it later if we're not dead; we'll make it The Lion King themed since those frickin' Wargs remind me of those hyenas from it._

Picking up my weight with a groan I race to the trees, quickly stopping underneath the bark when I realise: _I'm too small to reach the branches._

I stand underneath the tree, bending my knees before leaping up; my fingers barely graze the branch. My breathing starts to pick up as I try again and again before I pull back, fear clawing in my throat as my eyes desperately search for a tree to climb. I watch as the others climb up the trees easily - Hell, even Bombur manages to do alright. Glancing at Kili, my pride reels me back from asking for help as my lips curl in, as though something unpleasant stains my mouth. I turn back near the forest with my mind freaking out as the words "_What do I do_?" repeat fast and full of fear races through my thoughtss I hear the growls of the Wargs pick up. Peering up through my eyelashes, my breath catches in my throat as I see more Wargs than ever before - _and they're heading right this way._

As I'm about to break down (hey! You would too if you realised that you were going to be eaten; oh god, all that's flashing through my mind is Attack on Titans except it's going to be more like Attack on Libby now) a sudden force from above grabs a hold of the scruff of my neck and, with a "Oi!" from me, I'm pulled up into the safety of the trees.

I'm pulled close to someone and, in return, my arms wrap around them. If I peek my eyes open, I can see strands of blonde hair. _Fili._

Peeping through, I turn my eyes towards the forest and I can see the small and stiff figure of Bilbo as he gawks at the beasts heading his way. _Run! Run, you small Hobbit! Run, Bilbo, run! I might as well call myself Jenny now after that accidental Forrest Gump reference._

Instead, my mouth remains glued shut as continue to gawp at Bilbo who, after a quick shake of his curly head, runs to the nearest tree and scuttles up it with surprising skill and grace. More than I can say for me. Just as he gets high enough from the ground, the Wargs gather around the base of all the trees, smugness in their eyes as they realise they've got us and, this time, we can't run.

I can _feel _my mind breaking down as a lump of lead forms in the base of my throat, making it impossible to breathe without feeling irritation or that I'm going to cry or throw up any moment. As a sob silently slips out through my throat, I soon pick up that I'm going to be stuck with the second of the three. I smother them by burying my face into Fili's chest, ignoring the smell of sweat and tobacco. I just want to slap myself, shake myself by the shoulders and scream, "Hold yourself together, woman!This isn't the time to be getting all bloody emotional and girly!"

I can hear the frightened yelps of some of the other Dwarves (is it bad that I sort of internally sniggered at the thought of Thorin and Dwalin being scared and making little warbled cries? I can't really say much myself but I guess it won't be looked down upon since I'm a girl - no sexism please) as the Wargs snap and bark, even some of them climb onto their back legs and dig their front paws and nails into thick, rough, brown bark.

The branch underneath my feet gives the sense that it would snap and viciously give us to the creatures below to be devoured and torn apart and - and -

"Oh, God, I'm going to throw up," I mutter as I stare down, meeting the glinting eyes of the Wargs as they foamed at the mouth and I swear, I _swear_, one of them gave me this look as though to say '_bitch - I'm - going - to - eat - you - slowly - and - painfully_.'

"Hush, Libby," Fili's voice whispers in my ear; I can hear the uncertainty in his voice, sounding out of breath. "It will be alright; we will be fine."

I shake my head, releasing one of my arms around his stomach to let it hang beside me; staring down at the ground causes my tummy to turn over. I never really was good with heights. I would make a joke out of that but honestly, I can't be bothered. My heart chatters nervously in my chest as my one hand gripping onto Fili fists his clothes in my palm.

Then, silence.

The Wargs beneath us turn away to peer at something below. My eyes drag up, following their line of sight before landing on the most gruesome sight I have ever yet to behold. Well, apart from the Goblin King and a few other things, but it's defiantly in the list of Top 10 Worst Things to See.

His skin is the colour of curdled milk; shining and paling in the moonlight with the rays of light reflecting the scars - three jagged lines across his right cheek, two across his left and one slashing down over his left eye. His ears pointed and stick out from his skull, reminding me vaguely of an Elf's. His chest is bare with very deep scars across his torso that start from the end of his shoulder to the bottom of his rib - cage. The skin is stretched across the old wounds and can make the brightest silver seem grey. He wears a brown, plain leather kilt (I can't really say skirt now, can I?) that ends in tatters around his knees (still more class than I can say for some people but hey, whatever).

But what disturbs me out of everything is that he doesn't have a left hand - from elbow on - wards, there's nothing but a stump with a hook cruelly shoved into it in replaced of a hand; in the only other hand is a mace that probably looks like it weighs as much as I do if not more. I can feel a lump rising in my throat as I see a sneer flash across his face, his crooked teeth sharp and gleaming. Below him is a very white (I'm starting to see a pattern here) Warg with yellow teeth and pitch black eyes. Its snout is deformed, pushed back so that its teeth is always on show. My stomach drops dramatically when I hear Thorin whisper with shock and anger.

"_Azog_."

So, _that's _the Pale Orc?

Well, I can see where he got his name from.

With bated breath, I watch in silence and wide eyes as everything stops - the growling, the yelps of the Dwarves and I feel even_ Fili_ stop breathing - as Azog leans forward from atop of his Warg, bringing his deformed arm to graze the blades of the twisted hook across the pale fur of his beast. Azog's voice grates as he speaks roughly in a language that makes my stomach knot together. I can just _tell _his eyes are on Thorin - oh, poor Thorin; I really can't imagine what he must be thinking. This is all some really twisted Disney film - Lion King, anyone?

I shake violently as Azog pulls back, putting his pale and bald head up in the air and takes a deep breath before continuing his speech, an almost coy yet sly smile on his face with smug evident in the curls of his thin lips. With each word, I can see Thorin from the corner of my eye as his face darkens and his jaw clench. My free hand flies back to Fili, gripping his arm in alarm as rage blooms across Thorin's face.

"Fili - !" I try to warn him in a hushed whisper, clutching his arm in sheer panic as my eyes begin to burn from how long I haven't blinked. Fili ignores my whisper as Azog raises his voice to a shout, turning his torso back slightly to the Orcs that flank beside him. I know it isn't a good sign when he points the mace in his good hand at Thorin before swinging it behind his head in an arc.

At that moment, the Wargs that had retreated back behind their master without my notice charge forward, blood lust more clearer in their pitch black eyes than ever before. This time, they don't lurk near the bottom of the trees instead, they begin to jump, digging their nails into the bark in hopes of climbing up. The branches below us are pulled away, leaving the tree more and more bare and dead. One Warg practically flings itself up into the air and its mighty jaws clamps down on our branch; I pull slightly away from Fili to bring my foot down once, twice, a third time on its snout. It squeals in pain before dropping itself onto the rock below, snarling and hissing at me as I turn back to holding Fili.

"Fili! I'm scared!" I admit in a dry voice, my eyes wet as I watch the ground below. This is it: this is how I die; we can't run, we don't have any Elves to save us and I'm damn near sure that these Wargs are getting higher and higher with each leap. Fili squeezes me back having heard my words.

"I promise you, Libby, that we _will_ get out of this!" Fili promises, his voice full of surety and honesty. _It's hard to believe him,_ I mark as I stare back down at the Wargs.

At that moment, a Warg from below rages forward and slams its head into the base of our tree. It tremors up the bark, causing the branches shake and the _entire _tree to tilt slightly. My heart leaps into my throat as I feel my footing almost being lost before Fili corrects both him and I. Above all the noise, I can hear Azog's voice again as he speaks that language that sounds as horrible as when you scrape your nails on a chalkboard.

There's a jolt again and I gawp in horror as the Wargs begin to chew at the roots of the tree, causing it to tilt more and more and in the direction of the bloody fucking cliff. As I stare at the Wargs chewing at our tree's roots, I fail to notice the two two trees up ahead as they clash, falling and tangling together as they're uprooted. The tops of the trees smash together first, causing the pine needles to rain down over Fili and I (I'll say this: a few of them appeared in some very _intimate_ areas) before the branches above us began to crack. The Dwarves from the two previous trees leapt to ours, looking as winded as I feel.

At first all is good before our own tree starts to fall towards the other. My mouth falls open as the Dwarves on our tree leap to the very last one - the one on the edge of the cliff. My stomach flips over as I realise Fili is going to jump. The gap is too big and I just know that I won't make it.

"Fili! I can't make it! I won't be able to jump!" Hell, I'd rather be eaten than risking jumping and then over achieving and ultimately dying by falling off the cliff if that makes any sense which I'm sure it doesn't. The tree edges closer and closer as Fili glances down from my scared self to the tree. I can hear a sigh escape his lips.

"Libby, do you trust me?" Fili tests, looking me straight in the eye. I feel my face scrunch up as I stare at the Dwarf, trying to fathom his words as my inevitable doom inches closer and closer with each second. If I had been paying attention, I would have felt his hands move from around my upper waist to slipping underneath my arms. _What kind of a question is he asking me?_

"Of course I do!" I reply, my eyebrows furrowed together. "What kind of question is - ?!"

Before I can finish my ill sentence, Fili literally _picks _me up from the branch and _throws _me. My mind is reeling as the air whips around my head, biting at my exposed flesh. I fly through the air approximately for 1.5 seconds when another pair of hands grab a hold of me, slipping under my arms and across my upper chest. My mouth is in the shape of a plump 'O' as my feet are placed securely on the branch at the bark.

My mouth is still open as I turn up to see Kili's smirking face. My mouth closes once, twice as I try to form words. I turn back to the tree I was on just a few seconds ago only to see it falling off the cliff. Fili lands on the branch on the other side of the back, hauling himself up as I turn to him, an accusing look on my face. I step away from Kili, pressing the side of my body against the rough bark of the tree and peek around it to glare at Fili.

"You fucking bastard!" I gasp, managing to form the words as the choke out through my throat. "There was a _million_ things wrong with that plan! Do you know how _stupid_ that was?! What if you missed, huh?! What then?! I swear to God and the Virgin Mary, Fili, I am going to _kill _you - !"

I'm cut of by a pine cone - no, wait, a pine cone _on fire _flying past my head. With a squeak, I pull back from glaring at Fili to grab a hold of Kili around his tummy as I watch the pine cone hit the ground. Fire starts to spark from the dead grass and the Wargs let out terrified squeals and titter back behind the small line of fire. _Oh, this is so _not _going to end good for us; seriously, what _idiot_ thought it would be a good idea to start a _fire_ when we're up in a _tree_ \- _?

_"Fili_!" I hear Gandalf from above; peering up, I watch as he throws said Dwarf a lit pine cone, another one in his hand. My mouth gapes open as I go to tell the Wizard about ten reasons why he should _not _he handling something on fire in a tree when a two pine cones drop down over me only to be caught by Kili. I pull back as the instant heat nearly scorches my face; Kili shoves one of the pine cones into my hands, sparing me a wicked grin as I still have the very confused look on my face.

He quickly throws the lit pine cone, hitting a Warg on the forehead. After deciding that this is probably our only chance of escaping (and that my hands are really starting to burn) I throw the pine cone in my hand, watching it as it disappears i he sea the flames on the ground engulf around it. A slight smile appears on my face as I watch the Wargs retreated, their tails between their legs with their hackles raised.

Through the smoke and the fire, I can make out Azog's enraged face as he watches the Wargs retreat behind the Pale Orc. A grin stretches across my face as the Dwarves let out yells of triumph, smiles of their own lighting across their faces. I nervous yet genuine laugh falls past my lips as I turn to Kili to, I don't know, high - five him or whatever when my breath catches in my throat; the flames flicker across his face, casting shadows where the light cannot reach. His smile is wide, as hollers at the beasts below us. His cheeks are red and I can feel the warmth of his body from where I stand; all previous anger at him melts away as my eyes are glued to him. My smile slowly slips off my face and a mask of horror is replaced instead.

_Oh, dear God; I _like _Kili. I like like him._

Kili, with the smile still on his face, turns to me before the smile slips from his face at the sight of my horror. As he goes to open his mouth I feel the branch underneath my feet tremor, causing me to lose my footing. My legs part and I land on the branch, a sharp intake of breath catching in my throat. _Thank God I'm not a guy._

I can hear a ripping sound from below, causing my eyes to stray down; the roots of the tree have been uproot, escaping the clutches of the rock and falling more and more towards the edge of the cliff. My heart jumps into my mouth as, with another jolt, my leg swings over from the branch and both of my legs are hanging in the air over the cliff. I wrap my arms around the branch, pulling my weight up so that my stomach nearly rolls over it. Due to my position, I'm forced to stare at the space below; down, down, down the chasm goes until everything disappears into darkness.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God . . . " I hyperventilate as my arms begin to become strained. Beside me, Kili holds onto the branch with his breathing rapid as he stares down into the pit below. His face pales and I swear I can see a tinge of green. I go to say something encouraging but all that's running through my mind is '_we're going to die, we're going to die_'and that's not really, well, encouraging.

"Mr Gandalf!" A voice breaks through the air. As I risk turning my head, I catch sight of Dori hanging onto a branch with Ori clutching onto his boot. Slowly, Dori's fingers start to slip and soon enough, he's briefly in the air before Gandalf thrusts down his staff. Somehow, Dory grips the end of the staff, literally hanging with just his fingernails. My heart beats nervously in my chest as a pit forms in my stomach; I know for sure that if I even let go no one will be there to save me.

"Jesus, please let me live; I promise I will remain celibate for the rest of my - "

There's another tremor in the tree and I lose my grip slightly, fall a bit. A squeak leaves my mouth and I turn to glare at the sky, mouthing profanities before another jolt brings me from my thoughts. From peripheral vision I can clearly see Thorin stand up, brandishing his sword and a - wait a moment.

Is that a frickin' _log _on his arm in replace of a shield?

Wow.

Dwarves are weird.

Anyway.

Thorin had managed to pull himself up onto the horizontal tree, the light of the flames licking across his enraged face. He makes his way down the tree, the anger gleaming in his eyes as he grips the hilt of the sword. My mouth drops open as I try to wheeze out a warning for someone to stop him because I'm pretty sure that Dwarf plus really tall Orc on a Warg only equals bad.

"What the fuck? Fuck, someone fucking stop - " I choke out the words before my arms start to slip on the branch. My hands are red and raw, almost burning. My stomach is in pain from my position of bending over the branch with the hilt of my knife digging in to the flesh just under my rib - cage. A sheen of sweat glistens over my forehead as I try to hang on or at least pull myself up.

Sparing a glance, I scan around to see that the other Dwarves are just staring after Thorin - shock on their faces as their King moves closer and closer to almost certain death. I let out a frustrated hiss before facing up to see Thorin rushing through the thick orange and yellow flames of the fire. Thorin raises his sword over his head as my eyes peek up to a sneering Azog.

A strangled cry leaves my mouth as I watch Azog urge his Warg to leap from where it stood, jumping over Thorin. The move is unexpected and Thorin swings his sword too slow; the white Warg knocks him down onto his back. A brief sliver of hopes ignites as Thorin gets to his feet before Azog charges forward, swinging his mace and smashing it into Thorin's chest, sending the Dwarf back onto the ground.

I try to force myself up but my arms are weak; I know for certain that my eyes are wet as I continue to stare at Thorin's crumpled form. I turn to a scared Kili, with his face slack and his own eyes wet. _He's going to see Thorin die in front of him._

"Kili! We have to help!" I order, my voice surprisingly steady and strong. Kili tears his eyes away from the brutal scene to stare at me, his brown eyes bright with alarm and fear. He doesn't answer me even though his mouth falls open like he wants to. "Come on, Kili! We can't just let him die!"

I really don't know _why_ I'm saying this or why I want to help Thorin; in all honesty, Thorin's a bit of a dick to me and I kind of hate him for that. He goes around griping and hissing at everyone and goes on a childish rampage when something isn't done his way. But maybe it's the fact he's Fili and Kili's uncle or that I'm sick of people dying that I want to help him. Kili doesn't move and continues to stare at me, helpless.

Turning away with determination blooming, I gather all the strength I can muster; I dig my nails into the branch and try to haul myself up. I can feel the bark tearing at my fingertips as I manage to swing on leg over the branch, instantly feeling a weight being lifted off of me. I hunch over from where I sit, ignoring the heat from the fire that continues to creep further towards us.

The wind stings at my exposed wounds on my head with the image of salt on wounds coming to mind. I turn slightly towards where Thorin lay when, to my astonishment, I see Bilbo - Bilbo Baggins of all people - stand up on the thick bark of the tree with his feet unsteady beneath him and the shock evident on his face - probably shock at himself. A sudden yell pulls my eyes away from Bilbo and towards where the fight was happening.

A gasp claws its way through my throat as I watch the white Warg underneath Azog pick Thorin up in its might jaws. My mouth falls open as I see it clench it jaw shut, causing Thorin to yell out in pain. A rattle breath shakes me as my face loses all blood. I vaguely hear Dwalin cry out for his friend, trying to climb up and aid Thorin before the branch cracks beneath him, only hanging on to the tree by a splinter.

I stare with terror and dismay as Thorin slams his sword against the deformed snout of the white Warg, causing it to fling him from its grip; Thorin rolls on the ground, landing near the edge of the cliff before ultimately stopping. I wait with bated breath but he doesn't get up. _Come on, Thorin, you sack of grumpiness, get up! _I struggle with my raw and numb hands as I try to edge back to the bark of the tree, ignoring the prickling in my hands from the splinters and multiple tiny cuts. My legs are jelly as I try and move back along the branch, my eyes flickering slightly to see an Orc moving towards Thorin with it's sword on its side.

I hear the scraping noise of metal against metal and I look up to see Bilbo holding his sword with shaky hands. _Oh no, he's not going to do what I think he's going to do, is he? _Sure enough, the Hobbit runs forward with his large feet padding very silently. My face slips into one of disbelief as he runs towards the Orc that stood near Thorin, raising it's curved sword over its head. I can't help but look as Bilbo smashes into the Orc from the side, knocking both him and it to the ground.

For a brief few seconds, it looks as though the Orc has the upper hand before Bilbo drives his blue sword into the armored chest of the Orc. A shriek escapes its throat as Bilbo continues to stab his sword into it until the Orc is not moving and, finally, dead. Bilbo rushes to his feet, standing before the unconscious body of Thorin with his stained sword held high.

After shaking my head from the astonishment that Bilbo Baggins, a Hobbit from Bag End who preferred to stay in his garden and read books, had risked his life and single handily killed an Orc that was twice the size of him. With a smile and new found strength, I pull myself up onto the trunk of the tree with my knees unsteady as I pull my knife from where it was hidden in my pants. The other Dwarves have regained their senses as they too manage to get themselves to stand on the trunk of the tree and withdraw their weapons.

Kili edges himself up along out branch, grunting as he tries to pull his weight up. Bending down, I grab his elbow and draw him up beside me, sharing a slight smile with him which he returns. Turning back to Bilbo, the Wargs edge closer, snarling giddily at the trapped Hobbit. Resisting the urge to shout something stupid - like, oh, I don't know something along the lines of 'For Narnia!' - the Dwarves I start to rush forward. It's only until that I'm a foot away from the first Warg that I realise that this is a very bad idea.

Ignoring my thoughts and doubts, I manage to step side it's massive mouth and thrust my knife into it's temple, instantly killing it. _Wow, who would have thought that I would be an awesome fighter? Not one lesson, people. _Stooping down to grab the hilt of the knife, I manage to pull it free in time to catch sight of an Orc as it runs towards me with its sword raised high above its head. With a girlish squeal, I duck just in time as the Orc swings the curved blade where my head was a few moments ago; a few milliseconds after ducking, I stab my blade into the Orc's thigh, hearing a screech in return. Pulling my black blood stained knife free, the Orc falls to its knees, its hand going to the wound. With the Orc distracted, I thrust my stained knife into the crook of its neck, the result being a spray of warm, black blood all over my face.

I gag slightly as I pull the knife free, letting the body of the Orc clatter to the rock. With a satisfied smile, I turn away to watch as the Dwarves slay the other beasts and their riders. Due to the distraction of my mind counting the dropping amount of Wargs and Orcs, I don't see the Warg as it charges at me. My body is flung helpless to the ground, my head cracking on the rock. Through the blurred vision, I can make out the rows of crooked teeth and the dirty grey fur surrounding it. The smell of death, blood and rotting food fans over my face causing me to gag.

Taking the precious moment of the Warg being distracted, I raise the hand with the knife and thrust it into the muzzle of the Warg. A sharp howl nearly shatters my ear drums as I crawl out from under the belly of the Warg. Clumsily getting to my feet, I spy a thick yet small branch not too far off from me. Stooping, I pick it up in my sensitive and sore hands before swinging it down, bashing it on the snout of the Warg.

Before I can make another attack, a sharp caw shatters through the air above causing me to look away from the soulless, black eyes of the Warg in front of me - who looks scared and ready to shit itself might I smugly add. With disbelief, I gawp as a large shape swoops down and clutches the Warg in its talons, throwing it far away from me. I watch the body of the animal get flung over my head and falls over the edge of the cliff.

I stare with wonder and amazement as the birds - Eagles, I would think, except a _lot_ larger - swoop down, picking up the Wargs and the Orcs in their claws and flinging them over the edge of the cliff. The branch in my hand clatters to the ground as one bird fans the flames of the fire towards a group of very scared Wargs. The smell of burnt fur and flesh soon fills the night.

Another caw breaks me from my thoughts as I whip my head around to see Thorin's unconscious body being picked up unusually gently by an Eagle, his body slumping in the grip. _Wait, what are they - ?_

Before I can finish my train of thought something slams into me and my feet aren't touching the ground. A muffled screams claws its way out of my throat as I'm lifted up higher and higher into the air and far away from the fire. Just as quickly as I'm picked up, I'm dropped suddenly with my body tumbling through the air. My own scream pierces my ears as I flip and turn over in the air with the ends of my jumper and scarf flapping in the wind. My bag has slipped from under my arm to the strap just resting behind my neck, causing the leather bag to slip and turn and be turned inside out as I tumble.

Sure that I'm going to die, I clench my eyes waiting for death; but instead of death, I land on something very soft and fluffy. Peeking my eyes open, my mouth falls open when I realisethat _I'm on the back of an Eagle. _Awe fills me as the bird stoops lower and lower. _Shouldn't it be flying up - ?_

A yell from above catches my attention and I snap my head up to see a bundle coming closer and closer until -

_Thud!_

I try to smother my laughter at the sight of Kili with his eyes closed shut and a very constipated look on his face. Unfortunately, it doesn't work and a burst of giggles escape my mouth with my arms over my tummy while I double over. Through the fits of laughter I can see Kili peek one eye open then, slowly, the other as he stares in terror at the massive Eagle. His hands fist the feathers in his palms while he looks at me helplessly.

"O - Oh my God! Y - Your face!" I giggle as I hold my already sore stomach. The air whips from behind me, causing my now short hair to fly in a tangled mess. I know for sure that Kili is glaring at me but, as he opens his mouth, and shout from above garners both of our attention. The next mess to join us is Fili - who doesn't look as so much scared as out of it. His face is blank as he sways from where he sits on the bird.

_Oh, if only I had a camera._

"Fili? Are you alright?" Kili asks, concerned for his older brother as the said Dwarf continues to stare mindlessly ahead.

"The bird - the bird dropped me and now I'm on another bird," he mutters, a shiver going through him. Fili shakes his hair, the mane of golden blonde hair shaking with it, before he blinks a few times and comes to his sense. His bright blue eyes slide from Kili to me to Kili and to me again before they drop to the bird. His face instantly pales as he too scrunches the feathers of the bird in his hands.

I snort and role my eyes, turning back around to face ahead where I can actually see the moon shining in the sky. I let out a short laughter, spreading my arms out just as the bird spread out its wings. It didn't really creep me out as it should have; having been on planes and ships, it wasn't scary. I mean, the bird doesn't come with seat belts and one wrong mistake and bye - bye Libby, but this is so awesome.

"This is amazing! It's like another version of How To Train Your Dragon!" I giggle wildly as my grin starts to hurt the muscles in my cheeks. I can vaguely hear Kili uttering 'How to train you _what_?' but I ignore him as I let the wind blow my hair away from my face. The image of Jack Dawson shouting 'I'm King of the World!' flashes into my mind. Taking a deep breath, and pushing away all embarrassment of shouting something as stupid as that, I stand up on my knees. "I'm King of the World!" _Okay, now I feel like my bucket list is complete._

"Don't you mean Queen?!" I hear Kili say with his teeth chattering; I turn back slightly to see the sight of him hunched over and gripping the feathers of the Eagle while his his face is practically the colour of Casper the Friendly Ghost. An unladylike snort escapes my mouth as I roll my eyes.

"Hey! If a girl wants to be a King and a boy wants to be a Queen then who's to say we can stop them?!" I retort as a confused expression flashes over Kili's face.

"Can you two _please _be quiet?!" I hear Fili snap as he looks ready to vomit. _Oh, the Eagle will not be happy about that. _With a shrug, I turn back to the front as I watch valleys pass below us in a blur. I clutch onto the feathers of the bird lightly as I stare with wonder and awe, trying to come to grips with the fact that I'm on a bird; not an airplane, not a ship, but a _real Eagle. _A sliver of fear wraps around my heart as I keep as stiff and rigid as possible.

* * *

We stay in silence, watching as the sky turns brighter and brighter with each passing minute. The rays of the sun peek up from around the mountains, hinting that dawn is close. What with not having a proper nights sleep in nearly two days, my eyes are heavy and they threaten to drop any moment. As I struggle to keep my eyes open, the sun rises for a new day; its warmth and light spreads across the land beneath us and across my skin. The feeling of the sun's warmth has my eyes drooping even further, making everything turn blurry.

"Thorin!"

Fili's shout causes me to bolt up straight and my eyes to fling open. A string of coherent words stutter past my lips as I turn around to glare at Fili. But his eyes are else where; following his attention, I focus in on Thorin - his body is still in the clutches of an Eagle up ahead, his arms swinging by his side. My heart sinks to my stomach; shouldn't he have woken up by now?

My hands clamp over my mouth as negative thoughts swirl in my head; Thorin can't be dead, he - he just can't; I mean, I know he's a dick and all, but he isn't that bad. I think. My lower lip trembles as my arms wrap themselves around my waist, trying to ignore the thought that Thorin Oakenshield could be dead. Shaking my head, I turn back slightly to see Kili looking forlorn with his eyebrows furrowed. My palms began to sweat and my heart beat raced at the sight of him; _Jesus, liking someone is really not cool. _His brown eyes meet mine as a frown settles on the corners of his lips.

"It'll be fine, I promise," I say to him though I didn't even believe myself. Kili doesn't answer, dropping his eyes back to the feathers of the Eagle as a sigh bleeds past my lips.

The sun goes higher and higher as puffs of clouds start to mix in with the sky. The birds fly around and over small mountains, cawing occasionally to each other. They pass over a cliff before stooping down with their wings spread wide; my heart lurches into my throat as my eyes water from the air. The sound of rushing water over smooth rocks sounds in my ears, hinting that there is a stream nearby.

With another caw, the Eagles start to round together, turning slightly onto their sides while circle a very high stone pillar. The first bird that goes in is the one carrying Thorin; the Eagles drops Thorin down softly onto the stone with the Dwarf's sword clattering onto the ground. Slowly, one by one, each Eagle goes forward to either drop the Dwarves they are carrying or to stoop low enough for them to jump off.

When it's our turn, I practically leap from where I sat along with Fili and Kili, the impact of my landing stinging the soles of my feet. I walk nearer to Thorin's unmoving body with Fili and Kili either side of me, my mind teetering on the edge of the worst. Gandalf hunches over the Dwarf King, his hand passing over Thorin's eyes as he mutters under his breath. My eyes flicker from Gandalf to Thorin, hoping that what ever gobbledie - gook the Wizard was doing would help.

Slowly, but surely, Thorin's eyes flicker open causing relief to balloon in my chest with a slight smile on the corner of my lips. Even though I'm a bit far away I can make out Thorin's first words. "The Halfling?"

Instantly my eyes fly to Bilbo who sports a nervous and dreading look on his face. Gandalf's face slightly falls before an instant smile stretches across his face. "He's alright," Gandalf assures Thorin. "Bilbo is here and he's quite safe."

Thorin goes to move onto his knees, struggling slightly; Dwalin and Kili instantly rush forward to help him, each taking an elbow as Thorin stands on his feet, his bright blue eyes landing and the slightly relieved Hobbit.

"You!" Thorin spits in an accusing tone, the smile on Bilbo's face slipping away. _Well there goes Bilbo being relieved. _Thorin shakes of Dwalin and Kili's hands, standing unsteadily. Kili moves back to stand beside me as his eyes are glued to his not very happy looking uncle. _This cannot be good. _"What were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed!" _Wait, is he concerned about Bilbo or what is happening?_

A frown settles on my face as my eyes narrow at Thorin; I don't think this is how you're supposed to react to someone who _just saved your ass. _Bilbo's mouth opens three times, a scared and disbelieving look on his face as his eyes flicker from every Dwarf and I. Thorin steps forward, a menacing look on his face as he stares down at the Hobbit.

"Did I not say you would be a burden?" Thorin hisses, the venom practically dripping from his tongue. My eyebrows furrow together as I glare at the back of high and mighty Thorin Oakenshield. "That you would not survive in the wild? That you had no place amongst us?" _Okay, that is so _not _cool; when he take his head out of his ass, I am going to slap him. _Bilbo's face falls as his eyes drop to the ground, an ashamed redness on his cheeks as everyone stares at what is happening.

It is silent for a few moments - with Bilbo glaring at the ground, Thorin glaring at Bilbo and me glaring at Thorin, it's quite tense. Or, well, it is between them.

"I have never been so wrong, in all my life."

Mouth, drops, on the floor.

I probably look like a cartoon character as my jaw falls open as Thorin goes in to wrap his arms around Bilbo. My eyebrows are raised as silent words splutter and I blink furiously. _Thorin Oakenshield _is _hugging _the one person I thought he hated - Hell, nearly everyone thought he hated Bilbo, even Bilbo himself. A smile stretches across my face as the others look around, smiling awkwardly at each other from the display of affection. I let out an internal squeal as I grab a very shocked Kili and squeeze him from the side.

"They're hugging!" I practically fan girl in a whisper as my smile stretches even further across my face. A slight burst of nearly silent laughter explodes within me as I hug Kili tighter trying to point out the growing bromance between Bilbo and Thorin. "This is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!"

Thankfully the other Dwarves are too busy clapping each other on the backs and whooping to notice my current fan girl freak out. I can feel Kili's chest rumble as he wraps his arms around me too. I'm caring too much at the sign of affection between the Dwarf and the Hobbit to blubber about the one between Kili and I.

Too soon, Thorin pulls pack, a smile across his face while Bilbo has this '_what - the - fuck - just - happened?_' one across his one. I resist the urge to shout at them to kiss before I realise that I'm still hugging Kili - and pretty tightly. With an embarrassed squeal, I jump back, blushing red and stuttering as the warmth creeps up my neck.

"S - sorry; just thought it would be a good idea to hug since everyone is in the hugging mood," I splutter in a rushed voice as I cough awkwardly, adverting my eyes to up ahead as my cheeks steadily grew redder and redder. From the corner of my eyes, I can still see Kili's eyes on me but I refuse to meet his gaze as I hear Thorin's rough voice.

"I am sorry I doubted you," he admits, his voice hoarse yet sincere as he looks down kindly at Bilbo. Said Hobbit shakes his head at Thorin's words, running a tongue over his chapped lips.

"I - I would have doubted me too," Bilbo sighs, his eyes flickering across Thorin's face. "I'm not a hero; or a warrior; or even a burglar." Bilbo os sheepish as he glances to Gandalf, a half smile on his mouth. The Wizard scoffs with a grin of his own. A whoosh of wings garners my attention as a shadow looms over us. Ahead, the Eagles flap their wings, cawing a farewell as they fly off into the distance. A rush of wind leaves my body as a tired smile cross my mouth.

"Well, that was . . . adventurous," I comment slyly as I hear Fili and Kili groan silently beside me.

"That was absolutely horrible; I wish never to travel that way again. I think I nearly vomited," Fili mutters darkly as he all but glares after the Eagles. I let out a scoff as I elbow him slightly, a smirk replacing my smile. _What a wuss._

"Is that . . . is that what I think it is?"

I turn around with a quizzical look on my face; Thorin and Bilbo stare ahead, far off into the distance with awe on their faces. My eyebrows knit together as I step forward along with the rest of the Dwarves. my eyes scan the horizon, trying to see what ever they were seeing. As we come closer towards the very pointed end of the flat stone, my eyes catch something on the edge of the line of sight. From this distance, it's a small bump in the land, ending in a sharp end.

"Erebor, the Lonely Mountain; last of the great Dwarf Kingdoms of Middle Earth," Gandalf announces, his voice airy and full of relief. _So, that's the place they're trying to take back? Hm, that place looks pretty awesome from here._

"Our home," Thorin says, his tone lighter than I have ever heard it. _Well, it's good to see that there isn't a stick up his ass anymore._

A sudden light tweeting snatches me from my thoughts, causing me to turn my hear. A small black bird, tweeting sharply and brightly, flutters over us. "A raven! The birds are returning to the Mountain!" Oin says, as everyone watches the bird flittering off into the distance and in the direction of the Lonely Mountain.

"That, my dear Oin," Gandalf intercedes, "is thrush!"

_What's the difference? I mean, it's a bird and it's going towards the mountain. Let's just be happy about that._

"We'll take it as a sign; a good omen," Thorin comments, sparing a glance with Bilbo. I smother a smile at their new found friendship while sighing out through my nose while wrapping my arms around myself.

"You're right," Bilbo agrees with a slight nod of his honey curls, "I do believe the worst is behind us."

I snort inwardly at his words. I'm sorry, has he forgotten about the Wargs that are probably tracking us down and chasing us and the distance between here and the Lonely Mountain and the fact _there's a fucking dragon in there?_

"Whatever, man," I shrug, "all I know everything will be alright with me as long as I eat something."

And, for once, the others agree with me.

* * *

**Hello! So, I actually wasn't going to write this chapter for another month or two at least because I really did not want to write it; then I saw this cute adorable fan made picture of Thorin holding a baby Fili and my heart broke because someone said underneath it "I think one of the many reasons Thorin cares so much for Fili and Kili is because maybe he lost a sweetheart when Smaug came and you know that thing about Dwarves only falling in love once."**

**Like, no.**

**No, no, no.**

**NO.**

**I actually broke down in tears and ta - da! I wrote this chapter! I would have finished it yesterday but my brother took the laptop and, yeah, it was 11 at night anyway.**

**Also: I'm starting school in five days and this year is going to be all exams and what not and I probably won't/won't be allowed on the laptop as much. So updates are going to be fewer and fewer.**

**I've also decided I'm going to try and do 15 chapters on each movie or whatever.**

**Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and follows and favourites! Sorry this one isn't as good but I quite like it, y'know? I did over 9,000 words in less than 16 hours.**

**Please, please, please, please review, follow and favourite!**

**(p.s: if you wanna follow me on tumblr my username is legolashasthebooty - link in bio!)**

**-tateslangdon**


	16. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

**Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback on the last chapter!**

**Onwards with the very badly written and long put off chapter!**

* * *

I spend the next few hours curled up into a ball, all but rocking back and forth while blushing beet red and trying to hide the crazy smile that stretches across my face, causing my cheeks to sting and become numb. All the Dwarves were looking either smug, happy, quizzical or suspicious - I guess you know who was the last one. I close my eyes and will myself to fall asleep but my body won't have it.

Oh, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself - _again_.

* * *

It had been no sooner had I speak those words and the Dwarves murmured in agreement, I hear the caws of the large eagles from the distance, my head snapping up as their large wings cause bursts of wind to twirl the split and short ends of my hair around my face, tickling my cheeks. The Dwarves had watch in awe (I catch the sound of Ori giving an amazed "ooh!") as their eyes follow the dead rabbits - thank God it's plural or I would have killed all of the Dwarves all to have some food; yep, that's how far my loyalty goes and I am not the least bit sorry - clutched in the Eagles talons.

_That is not hygienic. Ew._

I still want some, though.

The Dwarves let out a cheer, glad at the site of food even if it did look so unappetizing. Yes, I said some food was unappetizing, _shocker_. As soon as the Eagles had graced us with their presence, they left but not before oh - so kindly dropping the dead bunnies onto the slab of rock we are currently stuck on. Fili and Kili left my side, going to see the present we were given; my mouth practically filled with saliva at the thought of some juicy, hot - _whoa, Libby, no P.D.A please; there are young ones._

My stomach let out a loud growl, stirring my thoughts and rousing me. I happily go to oblige my stomach (and there is a sentence I never thought I would say) to go to the food but, however, as I try to make a move, a sharp pain executed throughout my entire body. I hiss out loud in shock, glowering in irritation and displeasure. Please don't be what I think it might be. A caw from the Eagles pierced my ears, causing me to wince as I glance up to see the said beasts flying away, becoming naught but a dot in the distance. Bitterly, I curse the birds under my breath as I rest my arms around my waist with my good ol' trusty bag hanging beside me. I hugged myself tighter in hoping to ease the sharp, shooting pain.

_Oh, no_.

_This is bad._

_This is very, very bad._

_Oh, fuck. Oh, holy shit on a fuck duck, this is bad._

For a brief moment, my eyes glance around me, drinking in everything surrounding me; the view from here is like something you would pay hundreds for in a hotel; the rays of the orange sun shines throughout the entire place, making the world appear on fire. The purple mountains tipped with snow stand erect, their eyes seeing everything. The flora and fauna sway in the light breeze with their leaves rustling. It's peaceful, reminding me of a Zen garden; little birds flit in and around the clouds, singing happy chirps that echo around us.

Behind me, I can hear the excited chatter of the Company behind me as they (meaning Bombur and Bofur with Dori joining in) try to sort out on how to cook the rabbit and Gandalf ordering some of the others to collect firewood - after they had snipped that they should use his staff. I probably have never heard the man sound so offended in all the time I knew him.

Aside from all that, it had been peaceful and quiet, crickets chirping and birds tweeting, making the entire group feel safe and serene.

_But not for long._

Not while _it_ has started.

The pain in my lower abdomen feels far worse than all the scrapes and bruises I have accumulated onto nearly every part of my body throughout our little misadventure. I am about a hundred percent positive that underneath my dirty and raggedy clothes, I am all black and blue. My stomach twists and turns from the lack of food and the pain - oh Lord, the pain! My muscles are numb and dead as I bend over slightly, letting a groan from the back of my throat cut through my mouth as I grabbed a fistful of my clothing in my grimy and dirty hands. I feel and probably look like the stereotypical girl on her period as my mood instantly shifts from one of comfort and happiness to anger and bitterness.

"Oh, dear God!" I moan out loud as I lean forward, feeling the blood rush to my head as my forehead just about touches my knees. I let out a gurgled cry as another stab of pain shot through me. Jesus fucking Christ, I hate being a girl. Though, I guess it did reassure me in some way; through all the dying and the blood and corpses and killing and magical creatures, I still had the one thing that made me feel like a woman underneath all this dirt, blood and grime.

"Libby, are you - are you quite alright there?" Bilbo's voice causes me to snap my head up painfully. He certainly looks happier than he had before and I know he would be walking with a bounce in his step for a while since now he's certain Thorin probably won't strangle him or slit his throat in his sleep. Probably. Okay, maybe Thorin wouldn't have killed Bilbo in his sleep - once again, over dramatic, Libby.

However, instead of my usual cheeriness, I feel the power of Satan channel through me as my lips curl into my mouth unhappily as my eyes narrow into slits. I repeat, stereotypical girl. But this time there is no cup of tea or chocolate to soothe the aches and pains; only some rabbit meat, a cold stone floor to sleep, cold water and no cuddles from my favourite teddy bear, Mr Twinkles.

"Do I look alright to you, hm?" I hiss at him, my jaw clenching as I manage to straighten my spine a bit. I hated 'Period Me' - I'm angry, moody and, losing more blood than I would be getting a physical injury, I often voiced my distaste. This is total utter bullshit. "I am literally bleeding a river of blood so no, I am not feckin' alright; I swear the next person to ask if I'm alright will get a - " A sudden spark of pain cuts me off as I let out another hiss through my clenched teeth.

"Oh - oh, dear," Bilbo stutters as he pats my back awkwardly as I hunch back over, dry heaving awkwardly as I try to gulp in as much air as possible. "I shall call Oin and - !"

"No!" I blurt out as I crouch down on the ground, letting my weight rest on the back of my legs whilst wrapping my arms around them and my chin rests on the top of my knees. All I needed was to just curl up and sleep; truth was, I needed it because my body was stiff and my bones ached every time I moved. Plus I was so sure that there were so many bags underneath my eyes that they probably hung over my cheeks. I needed to just fall unconscious and not feel the pain of everything for a while.

Taking a deep breath I manage to look into his very concerned eyes in hopes of reassuring him that I was already; I mean, this happens every month for the past six years and will happen for every month for next 40 years or so.

"I just - I just need rest," I mutter, my voice hoarse - it's true: I do need rest. I feel as though I could keel over at any given moments and possibly sleep for the next million years. And I really wanted for that to happen. "I just need rest - " and a bucket of melted chocolate - "and that's all." And maybe four cups of tea.

From behind, I heard the whoops of the Dwarves as they cheer at they cheer at the fire that was slowly growing more and more. Shouldn't we be staying invisible and not be starting a fire and giving our frickin' positions away?! I glance up at Bilbo, who gives me that stern 'Mother Hen' look as he shook his head.

"What you need is some food in you," Bilbo tutted disapprovingly. I felt like such a 12 year old again as I let out a over dramatic groan, almost wanting to say 'But Mo - o - o - o - o - o - o - om!' then I realised I was an 18 year old woman and that Bilbo was most defiantly not my mother. Maybe in the right lighting and clothes however. . .

Shaking my head, I internally giggle at the thought of Bilbo wearing a small white cocktail dress and black stiletto heels and his lips painted a blood red. Okay, maybe I could do with some sleep - like right now. I let out a murmur of agreement as I stand up to my feet and hobble after Bilbo towards the fire, almost wanting to run and push everyone out of the way and curl up like my cat used to when we would start a fire. Ah, the good old times.

I make my way with Bilbo through the wearied bodies of the Dwarves; others like Bifur, Oin and Gloin are already sitting down around the fire as they talk and laugh with each other; Thorin is off to the side with Balin and Dwalin - more than likely discussing super-secret secrets that are really secret in secrecy. I can't help but to notice how less grumpy Thorin is now that him and Bilbo are on the bases of a bromance blooming between them.

Aw!

Nori has decided to join the cooks - Bombur, Bifur and Dori - as he takes a rabbit and starts to skin it. Excuse me while I vomit.

I sit down, almost pouting at how Bilbo treated me like a child before as I wrapped my arms around my chest. A part of me was glad at the warmth from the fire and I begrudgingly let out a small 'thank you' to the Hobbit.

"Now, don't move from that spot -" Bilbo had begun to say when a voice cut him off.

"Ah, Bilbo, my dear boy!"

Bilbo and I look up at the same time to see Gandalf standing before us, a pipe in his mouth and his weight leaning on his staff. It appears everyone - meaning everyone but me - was in a better mood after the emotional show of, well, emotions from earlier. The Wizard gave me a small smile as a greeting and I attempted to give one back - key word: attempted. I'm pretty sure I looked demented. Great.

"Well, yes," Gandalf continued as he took a puff from his pipe; man, what I wouldn't give to have a cigarette right now. "A word, Bilbo?"

Bilbo hesitated as he looked down at me. I smiled kindly at him as though saying it was alright to leave me here all alone with no one to talk to as I wallowed in my self pity and my pain. But I wasn't bitter or anything.

The Hobbit smiles kindly at me, shaking his head with an amused expression. "I will be right back, I promise," Bilbo says.

"Nah, take your time. I'll just have fun here, by myself, all alone with no one to talk to." My voice is obviously sarcastic as I let out a huge, over dramatic sigh at the end with my eyes gazing off to the distance as both Gandalf and Bilbo stare at me.

"Right! Let's leave Aurora to her thoughts," Gandalf concludes, causing me to look up at him in shock and disbelief. Has this man never heard of sarcasm?! Gandalf claps a hand on Bilbo's shoulder and wheels him away from me - causing me to end up looking like a complete and utter loner. Hot damn.

A frown makes its way onto my lips, causing the sides to be turned down as my eyes glare at anyone and everyone. Maybe it was best to be alone since I wouldn't bite the head off of anyone. I swing the strap off of my bag and pace it beside me as my eyes turn to the cracking, orange fire in front of me.

A sudden boom of laughter causes me to look up; it turns out the ones Gandalf had sent to get fire wood was Fili, Kili and - oh, dear - Ori; the latter of the tree looked to be struggling with his - smaller in comparison to Kili and Fili's bundles that were tucked under each arm - armful of twigs. If I had been in a better mood I probably would have helped him. Instead I watched as he toddled behind Kili and Fili almost like a younger child would behind their elder sibling.

Shaking my head and letting out yet another sigh, I bring my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly to me as I let out a raspberry; now that I can rest and not worry for my life (as much) my mind finally begins to think about other things rather than the usual "OH MY GOD, IS THAT A BLOODY ORC/WARG/ELF/GOBLIN/SOME OTHER UNKNOWN CREATURE THAT LOOKS HIDEOUS/BEAUTIFUL?" and "OH FUCK WE ARE GOING TO DIE - E - E -E!"

Instead, I think of mediocre, small things to occupy my time; what did I look like with short hair? I wonder if I lost my infamous 'chipmunk cheeks' that would be the butt end of many cheek pinching's from my grandparents and my parents friends. Was I tanner? Was I thinner? Had I gotten stronger? Did I have a rocking six pack?

My hand goes to my tummy and I press a finger to it; nope, defiantly did not have a six pack. I pass another deep breath through my chapped and dry lips as my chin rests on my knees. My tummy lets out another grumble, this time out of hunger and I don't have the energy to tell it to shut up as I groan, placing my forehead on my knees. Damn, I want that rabbit meat.

"You don't look so chirpy as usual," a voice all but smirks at me. WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT -

I moan in over dramatic pain as I loosen my stiff body so that I flop back onto the hard stone behind me, my eyes focused on the fading day sky; far in the distance the moon was creeping up on us and stars were peeking out from behind the silk clouds in the sky.

"I could sleep for a thousand years!" I complain, splaying my fingers face down onto the smooth, bumpy rock as the fire warmed the soles of my shoes. "I swear the only time I have ever been this sore was the time I decided to try out for the school's co-ed running team. Let's just say, I don't think my school ever had a record of someone having an accident with their own shoe hitting them in the face. Hey, don't laugh at me - !"

Kili lets out a short bark of laughter as I told him the very painful memory. Oh God, imagine if I told him that when that happened I tripped over and my shorts fell off my ass showing everyone how I wore Hello Kitty underwear. My face instantly turns a beet root red and my cold hands go to fly up to be placed on my face at the thought of the painful memory.

"Oh my God, you're so horrible!" I muffle underneath my palms as I turn redder and redder, positive I resemble a tomato. I turn over onto my side, my back facing him as his laughter dies out almost instantly causing my eyebrows to knit together. What was wrong? Why was he silent?

"Libby . . . why is your trousers all red?"

FUCK.

ME.

"Shit!" I yelp, jumping to my feet as my hands go to the back of my pants, instantly feeling the dampness. "Oh, my God!"

If I was red in the face before, I hate to think what colour of scarlet I was now. Pulling my hands away, I see that my hands are - indeed - painted red; I really hope that the Earth would open up and swallow me whole instead of having to go through this whole ordeal again. Unfortunately for me, I had been wearing white shorts when I got my first period. Cringe worthy.

I swear it's like that story from the Bible where all the water turns to blood.

Well, maybe not exactly but still.

Maybe I should have picked a different analogy.

_Anyway_.

"You're bleeding!" Kili points out as he gets to his feet while his eyes are glued to my ass. Of course, in any other given situation I would have blushed, giggled and slapped him in the face but now all I could do was stare in horror. Please, whatever God there is, don't make them ask me to strip. Kili stands up with a scuffle to his feet as he bends down to stare at the blood patch on the back of my pants.

"What are you two doing?"

I know this is a bad painting of the picture but do you ever see a male dog sniffing a female dog's but and when they get caught they kind of just stare at you into your soul until you look away? In this case, Kili and I were the dogs and Fili was the witness. Kili looks up from staring at the ever slowly growing red patch as I duck my head and cross my arms over my chest in a bid to stop them from flying to cover my very red cheeks; I wouldn't want bloody prints on my cheeks now would I? Ew, Libby; just . . . just _stop_. Fili continues to gaze at us with a look on his face that very well reads 'What - the -_ fuck_ \- are - you - two - _doing_?' with a mixture of 'you need Jesus' and a dash of 'Why, God?'

"Libby is hurt!" Kili blurts out to his brother as I bolt up straight, my hands moving down to clamp over my ass while I refuse to meet Fili's curious and confused blue eyes. Jesus fucking Christ, they're both over seventy and have the both of them not have had _'the talk'_ yet? Do they even have that here? I guess not since it is a 'womanly' problem. Or maybe they're too young for Dwarf standards to know about these things? Or is it completely forbidden to talk about in school? Wait, do they actually have schools here?

_These are questions to ask at another time but now, Libby._

"I'm not!" I defend as my cheeks start to tingle from how much blood is rushing to my face. "Look, it's a regular thing."

"'A regular thing'? Do you get stabbed every day or so?" Kili shoots back looking shocked and his eyes are as wide as saucers. _Maybe that was not the best thing to say, Libby . . ._

"Um, I wouldn't say every day more like, once a month for seven days but - "

"We should get Oin," Fili interjects as me moves closer to stand beside Kili with a concerned look on his face.

_Hi God, it's me, Libby; any time you want to smite me down or something, now would be a good time for that. _

Could this get any worse, seriously?

"No, guys, I'm serious! Look just please do _not _call him over!" I blurt out as my voice drops down to a whisper. Oh, fuck, this is it: this is how I am going to die. From complete and utter embarrassment. "Look, it's a very normal thing amongst - amongst women." Oh, God, I am certain my face is on fire. The two Dwarf brothers look at me oddly as I wring my fingers behind my back.

I take a very deep breath as my tummy squeezes painfully again.

"Um, well. . ." I never thought that it would be me giving _'the talk'_; I had been on the receiving end of it from both teachers and parents alike. "You see, every month a - a woman bleeds inside their bodies for to - for to - for to have babies and the blood comes out - it - it –"I take a gulp of fresh air. "They bleed out between their legs. Are you happy now? That's why I'm bleeding."

My voice was barely above a hoarse whisper but oh, my God, they had the face of a slapped arse on each of them. I turned redder as the embarrassment swells up like a balloon in my chest - and soon their stares become too much to handle as I drop my eyes to the threads of my laces. I start to make out a sentence along the lines of 'Boy, great chatting; I'm just going to go sit far away from everyone and hope I fall off the rock or the Earth swallows me whole' but it doesn't make it out and soon, I whirl on my heels to walk away from the two flabbergasted brothers and the rest of the company.

This is it; this is how I'm going to die. I do tend to say that quite a lot but this time I am about 78% positive that this time, it's true.

Gosh, why am I making such a big deal out of this?

I mean, seriously; this is such a normal thing at home. Hell, I've spoken about this with my dad more than once.

Don't ask.

But I don't see what the problem is now; they're all grown - well, grown up enough for Dwarves men (more than that, I'm pretty sure they're all nearly sixty years older than me! Dear God, I wonder what age Gandalf is . . .) and they should be able to handle it! I mean, why hasn't their mother taught them this?! What about Sex Ed?! The internet?! Oh, wait.

As soon as I am enough far away from the group - but not far away to cause suspicion or for anyone to ask questions - I plop down onto the cold and unforgiving stone as I resume my position of curling my legs up to my chest. I shouldn't feel so awkward about this; maybe I'm being too over dramatic - wait, let me rephrase that: I _am_ being too over dramatic over such a simple and normal thing. I bend my head so my forehead rests against my arms as I close my eyes.

Am I feeling so mushy and weird and shy inside because it had been Kili that had spotted the blotch of blood? Or is because I was forced to explain it to two, grown (not literally but by my standard) men? Or is it because this is single handily the most embarrassing moment of my entire life? Or is it because - because -

The image of Kili's face flashes in my mind and I want so badly to just punch it; I've had crushes in the past, so I am not going to go through that 'OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS IT THAT I AM FEELING? IT CANNOT BE A CRUSH, HAHA! THAT IS ABSURD!' shit. I remember I was around the age of ten and I had this super, duper crush on this dorky kid in my class but he was a cute kind of dorky. Like his glasses always slid down the bridge of his nose and he had the cutest ever button nose and big beautiful blue eyes and, for God's sake, his name was _Eugene_.

He and I would colour together every day at lunch and then, one day as I decided to draw the most badass fairy ever (she had a flaming axe and a chainsaw; to this day I still have because it is bloody fantastic), I showed him my finished picture and he leant over and gave me a big, slobbery kiss on the mouth. As two ten year old kids, we didn't do anything besides close mouthed, wet lipped kissing as we blushed and held sticky hands while drawing. That is, until, he moved away two months later. They say your first love is the worst love. Not to mention he used to give me his strawberry yoghurts at lunch so it was like adding salt to a wound.

I mean, I'm pretty sure what I felt for Eugene was what I also feel for Kili; I just get these butterflies in my stomach and there's always this permanent blush on my face. I have never been the type of girl to go "OH NO, WHAT IF HE DOESN'T LOVE ME?" I've always accepted the worst of the worst and got on with it; I am one hundred percent positive that he doesn't feel the same way and I'm not going to hate him for it. I guess you can say that I have wisdom beyond my years.

Wasn't I talking about having a mental break down because the guy I may - ehem, I can just appreciate his personality and looks and not actually _like_ _like_ him - have a crush on say what is the result of a bloody massacre in my pants?

I just want to fall into some kind of bed and scream into the pillow so badly, it would make me feel like an angst-y teenager all over again and sort of the emotional problems I'm having. Pretty sure if I screamed out here I could probably wake the dragon inside the Lonely Mountain. Instead, I resort to biting down on the large sleeve of my jumper and grunting into it - out of context that sentence would look really bad.

A sudden twinge in my stomach causes me to remember something very important: I'm hungry. I release one arm to rest over my tummy, gripping the skin as I pull my head away; the sun has set behind the mountains with only a few orange sun rays scattering across the sky and the Earth beneath as more stars peak out. The orange sky fades into a royal blue one with the silver moon waxing up above us, the craters very visible. I wonder is this Earth is like the one I'm familiar with, with lots of other planets out there and the Earth spinning around the Sun. Shaking my head, I internally laugh at how ridiculous I sound; I mean of course that's what it is like, this isn't another planet. Just . . . not the one I know.

Another raspberry escapes me as I bring my legs tighter to me, trying to squish the odd feeling in my stomach. Curse me and my ways of acting like an over dramatic teenage drama queen. I should have just manned up and not get too sensitive. Curse me and my girly ways!

I can smell the cooking meat as it wafts through the air and causes my stomach to grumble even more. I am too embarrassed to turn back with the red patch on my pants probably even larger. If I just had my -

My bag!

Where is it?

I let out a hiss as I remember I left it back near the fire, almost wanting to punch myself in the face. God - dammit, I need to just grow some balls, stand to my feet and get my bag! I am a woman! I am Aurora Liberty Fernwright and I am one bad - ass bitch!

_Maybe later though . . ._

_No, now_.

_But like . . . I don't want to seem weird for sitting down for only a few minutes and then just getting up . . ._

_Oh, come on; their impressions of me can't get any worse._

_Okay . . . but how am I going to actually use a tampon or a pad? I don't think pulling my pants down and then doing stuff like that would be a smart way to go since I'm surrounding by boys . . ._

_Oh._

_I haven't thought about that yet._

_Fuck._

I puff my cheeks out before I pout again, placing my arms on top of my knees and resting my chin on them.

"You really are stupid, Libby," I murmur whilst glaring out into the far distance, probably looking far more dramatic than I actually am.

"I don't think you are," I hear behind me.

My heart beat sky rockets as a small yell of 'Ah!' escapes me, I break away from my little ball and my body stumbles back onto the rock beneath me as my eyes go as wide as saucers. I think I nearly peed myself . . . _again_. Oh, Jesus, that memory will stay with me for the rest of however I have long left to live. I'm actually surprised I managed to survive this long - you know, with the help of fourteen other people and a Wizard and other mythical (not so mythical now, are they?) creature - beings - _things_.

"Ha! Your face!" Kili chortles as he actually points right at my face and starts to laugh. What ever happened to being a gentleman?! Well, then again I _did_ laugh at him when we were on that gigantic Eagle. _Karma is a bitch just like you, Libby._

Instantly, a frown pulls at my mouth and my eyes turn to slits as I begin to glare at him whilst he continues to snort and giggle at me. I rest my face into an unamused mask, pulling my body up and melting back into my previous sitting position. _One day, Kili, one day when you aren't looking, I am going to kick you in your royal jewels._ Ha, unintended pun.

"Ha, ha, ha, that is just so funny. Wow," I roll my eyes as I turn away from him and continue my dramatic stare off into distance as an almost childish frown slips onto my face. "Go on, laugh it up; I deserve it." My frown deepens as my eyebrows furrow together, a displeased look on my face. A final giggle leaves Kili as a sigh leaves him contently.

"Don't get too upset, Libby, I brought presents."

_Oh! That _does_ pique my interest!_

I look up excitedly to see my bag in one of Kili's hands and two wooden plates (like that shit you see waiters do in restaurants) bearing some lovely cooked rabbit meat. _Yum_. A grin lights up on my face as I take my bag and Kili hands me the wooden plate holding the glorious piece of dead animal. That didn't sound as good . . .

Disregarding my thought, I place my bag down beside me solving problem number two and now solving problem number one - food. I change my position and begin to sit Indian style, buzzing with happiness as the sight of meat is slightly greasy, leaving my skin to be shiny. My teeth rip into the food and I almost moan in pleasure at how good and edible and just at the fact it is food and that I'm eating. My stomach has probably shrunk to the size of a walnut and if I'm not careful in eating as slow as I can, I'll only end up vomiting it all up and it'll all be for nothing. I pause mid - bite to see that Kili is about to walk away. Not wanting to feel lonely or be alone, I pull away from my bite and wipe my mouth on my sleeve as I call out.

"You can join me if you like," I say quickly, ignoring the little wings in my stomach. Kili looks back surprised at my words - damn, was I too forward? Was there a thing where you had to apply to eat with a guy and then wait months for the reply letter? Shit . . .

"But only if you want!" I recover almost instantly. _Smooth_. "If you don't want to that's fine, I'm cool with eating alone. But if you want to eat me - " my eyes widen as I say those words, before trying to claw back the one piece of dignity I have left. "I meant eat _with_ me! If you want to join me that's cool too, if you don't that's cool. Everything's cool. Ha, ha, yeah . . ."

_Awkward end to an awkward speech. Well done Libby, you psycho._

I drop my eyes to the grey stone beneath me as my cheeks begin to flare up again but from a totally different reason. My free hand fiddles awkwardly with the frayed ends of my laces as I hunch my shoulders, almost drowning in Kili's silence.

"I would love to."

Check and mate; I totally had this in the bag. I'm _smooth_ as _fuck_.

Wait; does this count as a date?

Oh my God, this is a _fucking date._

I start to internally scream while keeping a poker face as Kili sits opposite me in the same way with his legs crossed. The conversation starts coming naturally to me and my hunger suddenly goes away as I start to babble away.

"So . . . some day, huh?" I comment with a grin on my face. "Being chased, climbing up trees and flying on Eagles - boy, what an adventure."

"Ugh, that was horrible," Kili utters as he starts eating. The way he ate was fascinating - in, like, a disgusting way. Gross; he's still cute but gross. "I don't know how you managed that. I think your version of a good day and mine are very different."

I cock an eyebrow as I scoot further with a keen expression on my face. Finally, just I, him and a couple of miles away are a pack of blood thirsty Wargs and Orcs. Not to mention I'm pretty sure every eye in the group is zoned in on us - either in a smug way or a suspicious and grumpy way - totally _not_ talking about Thorin. Ignoring them, a quirk of a smile appears on my lips.

"And what's your version of a good day? Probably like hanging out with your friends and drinking and getting with girls, eh?" I think you're trying too hard. Kili looked up with wide eyes at me, his cheeks full with food. Don't laugh, don't laugh . . .

"What - ?"

"I'm joking!" I hastily recover with an awkward laugh as I take a small bite from my food, munching on it quickly. "But seriously, what do you consider a good day? Do you just hang out with your friends or what?" I take another bite of my food to keep me occupied - I didn't want to be all Edward Cullen creepy by watching him eat his food. I chew my food silently as Kili gulps down what he has in his mouth, his lips curling inwards towards his mouth.

"I, uh, I actually don't have any friends," Kili murmurs in a low tone, as though nervous and self-conscious of this piece of personal information being shared. _Oh, my heart_. "A lot of the Dwarves at home think I'm like a lot like Thorin."

_Whatever does he mean? Thorin is such a delightful man to have around!_ "And most of them are older. They don't want to be seen hanging around with me. I only really have Fili - he was my only friend before I came on this quest."

A part of me feels uncomfortable at this because I know I should probably comfort him but a lot of my comforting would involve lots of alcohol, promises of beating their arses before peeing on the side of a road and, finally, gracefully passing out in a pool of my own vomit in my bathroom. Stay classy. My face has slipped slightly at Kili telling me this but I can't help but feel over joyed that he's actually telling me this - like I'm an important enough person to him and that he can trust me. _Keep focused, Libby._

_Oh, yeah. Right, sorry._

"Don't worry, dude," I scoff, leaning over to punch his arm lightly with my fist, "When you guys reclaim that mountain or whatever it is that you're doing, everyone is going to respect you better and realise just how frickin' amazing and brave and awesome you are! Plus, I'm guessing there will be a lot of girls." I wiggle my eyebrows and laugh while ignoring the stupid, petty sadness I got from saying that.

Ha, ha, ha, that hurt really badly.

"I doubt it. Back home, I was made fun of because I have not yet grown a proper beard," Kili's eyebrows furrow together and he drops his slightly confused yet angry gaze to his boots. "I often think there might be something wrong with me."

No, no.

Don't say that.

I actually feel my heart breaking at his words but I don't want to make things worse by insisting that he was already handsome without a beard and to me he was perfect. No need for any mushy feelings crap like that.

"Why would there be something wrong? I mean, so what you can't grow a beard? You look frickin' ho - h –" I stop in my tracks and swallow my words before continuing.

"You look pretty cool already!" _Eat, eat, eat to avoid the weirdness of you almost admitting you thought he is hot_.

Actually he probably doesn't know the use of 'hot' in that way. I bite down on my food again, filling my mouth as I try not to imagine the sheer awkwardness there would be if I had told him I thought he was hot.

"In our culture, it is believed that the longer the beard a man has the more desirable he is to women," Kili confides as he looks up from his gaze on his boots to glance over at the group. I follow his line of sight and as soon as the others see us looking, they instantly turn away starting up random chatter and digging into their food. Subtle. I shake my head as a small smile plays on Kili's lips, his eyes turning away.

The sun has fully set now with the moon right above us. The eerie silver glow casts upon Kili's face, highlighting his features; he has no wrinkles on his face, making him look even younger. His stubble looks darker than I have noticed before and a crease is formed between Kili's eyebrows there are dark circles beneath his chocolate eyes. His usually brown, soft hair is now messy and tangled with pine needles and dirt. I almost want to reach out and loosen the tangles but I keep my left hand firmly on the dead rabbit and the right on the base of the wooden plate.

"I often hear them make fun of me; Fili tells me to ignore them and I do try but . . . " Kili's words die as they leave his mouth, fading off into the air as I feel both sad and angry that he is being bullied by a bunch of stupid old women. His eyebrows knit further together and - oh dear God, he looks like a lost puppy.

Oh no.

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Hug.

"Hey," I whisper softly, a reassuring smile, my hand instantly reaching out to be placed comfortably on his bent knee. "One day they're going to regret that; give me a bottle of whiskey and I will go and kick their butts. You know, if I don't pass out first. I know it's wrong for guys to hit girls and it's actually wrong for anyone to hit anyone but believe me, I'm up for a little ass whooping any time." I puff out my chest at my little speech as Kili chuckles under his breath.

Wait, does he not know that I'm serious?

Maybe I should laugh it off too . . .

A nervous laugh falls past my chapped lips as I eat the remainder of my meal, all but stuffing it into my mouth as my eyes divert from Kili's brown ones. "What about you, Libby?" He asks, amused by my threats to the women who I have yet to meet. I gulp audibly as I place the wooden plate down with a clank beside me. I feel awkward because I'm finished before Kili is even half way done.

"What about me?" I ask, eating what is left of my precious food. Damn, I'm hungry already.

"Do you have a perfect day? What about your friends?" He quizzes with genuine interest in his eyes and face. Oh no, my heart can't take this. He is so perfect when - uh, I mean. Moving on. I pause as I clasp my hands together as I think for an answer to his question.

"Well, my perfect day would either be sleeping all day or . . . no, that's it. And I never really had friends either," I admitted confidently, knowing that he wouldn't laugh at me. "I had friends, you know, but I didn't _have_ friends, if you know what I mean? I talked with them and laughed with them but I never really could call them true friends. Like, if I wasn't there they wouldn't notice; I would be the last person to know if they wanted to hang out - that's like meeting up and talking together. I just felt like I wasn't anyone's favourite person and no one really cared but it was all good besides that. I had a good life, y'know? I had a Mom and a Dad, I would go to my Mom's parents every birthday or celebration. I mean, I had a good life. I guess I just wasn't a good enough person to keep around; I was always - and still am to this day - a weird kid and I never really got along with either boys or girls. I always thought that if they didn't like me there must be something wrong with me."

Kili stared at me with his head cocked to the side, like a curious child. Had he been expecting some kind of sob story? That one time I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas and my life was ruined? I knew I had a good life and, yes, there were some hardships and I often felt very lonely and sad like most teenagers do but that's life, right? I went through what nearly every teenager went through: there were times I didn't like my body, I had trouble with acne and still have the scars on my face to prove it, I was self-conscious most of the time but I just accepted that, as a human, that is how I am going to feel for probably the rest of my life. It's quiet for a moment until Kili speaks again.

"There is nothing wrong with you," Kili confesses, causing me to look straight into his eyes with my eyebrows raised up. "You are good enough, Libby. Sometimes, I can't believe you're real. I think that you are nothing but a dream because you are so perfect."

Oh.

Oh.

OH.

My heart beats wildly in my chest, like a stampede of horses with their hooves knocking against my fragile rib cage. Oh, fuck me and fuck you, Kili! You can't say shit like that and not expect a girl to melt inside and become a puddle of warm goo. I feel a blush blossom across the surface of my cheeks as I smother the smile on my lips. Act natural, act natural, Libby.

"Thanks and you're not too bad yourself," I grin back wickedly, almost winking at him before reeling myself back with the fishing line. _One step at a time, Libby, one step at a time._

"Tell me about your parents," Kili states, as he sets aside his plate, inching forward so that our knees bump and brush against each other. I gawp at his questions, wondering what made him think of something like that to ask.

"Hm . . ." I begin to ponder as one arm wraps around my waist and the elbow of the other rests on it, my finger tapping against my chin as I screw my face up. "Nothing really special. They were your regular type of Mom and Dad. My Dad was a banker and my mom is a party organiser - it's exactly as you think. My mom was always one for dressing up; she liked everything to be perfect. Of course, I wasn't near her idea of perfection and often she would give out to me about things but other than that, she was a good mom and I knew she loved me. My dad was a banker and he was the regular type of Dad. Until he was mugged and it went wrong and he wound up dead." The words came out through a tight throat but I didn't let it affect me.

Kili is silent as he stares at me with something I recognise - pity. I try to smile as though it didn't affect me but I can feel the tug in my heart.

"I lost my Da too; it happened before I was born. I don't even know what he looks like. I've been told that Fili looks exactly like him except I have his eyes. My mother raised both Fili and me all by herself with help from Thorin here and there." Kili pauses, a frown settling on his face before a smile replaces it, his head shaking while his loose hair scatters around him. "I knew it was hard for her; I was always in trouble. She thinks I'm reckless."

I give out a snort completely agreeing with the statement; Kili gives me a wicked grin and I place my hands up in surrender to let him continue his story. Kili gives a shrug as a sigh bleeds past his lips.

"She barely let me go on this quest; she only let me go on account of a promise," he told me, a smile playing on the corners of his lips. I raise my eyebrows in true curiosity. Kili quickly pulls back and begins to fumble around in his coat/cloak, checking the pockets. I watch him as a smile suddenly flashes across his face and he pulls out something from a pocket; he leans back into the position we were at before and holds out his hand. Taking my hand - insert long, girly sigh here - Kili opens it flat out and I stare down at my palm; placed in the middle is a smoothed, emerald coloured stone that flashes in the moonlight.

There are markings on the surface of the stone; it is obvious they were carved in with both love and care. The pad of my index finger trace over the markings that were obviously in another language. It feels light in my hand and touch is like water; I flip it over to inspect the other side but it's blank. I turn it back over and gaze at the markings for a few seconds longer.

"These markings . . . what do they mean?" My eyes fly up and my breath catches in my throat at how close Kili - with only a few centimetres between us. My heart has a spasm attack as I try to calm myself down.

"It's my promise to her; 'Come back to me', it says," he admits as I continue to stare at his profile but his eyes are on the rune stone in my hands. The corners of my lips tilt up as a blush creeps up on my neck before I drop my gaze, taking his hand out and placing the stone back into his palm. I look up and give him a cheeky grin as I pull my hands away.

"Better make sure you tuck that somewhere safe in case you lose it," I tease lightly as I feel my eyelids start to get heavier. I stretch my arms over my head giving out a yawn. "Well, I better hit the hay. Thanks for the food and stuff. I'll bring the shiz – uh, stuff back." I grab both of Kili's and my plate, balancing them on one palm before bending down to pick up my bag and slipping the strap over my head. I hope the patch on the back of my pants hasn't gotten any worse.

Kili gets to his feet too, stretching his muscles - his very amazing, fine muscles. Sorry, I, uh, got lost. I smile up at him with genuine sincerity.

"Thanks for the company, Kili," I say sheepishly, all but shying away from him. "I really needed it thanks."

"It wasn't a problem, Libby; you're my friend and I'll always be here."

Damn, what do I say? Should I hug him? Kiss him? Bro - fist?

"Um, well, night," I blabber before turning away feeling my face getting even hotter. As I get near enough towards the group and the warmth of the orange fire, I notice every single eye is on me and I can feel myself turn even redder.

"What? Take a picture, it'll last longer!" I snap at the group and some of them turn away but others - such as Fili - give me a smug grin; Bofur gives me an innocent, winning smile; Gandalf isn't as so much smiling but giving a raised eyebrow look and Thorin - oh _shit_, Thorin is more suspicious and distrusting than glaring at me.

It's just then I remember.

_I still need to put in a pad._

_Fuck._

* * *

**Hello?**

**Is it me you're looking for?**

**I can tell you that, yes, I am alive and no, I wasn't purposely being an asshole with keeping this chapter long awaited. It's just . . . I wanted to write it then school started and I had emotional break downs because school started and then school kept happening five days a week and . . . meh.**

**And it was really hard to write this. It took me the best of a month to actually do this. Like, I have written and rewritten this chapter so many times - I considered skipping it and going writing a chapter that starts with the DOS but I felt like I needed a moment or a scene like this because of fluff and I need Kili b/c I saw BOTFA.**

**hELp.**

**I went to see it with my friend, her sister and her sister's boyfriend and I was the only one crying and it was really awkward because near the end you could only hear me blowing my nose and during a certain scene with an Elf AND A DWARF I may have shouted out "WHAT THE FUCK" really loudly because I was pissed off and upset and crying and I have never cried this much.**

**I cried for an entire hour and a half and my friend had to explain to her mom why I was crying and I became so depressed that I binged on Kili and Fili and Thorin (noT LIKE THEM BEING PAIRED; I AM NOT INTO INCEST SORRY) fan fiction and that is how I wrote this chapter - through my pain and heart break.**

**I knew it was going to happen but just . . . not that way. I've decided to write this story in the movieverse because obviously most wouldn't have read the book and they are more familiar with the movie than anything.**

**So, anyway, I am very sorry for the long wait and here are 8,000 words to make up for the hiatus. I had written one chapter and I was around 2,000 words in but I just . . . I didn't like it. And then I rewrote it and rewrote it until - tada! This is the shitty finish!**

**I hope that you all can enjoy this.**

**So, please, please, please review, follow and favourite!**

**-tateslangdon**


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